Christina in Uganda

Hope and Love: A True Story

2012-02-13T06:05:00.000-08:00

As I drove home from church this week my mind was anywhere but on the road. It was one of those drives when you don't remember how you got where ever you were going, but you're thankful nonetheless, that you got there safely. My mind had drifted about 9,000 miles Southeast, to a tiny house filled to the brim with love. In that house lives some of the most precious people I've ever met in my life. People I had the privilege of knowing, loving, teaching, and serving over this past year. Family. They are refugees living in Uganda who do not (yet) know the Lord and are at risk of losing their lives if they choose to do so.

When I returned to Uganda in January of 2011, I was given the opportunity to teach English as a Second Language at the Centre of Hope, a center for refugees run by Refuge and Hope International. I'm good friends with the co-directors of Refuge and Hope and I love what their ministry focuses on, so it was a no-brainer for me to agree to work with them. I started off by teaching a reading and writing class... which I had never done before. Sure I was a 6th grade teacher for a year, and yes, I teach Bible lessons all the time, but ESL is completely different.

Have you ever taken a foreign language class? When I think about taking Spanish in high school I remember the teacher speaking A LOT of English. The book we worked out of was as much, if not more English than Spanish. Imagine trying to learn a language from a teacher who doesn't know a word of your native tongue. Not much help can be given if there's a misunderstanding. Sure, full immersion is a great way to learn a language, but it is NOT easy. Also, English is a very difficult language to learn! Grammatically it's confusing and often times doesn't follow it's own rules. Plus, some letters make more than one sound and the rules surrounding that craziness don't always make sense either. I could see a student getting frustrated very easily with English.

As I got into the classroom and became aware of the needs of the individual students I knew that it would not be easy to address those needs individually. Many were there taking every English class available, yet hardly understanding a word. Others had fairly good listening and speaking skills, but when it came to reading and writing they were lost. I quickly learned that my role wasn't just teacher though... it was friend and counselor as well.

The students had numerous opportunities through different assignments to share their stories with me. Some shared with the class, others only wrote them. From the broken English I was able to gather much of what they had gone through in their lives. Many of them have been separated from their families because of war in their home countries. A return to their homes is not likely to occur any time soon, a fact of which they are well aware. As I read through stories and had conversations with the refugees, many relationships were built. There's a trust that happens and is built by love and time spent.

In February of 2011, Refuge and Hope was looking to start a weekly worship service for the students to attend. I volunteered to help get that started. We did worship, gave a message, and prayed. With students from many different cultures and beliefs, attending worship was encouraged, but never required. After a few weeks we had a fairly steady group of about 20 people attending, many of whom were not believers. Praise the Lord! Throughout the year we changed the format a bit, but it still remains a place where people who are seeking can go and learn. It has been amazing to see God move and stir hearts of those same students I taught English to each week. What started as a volunteer teaching job became a ministry greater than I could have ever predicted.

Outside of the Centre of Hope we met for a sports class. I hung with the ladies and we worked on basketball and volleyball skills. Many of the sports students were those same students who sat in my classroom and attended weekly worship. One day, during a silly game of volleyball one of my students (we'll call her Sandy for her protection) collapsed in immense pain. As she laid there crying I held her hand and did my best to communicate with the others to try and figure out what was going on. I gathered from her family members that this was a common occurrence and she'd be fine in a few minutes. A few of them shrugged it off, but a few looked very concerned. Volleyball ended right then and there and I asked her if I could take her back to the Centre of Hope.

With a couple of her sisters and a friend, Sandy and I left the sports field and went back to the Centre. One of Sandy's friends speaks very good English and was able to translate for me. After hearing more of the symptoms, I made the decision to take Sandy to the clinic. After she got permission from her mom and I let Refuge and Hope know, we were on our way to the clinic. American culture dictates that we see a doctor if we sneeze too many times... in Sandy's culture doctors are not visited very frequently and there are specific stipulations that go along with a doctor's visit. Not to mention that going to the doctor means needing money, but when you have 15 brothers and sisters that money needs to go towards food.

We spent about 4 hours at the clinic that day... many tests were run on one very nervous and uncomfortable Sandy. I held her hand, wiped her tears, and prayed over her during that long 4 hour stay at the clinic. My ministry account (thanks to awesome supporters) was able to pay for the visit and the medicine. Sandy had been suffering for a long time, months and months in fact. Her diagnosis could have eventually led to something much more serious, but thankfully the medicine worked and she is pain free.

Thanks to Refuge and Hope, an opportunity to teach turned into an opportunity to share Truth, build a strong, trusting relationship, and even cure an ailment that could have turned to something life threatening. Sandy is healthy and she holds a very special place in my heart. The day before I left Uganda I spent time with Sandy and her family. I had been to their house many times and always very much loved my time spent there. I was well accepted into their family, highly honored to be one of many daughters. Leaving that home that day, saying goodbye to my family, not knowing when and if I'd ever see them again was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We exchanged gifts that will eventually fade away. We laughed. We shed MANY tears. My continued prayer is that -- despite the challenges that could lay ahead for Sandy and her family if they choose become believers -- they would boldly approach the throne of grace and surrender their lives. I look forward to the day when I receive the news of my brothers and sisters choosing eternity... and I look forward to dancing in heaven along side them forever.

The stories like the one I've shared about Sandy are countless as a result of the ministries that God has given Refuge and Hope International. I love Sandy and my life has been changed by the opportunity to serve her and her family. This Valentine's Day would you consider making a $14 monthly donation to Refuge and Hope International on behalf of your Valentine or someone that you love? Any donation made helps keep Refuge and Hope ministries like the Centre of Hope up and running so that we can continue to see the Kingdom being forwarded and lives changed. $14 a month will change a student's life this year. I'm excited to report back to you and share with you how God has changed a life because YOU said "yes" to Him.

Please click here to make a tax-deductible donation to Refuge and Hope International and to check out the other ministries of this fantastic organization.

I'm Responsible

2012-02-10T20:01:00.002-08:00

Sweet Relief

2012-02-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

My heart's relief tonight...

'Tis So Sweet

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
And to take Him at His word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know, "thus says the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o're and o're
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more

O how sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to trust His cleansing blood
And in simple faith to plunge me
'Neath the healing, cleansing flood

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace

I'm so glad I learned to trust Jesus
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that Thou art with me
Wilt be with me to the end

Slow going...

2012-02-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

Life moves pretty slowly when you don't have a job... or a car... or any money. Weird how that works isn't it? Sitting at home doing nothing all day everyday tends to take a toll on a person, both physically and mentally. I imagine for some it sounds like a dream... it did to me at first considering I hadn't slept in 6 weeks. Well I'm over it. I'm bored!! It's hard to have any kind of normal schedule when you have nothing to do. It's also hard to be motivated to do anything consistently, like study for the GRE. I'm scheduled to take the test this week, but am considering postponing so I can study a bit more.

The one thing I do have to look forward to each week is youth group. This past week I taught and it was fantastic to have something to research and plan for. I love teaching biblical lessons and what made it even more special for me was that I invited my brother and he agreed to go with me! The best part of the whole night was on the drive back to his place, he asked if I would pick him up next week. He had a good time... and how could he not?? I have some awesome youth kids! So that's a major prayer request right now.

The other thing I've done a bit of is job hunting. Last week I had a second interview with a fantastic church that I really like for a full time director of student ministries. I'm not a good judge of how interviews go so I'm not sure what to expect. I do, however trust Jesus so I'm not too worried. I've sent my resume to a few other places, but we'll see.

In other news I'm excited to head over to Indiana in a couple of weekends to hang out with the youth kids from Fishers. I will be forever grateful to my mom for letting me use her car on the weekends and for youth group. Nothing like support from the family when you have absolutely nothing.

I miss my students, friends, and family in Africa. A lot. So, that's what's going on here these days.

Stronger

2012-01-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

I'm definitely a fan of Hillsong and I'm also a fan of singing Hillsong songs during church on Sundays. This past Sunday we sang this song:

Stronger

"There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinners cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm and through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written, Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You are my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

So let Your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher, be lifted higher
So let Your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher, be lifted higher"

This song was somehow an anthem for me this past year. It was a breath of fresh air to have the privilege of singing it to the King this week with His church. Jesus, You are Lord of all.

Get a Stress Ball!

2012-01-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting for this day for a while now. I made a hair appointment for a day after I got home from Africa, but because my schedule filled up I couldn't go. The next time my stylist had an open appointment was when I was in Alabama, so we scheduled it for today. Almost a month after being home! I know this seems very trivial and silly, but it had almost been a year since I had a haircut and for my hair that's unacceptable! It was to the point where I could hardly brush through it. Curse this thin, curly hair of mine!

So with 3-4 inches gone, my hair is now looking good and healthy! Yay! However, something that was interesting to me was that my stylist asked me what happened to me recently. She asked if I had somehow been pulling out hair or if some way I was wearing it was causing it to fall out. I was confused so I asked her what made her inquire about that. She said that all over, not just on top from wearing a ponytail, but all over there were short hairs, new growth coming in. Isn't it interesting how she could tell something had happened because of something like hair growth?

I mentioned that October and November were incredibly stressful months for me. Without going into to detail I basically said I had a situation that caused me to be unable to sleep and was just very stressful for a good six weeks. She said that it was obvious that something happened because normal "shedding" and new growth doesn't happen in such a drastic way. We all lose hair and it grows back, but not in such large numbers. I have these short little hairs sticking out everywhere. Praise the Lord that it's growing back (because with hair as thin as mine I can't afford to lose more), but I had no idea the physical toll that I had taken from those weeks.

I knew I wasn't sleeping, but I didn't have hardly any days where I felt exhausted because of it. I made it through each day. At the time I didn't think so much about how tired I actually was. Since being home I've slept more than I did those entire 6 weeks. It's still amazing to me though, that I made it through al that without some kind of freak out.

Sitting in that chair today, getting my hair done all I could think was, "thanks Jesus for getting me through." I knew then that it wasn't my own strength or I would have broken. But just seeing the physical results of that time today was eye opening. I'm continually grateful for the ways that the Lord carries me. He never ceases to amaze me! Today I'm thankful for new growth and a reminder of God's strength.

'Bama With My Brothers

2012-01-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

3.5 weeks. It feels longer. Maybe it's because I've packed so much stuff into those weeks. The week after Christmas was spent hanging with my lovely youth kids and my family. My birthday was a quiet affair this year... unlike most years. Most of you are aware that my birthday is my favorite day of the year, but I didn't even go get my birthday haircut this year. Everything just feels different right now.

Anyways on the 31st I flew down to Birmingham, Alabama to hang out with the Ackers and Lino and Angelo. It was a major blessing and incredibly refreshing! Lino and Angelo left Uganda in August to do their senior year of high school in Canada. Jade and Shelah's family lives in B-ham, so of course the boys came home to be with their family. It was Lino's 2nd time to the States, Angelo's first. I thought it would seem so weird seeing them in America, but somehow it wasn't. It was simply like being with family. It was relaxed and easy. Jade's parents housed all of us and it was just a really good time with my brothers. Being teenage boys neither of them showed a ton of emotion at all, but it was still really special for me to be with them.

The first night we ate yummy Indian food (common in Uganda) and shot of fireworks since it was New Years Eve. The next day we went to church, out to lunch, and then played sand volleyball for a few hours (which we did nearly every day in Uganda). Luckily the weather was nice enough to play. That evening we played games and just hung out. Monday was a holiday, but the McWane Science Center was open in downtown B-ham, so we spent the day there. It was a blast and really funny to see the guys do some of the experiments. We played all day there, then watched an imax movie playing there. Afterwards we headed to a movie theatre owned by a friend of the Ackers where we got to see a movie for free and eat all of the snacks, candy, and pop we wanted. Needless to say we didn't feel like eating dinner that night so we just hung out and chatted. I straightened Lino's hair, while we watched a little tv. The next morning the boys left around 10 to go hunting, so the girls and I hung out at the house until I left for the airport.

Lino and I at church

Volleyball!

Playing at the McWane Center

With all of our goodies about to watch MI3

His hair was only long on top- this is the straightened result

Saying goodbye to the boys before they left to go hunting

It was a quick trip, but just enough to make me miss Uganda really bad! The boys are back in Canada and Jade and Shelah are back in Uganda as of today. My heart aches to be with them, but I know that there are things I need to do here (mainly get my masters) before I can go back on any sort of permanent level.

That being said, I'm signed up to take the GRE February 7th. I have a little under a month to study it up and do well. I'm pretty set on where I want to go to school, but my GRE score has to be pretty high in order for me to get in. I've sent my resume to a few churches for youth ministry positions and I'm praying that something works out. I think I'd be a good fit with one of them in particular... we'll see what they think. :) I'd like to hear something soon in regards to a job as my bank account is pretty empty and I have a car in need of some big repairs. Would you please join me in praying for these rather big items? Pray for grad school and the GRE, for just the right job in the right church, and for the funds to fix my car. Hopefully I'll get a job soon so I can fix the car, but it's hard getting places, like to interviews without the car. Right now my parents are loaning me their's, but it's in use all day every day. I only really use it when I go to youth group on Wednesday nights.

Please continue to let me know how I can be praying for you. Blessings!

A Relative Term

2011-12-27T15:21:00.000-08:00

I've been back in the US for about 10 days now. My flights were uneventful and went off without a hitch. The first leg of my journey was traveled with the Ackers as they came back for Christmas. It was nice to travel with friends and the short layover in London went by faster than I imagined it could with them there too. We had breakfast and relaxed for a short time before I left for my flight to Chicago. The flight from London seemed to take a lot longer than 8 hours and 40 minutes, but I made it and so did all of my luggage. I got through customs easily and was with my family within an hour of getting off of the plane. That's not always the case at Chicago O'hare, let me tell you!

We got home from the airport, I greeted everyone, took a shower, and then relaxed with the family until it was late enough to justify sleeping. I slept for a good 10 hours that night. The next day I hung out and got ready to surprise my youth kids at Bible study. Things went well and they were really surprised to see me. It was a lot of fun and a huge blessing to be back with the kids I love so much!

Since then I've been hanging out with youth kids and trying to adjust. Christmas was good... we hosted my dad's side of the family for Christmas Eve, so I got to see most of my extended family right away. My brother spent the long weekend with us which was nice too.

Adjusting has been much harder this time than it was last time. Or at least harder than I can remember last time being. The relationships that I built are so precious, especially with my students from the Centre and I already miss them. I'm also already missing the laughter of my Sudanese friends and the fun, yet informative conversations we always had. I learned so much from so many people this year. I'm completely blessed and honored to have been a part of so many people's lives. I feel so privileged so have been able to work with the people that I did. Thanks be to God for an amazing opportunity!

I've said many times that the past year wasn't easy and it definitely wasn't. However, I wouldn't change the decision to go. I was clearly called by God for such a time and He didn't say it would be easy. Good thing He didn't say that... because it wasn't, but throughout the difficult times God carried me. He didn't just stand beside me, He carried me. I'm amazed as I look back over the year at how many tricky situations arose and see that it was only by God's strength that I made it through.

Anyway I've hardly begun to process anything and I'm not going to do it here, but something I've been thinking about for the past 10 days is that "home" is a relative term. Yes, this is my home if we're talking about where I'm from and where I grew up. Also if we're talking about where my family is and where I am currently living. Home is more than those things, although those things are an important part of home. Everyone keeps asking if I'm glad to be home. Yes, I'm glad to be with my family and friends, but I've not quite been able to say a resounding "yes!" about being glad to be home. Let me be clear that I LOVE my family and I'm so thankful for them! I haven't been able to say a resounding "yes" because I don't yet feel at home. Sure, things are normal and I'm definitely comfortable, but my heart is still 9,000 miles away. It's still with my students, the orphans, and my friends (family) in Uganda. When I'm in Uganda, I feel at home.

I know that once I get a job and get into some sort of routine, things will change. I just don't want to become complacent and mundane. I don't want to stop serving because I'm here and not there. Please God, remind of this!

One other thing... I'd really appreciate some prayer for my physical health. I'm not feeling well and I don't just mean a cold. However, I don't have any health insurance so a doctor visit will be expensive, but it's definitely needed. Ugh. Pray for complete healing, even now so that tomorrow when I wake up I don't even have to think about going to the doctor. Thanks!!

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas. Blessings!

The Great Kidney Stone of 2011

2011-12-06T23:08:00.001-08:00

I don't normally teach ESL class on Mondays, but we're trying to finish our book so I can give my students certificates. After a very productive class I headed out, walking down towards the main road, trying to make it without getting rained on. I walked about a mile or so down the road, crossed and went into the mechanic's compound to pick my car. The car was ready so I hopped in and started for home. I still had to grab a pair of pants and socks for some volleyball... a skirt and flip flops just don't cut it. Once I had the necessary items I was on my way. Destination: Ackers. Reason: babysit.

I got to the Ackers and was greeted happily by their youngest, KJ. She had made a shaker out of rocks, dirt, a paper cup, and a lid. So proud. The Ackers left rather quickly and the babysitting began. I love their girls so I'm always happy to hang out with them. AG, the oldest really wanted to show me a new tree, so the three of us ventured around back to check it out. From there we went back and greeted all the guys and their friends who are home from boarding school for the long holiday. We all decided that we would play volleyball.

Before volleyball though, the girlies wanted their nails painted. So we did a quick mani/pedi session, myself included thanks to AG. I fixed them their dinner and they sat eating outside as the guys gathered to get our game started. Teams were formed, the girls finished eating and went down to their swingset to play, I changed and was out on the court. The girls played very nicely together as we played 3 good games of volleyball. After the third game I could tell the girls were growing impatient. So I took them and we went inside for bath time. After getting all clean, brushing their teeth, reading their books, I read a Christmas story to them, we prayed, and they drifted off to sleep. They didn't argue about sleeping or anything... it was awesome! So thankful for a generator, since the power was out for the bedtime routine.

After they were asleep I sat down and was chatting Francis, who's staying there these days. The generator needed to go off about an hour after the girls went to sleep. Fuel isn't cheap! So Francis came in to chat and we waited for Saudi, Aljeli, Hussein, and the others to finish showering and come join us. Saudi reminded me that I owed him a pop, so I gave him some money, he grabbed some bottles, and went with Aljeli to buy some pop down the road.

After about 20 minutes or so I wasn't feeling well. I first started to feel nauseous even though I hadn't felt hungry enough to eat anything since lunch. I knew there wasn't much in me besides water, but still didn't want anyone around if I was going to barf. The heavy nausea passed pretty quickly, but not before some very excruciating pain began in my lower back... right where my left kidney is located. Kidney stone (I assumed since my mom and brother both suffer from them from time to time). I couldn't think of anything to do, but I knew sitting wasn't helping. I began rapidly pacing the house. Thankfully Francis went back to his room because I was so nervous about eventually throwing up.

After another 30 minutes or so it was time for the generator to go off. I turned on the little solar lantern and called the guys to switch it off. It went off and I placed the lantern in just the right place so I could continue walking my path through the kitchen, into the dining room, and around the coffee table in the living room, back through the kitchen. Saudi and Aljeli came back with the pop, but I couldn't even think about taking anything, but water. I thanked them, but told them I was sick. They left and went to the back. For the next 30 minutes I kept up a steady pace around the house, by this time I had been walking for about an hour and a half. I was drinking lots of water to try to flush it out if it was a kidney stone, but drinking made me feel sick. The pain never let up whatsoever. I tried sitting and then laying in every position imaginable, but nothing worked. The pain refused to ease, so the best thing I could do was walk. I looked like a crazy person walking my planned out figure 8 when the Ackers arrived home. They had called to check on things, so they were aware of my situation and not so surprised to see me walking, almost ignoring them completely. We talked through options, they called the hospital, but I decided I didn't want to go. I was pretty sure the hospital would make me lay down and I definitely didn't want to do that. So, I kept walking.

So after some deliberation I decided to go home, knowing the ride would be excruciating but also knowing I couldn't drive my car. Jade drove me, accompanied by two of the guys. It was not nearly as bad as it could have been... they kept talking which was a helpful distraction. I knew being home would be more comfortable especially not knowing how long it might have gone on.

When I got home my walking and drinking water continued for another couple of hours. The pain had begun to move to the side and was not lessening, but not growing worse. I tried to lay down around 1am, completely exhausted. I was able to lay and rock my knees, but I still wasn't comfortable. After all of the water I had been drinking my trips to the bathroom were frequent, but not pleasant at all. By the time 5am rolled around I could hardly keep walking. I took more ibuprofen and laid down. I slept on and off for the next couple of hours, getting up numerous times to use the bathroom. At 7:30 a.m. I called another missionary and asked her to take me to the hospital later in the day.

By the time we left for the hospital the pain was about 80% gone. I was exhausted and extremely sore. The conclusion was that I had had a kidney stone, but passed it. There were no other stones detected during the ultra sound, praise the Lord! One semi-funny thing from the hospital... the ultra sound tech did an ultra sound of my entire abdomen, wanting to see all of the organs that could be culprits of the pain. After getting the kidneys, bladder, lady organs, and stomach, he kept digging that stupid ultra sound thing into my upper right ribcage. I was getting annoyed because it hurt, also I had to use the bathroom really bad because you have to have a full bladder for the scan. He asked when I has eaten last, assuming food was the reason he couldn't find what he was looking for. I hadn't eaten much of anything for about 24 hours. I asked him in an angry voice, "what are you looking for?!" He said he was having trouble finding my gall bladder. I pushed the ultra sound thing away angrily, and exclaimed, "I don't have a gall bladder!!" He said, "well that would explain why I can't find it." Duh. I was so annoyed.

I went home, ate some dinner and was asleep by 8 last night. I did wake at 2am, but was able to go back to sleep around 3. Today, I'm still a bit sore, but well rested and ready for the day!

The end.

A Heavenly Sound

2011-11-30T09:55:00.001-08:00

This past Sunday was another worship night with Studio_10 at Heritage International School. I love worship nights and this is actually the last one before both Francis (who's in charge) and myself are no longer in the country. He'll be heading to South Africa in early January and I come home in January. We've been doing these worship nights together since the first one in 2008. I love being a part of Studio_10. Anyways on Sunday we were set to go... musicians in place, singers on our mics and people in their seats ready to worship. Just as the first song began about 10 of my students from the Centre came in and sat down.

In no way did I ever expect them to come to a Christian worship night, but they did and God constantly reminds me that He is the One in control. Praise be to God!! It was amazing to watch these students reading the powerpoint and singing along to the songs they're used to hearing at Bible study each week. I couldn't help but lift my hands up, praising God for how He's moving in their lives.

What an amazing blessing! And of course it was a very sweet time of worship. The presence God was strong in that place and I'm praying that hearts were changed and softened.

Monday I went to the baby home to hang with E, unfortunately he was sleeping up until we were walking out of the place. Luckily I peeked my head back in the room where his crib was before leaving. He was laying quietly, waiting to be fed and changed. I went over, and started talking to him and his face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. So I snuggled him for a minute before giving him to an auntie to care for him.

I decided today that I didn't want to go a whole week without hanging out with him, so I went back this afternoon. He was wide awake and we got to play for an hour before I had to head off to Bible study. He was thrilled to see me again and we spent the hour just giggling and talking. He makes the sweetest sounds when he's "talking". He has a bit of a cough and it could become an upper respiratory infection (according to Dr. Christina) so I'm a bit worried about him. I'll probably go check on him Friday too, just to be sure he's not getting worse.

From the baby home I went straight to the Centre for Bible study. This is one of the best parts of my week. I sat down in between those same students who came to worship night and enjoyed the time of prayer, worship, and Bible storying. It's always encouraging to see the large number of students who attend, but what's even more encouraging is that many are not of the Christian faith... as I'm sure you've gathered throughout this year. Anyways one of the last songs we sang was How Great is Our God. As I sat there eyes closed, focused, and singing, I heard with more confidence than I ever have, the sweet voices of my non-Christian students singing along. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. I could just picture heaven rejoicing and hearts being changed. I'm just in awe of Jesus. He's heavily pursuing these amazing students and I'm praying that their response is not long off. Join me, please.

Heaven is going to be so awesome! If you've ever heard angels sing, you know what I'm hearing. Choirs of millions singing in perfect harmony. All ages and nationalities represented, singing perfect praises to the King of Kings. Come Lord Jesus!

"E"

2011-11-23T04:37:00.001-08:00

As I pull into the orphanage I'm greeted by sounds of loud, raucous laughter and even some tears from the infants. The house that the orphanage is in is fairly big, but I can see that the need is growing. It seems like every week there's a new baby. I don't just mean 6 month old, I'm talking days old. These tiny, precious lives are just thrown away. I don't understand.

I walk around to the back door, take my shoes off, and head inside. The first task is hand washing. It's so important for the health of the babies that volunteers come in clean. After washing my hands I head to the infant room to see if I can find my little buddy.

Meet "E"

This is "E". He's incredibly precious! The first time I visited Loving Hearts Babies Home was back in May. E had just arrived to the home then and was very, very tiny and very malnourished. That first day, I fell in love with him. He had these big beautiful eyes that just shined so brightly. He was only a week or 2 old at the time. He's now about 5 months. As you can see, he's still really small for a 5 month old, but he's doing much better health-wise.

Now every week when I go to Loving Hearts, E is the first one I greet. I should feel guilty about ignoring the others... there are SO many of them, but I don't. E is my special buddy. From the moment I get him out of his crib to change him and play with him, he's smiling. When the "aunties" who work there hand him off to me, he smiles. He's not the easiest little guy to make smile, but for me, he smiles brightly.

I didn't realize until yesterday just how attached I had become. I was there with a couple of other missionaries, who I usually go with. I handed E off to Austin, one of the missionary kids so that I could scoot one of the other babies up in their bouncer. Austin was sitting with E playing happily and I decided to pick up another sweet little girl who I've been playing with since she was a week old too. We played for a few minutes then I was walking around the room with her... handing toys to the others who were just sitting there playing alone.

The room was loud and bustling with movement of the toddlers, but apparently I got close enough to E that he heard my voice. He stopped what he was doing and started to get a little fussy for Austin. Austin said, "he was fine until he heard you!" So I backed away so that Austin could keep playing with him, but after maybe 10 minutes he began to fuss again. I went over and traded babies with him. As soon as E was in my arms he was calm and even a little smiley again.

Now with my nieces when they were little it was similar unless their parents were around... especially Kayla. So I definitely understand that it's common for babies to learn your smell and voice, and to become attached. But this feels different. I only see him once a week or so. Even the "aunties" have commented on his behavior with me. It's amazing. Just out of curiosity I asked about his status... if he was already in the process of being adopted or not. I really want to see him go to a really good home. He's so sweet and he's really affectionate.

The woman in the office who I asked about it asked me if I was wanting to adopt him. My immediate response was, "no, I'm single and I don't want children until I'm married." As I walked away, got in my car and drove away I couldn't stop thinking about E. Let me be clear in saying that there's no way I can adopt him right now. First of all, I don't want kids right now. Second, being single really does make a difference. Third, E has an older sister and they're a "package deal". However, I can't help but want to love in this sweet little life as much as possible before I go... especially because he loves me so much. :)

Life in an orphanage is better than no life, but it's far from great. There are just not enough people willing to love on all of the kids that are in all of the orphanages around the world. Loving Hearts is just one place with 25 or so kids. Think of the thousands of places around the world. While I was there yesterday a new baby girl was brought in. We guessed that she's around 4 months old. She is pretty chubby which means she wasn't neglected, but one day someone decided they didn't want her anymore, dropped her at the police post and left. HOW?? Why? As I looked into her sweet, confused eyes I couldn't help but tear up. How could someone just leave such a sweet girl? How could someone just toss E away like he's nothing? How could all of these kids sit in an orphanage starved for love for weeks, months, and years?

I can't imagine tossing a kid away, but so many of the cases here are just that. Irresponsible people unable to deal with the consequences of their actions. A new generation being tossed away. A new generation with aids. Precious lives given up. How many die in the street when they're left? How many never make it to an orphanage? Praise the Lord for places like Loving Hearts who give kids a chance.

This isn't my first experience with an orphanage, but it sure is the first time that I've built a such a relationship with a child.

I'm going to step down off of my soapbox now... Jesus come! Pray for babies like E to be adopted into loving, Christ-centered families. Pray for their lives and emotions as they grow. Pray that the Lord would touch their lives in a special way and bring comfort and joy where it's needed. Come Lord Jesus, come!

Sleep, School, and Sun

2011-11-16T03:24:00.001-08:00

A correction to my last post... Yes, I am aware that it was Isaac who was to be sacrificed. I copied and pasted my info and didn't look at it closely enough. Thankfully a friend pointed out the mistake and it's now fixed.

I'm still not sleeping well. For the past month or so I've had more restless/sleepless nights than I think I've ever had in my life. I've given in and taken tylenol pm a couple of times just to stay sane. So far so good. I think it's all catching up to me now though. Every night I get into bed with a headache and each morning I get out of bed with a headache. Throughout the day it's bearable, but I'm thinking if I would just sleep it would all go away. Who knows? My body is exhausted, but my mind continues to race. There's so much to do here. Lots of projects to tie up well. Lots of people to spend lots of time with. An important relationship to mend. Not knowing when I'm coming back is starting to get to me. However, grad school awaits and is important. Especially for the long run. If I want to come back here on a more permanent basis getting my masters is essential.

I'm hoping to take the GRE in January and finish applying to grad schools by March. I haven't even started the process because I just don't have time right now. The school I want to go to is going to be tough for me to get in to because of my undergrad GPA so I'm hoping that I can do well on the GRE. I've done fairly well with standardized tests in the past, but I've been out of school for a looooong time now.

My plan at this point is to get my masters in Christian counseling, specializing in trauma and PTSD. Not only will this enable me to be a better missionary, especially working with refugees and child soldiers, but it will also help me to be a better youth pastor. Win-win if you ask me. Thinking about paying for grad school is intimidating and very much discouraging, but I'm trusting that God will make a way and I'll be able to pay tuition each term somehow. I'm excited about the prospect of finishing and being able to be here more permanently. We'll see what God has for me though... hopefully a husband is in the near future! Ministry here seems to flow more easily when you're married. This will also help with the whole getting-proposed-to-all-the-time problem that I seem to have. IDK, maybe my husband is here. God knows.

Something else I'm excited about is seeing Lino and Angelo. They don't know this yet and I doubt that they read my blog, but two weeks after I get home I'm going to see them! I just booked my flight yesterday and I couldn't be more pumped! I miss those guys so much and I'm blessed to have this opportunity to spend some time with them.

Lino!

It's going to be so fun to hang out with them on my home continent!

Anyways, the other day I was running around trying to get some stuff done while I had some free time and for the first time in a long time I boda-ed everywhere. I've been driving places for security purposes, but I've been feeling completely trapped! So I called my boda guy with three stops in mind. He came about 3 minutes later and we started the journey. It was blindingly bright and sunny, so in my tank top I was excited to get some sun on my skin. The rainy season has been a drag and it was a nice change to be really hot. I ran errands for about 2.5 hours and enjoyed every minute that the sun soaked into my skin. It was lovely to finally feel free again! It was also lovely to get my tan on. I'm determined to soak up every ounce of sun that I can, knowing it'll be at least 5 months before I see it again.

While out, I was once again reminded of how much I love living in Uganda. Also, of how much I love Africans. What a huge blessing to live in this place and be able to call it home. Even when we don't have power or hot water, I love it. Praise the Lord for the privilege of being here and the work He's doing in my heart because of it!

Eid, New Sisters, and More!

2011-11-14T08:56:00.001-08:00

Eid al-Adha or just Eid is a holiday celebrated to remember the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac as an act of obedience to God before God stopped him and provided a sheep to sacrifice instead. There are two Eid celebrations each year. The first one celebrates the end of Ramadan, the second one is about 70 days later. I had the amazing privilege of celebrating the second Eid with an amazing family that I work with here! This family is such a joy and I can't even express how sad I'm going to be to say goodbye to them when the time comes.

I'm seriously so honored to get to be a part of their family. Mama has 16 kids... no multiples in there and she says she would have had 24 if they didn't have to leave their country. "Enough for two football teams." Wow! What a strong, strong woman! Here are some pictures from that day.

Love!

This makes me so happy!

My buddy!

Love her!

And her!

Mama is amazing!

Aren't they beautiful?? Wow, I just love them and I love being invited to these fun events! I've learned so much from this fantastic family in the past year... praise the Lord!

Focus... so the day of Eid I went over to their house and was greeted by some yummy treats. First we had coffee (which isn't my fave, but with the right amount of sugar is fine) and sweets. I can't remember the name of one of the cookies, but it's delicious. Then a bit later we had the main course which had of course been slaughtered that day. The women cooked all day in order to feed everyone and it was good!! We had goat meat... including the stomach and intestines (which is a delicacy) rice, colored potatoes, salads, and cabbage. There was probably more, but I can't remember it all. The only thing I really struggle with is the stomach and intestines... they're sooooo jiggly which is a texture I just can't do, although the flavor isn't terrible. Anyway, it was yummy and the women did an amazing job.

We all ate together (the ladies and guys who weren't in the family). After we finished, the men of the house came in and got their food. They ate in the other room... men and women generally don't eat together. It was just a completely blessed day. It always amazes me how hard these women work. The food prep took all day and many of them were working to make sure we, the guests were all taken care of. Their hosting ability is impressive! You'll never leave their house on an empty stomach, that's for sure!

In other news, another two women from that same hotel have given their lives to Christ!! I had the privilege of praying with one of them today to accept Jesus. It was beautiful. The energy and sheer enthusiasm these women have is admirable. 3 new sisters in less than a week! God is doing big things at that hotel. I'm so grateful to be a part of sharing Christ with these ladies. It's been really great to be able to sit down with them and learn about their lives and even to hear their reasons for converting. I love hearing their stories and seeing the joy on their faces after they accept the Lord. Incredible!

I've been going to the baby home a lot and holding some precious little orphans. It's been a blast to go each week... on the way there we "call" or "reserve" the babies that we've bonded with. It's just awesome. The place I go has a high turnover rate, which is a really good thing... it means these kids are being adopted out and they all go to amazing homes. I've met some really beautiful people who are adopting from the home. It's really encouraging to see how well taken care of the kids are. I know it's for the best, but I actually get sad when I hear that this kid or that baby is being adopted. It's selfish, but I love going, knowing who I'm going to get to hold and play with. It's also been really sweet to watch the tiny babies grow. Some come in in terrible condition. One of my favorites was incredibly malnourished and sickly when he can in. He only weighed about 5 pounds. He's now fattening up a bit and his smile is unbelievable! Even his eyes shine! I'm so excited that he's been chosen to be adopted, but a bit sad to see him go. It's a privilege to hold these tiny infants and watch them grow and develop in amazing ways because they're loved and cared for. Thank you Jesus! I'm also really glad that others are patient enough to hang out with the toddlers... don't get me wrong, I love playing with toddlers, but when there are 20 of them climbing on you, it's not fun!! So I opt to grab a tiny one from their crib and hold them the whole time... this prevents the jumping toddlers... most of the time.

The situation in Sudan is growing more intense. Things are getting worse and worse. People are dying, fleeing, struggling... and it's going unnoticed. One of my dear Sudanese brothers has lost his father due to the situation. It's just terrible. Please, please continue to pray for Sudan and South Sudan. A major storm is brewing between the two nations. This will only add to the death count. It's not just lives that are being lost, it's souls being lost for eternity. Pray for those who don't know Christ (SOOO many don't) and pray for a miracle in the North's government.

A New Sister!

2011-11-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes hundreds and thousands of people raise their hands, pray, and accept Christ. Sometimes it's a group of ten or twenty people. Sometimes it's no one. When we speak to large groups or when there's an alter call it's almost expected that at least one will go forward and accept the Lord. However sometimes it's not like that at all. Sometimes it's a completely different story.

I want to tell you about a girl I met this week. We'll call her Ruth, though that's not her real name. WGM has some people in town this week for crusades and for a pastor's conference. These people are staying at a local hotel and like many local places, the staff live where they work. Over the last week or so they've gotten to know some of the staff members, or at least they've been able to wave a friendly "hello" on their way too and from different events.

On Tuesday of this week, Ruth stopped one of them on their way out and asked that they be praying for her. Without asking too many questions, he told her he would be praying for her. I then got a phone call asking if I would go and meet with her due to cultural propriety. It's not appropriate for a man and a woman to meet in private. It was explained to me that Ruth was a Muslim, but she was wanting to talk and pray with a Christian. I have spent much of my time building relationships with and ministering to some amazing people who also happen to be Muslim. When Ruth explained her request, I was the first person he thought of to talk to her.

So Wednesday morning I hopped on a boda and made my way to the hotel. I found Ruth quite easily, but became discouraged when she told me she didn't have time to meet with me. She explained her schedule and we decided that I would come back at around 3 that afternoon, after my Kiswahili lesson. The lesson ended and I headed back to the hotel, praying along the way.

I found Ruth easily and we went down to the dinning area to chat. We said basic greetings for a minute before I asked her what was going on... what she wanted prayer for. She told me that she is struggling and that's she's been sick for a long time with pneumonia, but is still needing treatment and medicine. We talked a few minutes about that before she said, "but I really just want to change my life." That was it. She knew what she wanted and knew why I was there.

I asked her how she heard about Jesus and what she knew about him. We talked for a little bit about that and then we talked for a while about becoming a Christian, what it means... especially coming from a Muslim background where she would no longer be accepted at home. She knew that by converting her family would disown her and that things would not be easy, but she didn't care. She was ready to accept Jesus.

I asked her if she was ready to pray and she said she was. So I asked her to repeat after me and we prayed the prayer! I then prayed for her and her new life in Christ. After we prayed we rejoiced together for some time and then I talked to her about getting involved in a church body and fellowshipping with other believers. I told her about the Bible study I help with on Wednesday nights and that there are people of many different religious backgrounds who attend. I told her she would fit right in! I also told her about the church that I normally attend on Sundays. I explained a bit about discipleship and really staying connected to the Body of Christ. We talked about the importance of prayer and being in the Word. She said she didn't have a Bible, so I promised I'd get her one. I asked if she had any questions or anything that she wanted to talk about and she didn't. So we exchanged phone numbers, hugged, and I left to get ready for Bible study. I bought her a Bible that day and it was given to her that evening, hallelujah!

First of all, praise the Lord for Ruth's life! Praise His name for softening another heart and revealing Himself. It was so astonishing to me how ready she was. I found out later that one of our pastors had been witnessing to her for some time, but for whatever reason she hadn't been ready, 100% sure, up until that point. I'm thankful that God was willing to use me to pray with Ruth.

Working with Muslims is amazing and I love each and everyone of them. However I've often found myself feeling frustrated at the lack of response to the Gospel. I hear people speak and get excited and fall more in love with Jesus, they hear it and clap because it was a nice message. Not every single Muslim person responds that way... and everyone is different.

There is so much hope and Wednesday with Ruth was a reminder of that and a reminder of why I'll continue to love on these men and women who need to know Jesus. These aren't just lost souls, these are my friends whom I love dearly. These are men and women, boys and girls who have touched my life. These ones are just the tip of the iceberg. I look at the faces of the people I love and pray for miracles in their lives. Many, many Muslims come to know Jesus through visions. I pray for visions, for softened hearts, for truth to stick. I pray for my brothers and sisters to rally in prayer for these souls. I pray for a revolution.

Yet I know the risks... I've seen the results of even corresponding with Christians. It can be dangerous for them. Lives are threatened daily. Imagine being a part of a culture and religion that shuns you and/or takes your life if you turn away. Your family rejects you and even turns on you. Your own brother chases you. Imagine hearing the truth, wanting to convert, but fearing for your life. It might be easy for us to say, "it's worth it." We have everything and we worship in complete freedom, almost no fear of oppression. When you're a 13 year old girl with no means of surviving without your family, what choices do you have? It's very serious.

How do I know these risks are real? They've happened to some of the very people I know and love.

I'm rejoicing with Ruth over her new life in Christ. I'm more thankful than I can even explain to live where I live and love who I love. Pray for the souls that haven't yet been won! Let's get on our knees and plead for these ones. Amen.

Butterfly Effect

2011-11-08T03:14:00.000-08:00

One decision can change everything. One bad choice. One good choice. Some times a choice isn't bad until the outcome is very far from what you expected.

Today I'm at a loss. Feeling more than responsible for the choices and actions of others. My life looks different than it did just a few months ago. One choice has changed everything. I'm facing consequences that I never would have thought possible. I've lost friends and family. Things have become lonely. All because of a choice. I can't change the past, but the past sure is determining my immediate future.

One choice has triggered a series of events all leading up to this isolation. Have you ever seen the movie the Butterfly Effect? I wish I could go back and change one thing, but unlike in the movie, I can't so I'll continue to do my best to move forward.

Something I've been thinking about a lot are my words and actions and how they're perceived. Living in a different culture, there is the constant challenge of knowing what's culturally appropriate or not. For the most part I have an understanding of normal daily activities and expectations. But things aren't always as they seem. Minds understand and handle life differently. Actions may be perceived as very different than they were meant to.

I've been struggling a bit to know how to pray through this current conundrum. Satan uses this opportunity as a slight to my faith, but I simply say that I know and trust God. Sometimes there's nothing harder than completely surrendering a situation, especially when you want to fix it yourself. It's so hard to sit idly by. BUT I do trust God. I know that even when I'm having some issues with doubts, God is bigger. I trust the Lord. It's all I can do right now.

In the garden of Gethsemane as death drew nearer Jesus had the faith to say, "not my will, but Your's be done"... Imagine the trust that Jesus had in the Father as He hung upon the cross, taking the wrath meant for the rest of humanity. Some would say that that's utter foolishness... I say let me be the biggest fool then! Let me trust God so implicitly that even in this time of extreme hurt and confusion, I can still sing praises to my King. Amen.

No Naked Flames

2011-11-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a normal update in a little while, so here it is.

Ministry at the Centre of Hope is going well. I still love my class and they are doing really well! We've been learning some really tough stuff, but it seems like they're keeping up with it pretty well. I'm so proud of them! Relationships continue to grow and the weekly Bible study is still going strong. People are showing up and hearing about God when they may otherwise never hear the truth. It's my joy to be a part of such an amazing ministry.

I'm realizing that my time here is coming to a close really quickly. Too quickly. I've almost started to panic because there's so much I want to do and so many places I still want to go. It seems like there should be enough time for everything, but this year has just flown by. I can't believe November is here. Because of field visitors and meetings, my month is pretty much all planned out. There are lots of things happening in the next two weeks. Some of the "big wigs" are here from headquarters, so there's lots going on. Crusades, pastor conferences, youth conferences, the church leadership installation and all kinds of stuff. It's really an exciting time, but it means that most of this month will fly by because of the busy schedule. I'm looking forward to field Thanksgiving and a time to relax with my fellow missionaries.

I'm also hoping to go away the first weekend in December. Due to a situation here, I've more or less been stuck on my compound for the past two weeks. I've still be able to teach my class and get my work done, but I've been feeling completely trapped. My life is some what contingent on someone else right now, so it's been quite rough. I won't go into details, but I'm asking for much prayer for this situation. I want to be completely clear... I'm safe, there's no physical danger to me. However, because of the situation I feel very limited and discouraged. My heart is heavy and I'm dealing with a lot of emotions these days. Your prayers are important. God is good.

I've recently gotten contact lenses because I hate wearing my glasses, but had been getting major headaches. I've had them for a week and they're still not very comfortable. In fact yesterday I looked ridiculous and like I was crying because they were being so annoying and irritating. My eyes were all watery and red. I happened to be at a market when all of this was going on. Haha, the workers probably thought I was nuts. I'm going to the eye doctor in the morning to find out if I'm doing something wrong. I just have an astigmatism, so the contacts are different than normal contacts and have to be worn a very specific way. I'm really hoping I can figure it out because I DO NOT want to wear glasses the rest of my life.

I saw some pictures from the snowstorm in the east and began to dread coming home. From the tropics to a tundra is not going to be fun. Speaking of pictures... I've been trying to take pictures of things that make me laugh or things that I love around here, as I'm realizing I'm not sure when I'll be back. Here are a few from the past couple of months.

haha :)

Local food... Matoke, beans, grean beans, a little meat. SO good!

Random Bobcat in Sunday traffic

Pumpkin Carving with the Hopson family is a tradition Jean and I started
in 2008 :)

Guilt

2011-11-01T03:37:00.000-07:00

Is Psalm 38 David is pleading with the Lord to be near to him, despite this overwhelming guilt that he feels because of his sin. What strikes me when I read this Psalm is the amount of times David says "I" or "my". He is pleading with the Lord, but every statement is about him. He can hardly focus on the goodness of God because of guilt. He is overcome with sadness and remorse. David wants the Lord to forgive him and spare him from the wrath due to him. David's sins were so great and he was in such despair that he could hardly bear it.

Verse 4 says, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."

I've been thinking about the word guilt a lot lately. What does it actually mean to be guilty? How can you keep from feeling guilty when you know that something is your fault (partly or completely)... but there's nothing you can do to change it? As I've been praying away feelings of guilt for something that is beyond my control, verse 4 of this Psalm keeps creeping back to me. "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."

MY guilt. Something I've done. Over and over, no matter how many people say something isn't your fault, do you find yourself arguing with that? I do. Constantly. And it's becoming so heavy that I can't bear it any more.

So what can I do when I'm overwhelmed with grief and sorrow because of guilt, whether righteous or not? As I look at some old testament accounts of the guilty... even men like David, I'm reminded that Jesus Christ took the wrath of God when he died on the cross. God is NOT a God of guilt. Satan is the prince of darkness and a big fat liar. He reminds us of things we've done or makes us believe that certain things have arisen because of us. His goal is to bring up these feelings of guilt so that we cannot be free. It can take away from our ministries and completely overwhelm and destroy us.

Would you please join me in praying against feelings of guilt, especially from things that are beyond my control now? I have a feeling that I'm not the only person who deals with this to some extent, so pray for this in your own life. Jesus did not come to condemn us, but to save us. Heal my heart, Jesus.

Sleepless thoughts

2011-10-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep much last night, if at all. That's been happening a lot these days and I'm not too thrilled about it. I know there's reason behind it, but I can't do anything to change that reason right now so I'm sure it will just continue. BUT in all of my restlessness I've had lots of time to think and pray. Here are some very random thoughts from the past few nights:

I try to fix things for others too much, not enough time is spent dealing with my own stuff
My niece, Kayla will be 7 years old in two and a half weeks. I wish she would stop growing up so fast!
Continuing a dream that you started years ago is trippy... and brings you back. As this one dream has recently made a reappearance, I realize that it couldn't continue it until I had grown a bit and experienced other things.
I miss Lino and Angelo more than they will ever know. This past summer spent with them was full of laughter, love, and adventure. Probably my favorite people ever.
My youth kids are amazing and they change me just as much, if not more than I change them.
Skype is magical!
Seeing the lasting results of a simple choice is eye-opening and sometimes heartbreaking.
I have lots of friends and students who need Jesus, am I being Jesus to them everyday?
I'm sick of having regrets, even about little things. Spirit, help me be free.
Grad school is necessary, but very intimidating
I want so badly to help others that sometimes I over step boundaries
It's easy for me to let other's choices dictate my choices
I miss sleep
My expectations of people have led to lots of let downs... should I change my expectations?
Africa has completely, 100% changed me and I'm glad.
For the rest of my life my heart will be split in two... half in America, half in Africa.
I love wisdom from older women who love the Lord.
Sudan is broken, it's people are suffering immensely. I want to do something.
Sometimes when I try to help, I end up making things worse.
Up until this year I was not an emotional person at all... things change. I cry now. It's weird.
My mom is the most thoughtful person I've ever known. I love her.
I'm a people pleaser, but can't make everyone happy at once.
It's not easy for me to learn a language. Swahili is hard for me.
Worshipping Jesus with no inhibitions is beautiful.
Having someone really love you and everything about you does not completely take away insecurities. Kooky.
Wearing glasses is annoying (and I don't often do it), I can't wait until my contacts are ready!
My dad is incredibly strong, even now that his physical body is weak and deteriorating. I love him.
Alexandria, my youngest niece is the funniest person I know. I can't wait to hang out with her again!
I have lots and no matter what I do, I live above the majority. Uncomfortable.
Singing and playing guitar are passions of mine... I need to get back into song writing. It's been too long.
I'm very much disconnected with life in the States. It's strange.
I have been shutting people out, partially because I'm lazy and partially because my heart doesn't want to deal with more relationships.
My sister and I fight a lot, but we have also laughed a lot together. It'll be good to be home.
My brother is finally sober. My heart is still very burdened for him. Best friend.
Most of my friends are married and having children... I'm not sure I fit in there. Maybe this is why I hang out with my youth kids so much (or maybe it's because they're awesome!)
God has given me the ability to build relationships very easily... I should stop shutting people out.
I want to go to Arizona when I get home. I miss it.
1st and 2nd Peter are refreshing.
Despite my shutting people out, I have a really hard time letting go.
I should let my anxieties go.
Lino makes me laugh more than anyone... he also makes me think. I love having good conversations with him. Little brother.
God, in His silence is trusting me. He trusts me enough to be silent. Amazing.
My hair needs to hurry up and grow. I'm over short hair.
Should I go home for Christmas? Right now the decision depends on other people, should it?
Even when life here is tough, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
I wish my family would come and experience my life here. I wish my friends would come too. It would change their lives.

So this is what I've spent a lot of time thinking through lately. I'm determined to sleep without taking tylenol pm all the time so until sleep finds me, my mind will be running free. I say, "Jesus take my anxieties, fears, and worries." He says, "Remain in Me."

Internet Issues

2011-10-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

The Centre of Hope had a week break from classes this week. It's been strange and I've been missing my students a ton! I'm so excited to see them all on Tuesday and do Bible study with them on Wednesday. This week I've spent a lot of time working on a newsletter for one of my projects. Schools here are on the year-round system, so the year is coming to a close next month. On of my main projects this year has been a sponsorship program for Kikongo Primary school out on Buvuma Island. We have about 150 students sponsored right now and we're working on a renewal campaign. I'm hoping that every single sponsor sticks with their student again for this coming year.

The internet has been terribly unreliable this week, so it's been a bit of a slow process. It's amazing the things I take for granted. The last time I was in Uganda the internet was SLOW. And I mean, SLOW! It was almost as bad as the old dial-up in the States. This time it's been fast enough to video skype and even to watch the Super Bowl live. The difference is amazing. When I came back I was expecting to need about 20 minutes just to get email and facebook to load... this just hasn't been the case. Until this week. I've actually become annoyed with myself and my impatience.

Today, it's taken me about 3 hours to get information gathered when it should have taken about 30 minutes at most. BUT I've decided to check my attitude. I cannot tell you all how very grateful I am to have internet at all. Last time I didn't even have it in my apartment, this time I have it at home and it's almost always great. I'm thankful to Jesus for the internet and the ability to communicate with you all. I'm also thankful that I can keep up to date on the news. It's awesome to wake up in the morning and check CNN for the latest news. It's easy to feel disconnected from the world... especially since I don't have tv.

Anyways, I've been encouraged this week through my own discouragement. Doesn't make much sense does it? Well what I mean is that it's been another really difficult week because of the situation in Sudan and the people I work with, but in spite of the difficulty Jesus has been speaking loud and clear. There have been moments when I've been completely at a loss with no idea what to do, so I just pray. Jesus has helped me through this week in huge ways. Prayer has carried me.

Please, please continue praying for Sudan and the Blue Nile region. It's terrible... and it's going unnoticed. People's lives are being lost... lives of the loved ones of those that I love.

This article may help you understand the current situation. Please read it and please pray. Thanks!!

Reasons to Smile

2011-10-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

I had a really rough day today. Almost rough enough to make me want to cry... almost. :) BUT it's 11:30pm and it's almost over. Despite the difficulty of the day, here are some reasons to smile:

Jesus is much bigger than all of my anxieties and worries, doubts and fears
His grace and love are sufficient even when I don't recognize it that way
I am washed by the blood of the Lamb
I am my Beloved's and He is mine
I have a family who loves me no matter what
Safety on the crazy roads, even when driving my not-so-awesome manual vehicle
Seeing a breath-taking African sunrise
I live in Africa
Prayer/Bible study with my "Africa mom"
Friends here who have become family (Ackers)... and being comfortable enough to walk into their home and help myself to dinner
Celebrating Saudi's birthday with everyone
Living in a country where I'm free to sing praises to my King
The moon bursting through the clouds to illuminate the world around me on my drive home tonight
Being loved, really loved, all of me
Hearing an R. Kelly song on the radio on the way home
Clean drinking water and food
Electricity (and an inverter when the electricity goes off for 36 hours at a time)
Little boys I was babysitting shouting, "Bye Christina!!" as I'm getting in my car
Seeing Lino and Angelo on Skype
Looking at a picture of my nieces who I love dearly
Seeing pictures of my youth kids in America on FB and being proud of the people they are
Baby goats
Watching "Far and Away" with Saudi and everyone and thoroughly enjoying reactions to realizations of happenings
My knee is healing well and starting to feel stronger... hopefully I can be more active in about a week
"Monkey birds" laughing in the trees
The beauty of this land
Feeling at comfortable and at home here
People speaking Swahili to me and me being able to understand some of it
Music
Coke Light aka Diet Coke
A friend picking some stuff up at the market for me
Glow in the dark stars on my bedroom ceiling, left by the previous family, reminding me of my childhood

So even though today was incredibly rough for me, I can still smile and say "Thank You, Jesus." I am blessed.

Church

2011-10-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

As I chatted with a friend in America last night, I was asked how church is these days. So here's my story...

Since arriving back in Uganda about 9 months ago now, I've been a church hopper. This is very different from the last time I was here because last time I spent much of my time at United Faith Chapel at Kampala International University. I love that faith community and I love being a part of university ministries. Something was different for me this time though. I think many factors have played a role in my hopping. For one thing, the ladies from my discipleship group have all graduated and gone back to Kenya. I've only been able to see a few of them this year when they've been around on holidays. My heart misses that sweet group of young ladies. For another thing, my roommates during this past school year attended a church downtown pastored by a great guy, the father of some of the students at Heritage. I went there a few times with my roommates and a student from HIS. Another factor has been working with so many different cultures at the Centre of Hope means visiting churches of my students. It's really been interesting actually.

So anyways the church I attended the most last time has gone through a change in leadership in the past 5 or 6 months and it's been a bit rough on the community. The pastor that had been here for years went back to Kenya and was going to be traveling back and forth frequently, but that just hasn't been able to happen. I think that the people left in charge over here became very overwhelmed with the new responsibilities and commitments. AND obviously it's always difficult for a church body to go through a time of transition. It's been a tough season for them and it's been tough for me to see. On one hand I don't believe we should be so dependent on our head pastors that it's rough when they are reassigned, however I do recognize that we all get very attached to great pastors so accepting the change can be difficult.

Alright, let me tell you about church this morning...

I woke up with just enough time to grab a quick shower, throw my hair up in a ponytail, wrap my knee (in preparation for the 5-story climb to the church's meeting place at the university), grab some bread and peanut butter, and be on my way. I called my boda driver who is almost always available on Sunday mornings, especially when it is cloudy and cold like this morning. I hopped on the boda and we cruised on over to the university. I paid him and started the walk down the hill, onto campus. The charcoal-grey clouds were looming and very menacing looking. I mentally prepared myself for a wet boda ride home, thankful that I had remembered to throw a scarf in my bag.

As I approached the parking lot I didn't see any of the other missionary's vehicles and was a bit surprised. There's usually at least one other family there. I didn't mind though, it's sometimes fun being the only mzungu around. I climbed the stairs and when I reached the top (pitifully out of breath) I noticed how few students were actually there. Then realization hit that this weekend there was a spiritual retreat and most of the students were still gone on that. So I sat down with the approximately 150 people that were there and settled in for the sermon. Right after the announcements were finished and the speaker began the message, it began to pour. I'm not just talking a little drizzle, I mean an all out downpour. It was so white outside that I couldn't see the next building. We meet on the top floor of the building so the sound was loud enough to drown out the sound of the speaker. With my already bad ears, I knew there was no way I would be able to make out a word of what he was saying.

So I pulled out my Bible and began where I left off reading in 1 Peter. With the noise of the rain and the drone of the amplified voice that I couldn't make out, it was hard to concentrate. I plugged one ear and began to read aloud the words of Peter. The first chapter is a call to absolute holy living, to turn completely from your old life and walk forward fresh and new in Christ. By the time I had read and meditated on those words the rain began to slow and I could start to hear a few words here and there from the speaker. The first two words I could clearly hear him say were, "be holy." From there he explored a few different passages, ending with Jesus taking the wrath of God so we don't have to. All in all, a good message. I'm thankful for time to read on my own and also for time to hear to Word from the speaker.

The rain now at a steady, heavy drizzle I had to decide whether to wait it out or move forward. I decided to call my boda and begin my walk up to the main road to meet him. With my scarf covering my shoulders and my head bowed, I walked up the hill. There was a tent to stand under near the road, so I wasn't completely soaked by the time the boda arrived. The drive home was pretty frigid feeling to me which reminded me that in 3 months I'll be living in a subzero, icy tundra again. I'm shivering just thinking about it. So I'm home now, in dry clothes, sitting under my blankets, enjoying the sound of a church still worshipping down the hill. Some churches go all day and this one just down the hill from me is no exception. There's a very joyous sound to the beat and it's evident that they are loving praising Jesus this morning. :)

As for me, if the sun comes out I'll be outside getting some reading done this afternoon, if not I'm satisfied sitting in bed all snuggly and warm. At some point I have to run to the market because the only food I have is bread and peanut butter... I have to warm up before I can hop on another boda in the rain. I also have grad school research to do. I'm still not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing for certain, but I'm definitely leaning towards a Christian counseling degree. Very practical for my work as a missionary with youth and refugees and with youth ministry in the States. We'll see. First I think I have to take the GRE, which I'm dreading. I've been out of school for far too long. Prayers welcome. Happy Sunday!

My Kryptonite

2011-10-04T04:18:00.000-07:00

The evening was off to a rough start. Our bass player was sick, the keyboardist was unavailable all of a sudden, and I was one of 4 people singing. Somehow all of the other singers were inhibited by traffic. It was obvious that satan was working to prevent us from having a good, focused worship evening.

People started trickling in and taking their seats. The instruments and mics were set and we were ready to go. After a time of prayer together we took our places as a team and the praise and worship began. With only one practice under our belts and many song changes, we were essentially winging it. Thankfully the level of talent on the team is incredible, so I wasn't too worried... for the others. I, on the other hand have always had to try really hard to just be decent, it's not effortless for me like it is for the others.

I've been leading worship since I was about 15 or 16. I've always been pretty comfortable standing in front of people, but I've never been confident in my skill level. I can lead and sing for about an hour before my voice grows weak due to the nodes on my vocal chords. At that point my lower range is non-existent and my upper range is in jeopardy of cracking.

As the only girl singing soprano and sometimes the only person carrying the melody, I began to worry about my voice. Before I could get too distracted and forget why I was standing up there leading for two hours, I began to pray. After praying and bringing my focus back to Jesus, it was easier and much more peaceful.

And then it happened. After one of the songs I opened my eyes to see a giant, black, cricket just feet away from me. This may seem like it's no big deal to some, but crickets (bugs in general, but crickets are the worst!!) are my kryptonite. I began to panic. My heart started racing and I couldn't focus on anything, but getting away from that cricket. There's no telling when it might come at me. I began to plot my escape immediately. If I just shut off my mic and walked off maybe they would just assume I was sick or something.

I had quite a few options for escape routes, but before I could flee the Spirit reminded me why I was there. I was reminded that satan didn't want this evening to happen. He didn't want a crowd of people to come and join us, to stand and worship the King of Kings. He didn't want Christ to get any glory. Walking off the "stage" as one of the only, or the only person singing melody just wasn't an option. So once again I prayed and while I never took my eye off of the thing for too long after that, I was able to stand there and sing. To lift up my hands and praise my Creator. One of the next songs we did after that little demon was sent to destroy me was "It is Well." It was beautiful to be able to stand there with this creeper creature taunting me and proclaim that it was indeed well with my soul.

The evening ended about 20 minutes later my voice was almost completely gone. Never once during the two hours did it crack or sound weak. One of the youth who was at the event (she had been sitting in the front row and is very aware of my affliction to bugs) came up to me to lovingly let me know that the disgusting bug had been literally right next to my shoe at one point, but I never saw it because my eyes were focused on God. Thankfully... or I definitely would have had to flee!

Worship night with Studio_10 at Heritage is an event that I've yet to miss participating in since I've been in Uganda. The first worship night we had was in December of 2008. Since then the studio has grown is both size and popularity. I'm blessed to be a part of such a talented group of people who accept me as I am.

So that's my silly story this week. You can laugh if you want to. I completely understand that my intense fear of bugs is ridiculous, but I can't seem to shake it. I'll hold a snake, swim with a shark, or play with a mouse or rat, but bugs make me want to run away screaming and crying. Don't judge.

Decisions... decisions...

2011-10-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

I have just over three months until I get on a plane to head home. First of all, yikes! And wow! This year has flown by. For the past week I've been seriously thinking about the future and what the next year might possibly look like. I get easily overwhelmed because there are so many options in front of me. Would you join me in praying through these options?

One option is to come home, work for 5 months or so and then come right back here independently to continue my work with refugees. This work has stirred my heart and I've become very passionate about working with refugees... especially youth as I know I'm called to work with youth in some capacity. I would also start an online program to get my masters degree, probably in counseling.

Another option is to apply to the MD program (check out wgm.org for more info), fundraise and come back in about a year and a half with WGM.

Yet another option is to stay home, work, and start my Masters at an actual school instead of online. There are many options rights now as far as schools go. I'm looking at one in Chicago, one in Indiana, and one in Mississippi. There's one in New Jersey with an amazing youth ministry program, but the cost would be nearly as much as my undergrad at IWU. Now, with my Masters I also have a lot of things to choose from. I've been highly recommended to get a Masters of Divinity, though my original plan was a Masters in Youth Ministry. I've recently been thinking about my work with refugees and a Masters in Counseling, specializing in refugees and PTSD would be incredibly helpful for that work.

In any case I would like to start my Masters within the year. So I'm trying to figure out if online will work or if I'll need to suck it up and stay home (in America). Of course some of this is contingent on another person, when/if (and hopefully soon) I get married.

SO, in essence I have lots of questions and lots of decisions to make. There are things that I want, but I don't know if they're best. So at this point I'm praying about the next step. I need to make a decision soon because if I'm coming back to Uganda sooner rather than later I'll need to fundraise and figure out how to come back independently. If I'm staying in America I'll need to start applying to grad schools/seminaries.

This is what's occupying my mind these days. I'd appreciate prayer. My preference for these options change daily. Tonight, going to IWU and living in Marion is winning... that is, until I think a bit longer and realize that means being out of Africa for at least 3 years. :( Oops... back to the drawing board.

Extreme Baller

2011-09-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

You all know that I'm an extreme baller, right? Riiiiight. In any case one of my favorite things to do is play volleyball with the Sudanese guys. This picture is from one of our last games before Lino and Angelo left for Canada... I'm hidden behind Hussein, who's wearing the grey shirt. Anyways, this past Saturday evening I went over to play. We haven't played in such a long time because with the guys in Canada, Shelah hurting her foot, and the others back at boarding school there haven't been enough of us to play. Shelah is finally good enough to play and Saudi and Hussein were around, so we got some games going. The court we play on is in their front yard, on a down slope. It's steep enough to roll down... like a child. :)

We played Americans vs Africans and were pretty evenly matched. Jade, Shelah, and I vs Hussein, Saudi, and Meron. After about 4 games played to 25 points, Shelah sat down to rest her foot. Lidya took her place on our team. I normally play in the back because of my height deficiency, but I moved up to play front with Jade while Lidya played in the back.

That's when it happened. We had a pretty good volley going, but Lidya hit it out on our side. In an attempt to save it I turned and leapt down towards the ball to hit it back inbounds over my head to Jade. As I leapt I must not have calculated the slope correctly. I was looking up at the ball coming over my head... and when I landed on my right leg, my knee hyperextended and I heard a "popping" sound. The pain was immediate and I was down. In case you're wondering... I did hit the ball, but the play ended when I hit the ground.

I sat there holding my knee, trying not to give into the temptation to shout. How embarrassing! But I was assured that my attempt at least looked good. I sat with ice on it for about 10 minutes and then I tried to stand. I was able to put weight on it and walk up the hill with the help and Lidya and Shelah. I was supposed to be meeting some friends for dinner, so I hopped in the car and headed off. I drive a manual vehicle so the constant shifting and letting on and off the gas didn't help the pain, but I made it to the restaurant.

The verdict is that I've torn a ligament in my right knee. I'm not sure the extent of the damage, but I do know that it's pretty weak right now. I've been icing it and trying to stay off of it. I also have an ace bandage which helps support the area where the pain is. It's a major bummer because even riding a boda hurts a bit and I normally walk and ride bodas during the week. I am thankful, however, that I didn't hurt it bad enough to where I couldn't walk. I can move and get stuff done, just at a much slower pace. Right now the worst part is knowing how long it will take to heal. I just want to get back out there and play volleyball... I guess I should work on walking first though.

So if it's not stronger in about a month, I'll go have it looked at. The most important thing for you to remember is that I hit the ball back in and it's because of my extreme ballin that I got injured. :)

News

2011-09-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

Check out this story and continue to pray for this region and the nations of South Sudan and Sudan.

Real Danger

2011-09-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

"Gunshots in the night. Bombs rocking the earth. Running for your life. Where's my family? Did they survive? Will I? War. Endless war. All I've ever known since I was a child is war.

It's just a way of life now. The choice to join the fight was easy... if that kind of choice is ever easy for a child of 13. Fighting for freedom, fighting for rights. Fighting to see an end to the oppression of thousands, if not millions of my people. Fighting so that when I have kids they can be free, educated, and maybe even well off. Fighting so that life can improve. Fighting so that we can simply stay alive and see another sunrise over the African savannah. Fighting because there doesn't seem to be any other choice.

The worst of our danger used to be the lions, hyenas, crocs, hippos, and snakes. Now the danger comes from our fellow man. Guns are heavy when you're 13, but I would never have admitted that at the time. We trained, learned tactics, and became machines. Machines with one function. We were trained not to stare into our enemies eyes and just to fire. Seeing the eyes makes it worse. I don't know the number of people who fell to my bullets, I don't want to know. We were trained that the lives of our enemies were worthless. I learned to shoot a gun before I ever learned how to ride a bike, before I learned much at all about the world. My education stopped when I joined the army. What's the use in finishing school if you're dead before you graduate? I made it through 3rd grade before the war came close to home.

I'm now 27 and in my junior year of high school. I'm a former child soldier; a man now in the eyes of the world, but I was a man long before most."

So I wrote this tonight because of a dream/nightmare I had early this morning. It was so real, I was there. It's been in my mind all day and I just can't ignore it anymore. You are all aware that I'm friends with some former child soldiers from Sudan. These guys are my brothers and I love them very much. This isn't any one of their very different, very specific stories. This is a combination of what I've been told by them and many others like them. The thought of writing a book has run through my mind many times, but I don't actually want to gain from the horrific knowledge and pictures that fill my brain. I simply want to raise awareness.

You guys, there is fighting in the Blue Nile region in (North) Sudan. I know I mentioned this in my last post, but as I chatted with one of the guys recently the situation reached a new level in my mind. Their families have fled. One doesn't know where his father is, the probability of his life being over is very high. The guys are stressed and upset and how could they not be? One of them seriously mentioned going home to help his family... leaving school and entering a war zone. This isn't just any war zone, it's a place where they are being hunted for their affiliation with the "rebel" army of the South. Those affiliated with the South are being captured, tortured, and killed.

When he told me he wanted to go home my heart started pounding as if it were trying to escape from my chest. Knowing that my student from the Centre and one of their fathers has already been captured does not leave me much hope that the same won't happen to him too. I started to feel nauseous at the thought of loosing a brother. In all honesty I panicked a bit. There's no doubt in my mind that if he goes home right now, he'll be killed. Sitting here in Uganda, not knowing if he was safe or not would drive me crazy. For him, not going home is betraying his family. With the possibility of his father being dead, he's now the oldest male in the household and is expected to take care of the family. The family that he's not lived with since he was a child, the family he's not seen lately. He feels obligated to drop his education and go. He knows the risk, but denies it.

The war in Sudan and South Sudan is not over. Fighting continues, lives are being lost, and people are once again fleeing their homes. It's too real. The second that one of them mentioned going home was the second that my world view changed. I wasn't content with their past, but the chance of their future being a reflection of their past is not ok. History repeating is not ok.

Please join me in falling to your knees for Sudan and South Sudan. Lift up these two nations, and all war torn nations to the Lord. People that you don't know and probably never would have come in contact with are dying. Guys and families that I love are in danger. Very real danger. The greatest danger though, is that they don't know Jesus. Plead for their souls with me. Pray for truth to be revealed and for hearts to be softened to the Word. Pray for them to see visions... many Muslims have come to Christ through visions. Pray. They have heard the truth about Jesus... pray for acceptance. Pray for peace in those nations, pray for peace in their hearts as they're "stuck" in school. Pray. Pray for safety. Pray. Please.

Different

2011-09-13T11:41:00.001-07:00

Different. That's the word I would use to describe this term here in Uganda. Not bad, but very different. Last time my focus was on my students and the youth at Heritage International School and my lovely bible study ladies from Kampala International University. I spent most (if not all) of my time building and nurturing relationships, caring for people, and loving on them as much as I could. This time I've spent a lot of time working behind the scenes, if you will, on various projects for WGM. On the side I've been teaching ESL to amazing refugees at the Centre of Hope and I was hanging with the youth at Heritage for a while too. Well now that Lino and Angelo are gone and I'm not rooming with any teachers, I don't feel connected to Heritage at all. It's a very strange feeling to be in Kampala and not have a reason to hang out at Heritage. They now have two people working with the youth at the school and I definitely don't feel needed there. Also, not being a teacher there it might be weird for me to just be hanging around a bunch of teenagers. (don't want to be too much of a creeper, you know?)

My relational outlet comes when I'm teaching at the Centre and I'm so very thankful to be a part of the ministry there. Nothing brightens my day more than walking onto the compound and being greeted by at least 5-10 of my students who are just hanging out, waiting for class to start. I recently reconnected with one of my girls who has been given the chance to go to school... she was on holiday and visiting the Centre. She, out of no where, came up to me to say thank you for the things we learned in reading and writing class. She said the practicality of it has been extremely helpful and she's grateful for me. When you're having a rough day, what more could you want to hear to brighten it up? I felt very blessed to be a part of God's work there. I'm teaching a new class there now and some from my other class have transfered into my new class because they like my teaching style. Its just amazing to me.

I've also been able to still hang out with the Sudanese guys a lot. We've had some really good conversations and we're still learning a whole lot from one another. Their school holiday is over now and they're all back at school. All but one of them goes to boarding school so needless to say it's quiet around here... especially since Lino and Angelo are in Canada. :( Unfortunately, as I'm sure you've seen me post on facebook, the region where the guys are from in Sudan is intense and very dangerous with fighting. One them has a father who has been captured by the government in the north for being associated with the "rebels" in the south. It's very messy and very scary. Even one of my students from the Centre of hope has been captured. He was a child soldier with the south, like my guys, and was home visiting over the school holiday. We've not heard anything since we heard that he was captured. There are many uncertainties right now and my guys are all struggling, not knowing how their families are doing. Most of their families have fled. Thousands have fled to Ethiopia. The guys just began their last term of the school year. It's vital that they do well in order to move up a grade, and one is in line to finish and graduate in November. Please pray for their minds and hearts as they are in school, unable to communicate with their families. Pray also for their souls and for them to come to know Jesus as their personal savior.

Lino and Angelo are adjusting and doing well in Canada. They both tried out for and made the varsity soccer team in their first week of school. No surprise there at all. However academically it's already proved to be a bit of a challenge for both of them. Angelo skipped a grade here in Kampala and is short on credits. Both guys are having to take extra class (hard classes) in order to graduate on time in June. We've skyped a few times and it's always so good to see their smiling faces. They are certainly very missed here. I was at Heritage for an event on Friday night and it was my first time on campus since they left... it was definitely NOT fun without them! Anyways, I'm so very proud of them and I'm looking forward to seeing them in the near-ish future. Depending on where they are for spring break I may go visit them. If that doesn't work I'm going to try to go up there in June for their graduation. Pray for them as they continue to adjust to life in the west. Pray for the minds as they are stretched to new levels academically. Pray for their hearts and mental statuses being 9,000 miles away from home and 2 of a total of 4 black people in a giant school. As always pray for their souls. They need to know Jesus. I've been praying for Godly men/friends to show up in their lives in Canada. Join me.

So anyways I'm not sure where I was going with this, other than to say that things are very different right now. I'm still in love with this place and count myself very blessed to be living here and experiencing this part of God's cast creation. Most days, there's no where in the world I would rather be. I love going to the grocery store for something as simple as eggs and finding chicken feathers in the carton. I love hearing the crazy birds squawking at each other all day long. I love watching the sunrise over Lake Victoria through the morning fog. I love taking boda rides instead of driving when I want to zone out and enjoy the beauty of this place. I love seeing the beauty in nearly everything that I'm surrounded by. What a glorious gift from Jesus to be here. Thanks be to God.

Excerpt from "Breaking Free"

2011-09-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

Let's conclude our chapter with a last thought on Christ's binding up the brokenhearted. Notice that the first definition includes the concepts of covering, enveloping, and enclosing. Life's way of reacting to a crushed heart is to wrap tough sinews of flesh around it and tempt us to promise we’ll never let ourselves get hurt again. That's not God's way. Remember, self-made fortresses not only keep love from going out; they keep love from coming in. We risk becoming captives in our own protective fortresses. Only God can put the pieces of our hearts back together again, close up all the wounds, and bind them with a porous bandage that protects from infection … but keeps the heart free to inhale and exhale love.

Moore, Beth (2007). BREAKING FREE (Kindle Locations 1798-1804). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

The Very Place

2011-09-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

A week ago I went to Buziga, which the the area where the Jade, Shelah, and the Sudanese guys stay. I was going to go swimming, read, and relax at this place just up the hill from them. When I get there I decided I didn't want to spend the money to go swimming, so I walked down to this field where the guys used to play football and volleyball. I sat under a giant tree that looked pretty dead at first, but once laying under it I realized that there were small blooms everywhere. There was hope. After laying there for an hour reading, praying, and listening to music, I headed home. After not wanting to spend money at the pool I couldn't convince myself to spend more money on a boda. So I just started walking. It's about a 5 mile walk home, but that thought didn't even cross my mind. I put on some Passion worship music and began my journey. I walked the familiar road taking in all of the sights and sounds that I always miss from my car or a boda.

Children played and stopped only to look at me and wave. People worked, relaxed, and played along the way. Many people walk those roads and hike those hills everyday. I loved it. I didn't even mind as the sweat dripped because it was a beautiful time of worship. I passed two different wedding ceremonies in progress. Huge amounts of people dressed in their absolute best to celebrate a new stage in people's lives. I passed a couple of very tiny, adorable, baby goats that made me smile as they stumbled around and played.

When walking down the main road, bodas and matatus (taxis) kept stopping to offer me a ride, but I didn't even think twice about continuing my journey. I walked towards a large billboard which was a resting place for two giant Marabou Storks. They were perched high atop the billboard and they both had their wings spread. I'm pretty sure they were saying, "yeah? what's up? bring it on!" They looked so menacing, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud. It reminded me of Finding Nemo when those crabs are guarding the pipe where the bubbles come out saying, "hey! heeeey!!" So funny.

As I started up one of the bigger hills I was greeted by yet another wedding ceremony. This one was taking place on both sides of this tiny dirt road. It was awkward especially because I had to walk through covered in sweat as they were all sitting there looking so fancy. However no one cared or made faces... they didn't even laugh at my determination as I hike up past them.

It didn't take me near as long as I thought it would and it was incredibly refreshing amidst the craziness of my weekly schedule. I needed to clear my head and spend a day with the Jesus. Uganda has my heart in it's grip... and that's quite the feat considering how heavy my heart has been. I'm praying for clarity and obvious direction from the Lord. Would you pray with me?

One of the youth kids here had this to say about Uganda yesterday and I loved it: "Dirt roads, dust, little kids, makeshift toys, motorcycles, taxi's, and the heat of the sun shining down on us. You may not even know the name of this place. But I do. This is the very place I call home."

Here I am with Lino and Angelo at their going away party

And here I am with Lino just hours before I took them to the airport

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

2011-08-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

I just got home from a wonderful, 4 hour church service and ordination in the Africa Gospel Church. What a great day for AGC, WGM, and all those who pray and support these ministries! Both men love the Lord and are suited for their new titles as reverend! If I'm being completely honest though, I found myself very easily distracted during the service. In about 2.5 days Lino and Angelo step onto a plane to head to Canada for this school year. While I'm incredibly proud of these guys, I'm also very selfishly sad. As I've mentioned in previous posts, these two young men are very special to me. Lino is very much like a brother to me and it seems like we've been through a lot in the past 3 years.

I know these "good-byes" are not permanent, (in fact last night I warned them that if they don't keep up with me on skype and facebook they might just find me at their front door... it's only a 20 hour drive from Chicago) but that doesn't make them any easier. Living here with some of my Africa family missing has already started to pierce a hole in my heart and they haven't even left yet. Last night we had a going away party for the guys. We put together a slide show and then after it we all were asked to say a little something about the guys... either a memory or a word of encouragement. Everyone in the room took their turns laughing at memories and offering words of advice. Finally there were only 3 of us left: Jade, Shelah, and myself. I knew I was next, but I was NOT in the least excited about speaking. You all know that I don't mind speaking in front of groups, so it wasn't that I was scared... I just didn't know what to say. I fumbled my way through a little something about each of them, my prayers for them, and an "I love you", but it just didn't go well. I couldn't quite put to words or make people understand why these guys are so special to me. Then hearing Jade and Shelah talk about the guys, I couldn't hold it together anymore. Lino and Angelo hate when people cry and I know it made them uncomfortable, but what can you do?

Anyway, Wednesday morning at 6am I am joining the family and we are taking the guys to the airport. Shelah is flying with them to help them get settled in and start working on American visas for school holidays. They are going to be missed terribly and Wednesday morning (tuesday night around 11pm central time) is going to be a very rough morning for me and others. Would you all join me in praying for these boys, for their travel, adjustment, and souls? Pray for health and peace of mind. Pray that Godly men would just show up and mentor these boys. Pray for Godly friends and a church. Pray that they come to know Jesus as their personal Savior.

I'm grateful for people here who are understanding of how tough this is going to be. Wednesday when I get home from the airport I won't have time to be too sad because I'm going to hang out with a good friend, chat, watch Boy Meets World, and make cookies. Pretty sweet, right? Thanks in advance for the prayers. I'll post some pics of the going away party and other things soon. Much love!

A Walk with God

2011-08-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday I had a very relaxing, slow morning. I read for a long time, dozed on and off, and watched a few episodes of the Cosby show. By 2pm I was pretty restless and somewhat bored. I needed to get airtime (minutes) for my phone and I wanted to grab a few other things. I didn't have a car and didn't really want to spend money on a boda so I walked down the hill to a local shop. I purchased my airtime and started walking home, but I decided to walk past my road. With no plan I headed down the road with nothing but my phone in my pocket. The road was busy with cars and bodas speeding by and people walking along. I felt like it was a good opportunity to just walk with God and have a much needed conversation. As I was strolling along, two girls walked past me and greeted me. Their names were Mariam and Viola. We struck up a short conversation as we continued together down the road.

As we went, I felt the Lord prompting me to witness to them. I've been feeling so ineffective these days so I wrestled with God on this issue for a few minutes, but finally agreed. I asked them if they were born again (asking if someone is Christian is too broad here, everywhere for that matter). With a smile on her face, Mariam answered with a resounding, "yes!" I responded with the very typical, "praise the Lord," and she followed with an, "amen." We talked about church for a few minutes and then they branched off and headed a different way.

At first I was confused as to why God had prompted me to talk to these girls about faith in Jesus. If they already knew Him, then why should I witness to them? As I continued my stroll I prayed for the girls, for their families, and for their lives. I must have looked like a crazy person as a wide smile spread across my face at the realization that the meeting wasn't for them, it was for me. It was God's reminder that I'm really not here doing this alone even if that's how I feel sometimes. AND it's for a reason that I'm here... to minister to people like those sweet girls that I'll probably never see again. It's one thing to be surrounded by awesome missionaries, but quite another when they're all married with families or at completely different stages in their lives.

I like going on random hour-long walks with God. It makes me smile. Here's Isaiah 61:1-3. It's been a good reminder for me these days.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

Christina and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day... that turned into a pretty good day

2011-07-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of the book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"? I'm sure most of you have as it's a beloved children's book. It's actually quite funny, but on Thursday when the title of the book reflected my day perfectly I was not amused. It was one of those days when I clearly should have stayed in bed. From the moment I woke up, nothing seemed to go right and it was actually carrying over from the previous night. The previous night there were a few simple annoyances, like no electricity and then when I went to cook dinner on my gas stove... the gas ran out so my dinner was half-cooked. I went to bed annoyed at the thought of having to run out and get a new gas tank. On top of that I have guests here who had just arrived hours before the gas went out who weren't able to cook anything for themselves for dinner. AND the drinking water was empty, but I couldn't go get new water because... my car battery was dead, again, and I had to charge it before I could go to worship that evening and then hope it started after or I'd be walking home in the dark.

So anyways, back to Thursday. When I woke up I went over my to-do list in my head. The first item was to get fuel in the car and a new gas tank, then I would head to town to have the car battery changed. So after my morning routine of bandage changes, hot compresses (due to the "surgery" mentioned in the previous post), and showering I headed out the door and got in my car... which didn't start. So after not being able to eat breakfast because of no electricity and no gas, I was a bit frustrated to have to sit and wait to charge the battery yet again when I had just done it the night before. As I waited for the car to charge I dealt with someone asking for money and then I still had time, so I cut the dog's hair. Normally she sits nice and lets me do it, but for some reason Thursday was different and she did not cooperate very well. About 30 minutes later the battery was charged enough to start and I headed off to get fuel, a gas tank, a new battery, and clean drinking water. About 5 minutes after I began my journey I was stopped by the police in a speed trap, where there are no posted speed limits. It didn't matter to the officer who was yelling in my face that the speeds are not posted any where, he just continued to yell at me and fine me 100,000/=. There's no use arguing as a guest in this country, apparently you should just know the speed limits everywhere. So I headed off to the petrol station, fueled up my vehicle and got a new gas tank. I then headed to get clean drinking water and to John and Beth's house because I decided I wanted John to come figure out the battery with me. They weren't yet home when I arrived so I sat for about 20 minutes and waited for them.

By this point I was furious. Furious at the stupidity of the past 15 hours. I kept thinking if I had been in America, none of this would have happened. However just that simple thought broke my heart. I hate being annoyed at a place that I love so dearly. After thinking for a few minutes about my anger and disappointment, all emotions turned to sadness. There is no where in the world that I would rather be right now, but I allowed a few bad experiences to taint my heart. In reality none of those things are enough to keep me away from here. Even though we've been without electricity pretty much all week and even though a police officer was yelling at me for 20 minutes about something that I did unknowingly, it doesn't change that I love Uganda and I love Africa.

When Beth came home and saw the look on my face she asked me what happened and I told her all of my frustrations and grievances from the day. She told me it took her a couple of terms to no longer get annoyed at things and frustrated with Africa. I told her I hated that I was so upset by this and she said it was normal and eventually these little things don't bother you anymore. You just go with the flow and remember that you're not in America.

So John checked my batteries out (yes, there are two in my little diesel engine), he found that they were dry. We went and bought battery water, filled them up, and let it run. The battery couldn't hold charge without water in it and I didn't know to be checking to make sure it was there. So $2 later, the battery was fixed (so far so good) and I was on my way to class at the Centre of Hope. My visitors came with me and helped paint a mural on a wall there while I taught my class. My class was so good that day and we had a lot of fun. The lesson went well and I was blessed by the number of students who continually show up to my class. After class I took my guests home and went to hang out with Lino, Angelo, Saudi, and Francis. I really wanted to just chill and be with people who didn't frustrate me and who would remind me why I love being here. After a few very chill hours hanging with the guys and also having my own space, I was refreshed and renewed. I love being able to go there and make myself at home. Lino was sleeping in the tv room, Angelo was listening to music in his room, Saudi was studying and then watching the Cosby Show with me, and Francis came and watched for a bit too. They left me alone when I needed to be alone and made me laugh when I needed to laugh. I'm so grateful for them. :)

On Friday I went with my roommate to visit the home some of our students from the Centre of Hope. These students are some of the sweetest people I've ever known in my life. You may recall that I've mentioned them before, but they're a very large refugee family from an African country that's at war right now. Their religious background and culture, much different from my own has been interesting to learn about this year. I've learned a lot about SOM culture and we've had a blast sharing with each other. If you're on facebook you can look at my album from Women's Day in March. There are many lovely photos of the family in there. Anyways we arrived at were greeted with many kisses on the cheek as is the norm, even in class, we removed our shoes, and went into the house. We were promptly given seats and the hosting began.

First we were given juice, then we sat and chatted for a bit with everyone as more came home and the greetings continued. After a while a meal was served and it was grand. SOM food is filled with lots of yummy spices and it was very tasty. They had slaughtered a goat for us, so along with rice and veggies we ate lots of goat meat. Also, apparently goat stomach is a delicacy and it was prepared a bit differently from the meat. It was cooked with sauteed vegetables and served separately from the rest of the meat. Now as most of you know (if you've ever eaten a meal with me) that I have a major problem with textures. Anything that jiggles in the slightest or is slimy is a no no and makes me gag. Well the goat stomach was quite jiggly and they kept putting more and more on our plates (to show respect, no doubt), and let me tell you, I struggled. I began to pray for Jesus to help me just swallow and not gag or vomit in their living room. I'm sure you know, it's rude not to eat what you're served and thankfully Jesus helped me stomach the stomach. :) I wasn't able to eat a ton of it, but at least I was able to eat some and not offend anyone. They had been cooking and preparing all day and it was evident.

We continued to chat and they talked a lot about the current state of their home country. We met their little cousin who had just arrived with a gun shot wound to the stomach. She is only 11 years old and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She's now had 4 surgeries and is on lots of medication. They had her show us her belly and it's not only swollen as though she's swallowed a watermelon, she also has huge scars and part of her insides are outside because she can't use the bathroom. It was horrible to see and to know that she is one of thousands who are victims of war. It becomes very real when a child is standing before, not speaking English, but showing you her pain. The desperation in her eyes was gut wrenching and the pain was clear. They are traveling to Nairobi with her today to try to get better medical attention with the very little money that her mom has. She has been in this sick state for 7 months now and there's no end in sight. The evil of war strikes again and will continue until Jesus comes back. Come Lord, Jesus, come!

It was an honor to be invited and I know it was an honor for them to host us. They were just at our house a few weeks ago and we had a blast (photos are on facebook). Hopefully more photos of this visit will be up soon. Please pray for their lives, which are always in danger because of a terrorist group, pray for the little girl, pray for their souls to be saved.

Africa is amazing and beautiful, and it's broken and bleeding. When I think about it, it's not much different than America except it's broken in a different way. The people here blow my mind and I adore them so much! This continent with it's many, many different cultures and ways of life is phenomenal and awe-inspiring, thanks be to God. My hope is that even if you don't ever get to come and live here and experience the things that I've been able to, that you get a good picture of it through the honest words of my heart. Much love to you all.

Visas, A Birthday, and "Surgery"

2011-07-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Oh hey, end of July... when did you get here? This month has flown by and it's very hard to believe that next week is August. August means a lot of things for me right now, but I'll talk about that later. Since I last updated I've been pretty busy with life from donor relations to teaching my class at the Centre, to babysitting big boys, it's been hectic. You would think that I'd eventually just drop from lack of rest, but God's a lot stronger than me, thankfully! We had a team here, briefly and I was able to go out to Buvuma Island with them. This time around my experience was much less dramatic and a lot smoother. I was able to get through the day with no one offering to buy me as payment for something. :) I have had lots to do, but have been hindered by little things that seem to pop up each day. Regardless, God has been carrying me every single day and continues to speak through the noise.

Jade and Shelah have been in the States since mid-June and I've had the privilege of "babysitting big boys" as I like to call it. Lino and Angelo have had to stay here this summer instead of going to the States because they have been working on getting their Canadian visas and plane tickets are NOT cheap either. I'll explain the Canada thing later. Anyways, though I've not been staying at their house because it would be improper for a single female to stay on the same compound as 4 guys, I have been over there nearly every single day. My good friend, Francis is staying at the house with the guys, but has his own schedule too, so we've been working together to make sure the guys make good choices this summer without their guardians around. We've spent time swimming, playing basketball, and cooking lots of yummy food, but mostly we've been working. The guys have been working at the Centre of Hope tutoring, teaching, painting, cleaning, and being amazingly helpful. It's kept them on a regular schedule and pretty busy. I'm grateful for that because I don't like babysitting grown-ups! They have done a mostly fantastic job and have shown up for work each day. I'm so impressed with them and thankful for their work.

I'm also incredibly thankful to Jesus for this special time with Lino and Angelo because this fall they are heading off to Canada to finish high school. They were accepted into an international exchange program and just this week finally received their student visas into Canada for a year. This has been a huge prayer requests for months, ever since they were accepted into the program. It's not very easy for Sudanese citizens to gain visas, so I'm praising the Lord for His mighty hand in this situation. Many people were involved and helped in the process to expedite it and I'm sure it was by God's work. I'm thrilled for them to have this opportunity and also to get out of Kampala and away from the negative influences here! They have struggled a bit here and there with making the best choices and their friends here have played a major role in that, so I'm praying that as they leave this environment they'll fall into step with the right people. I'm praying even now that Jesus would bring some awesome, strong, faithful men and friends into their lives to influence them for the Lord. Join me, please.

So, as excited as I am... I'm also INCREDIBLY sad. Selfish, I know. I have a very special bond with Lino, largely because of my time with him last time I was in Uganda, but also due to relationship building this time. The guy is like my little brother and there's no one in Uganda that I would rather spend time with. He has been many things for me from a friend, to a student, to a punching bag like all little brothers are meant to be. We fight (play fight) all the time, but we laugh even more. Lino's favorite thing to talk to me about is music because our tastes are similar... he loves to debate on the best of the best in today's music industry. We've shared many very real and deep conversations about life, about how his heart is, about his life goals, and so much more. The idea of him not being around makes me want to cry right now and I still have another month with him. When I heard the news about the visas coming through on Monday I was of course excited with him, but after I hung up the phone I sat on my bed and cried. Just for a minute though, because then I went over to celebrate with the guys. On top of my relationship with Lino, is my relationship with Angelo. It's very delicate and this summer has been great for us. I know all about his life story, he's told me (like the other guys too) and that's caused a bit of sensitivity. Angelo is incredibly intelligent and a very sweet guy. I've enjoyed our recent conversations and the time we've been able to spend sharing and laughing. He's going to go very far in life if he stays focused and I know he can. I love Lino and Angelo with all my heart and am blessed by them every single day whether they know it or not. Will you pray for them, myself, Jade and Shelah, and everyone else who has been touched by them and will miss them so much? Pray for our hearts as they're so sad, yet so excited and proud. Pray for them as they embark on this awesome journey and adjust to life in the West (and in the frigid Canadian air).

That's enough of that... it's making me too sad. On to happier items! This past weekend was Lino's birthday so we kidnapped him for the day. We went to the house, told him to get ready, blindfolded him, and all piled into my car. We headed to Entebbe to spend the day at the lake. It was a very relaxing, chill afternoon by the water, chatting, laughing, eating, and playing. The weather was perfect thanks to the amazing breeze off the lake. The sun was bright and Lino was happy. After that we went home and cooked him dinner, bought some pop, I made homemade brownies, and we celebrated. It was so nice to get out of the city for just a little bit and spend some quality time together as a family. The next day I took Lino shopping at Owino, a large market in town to get some clothes as his present. At least he chose something warm for Canada... and something that says Chicago on it!

Heading out of town, I bought Lino some mangoes and a coke for the road. :)

Group at the beach

Singing Happy Birthday to the oldest "13 year old" I know

Showing off his new digs

On a totally different subject... a week ago I had "surgery" to get rid of an infection that I've had for over a year. Let me tell you how my day went that day. First you should know that I was just going to get a different antibiotic. I've been taking them on and off for months, but thought I just didn't have the right one. I was told that someone needed to use my car so I hopped on a boda and went to pick up my friend, Abraham, one of the Sudanese guys who said he would come with me. We got to the house, he hopped on the back of the boda and we headed off to IHK (International Hospital of Kampala). Now before I move on I should tell you that I did some research on the internet so obviously I was an expert at knowing how to cure myself. So upon arrival, I signed in, was sent to the cashier to pay before being seen, brought the receipt back to reception, and sat in the waiting area. After just about 10 minutes the doctor called me back. So we went back and I described my symptoms and told him all the different antibiotics that I had tried. I then suggested that something more than medicine was needed because that's what the websites said... and the web is the source of all knowledge. He thought for a minute and then brought us back to an area with a sign above it reading "casualty". This did not give me a good feeling at all, but I followed him to where the bed was a sat down. Abraham followed and I'm SO glad that he did because about 5 minutes later the doctor comes back in rolling a little cart with a bunch of sterile stuff on it. I didn't know what it all was, but I saw lots of needles and surgical tools.

The doctor had a little friend with him to assist him and that's when I knew it was going to hurt. He asked me to lay down and told me he was going to cut open the infection to drain it. So in the already very painful spot he began injecting local anesthetic to numb the area. The injection alone was enough to put me over the top. It hurt so bad!! Shots don't bother me in the least normally, but shots into an infected, painful area, with stuff that burns were horrible! Huge, jumbo tears betrayed me and started streaking down my face as I began to sweat from the pain. The next thing I know the doctor is poking me asking if the area is numb and even though my answer was no, he cut me. Squeezing Abraham's hand with all my strength I kept still so as not to cause any unnecessary cuts. After the cut was made there was a ton of pressure followed by lots more pain. After about 10 minutes though, he was finished and I was bandaged up and still shaking. Abraham wiped my face from the ridiculous mascara everywhere and 5 minutes later we were leaving. I had already called my boda guy and he was outside waiting to take us home. I was so grateful that Abraham came that day because I wasn't stable enough to get on a boda by myself and make it home, but I would have tried. With him there, there was no chance I'd fall even if I passed out or something. About 3 minutes into our drive home my phone was ringing and my friend, Francis was behind us in his car. We pulled over and he drove me the rest of the way home and then took Abraham home. I came home and was very glad that I brought some vicodin with me from the States. I took a vicodin and slept for the rest of the afternoon. That night I woke up at 3am with a high fever, covered in sweat, but I didn't want to eat anything to take another vicodin, so I just took some ibuprofen and laid there. At about 7 I fell back asleep until 10. That next day I was sore and it was hard to move, but was able to lay in bed most of the day. That night I was supposed to go sit with the guys while Francis was gone and they were great. They cooked dinner and we all just laid around and watched movies.

They didn't put stitches in order for the infection to continue to drain, so I've had an open hole for a week now. Unfortunately not all of it has drained and I may have to do it all over again. I'm praying for healing before that has to happen. My "Africa Mom", Beth is a nurse and has been taking care of me. And that's my latest medical adventure. I hope it didn't gross you out too much. Please pray for healing and pray that this is the last illness I encounter this year. I'm very tired of being sick! I just want to be healthy! Thanks friends! Much love to you!!

Chicken Slaughter

2011-07-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well Jodi and Jacob are back safely in America, bags and all. Sounds like they had a pretty uneventful trip home and that's just the way I like it. I know I've already said this, but having them here was a huge blessing. We had so much fun on safari and I really enjoyed the other days we had off when we were able to just be here and in the city. I loved showing them Kampala and what my life is about. I look back on our three weeks and think about all of the things that we did and saw and I'm amazed. Why amazed? For the most part everything went really well. We didn't have any major problems with anything. There are always a few things that come up that are annoying, but their trip here was relatively smooth. WGM people were great and very gracious. Jacob was able to stay on my compound, just next door the whole time instead of having to be down the hill from us. We had a blast having a water balloon fight with my neighbors and enjoying lunch with them. They were welcomed so nicely at retreat too.

My prayer now is that they are forever changed. I feel like I could have done a better job showing them why I love this place. I could have done better at not complaining when little things came up. Ultimately though, God is bigger than all of those things and I know He wants to show them big things. There is so much beauty here... in the smiles on people's faces as you walk by, in the scenery, in people's honest search and need for God. I hope they saw those things. One of the most important parts of my ministry is relationships and I'm really glad that they got to meet so many of the people I come in contact with every day. Between coming to some church services, hanging with Heritage students, coming to my ESL class at the Centre of Hope, and hanging with the Sudanese guys I hope they got a taste of what I do. I just have to keep reminding myself that Jesus is in control and will be glorified.

So aside from running sports camps, we were able to visit a baby home (orphanage), go to the Equator, buy a goat and some chickens, slaughter those chickens for dinner, go to the village, go on safari including a boat ride on the Nile river, and so many other things. It seems like everyday was an adventure. I especially liked killing the chickens... I was glad that they were able to experience that while here. Not that we don't do that in the States, but I feel like it's a bit different here. The new goat is curtesy of the support that Jodi and Jacob raised. His name is Lazarus. Here's hoping this one doesn't get stolen too. RIP Nico. Here's a lovely video of Lino and Hussein killing our dinner...

So after going nonstop for the past 3 weeks or so, I dropped the kids off at the airport at 6am Sunday morning. From there I came home, showered, and left for "visit day" for the Sudanese guys in boarding school. After I picked up Lino, we met Francis in town, and headed out to Abraham's school. We only spent about an hour there because we got permission to take him out of school for the day. The four of us then went to lunch at the mall (it was a really nice lunch for Abraham since all he's been eating at school is pocho.) and then went home and hung out for the afternoon. I left to go to a prayer meeting at five and then went right back to join everyone for volleyball and dinner. I left there at 9pm, came home and hung out with 3 former Heritage students until about 2:30am. Needless to say, I was exhausted from nearly a month of little to no sleep. I crashed heard, but was awoken by a 7am phone call (which I ignored) and then again at 9. So after about 6 good hours of sleep I got up and started my day of running errands. By about 2pm I was beyond exhausted, but we were having out 4th of July celebration/bbq as a mission at 4. I laid down for an hour because I had a ridiculous headache and then when 4 arrived it was back up and at 'em. At 9pm I couldn't hardly stay awake, even though we were playing a rousing game of 4 square on my patio. I went to my room got ready for bed and was asleep by about 9:30pm. I only woke up once when my roommate blew a fuse and my fan went off. I got up, switched the breaker and was back asleep within 10 minutes. I didn't wake up until 9am this morning. It was glorious! I spent most of the day cleaning and trying to catch up on emails. I'm still WAY behind, so please have patience with me. You're not forgotten!

Anyways, thank you for all who prayed for Jodi and Jacob's trip. I know we had some awesome prayer warriors and Jesus answered your prayers! I also want to thank those who have been praying for my health. The mono type symptoms that I had for a month are finally gone. I was kind of sick the first few days of last week and for a day of safari, but since then I've been fine. The headaches are much less intense and almost gone and I'm not feeling so exhausted anymore (aside from the lack of sleep thing). I'm thankful for the prayers and thankful to be feeling so much better. I'm at about 97%, which is a nerd thing to say, but I just did, so deal with it. :) Much love to you all!

Week Two

2011-06-21T10:26:00.001-07:00

Jodi and Jacob are here and we're having a blast!! We've been going non-stop for the past week and a half, but it's been great. The first week of sports camps down at the school went fairly well with just a few minor bumps along the way. The second week is off to a fantastic start and I'm thankful that it's a much more chill week. Having my youth kids here has been amazing and I'm incredibly thankful to the Lord for this awesome opportunity. I'm doing my best to give them an idea of what my life looks like from day to day, from the things that I do to the places I go. We've traveled by boda, gone to the market and bartered, cooked local food, hung out with my lovely Sudanese friends, taught ESL classes at the Centre of Hope, held and played with little tiny orphans, and studied the Bible together. I'm blessed beyond measure and loving every minute of this. It's almost a strange feeling to have people who are so familiar here with me mostly because the last time I was in Uganda, I didn't know these two.

God is so good and His plans are perfect. It's amazing to think about the way our relationships have formed and grown so quickly. Quickly enough to bring them 9,000 miles away from home to hang out with me. I know Jesus is using this time to bless all three of us and teach us new things. I'm really enjoying reading through the scriptures with them. Each evening we sit down and I read 2-4 chapters aloud to them. Even when there's no discussion, it's a blessing. I'm praying for their hearts to be forever changed like mine was after being here. I'm praying that they are experiencing and seing God in a new way every single day. When I walk down the road I'm usually so distracted by the beauty around me that I don't even think about the cars speeding by... I hope that they are just as in awe of the glory of God's creation as I am. It's such a joy to share a place that I love so deeply. It's been awesome for them to meet some of my friends that I've been talking about for the past year or so.

After we finish out this week of camps, we chill for the weekend and then head out on a three day safari. I know it's going to open their eyes even more. Just being out of the city will be a blessing. Please pray for safety on the roads as we travel and pray for health. Some of you may know this, but most don't... I've been sick for almost a month now. Nothing very serious, but I've just been completely exhausted and having headaches everyday. Nothing to stop me from doing ministry or going about daily life, but enough to make me sluggish. I've been tested for a certain illness and it was negative, which is a good thing. It may be a flare up of mono, which I had in college. I recently bought some antibiotics in case it's not viral, so we'll see what happens. Either way, I'd love some prayer for my health and for Jodi and Jacob as their tummies continue to adjust.

Thanks for your prayers and for the love you show through your support. I'm hoping to post some pics when I have more than ten minutes to sit and chill! Much love!

The Time is Nigh!!!

2011-06-09T12:06:00.001-07:00

I'm getting ready for bed right now, but thought I'd do a quick update. I'm currently in Entebbe, Uganda on the WGM Uganda field retreat. There are nearly 30 people here on the field. Lots of little ones... 7 under the age of 5. Yikes! We arrived today and so far so good. I'm really excited to be here and to have time to rest. I'm leading worship at 6 different sessions over the next 3 days, but beyond that I feel like there'll be plenty of time to chill. The best part about retreat though is that tomorrow morning (in about 10 hours) I get to head over to the airport and pick up Jacob and Jodi!!! It seriously seems like we were just talking about the idea of them coming and now they're almost here! Last I heard they were having some dinner in London and then heading back to the airport. I can't express how excited I am to share this place that I love so much with two people that I love so much! CHAMUKA!!! (means get excited!)

It's going to be really nice to be able to chat with them when I get home in 6 months and for them to understand much of what I'm talking about. I'm excited to share life with them, study the Word with them, and watch them experience some of the awesome ministries I get to be a part of here. I'm excited to watch them and their reactions to this culture that is at times very frustrating, but for the most part enjoyable. I'm excited for them to have this HUGE life experience here and I'm grateful to their parents for trusting me enough to let them travel 9,000 miles to do it. I'm praising the Lord for the way their funding came in and very happy with the responsibility that they took in order to make sure they could get here. Remembering back to being 19, I can't even imagine being focused enough to make a trip like this happen, also I'm not sure my parents would have said "yes". Who knows?

Anyways, all of that to say that I would love you guys to join me in praying for their trip. Pray for continued safety in travel, even while on the roads here. Pray for continued peace in Uganda and safety in the city. Pray for their health... physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Pray for them as their hearts and eyes are opened to the reality of daily life in a third world country. Pray for an easy adjustment with culture shock and such. Also pray for strong stomachs... we don't want any bathroom issues! Pray for their families at home and the possible anxiety that they're feeling. Pray that they would see God in a new and very real way; a way that draws them deeply into His presence with no way out. :)

Thank you all for supporting them with prayer and finances. I'm praising the Lord for your faithfulness and for the fact that you've said "yes" to serving God through these two amazing youth. We will try to keep you updated. Much love!

"They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky"

2011-05-29T23:57:00.000-07:00

This past week I read a book called "They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky." This was a read recommended by one of my youth kids in the States, Jodi. She and one other, Jacob are getting ready to come here to Kampala for 3 weeks. In the process of preparing to come Jodi decided to read this book. When she first suggested that I read it, I told her I would have to wait until my Sudanese friends were back in boarding school from their holiday because I knew it would be too difficult to read with them home. The book is the true story of three Lost Boys from Sudan. It is written from their perspectives and follows their stories both individually and together. I went online, downloaded it from Amazon for my kindle app for about $7 and waited.

I was right to read it after they left for school last week... however it's the ones who aren't in boarding school, who I see every day that this book made me think of. Months ago I sat down with each of the guys individually and they told me their life stories. All but two of the stories I heard were of the life of a child soldier. Those two (non-child soldiers) were stories of childhoods lost to the war, families decimated and nonexistent. These two stories that I had already known most of the details of were played out in my mind as I read through this book. The horrors that these three boys in the book faced, two boys who I love dearly faced as well. They were there. They are lost boys.

I didn't even make it through the introduction of the book without feeling sickened. As I read I could see my guy's faces, hear their cries, and understand a bit more about the pain in their hearts. I've known these guys for over three years... I've been their teacher, their friend. I've seen them go through some incredibly difficult times. I've shared life with them and somehow mentored them. God placed me in their lives and I'm so grateful for that. It's not been with ease though. There have been days when the sadness is so thick on their faces that I have to look away. You can see a change in their features when their minds are hundreds of miles north of here.

This weekend I house-sat for the guardians of the guys. They were out of town, so I hung with the guys and their younger "siblings" and made sure order was kept. It was a fairly easy task because they're all pretty good kids. One of the guys and I had a really good, serious conversation about where he's at and what's going on in his head and heart. He's my buddy so it's easy to be honest with him and tell him things like they are. It was really good to catch up a bit and really know how he's doing. Life always gets so busy and we don't always talk about matters of the heart.

Anyways, yesterday before I left for the afternoon I was helping him type up the beginning of his life story while he studied away for finals. He had just the beginning written out and asked me to help with an introduction. I asked some clarifying questions and began writing. After the first few sentences a couple of tears streamed silently down my face. As I wrote the truth of his story down I couldn't help but feel utterly helpless. I have this overwhelming desire to protect him as though he hasn't seen more in his short life time than I ever will in mine. Hearing my pause in typing, he looked up probably to make a sassy remark about me not working and saw that I had tears on my face. This is a no-no because he hates it when people are upset. He just looked at me for a minute and then went back to studying for his finals, not knowing what to say. When I finished typing up what he has written I was getting ready to leave, gathering my things. We talked for a while; I explained my sadness and I saw that same sadness echoed in his eyes.

All of that to say that I HIGHLY recommend reading "They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky". Some of you have heard tiny pieces of stories from me and others. Some of you can remember the stories on the news. This book, though difficult to read because of the subject matter is fantastically written and very informative. As hard as it was for me because I know some of these boys personally, I can't express how important I think it is for people to read this book. I've promised the guys that I won't tell their stories without their permission and I stand by that. However to get a glimpse of the lives of a couple of these guys, read this book. Some of my guys were child soldiers and some weren't... I don't know which life is more horrific. I do know that there is hope in Jesus Christ and my prayer for each of the guys is that they would find this Hope Everlasting. That they would know Jesus and be free. Would you join me in praying for them?

Click on the link above to purchase the book. Much love!

Love and Hate

2011-05-22T02:41:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy since my plumbing adventure. Life moves so quickly here. I've been here for five months, but it really seems like I just got here. Maybe it's because there was never a huge adjustment. I didn't have to "get back in the swing of things" because coming back here was like coming home. I don't know. Regardless, I'm incredibly excited for my two youth kids, Jodi and Jacob to get here. They arrive in 3 weeks!! Their time is going to be busy and it's sure to make my time fly too. I can't wait! :)

Classes at the Center are still going well. My reading and writing class has been advancing nicely. We are all so comfortable with one another now that they aren't as shy about speaking and they seem to be getting a lot out of the class. I recently subbed for a beginner's class and was blown away by how far along my class seems to be. ESL is definitely not an easy thing to teach. English is a difficult language!

Anyways, I've been staying busy with lots of donor relations, marketing, and other correspondence lately. I think things are going pretty well with all of that. It keeps me busy for sure. I don't have a normal, set schedule every week with the exception of teaching, but somehow it works.

I was blessed to be able to skype with my family last weekend... my whole family as my dad is back from Arizona for the summer now. They had Alexandria's birthday party the day after Dad got home so he could be there. I loved talking to the girls and it was nice to finally "see" my dad again too. Skype is such an amazing gift. I've actually not been awesome at keeping in contact lately, but I do enjoy the fact that I can call people for free or super cheap thanks to decent internet this time. Knowing Jodi and Jacob are coming I've started buying gifts to send home with them. I've found lots of cute little outfits for the girls.

This past Friday was a blessing because two former Heritage students are home for the summer. They are both currently university students in Canada and the US and I haven't seen them since 2009. We surprised one of the current seniors by pulling her out of school for a morning of shopping at Friday market (which she had never been to) and going out to lunch. She is good friends with the two that have just arrived back and we had a blast. Lots of laughter and catch up time ensued as we perused the market. With the senior graduating in a couple of weeks and leaving to go to the States for college, it was nice to find some time to hang.

So anyways, I recently just discovered something that I hate and I thought I'd share it with you. Doesn't this sound pleasant? Convinced to read on? :)

I don't like the word the hate at all, but in this case I think it's the only way to express my emotions on the subject. Someone that I care a lot about came out and told me that he loves me. Now... I know you're thinking that I'm cold-hearted or something, but please give me a minute to explain. I hated it because I don't feel the same way and even though I wanted to lie and say that I did so as not to hurt his feelings, I just couldn't. I hate that I broke someone's heart... knowingly. I hate that someone made themselves completely vulnerable before me and I had to shoot them down. It was so difficult and I felt terrible. For those who know me well you know that it takes a whole lot to make me upset enough to cry, I mean a lot. However I couldn't help but sit there and cry because I know the pain he was feeling due to my response. It's super flattering for someone to express such a deep and real emotion to you. It's an awesome feeling to have someone love you so much, but I didn't feel anything but sad because of it. He definitely deserves someone who will love him back in a way that I just can't. He's an awesome guy, a great friend, and someone I care a whole lot about. Ugh. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to change how you feel so you don't have to hurt anyone. I haven't figured out how to do that yet though and it probably wouldn't help in the long run anyways.

I understand his pain... maybe even more than he does through my own personal experience. I know he'll be ok at some point because I'm ok and that's what is keeping me from wanting to cry right now. Luckily, I think the friendship can stay in tact just fine. I'm praying for his heart to heal quickly.

God is good. His character is good. He's loving and unfailing. His love is perfect and mind-blowing. I'm thankful to be loved by God and so many others. I'm blessed beyond measure. Thank you Jesus for the way that You love me, so I can love others.

Plumber's Butt

2011-05-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

Last week while doing dishes I discovered that our sink was draining rather slowly. By the time I was done with the dishes it wasn't draining at all. I decided to forget about the drain and go about my day. About 8 hours later I returned home to find that the water had eventually drained, leaving the sink full of nasty debris. I turned the water on just a bit to rise the nastiness out and it still refused to drain. What happens when 4 people want to cook and eat? The sink fills with dishes pretty quickly. And if those dishes aren't done immediately the ants come. And when the ants come they come with the power of a thousand men. (Ok maybe I'm exaggerating, but just a little.)

So this morning one of my roommates decided to tackle the dishes in the laundry room sink. Genius, right? But there was still the matter of the kitchen sink. So after I cooked myself some very yummy Sudanese food (I've been learning from some of the best), ate, and washed my dishes in the laundry room I decided it was time to try to figure out something with the sink. At this point there was standing water/vinegar/baking soda/draino as we tried a home remedy and then a store bought one. There was no drainage happening at all. So I got a bucket and got to work with the help of my roommate, Jean. I began to unscrew the first two pipes and the water/vinegar/baking soda/draino mix came pouring out. Arms covered in goo, I continued to unscrew the next pipe down. More muck and slim came out of that portion of the pipe at well. And then the smell came. I'm talking the type of smell that makes your nose hairs cringe in fear. It was foul. Jean began to gag so I asked her to leave because the gagging makes me sick.

At this point all four of us roommates are fleeing the kitchen because of the smell. I decided that we couldn't just leave the putrid stench pouring out of the pipes. So we gathered the bucket of poo-like water and went outside to dig stuff out of the pipes. We got a good amount of rotting food and other nasty things out, dumped the grotesque liquid, grabbed a stick and went back into the house. With the stench still coming from the pipes I proceeded to dig with the stick and pull out globs of disgusting, black ooze. With my audience behind me I struggled to not run out of the room due to the nastiness of the situation. It had to be done if we wanted to be able to use the kitchen sink though. After all of the horrible stuff was disposed of, we then had the task of trying to put everything back together again.

I sat on the floor and put the pieces of our sink back together, making sure all of the slimy seals were in place to ensure no leakage. As I sat, there was a cool breeze and with the help of my roommates I discovered that I had plumber's butt... not as bad as we generally stereotype plumbers to have. In fact, just a bit of my underwear was showing. However, it was hilarious and we all got a kick out of it. Just another day here in Uganda. This is one of the many reasons that I love it here.

Sure we could have waited and called a plumber and if I was in the U.S. I would have called my brother, brother-in-law, or dad, but it was worth a try. We now have a sink that drains and a smelly house. I think the former makes the latter worth it. It's somehow rewarding to say that we were able to unclog a nasty drain with no help. It also makes for a fun story. :) I hope you enjoyed.

A quick update about the riot situation... This past week was very calm and we had no riots. However, this week will most likely be full of unrest as the president-elect is inaugurated back into office. Please keep Uganda in your prayers. We are prepared and aware at all times so no worries, but do pray. Thanks!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom and Liz! I love you!

Lots of Lessons

2011-05-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's a cool, cloudy morning here in Kampala. I'm actually sitting under a blanket as I write this and I like it. Things are calm in town and I'm thankful for peace, for the moment at least. I'm sure many of you have heard or read about the rioting going on here. While I won't offer my opinion on the cause of the riots I will say that they have been quite inconvenient. I guess it's a bit silly, but when you have plans to do something and they get marred by tear gas it's frustrating. The riots are pretty contained and we almost always know the areas that they will be in because they begin as peaceful protests. All in all I've never felt unsafe due to the unrest. Friday I was holed up at a friend's compound because rioting broke out on a main road and it's always smart to take precautions. It's never reached the area where I live and I'm guessing that it won't. Regardless, there is a contingency plan in place in case of emergency and we are equipped to handle these kinds of situations. I say all of that to bring comfort to those who constantly worry. I imagine it's difficult being a parent or a parent-type and hearing about chaos in a foreign country where your daughter lives. Please just continue to pray for peace in this country and around the world.

The news that broke yesterday is more of a reason to worry than riots here in town. It's the opinion of some around here that Americans made a mistake and that they're bad people. We received the travel warning for US citizens from the US Embassy yesterday and have been urged to use extreme caution when out and about. Who knew being an American would make you a target? I'm relying on the fact that my skin isn't as pasty as those around me. :) The moral of the story? We need to be on our knees praying for this world. We need to gather as the body of Christ, unified in the name of Jesus, and pray. Prayer is so underutilized, but it's our strongest weapon. We have the power to pray and change lives, but often don't do it because we lack boldness and focus. I'm including myself in the category, btw.

Let me step down from this soapbox now and update you on what I've been up to. As is the norm for me I've been busy. Teaching at the Center is going well and as you all know my class is awesome. One of my students has been ill so I've been to the clinic with her and I'm trying to figure out the best way move forward. It's difficult to help someone who is not a fan of doctors and western-type medicine. It goes against people's culture to treat for certain things as well. Would you pray for healing in this sweet teenager's life? Physical and spiritual. This would be my prayer for all of my friends and students at the Center. Worship seems to be going well and I'm just praying that the language barrier isn't preventing the truth from being heard. Oh Babel.

I've spent much of my time in the last two weeks with my good friends the Ackers and the Sudanese guys. The guys are home from boarding school on holiday and it's been great to sit down and catch up and also learn so much more about them. I've been entrusted with the life stories of two more of the guys. Just like with the others, it's not been easy to listen to, but very eye opening and revealing. I've spent lots of time laughing and playing with the guys too. We all play volleyball, soccer, basketball, Uno, spoons, and other games. There have been little outbursts of dancing (not from me, I can't dance), lots of yummy Sudanese cooking, and best of all... lots of good conversations.
Some of the guys getting ready for the Easter egg hunt

Lino and I after the hunt... he was sad to only get candy, no money

Abraham ended up with the most stuff :)

Now, you know I always spend time with Lino and the others who are not in boarding school and it's always great. This time though, with these others home from school has really got me thinking. Everyday as I chat with the guys I learn something new about African culture. I can't even begin to tell you how much understanding I have gained since sitting down with these guys. I've learned about and got the thoughts behind a man and woman's role in the home and in society, about marriage and what's expected, about mzungus (white people) and the generalizations that come with being white, about America, about Sudan, Uganda, Kenya, Eritrea, and Ethiopia, about language, about country leadership, about real village life and expectations. Hours have been spent listening to the way life really is out in the bush. The reality of how life is viewed and valued, or not valued at all. How love relates to marriage for some, but not for many. How western influence has been both good and bad for Africans. I feel like I've learned more in the last two weeks than I have in the past few years living in Africa.

It's been so very interesting to gain a bit of understanding. We've talked through different scenarios involving mzungus in their culture. I've learned and haven't even fully understood what it truly means to have nothing and to really not have any idea when you might have another meal. The stories have been informative and intriguing and also heartbreaking. The more I learn, the more I want be immersed in this culture. There are things that I would love to see changed yet there are other things that we could really learn from. I'm still trying to wrap me head around a lot of what I've been learning. I'm incredibly thankful for my friendships with the guys and count myself lucky know each of them. I feel so very burdened for each of them and the more I get to know them the more urgent the burden feels. I would love for you to pray with me for their souls. They don't know Jesus and the reality of their eternity is in the front of my mind every time I'm with them. These men need Jesus.

Other ministries are busy and seem to be going well. Projects are moving forward and though there is much to be done in the next 8 or 9 months, things are where they need to be. In about a month from now my youth kids, Jodi and Jacob will be here and I couldn't be more excited! I can't wait to show them this place that I love and introduce them to the people who have stolen my heart. They will be helping me run some camps down at Heritage International School along with some of the high school students from the school. Together they will have a soccer, basketball, music, and VBS camp. The camps will run for two weeks and then we will be able to take a safari at Murchison Falls. Would you join me in praying for their ministry while they're here, for their health, and of course for safety and peace. I'm hoping that all is calm by then, but we'll see.

Oh, one more thing... I'm SO grateful for the internet! Thanks to skype I got to watch Alexandria blow out her birthday candles on her 4th birthday with the whole family. It was so fun to be "in" the same room with everyone and sing to my precious niece. Praise the Lord for technology!

Let me know how I can be praying for you, please! Much love!

Down... Not Out

2011-04-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

In a few hours it will be Sunday for me. The promise of a new week is glorious right now. It means that last week is done and gone and that I can move forward. Have you ever had one of those weeks when the weekend seems so far off it's almost just a dream? That was my week this past week. Sunday I was sick and in bed most of the day. When Monday came I wasn't feeling much better, but I was a part of a training conference so I had to face the day with a smile. The conference was all week from 8-5:30. All in all it went well. I met some very lovely people working with the Africa Gospel Church, I enjoyed catch-up time with some that I already knew, and got to see people's unabashed enthusiasm for Jesus and for His Kingdom to be furthered. Praise the Lord.

So even though the conference was good, I found myself very easily distracted. This might have been because the conference was held under a tin roof with hardly any air circulation. I'm not just talking a bit warm. I'm talking equatorial sun beating down on a tin roof that in turn radiates heat onto every inch of your body. Even the bible in my lap was hot from the roof's heat. The week was full of other stuff as well. I'm still teaching at the Center of Hope... twice a week now and of course I love it. My class is by far the best class there. :) Also we are still doing the Wednesday night worship service which is going really well. We're now doing storying for the message and I really think everyone likes it a lot. As I've said before, many who attend are not Christians and storying is a great way to teach the bible. I've enjoyed it a lot so far. This month is a bit hectic for WGM folk because there are so many people coming and going. We've had so many visitors and other people arrive that we've been very busy hosting for meals.

Life has just been very busy. Not bad, not stressful, just busy. Ministry has been going very well and I love knowing that I'm where I'm supposed to be. You know who does not love that I'm in God's will? Satan. And to be honest he's been working over time to bring me down. Unfortunately it's worked a bit. Since all has been going well and I'm somehow a threat and a bunch of new things have popped up just in the past week that are enough to bring me down. Sometimes we are asked to do things by God and we know they won't be easy, but we know they're right. So in doing things that I know are right I'm also paying the consequences of other people's reactions. I can't control how other's respond, but it's still been difficult for someone like me, who's all about relationships. On top of that I keep finding out little things here and there that discourage me.

Since I'm so relational it bugs me when someone writes me off. I just found out that I'm being stifled from doing some stuff because of someone's opinion of me based on something that happened years ago. It just seems silly. I know this is all very vague, but I guess I'm just asking for prayer. I'm trying to be graceful and to do exactly what Jesus wants and because of that I'm finding myself under attack. Would you join me in praying against the evil one? Against his lies and his efforts of disunity amongst God's people?

This is really what I've been focused on all week. God is so good and so faithful and it's refreshing to rest in Him. The only thing that got me through was little times here and there spent in the quiet of His presence. I never want to be too busy to pray. I never want to be too busy to seek the Lord and be in His will. Psalm 63 is probably my favorite Psalm and it's been a great comfort. I encourage you to read it today.

So while I've been a bit down, I'm definitely not out. I'm really looking forward to Holy week and celebrating the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm looking forward to an evening of worship Thursday night with a great group of people. I'm trusting the Lord and remembering His promises to me.

One last thing... I just want to remind you how much I love Uganda. I love being here and serving here. I love early morning boda rides when the breeze is still cool and people are moving about preparing for their day ahead. I love the beauty of the tropical land where I live. I love the smells of the morning dew. I took a boda to the conference a few days this week instead of driving. One day on the way home it was beginning to rain a bit, but I loved it. I loved the "cold" air hitting my wet face. My boda driver doesn't even think twice about maybe stopping because it's raining... he knows that I'd rather keep going and ride in the rain. The way that the storms roll in over the hills of Kampala during the rainy season is like artwork. There's so much beauty in the dark, looming clouds, the loud rolls of thunders, and the fierce strikes of lightening. I love coming over the top of Tank Hill and seeing Lake Victoria glittering in the sunlight. I even love the hectic roads... walking up hills with roads only wide enough for a car and a half to fit, having to jump out of the way of on coming cars. I love the little lizards that live in my house with me. It's like having pets that I don't have to care for. I love that when I go visit my goat the little children who live around him run to find him and bring him to me. They love to laugh at me as a pick Nico up and play with him. I love those short times of fellowship when a language barrier doesn't even matter because a loving smile is enough. I love laughing and joking with my "Uganda family". I love playing Uno with the Sudanese guys, knowing that they are cheating and calling them out when I see it. I love seeing people raise their arms high to Jesus, exalting His name. I love Uganda.

Toilet Trials... ;)

2011-04-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

I've arrived back in Kampala and I'm so very glad to be home! I was introduced to many awesome ministries in Kenya and I'm very excited to share about them with you. Just not tonight. Tonight I thought I'd share something that has affected me greatly. It's tough for me to even think about right now, but there's value is sharing in each other's trials. So here you go...

The drive from Kenya is a long one. We had already traveled about 7 or 8 hours, crossed the border back into Uganda, and were only about two hours from Kampala when I realized how full my bladder was. We stopped at a gas station in Jinja to grab some snacks, use the potty, and fuel up before the last leg of our journey. I try my best to not drink much if anything while on the road here because the toilets are what I like to call squatty potties. Basically a hole in the ground of the stall. The smell itself is enough to keep me away, but I knew that if I waited two more hours it would not be a pleasant trip. (Roads around Kampala are full of giant, car-eating potholes, it's enough to make the strongest bladder shiver in fear.)

Naturally I carry a roll of toilet paper because there's about a 1% chance that a toilet is equipped with some. So with my TP in hand I ventured off behind the gas station to the "toilets". I opened the first stall that I came to, as they're unisex, and stepped up onto the tile. The first thing I noticed, besides the pungent odor was that the floor was all wet. I'm not talking just right around the hole, the entire stall was wet. I don't know if there were many people before me who completely missed or what, but it was gross. By this time I had to go so bad that it didn't matter. I was already in the stall, I might as well follow through. So I assumed the position, relieved my bladder, and went to head out.

It's at this point in story that I feel compelled to tell you that I was wearing flip flops. Not new ones, three year old flip flops. It's good to be comfy when you travel, right?

So with wet flip flops I put my right foot out to step down onto the cement and be on my merry way back into clean air. Well... the first step is a "doozy" as they say. As soon as my foot touched the glossy, smooth cement it went sliding away from me. What happened next happened so quickly that I don't even remember how I got back on my feet. Of course I slipped and fell; the upper half of me landed in the hepatitis, pee-filled stall and the lower half landed on the ground outside. I don't know how I got up so quickly, but in what seemed like less time than it took me to fall I was back on my feet. The only thing running through my mind was, "I just landed in pee!!" I didn't even think about the pain until I was upright and limping around to the front of the gas station to buy my Mountain Dew. It was then that I looked down, saw the blood on my foot, and realized that I was hurting.

So before I went into the little shop I did a survey of the damage. My big toe on my right foot was bleeding and I couldn't really bend it. My right ankle was sore, but I rolled it about a month ago so I didn't think too much of that. Then I tried to think how I landed because I was pretty sore all over already, but it all happened so fast and I just wanted to get out of the pee so I hadn't even thought it through yet. My left arm had a scrap and was in a good amount of pain, but I knew nothing was broken. I decided to suck it up and move on as though nothing happened. Luckily there wasn't anyone else back by the toilets; no witnesses was a good thing as I'm sure I looked ridiculous. However as I entered the shop I couldn't help but start giggling about what I had just done. Yes I was in pain and totally horrified to be covered in pee, but in reality if I had seen someone wipe out like I did I would have been cracking up. I explained to the others what had just happened, we bought our snacks, and continued our journey home.

As I got back in the car, after I sanitized my hands I began to think about the fact that I could have been hurt a lot worse. By the way I landed on the step I could have either hit my head and been knocked out or broken my left arm. I was so thankful to Jesus that I walked away with just a sprained toe and sore ankle. My mom broke both of her arms slipping on ice this winter, had to have surgery, and is still in physical therapy because of it.

Anyways, after sitting in Kampala traffic we made it home safely. I walked into my house, dropped my bags, said a quick hello to the new roommates, and went and took a shower. When I woke up the next morning my left arm was covered in huge dark bruises. I don't bruise easily and it still looks like I've been beaten, but all in all I'm ok.

So why did I decide to tell you all this embarrassing story? Mainly because it's funny! If something like this happened to you I would expect you to tell me so that I could get a good laugh too. :) I don't get embarrassed that easy and I'm clumsy... we should all benefit from my silly misfortune, right? I hope you've gotten a good mental picture and have been able to laugh a bit. The next time I road trip it in Africa I'm wearing my Nikes.

What can I do??

2011-03-28T05:38:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks have flown by and it's really hard to believe that I've already been in Uganda for over 2 months. With April coming my schedule doesn't seem to be slowing down, but what fun would that be, right? Since I last updated it seems like a million things have come up that I've wanted to post about, but now that I have a minute to sit down and write none of those things are coming to me. Here's a brief update though...

My class at the Center of Hope is going really well and I love my students more each time we meet. I subbed for a friend's class last week and loved her students too. I am blessed to be surrounded by some of the sweetest people I've ever met. These refugees are fantastic and in getting to know them and hearing their stories I find myself completely overwhelmed with the great need this world is in. The worship service has been going well on Wednesday nights and the Lord is moving in big ways. I'm very thankful to Jesus for worship on Wednesdays. The week of the 14th was a very rough week for me. Without going into much detail to protect others, there is a bit of an issue with a youth kid here and I am really needing prayer in the situation. Healing needs to take place, but mostly lives need to surrender to Jesus. I'm reminded more and more that it's not about what I can do, it's about surrendering and allowing God to work. I've found myself on my knees, crying out for the youth very often lately and I'm imploring you to do the same. My heart is beyond broken and the burden I feel is huge. Just as I was typing that out the Spirit reminded me...

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Amen, yeah? Yeah. So other than those few things I actually had the chance to take an unexpected vacation last week. Heritage International School was on Spring Break last week which meant all of my teacher friends had time off too. A few of them decided to take a 22 hour bus ride to the coast in Kenya. I joined them and spent 5 days in Mombasa hanging on the beach, snorkeling the reefs in the crystal clear water of the Indian Ocean, and avoiding beach hawkers. I did indeed kiss another camel... they're just too cute. For those of you who followed the blog last time I was here you know I rode a camel which was a life goal of mine. I know... my life goals are just so lofty, aren't they? :) Over all we had a good time. Mombasa is HOT and humid pretty much all the time, but we found a cheap hotel with air conditioning. What a blessing! The last night we stayed at a guest house in Mombasa town. Let's just say it wasn't as nice. Ok, but really it was filthy and sweltering. We didn't get much sleep that night, but it was ok because we spent the next day back at the beach. That next night we hopped on an over night bus back to Nairobi. Not even two benadryl helped me sleep, so by the time we got to Nairobi I was exhausted.

I'm currently in Nairobi doing some work for WGM. It just worked out that I could schedule some meetings here and up country in Kericho before heading back to Kampala. Being here is such a treat... they have everything! Well almost everything. No McDonald's or anything like that. It's just very upscale here compared to Kampala, so it's nice to drive on mostly smooth roads that aren't as covered with trash. They have some really nice restaurants too. Also it's about 10-15 degrees cooler here because it's a higher altitude. Yay for being able to straighten my hair a bit. HOWEVER I do have to say that I much prefer Kampala and I'm missing being there right now. Not only do I miss my friends, but I miss the comforts of my second home. I like being able to hop on a boda and shoot off somewhere. I like seeing familiar faces with huge smiles that light up my days. I like being "home".

Since being here I've been shadowing one of the WGM missionaries who has been here for about 30 years. She's been showing me one of the ministries that she's heavily involved in and helping me to get a good idea of what her life is like day to day. My goal is to assist her and the other WGM missionaries throughout Africa to market their ministries. I'm trying to help them keep their supporters very updated and involved in their ministries. Raising awareness is difficult when you are busy all the time and it's tough to keep all of your supporters up to date, but hopefully with some new printed and web material we'll be more effective at keeping you all posted on things here.

Today we went to a couple of hospitals and orphanages. Obviously I'm not a nurse like these missionaries, but just following them around and watching them work was overwhelming. Like I was saying before, there's SO much work to be done and it's not just in Kenya, Uganda, or just in Africa. It's everywhere. I met a boy today who would have died if it weren't for a missionary discovering an illness. I shook hands with and hugged countless kids and youth who are HIV+ and have AIDs. I heard stories of how and why they are in the situations that they are in. You guys... it's heartbreaking. The longer I'm here, the more stories I hear, the more people I want to help. It's never ending. I'm realizing that I can't fix everything for everyone. I can't solve the world's problems no matter how badly I want to. Tomorrow I'm going into the biggest slum in all of Africa. Imagine... over a million people crammed into a very small area, living in filth, starving, and dying of AIDs and malaria. I can't even think about what I'm going to be feeling tomorrow as I walk through there in my Nikes, with my wallet full of cash, full belly from breakfast, and iPod in my purse.

There is too much need for people to be just sitting around. If every single person did something every day, how much could we change? Even more, if every single person was living out the Great Commission how many more souls would be saved? God provides. He calls His people into obedience and provides.

My heart breaks more every day. The more I invest into people's lives and hear their stories, the more broken I feel. Jesus came and died to save us. He heals the sick and broken. Knowing His healing power and saving grace is the only thing that gets me through each day. I was never promised that it would be easy, but I know that it's worth it. Every time I see a smile on one of the refugee's faces or watch the Sudanese guys strive for greatness from brokenness, I'm reminded of why I'm here. The youth, the refugees, my friends, my family... they need to know Jesus.

Pour Yourself our Spirit, come Jesus.

Women's Day and Hungry Boys

2011-03-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

This past Tuesday was International Women's Day. At the Center of Hope I helped to organize and run the celebration which included women from many different nations. My main job was to preach on John 4, the story of the woman at the well. As I was preparing my message for Tuesday I knew that I had a huge job before me. You see, most of the women who were attending the celebration were of other faiths. They come from countries and backgrounds that execute them if they convert. Many of these women are in my class and also come to the Wednesday night worship service that I lead, so I've gotten to know them a bit over the past two months and I love them! I wrestled with the idea of someone losing a life because of a message that they hear whether it be from me or anyone. So as I was praying on how to speak to these women, God gave me a peace and simply asked me to trust Him. He reminded me that it is great to die knowing Him than to live not knowing Him. It's still so difficult for me to think about because I've never been threatened with death because of my faith. I do know that there are thousands if not millions of people around the world living in places where it is illegal to speak the name Jesus Christ. Where they have to sneak around and only worship at night in hidden places in order to spare their lives. I'm blessed to have always lived in a place where I can worship the One true God freely, without hesitation.

To be honest with you, I don't remember the exact words that I said, but I do know that the Holy Spirit was present and stirring hearts. The words were not my own... something I prayed for and I know many of you prayed for as well. The celebration included women from 5 different countries. I've never been in the presence of such strong women in my entire life. One of the activities that we had them do was to break up into their countries and write out an example of a day in the life of a women from their culture. From the time they wake to the time they sleep, what does a day look like. I learned so much about each of the cultures and it was so amazing to hear the stories of strength and life from each of the women. It was very cool to see peoples faces as they somehow related to each other's struggles and triumphs. They understood what it was like because they themselves have similar stories. The discipline and the courage it takes to be a woman of their cultures is incredible. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I've never been more inspired than I was this past Tuesday. I spent 5 or 6 hours with about 50 women who blew my mind.

It wasn't all about what women do though, it was a celebration... so we danced, ate traditional food, drank pop and Eritrean coffee roasted right in front of us, we had henna applied, and we had a fashion show. The laughter shared was refreshing. We had SO much fun.

So when it came time for me to preach, there was no need to be nervous even though all of these people were there risking their lives. God was in control of the whole situation. So I stood before them, told them I was a follower of Christ, and that I would be sharing from the bible which is the true Word of God. I read them the story of the woman at the well. I talked through the Samaritan woman's life, how Jesus knew the truth about her, pointed it out, went out of His way to meet her where she was. I talked about the fact that rabbis were not permitted to speak with women, even their own family in public. And the somehow, it all tied into the fact that we're all adopted into God's family and He is seeking us out. Again, I don't remember all of what I said because it wasn't me, but I do know that the women heard what was said and I'm trusting that seeds were planted in some hearts. Will you join me in praying for these women, for their souls, for their lives?

So aside from Women's Day I've been incredibly busy with lots of other stuff from teaching at the Center of Hope, to working on the Buvuma Island Orphan project, to hanging out with youth and students. It's been really nice to spend so much time with youth again, especially Lino and Angelo. As a "thank you" for sharing their stories with me I took some of the guys out for an all-you-can-eat Mongolian BBQ dinner at a country club here. It's a really nice place and if it were in the States it would easily be $35 per person, but I only paid about $15 per guy including two bottles of pop each (no free refills in Africa). In preparation for the ridiculous amount of food to be eaten, I kept my consumption for the day to a bottle of Coke and a little bit of bread. I wanted to challenge the guys to an eating contest. I knew I would loose, but I still wanted to try. By the time we went through the line and filled our first plates up, mine was only half as full as their's were so I had already lost. While we waited for our food to be cooked we laughed and had a good time. I love spending time with those guys, there's never a dull moment. In the end Lino and Hussein ate the most, nearly triple what I was able to eat. So beyond the large amounts of yummy food we ate, it was a good time of relaxing and just hanging out with some awesome guys. Would you join me in praying for their hearts and souls as well??

Round 1

Lino is still smiling before round 2

Taban and I after we were finished

Lino and I (how can he still smile?? yuck!)

Saudi and I

Jesus, come

2011-03-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know I just posted a couple of days ago, but my heart is heavy and this is an outlet since I don't have my guitar tonight. Normally I'd do some song writing, but my guitar is at the Center because I used it for the worship service, but couldn't carry it on a boda on the way home. Anyways, as I'm leading this worship service I was thinking about how often I don't give my all. I come and do what I've always done, but don't go out of my way sometimes... even when there are beautiful souls on the line. I feel a burden like I've never felt before for certain people to come to know the Lord, but I'm accepting mediocrity from myself. Doesn't God deserve more? Don't these lost souls deserve more? Of course He does and of course they do.

Tonight was my night to speak and like always, I just threw something together and said the right words because I can and because I've been doing it for 15 years. It's so easy to come up with something. And even if my words were true, which they were, I feel like it's much less effective because it was just easy for me. There were people there who are so incredibly grateful for the praise and worship and for the message, but I could have done better. The best thing about this whole night is that God still spoke through me to some and He still softened hearts. I'm so thankful that it's not all about what I can or cannot do. Praise be to God that He is sovereign in my stupidity and Moses-like bumbling. Praise be to God that people show up every week to sing songs, to hear the Word, and to pray. Praise be to God that people show up even though it endangers their lives as it's illegal for some to convert.

For now, for in this time, God has put certain people in my life who I am called to love and serve. More than that though, God gives me opportunities daily to draw nearer to Him. To seek Him with all my being. My prayer tonight is to turn away from the things that distract me from keeping my focus and drawing nearer to Him. I'm praying for these hearts to be softened and for souls to be saved. Jesus has overcome the darkness and I'm praying for more of His light to be revealed. The darkness cannot hide from the light. I'm praying for God to pour Himself out over Africa in such a way that people cannot ignore Him. I'm praying for the Lord to call up His people to come and preach the truth. My heart aches for this continent tonight. It aches for my students, for my friends, and for my family. Jesus, come.

Life Stories

2011-02-28T03:19:00.000-08:00

The presidential elections went fairly well. The incumbent won, which was to be expected and things remained fairly peaceful, with just a few small problems in some areas. However last Wednesday the Mayoral elections were held and then postponed due to rioting in the city. There were rumors of ballot boxes being stuffed and lots of corruption. The police stepped in and the riots were fairly small and contained. There was some tear gas and shots fired, but things calmed pretty quickly and it was not near my home. I only heard of the rioting through some locals who work at the Center of Hope with me. All of that to say that school did not resume last Thursday, so my schedule did not go back to normal until today. I am very blessed by the time I had to to spend with youth kids and also with my teacher friends from Heritage who were on break. I love relationship building and a whole lot of that happened in the last couple of weeks or so.

The Mayoral elections have been rescheduled, but I don't know for when. News does not travel fast here and rumors move as quickly as the truth. Whenever they are though, there is sure to be more rioting so I invite you to continue praying for peace in Uganda.

I've mentioned the Ackers and the Sudanese guys before and I got to spend plenty of time with them over break. I asked each of the guys if I could interview them and get their life stories first hand. The truth is, I know the general stuff on all of them, but nothing very specific except for with Lino because of the amount of time I spent with him last time. I would like to point out that it is a huge deal that these guys trust me enough to sit down and share their lives with me. It's a gift from the Lord really because it does not happen often that Africans open up and make themselves completely vulnerable... and these guys have lots of darkness in their past that they don't love to talk about let alone have to think through. I'm blessed by the gift of relationships with each of these extraordinary guys. So far I've only been able to sit down and get three of their stories because the other ones are back in boarding school, but they've agreed to sit down with me next time they are home. I'm not sad that I didn't have time to get stories from all of them within a week because it is emotionally draining to sit and hear these stories.

Obviously I've promised them that I wouldn't share their stories with others, so I can't go into any details. However sitting through tails of being a child soldier, being an orphan, and the way life is/was in Sudan is one of the hardest things I've done in my life. It's heart breaking, gut wrenching, and more horrific than most people can imagine. After the first story I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear anymore, but the Lord has prompted me to do this and He's given me the ability to befriend these guys so I'll keep going. I'm not even sure what I will do with the stories once I have them all written out, but I guess that's for God to decide. Luckily my new iPod has a recorder on it so I won't miss out on any of the details while I take a break from hearing and writing. I feel like this is a huge ministry and doors are continuing to open with these guys. Many are Muslim, some don't really believe in anything. They are such a burden on my heart right now and I would love for you to join me in praying for their souls. Pray for more opportunities to arise to just sit and talk with them, to show them the love of Christ. Some hearts are so hard right now it seems impossible, but God is sovereign and so much bigger than that.

Other than that, I'm still loving my class at the Center of Hope. I love teaching these beautiful people and I love the new relationships that are forming. The Wednesday night worship service grew from 10 to 20 within a week, praise the Lord. The people that are coming are from all different religious backgrounds. What a huge ministry and a huge opportunity to show Christ. Would you join me in praying for this worship service?

This past Saturday was a new friend's birthday, so a bunch of us piled into a van and drove down to Entebbe to spend the day at the lake. Of course we couldn't go in the water, but just being out of the city and sitting on the sand was really refreshing. It was nice to catch up with old friends and hang out with new ones. Mostly it was a nice opportunity to relax. I love being at the beach... I love it even more when you can actually swim though. :) We found a nice beach front place that served food, had music, and had plenty of people swimming and enjoying the water. It's always fun to watch an extreme game of soccer being played while little kids are splashing each other like crazy. The sunset on Lake Victoria is beautiful. Unfortunately I didn't even think about taking pictures, but rest assured that this is not the last weekend I'll be there! :)

I think that it's from me today. I've got to go substitute for some one's English class at the Center now. I hope you're all well these days!

Uganda Elections and Nicodemus the Goat

2011-02-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

As most of you are aware, yesterday here in Uganda the polls opened and millions casted their votes for the presidential election as well as some smaller elected roles. The most dramatic vote, being the presidential vote. President Museveni, the current president, has been in power for 25 years and is campaigning for another 5 years. People who were alive during "the wars" are afraid of change as they've seen so much bloodshed and are afraid that someone new might bring more. Mr. Museveni has kept the peace in Uganda for the most part, but of course there is still corruption. The opposition has promised protests if he is defeated, and these protests are almost certainly going to turn violent. I read the local newspaper this morning and with about 15% of voting stations reporting, Museveni has about 73% of the vote. Even though such a small number of the votes have been tallied it's almost a guaranteed win for the president. Museveni has vowed to keep everything peaceful, even saying he will throw the opposition and any protesters in prison if they try and create an uprising, however the tension in the air is thick.

I went down to the school yesterday to play soccer with my Sudanese friends (mainly watch them be crazy, aggressive). There is a polling place nearby and I could hear crowds demonstrating and chanting. I'm not sure how peaceful it stayed because shortly after it started, we left. The point is that when the winner is announced (Sunday at 5pm, 8am Central time in the US) there could be major rioting. Police and military presence is strong right now, but after reading about Egypt I'm not convinced that even they have the ability to keep things calm. There have been some small problems around the country already at polling places yesterday, but so far the death count is low. School has been out since Wednesday and is scheduled to resume this Wednesday pending peaceful election results.

What does all this mean for me? It means a sort of lock-down is in place. Since Wednesday my travel has been limited to my side of the hill. This means I can go hang out with my teacher friends, play at the school, and teach at the Center of Hope. We were told to stock up on food and water in case we can't leave our homes once announcements are made. So I have enough food to last a while, work to do, and movies to watch. Today I am allowed to go over to Buziga which is where my friends, the Ackers live and play volleyball and games with them and their 8 Sudanese guys. Being cooped up is no fun, so I'm really looking forward to hanging with them.

I will do my best to keep you all updated as to what's happening. Even as I type this I don't have electricity and communications are rumored to be shutting down so I will do my best. I may not be able to update for a while. Just know that if anything big does happen, I'll be safe on my compound. Please pray for peace in Uganda and all of Africa. Pray for safety and rational thinking.

Pray also for the refugees who are often persecuted during this time more so than other times. I have recently started working with the Center of Hope (centerofhopeug.org) which is run by the Ackers. I'm teaching an English course focused on reading and writing. My students are refugees from about 5 different countries. I've really enjoyed teaching so far and my plan is to be around the Center helping in whatever way I can as much as I can. The goal is to build relationships, invest in hope, and share Christ. Please join me in praying for the students (of all ages) at the Center of Hope, for the teachers, and for Refuge and Hope International. I am also leading a weekly worship service for the refugees at the Center. Many come from various religious backgrounds, but Jade and Shelah wanted to offer a time to worship the true King of Kings. So a friend and I have stepped up and are in charge of leading that every Wednesday evening. Pray for hearts to be changed and souls to be won.

In other news... I bought a baby goat! I know you're wondering why on earth I would do something like that, so I'll tell you. There are so many people, neighbors and friends, who go without food everyday. A decent sized goat is a treat and will feed someone for a long time. I bought a baby goat because I have really been wanting a pet and I think baby goats are just adorable. I'm not allowed to keep a pet because the mission doesn't want the responsibility of finding it a home once I leave. So I chose to get a goat to raise and love and then when I leave I will give it to someone in need of food. Maybe sounds a bit sick and twisted, but if I want to have a "pet" there needs to be some reasoning behind and I think my reasoning is pretty solid. Nicodemus (Nico for short) is living next door to the Ackers at my friend, Hussein's place. There is plenty of grass and leaves for him there and Hussein feeds him a bottle of milk twice a day.

My journey to get Nico is a bit entertaining and I thought I'd share it with you all. First of all you should know that when I get an idea in my head I have to see it through and see it through as soon as possible. So early Wednesday morning I arranged for Hussein, the Acker's guard to come to town with me to purchase Nico. Not only does he know his way around better, but he obviously speaks Luganda, knows many different markets to look for livestock, and can get a better price because he's Ugandan. So I went to pick him up from the Acker's and while waiting for him, discovered that Lino was awake. Knowing that Lino, being a big dude would be a good asset to bring along even though he doesn't speak Luganda, I asked him to come. Normally I am good with traveling on my own, but being election week I felt safer with him there as well as Hussein. Luckily he was off of school.

So we got into my vehicle and headed to town. At least I thought we were going to town. With Hussein directing me we ended up in an industrial area at a slaughter house and not in town at the big market. I was appalled. This was not my first time at a slaughter house and to be honest I'm a big fan of meat so it doesn't bother me that much, but I was expecting a LIVE goat! We pulled in and were greeted by the sight of many cows and goats hanging from hooks and being chopped to pieces. Not what I had in mind when I thought of goat shopping. I clarified with Hussein that I wanted a live goat and he said he knew what he was doing. So, he and Lino got out and talked to some guys and then went to see what they had to offer. About 10 minutes later Lino came back to the vehicle and started describing one of the goats that had yet to be slaughtered that day. It turns out we arrived a bit too late to save any babies, but there were older ones available. Lino led me to where the live goats were, but I was not impressed. They were too big and I wanted a baby goat to love. So the guy said he would go check again. As we waited we took a picture of our adventure thus far...

We didn't have any luck finding a baby goat, so we traveled on. Keep in mind that being election time, I needed to be home as early as possible so as to avoid any demonstrations in town. It was recommended that I be home no later than 10am. Well on our way to the huge open air market in town, Owino, we got stuck in a huge traffic jam for about an hour. One of the main roads was closed and many people were out and about preparing for the election. It was stand still and wall to wall traffic. A traffic jam in Kampala means fighting with animals, people, vehicles, bikes, and motorcycles. If you stop paying attention for a second you end up in some sort of a wreck. Finally traffic started moving a bit and Hussein was able to direct me to Owino market (I would normally just take a boda and not have to worry about driving). Once in front of Owino, chaos ensued. A thief came running out of the market, followed quickly by pursuers. In situations when crowds and mobs begin to gather the best thing to do is leave. However I was stuck in a vehicle, in a traffic jam with no way out. As the mob began to shout and beat the man I began to panic a bit. I didn't want to be around when the man was killed and it was way unsafe for me to be anywhere near an angry mob. Things heighten very quickly here. Next to me, Lino started to get very anxious and began telling me that we had to get out of there right away. He knew they were going to kill the guy, and he knew that I needed to be out of there. Having a couple of big, strong African guys begin to panic only increased my own anxiety, as things like that don't always phase them because they've seen worse. Lino kept his eyes on the crowd, I keep mine on the road and maneuvered my way out of there. About 50 yards from the mob were police, not paying attention, just directing traffic. It was incredibly scary and I'm so glad I wasn't by myself. Once behind Owino the streets were still packed, my adrenaline was still pumping, and it was hard to concentrate on anything good after seeing the man being beaten. Hussein got out of the vehicle to ask around about goats. Lino and I waited while angry shop owners shooed my vehicle from stopping in front of their shops. Once again, I was so thankful to have Lino with me and that I wasn't sitting alone waiting for Hussein to come back to the vehicle. Finally he returned and said that there wasn't anyone willing to sell a baby goat. He suggested that we go home and get up earlier the next day to go back to the slaughter house. Lino spoke up and mentioned trying another market close to where we live where he and the guys had bought a goat to slaughter for a celebration last year. So despite being a bit traumatized I agreed to going to another market. Luckily Ggaba market is out of downtown, away from traffic, close to home, and much quieter. We got to the market and Hussein once again left the vehicle in search of someone willing to sell a baby goat. We went all around and most said they weren't selling. Finally there was one more place we hadn't tried. I pulled over, Hussein and Lino both got out, talked to the lady, and then called me over. She had agreed to sell one to me for $55. I asked Hussein to tell her that I would not pay that much and that I didn't want the (mzungu) white person price. We got her down to $30, and I got my goat!
Here's Lino untying him...

And here I am, exhausted, 3.5 hours later, holding Nicodemus

Riding with Lino on the way to his new home...

Finally, here are a couple videos of Nico at his new home

Kikongo Village Children

2011-02-09T06:44:00.000-08:00

Free entertainment as we waited for our vehicle... maybe I was the entertainment?

Island Adventures

2011-02-09T04:29:00.000-08:00

In my last post I mentioned the orphan project that I had begun working on and a possible trip out to Buvuma Island. Well, I made the trip and got everything done that needed to be done, but not without some very hectic events taking place. Join me as I recall my adventurous trip to Buvuma Island.

The day began early, well early for me. I woke up at 6:30am on Wednesday and got ready to head down to Heritage International school where I would catch a ride out to Jinja. Thankfully the school had planned the high school spiritual retreat to Jinja around the same time I was needing to get there for my project. A free ride is always nice! Upon arriving at the school I was blessed to be reunited with many students and meet new ones. I hopped on one of the buses and was joyfully crammed in with my knees in my chest and my bag on my lap. I sat next to an old colleague and friend, Francis and thoroughly enjoying the 2 hour ride, reminiscing and catching up on life. What a joy! Once we got to Jinja I called the missionaries who were hosting me for the next few days and told them I was in town. They were busy finishing up work, so I was able to spent some blessed time with the youth for the beginning of their retreat.

After some time I was picked up and introduced to Brenda and Michael Guilliams and their little son, Luke. After we had some lunch I rested for a bit and then we went to Amani Baby Cottage, where Brenda has been serving as a nurse. We spent a few hours there seeing and treating adorable orphaned babies and toddlers. When we got home from Amani we had dinner and then went to bed pretty early in preparation for the next day out on the island. I did some reading out of the book of Mark, stopping at "Jesus calms the storm" so that I would definitely remember where to pick back up the next day.

So Thursday morning I awoke well rested and anxious to get out to Buvuma so we would have enough time to get everything done. After driving down towards the shore, parking the vehicle, and then walking to the shore we found the boat motor being difficult and not willing to work properly. The plan was to head to the Island with Pastor David (a Ugandan pastor who has been trained by WGM and now does pastor trainings out on Buvuma Island) and Michael Guilliams as it is improper for a single woman to travel with a man. David was already on the boat working with a mechanic to try and get the motor running. After about 30 minutes of just sitting on the shore we were told to board the boat. Now that all sounds simple and easy, but in reality it's a bit awkward. (The water around the shore of Lake Victoria is contaminatied with a disease called Bilharzia which is carried by snails. It's a fairly serious disease, but there is a pill available if you think you've been infected. The medicine will make you violently ill if you indeed have the disease, if not you'll feel fine.) Anyways, all of that to say that there are men on the shore who are either immune or don't care and they carry you to the boat so you don't have to walk through the water. So the first guy had Michael on his shoulders and carried him to the boat. The next guy who was to carry my wasn't a very big guy so I asked him if he was sure he wanted to take me and he said he was, so he scooped me up because I was wearing a skirt, and carried me to the boat like a baby. So awkward, but it is what it is.

After sitting on the boat for some time it became apparent that the engine was not going to start, so David made some calls and we rented a much smaller boat for about $10. WGM has a smaller motor that was working, so we put it on the boat and off we went about an hour and a half after our scheduled departure time. The ride to Buvuma Island in the normal boat is about a two hour ride. It only took us about and hour and twenty minutes with the smaller boat. The lake was calm, the sun was beating down, and the sights were breath taking. I entertained myself by listening to some Selah on my iPod and looking for crocodiles and hippos. It felt like home somehow.

With a smile on my face we arrived at Buvuma Island, hopped up onto the "dock" and walked up to the school where we were greeted immediately by the head mater, Joseph. After some customary greetings, I explained what needed to be done and we got right to work. My job was to get pictures of all of the orphans along with some basic information in order to assist in getting them sponsored. I had already made up and printed out a form with a space for photo number, name, age, gender, and grade level. Each of the teachers were given a stack of the info cards and they wrote out the student's info, gave the card to the student, and then the students lined up for me to take their picture and write their photo number so as not to get the wrong face with the wrong info. It was a very fast process and I was very surprised at how well the whole ordeal went. After all of the pictures were done being taken, the headmaster gave me a tour of the compound because there had been so much forward progress since the last time I had visited the school. All in all we were only on the island for about 2 hours when I had thought it would be an all day project.

(Any moms out there should not read any further.)

We boarded the boat and began our journey back to Jinja. The sky was still clear and bright, my still wintry, pale skin was beginning to turn red, and the lake was friendly. We ventured a bit close to the island as I wanted to look for crocodiles, but we were on our way. Up ahead we could tell that there was a storm, but it looked like it was closer to the mainland than on the lake. Well about 45 minutes to an hour into the trip the waters woke up and began to stir. The clouds overhead became menacing and a wind that would have made lesser men (or women) sea sick took control. I tightened my grip on my bag which contained all of the info, two cameras, and my ipod, and held onto my seat for dear life. The boat began to chop through the waves and jump and crash over some as the smaller engine worked to keep us moving forward. The mainland was in sight, but the water between where we were and the shore was anything but safe and inviting. And the the engine stopped. The boat was swaying violently, I was drenched from the rain and lake water rushing into the boat. David was calling for help from the back of the boat. The motor had come loose and jumped off the boat and David was holding onto it for dear life. Michael went back to try and assist, but the motor was too heavy for the men to lift and the waves were not helpful. Water was rushing into the boat.

In the distance there was a boat passing by. I steadied myself a bit, stood up and flailed my arms about to try and grab their attention. They kept going past us. Just when I thought we were going to have to swim to the nearest shore, filled with crocs, the boat turned around. With the help of some of the men from the other boat they were able to lift the motor out of the water. A waterlogged motor doesn't start so our only other option was to sit and wait for someone to come get us, or ask these men to tow us. The men said they would tow us back to the mainland, but not where we had entered the water. Where they wanted to tow us was almost exactly where we left Buvuma from. The mainland wraps around, but taking a boat is faster in getting to the island which is why WGM travels by boat more often than not. So with our fuel as payment the men began to tow us through the waves back to some kind of shore. The towing system was a man in our boat holding a rope and a man in their boat holding the other end. Not the best system, but what do I know? Soon the men began asking for more payment. What better payment than making a white woman one of their wives? I was not thrilled about that suggestion and began to feel a bit unsafe as we were being watched.

Following a larger boat meant dealing with it's wake. There were moments when I was absolutely positive that we were going to flip. I'm a good swimmer and probably could have made it over to one of the islands, maybe not without losing an arm or my life to a known man-eating crocodile, but Ugandans aren't avid swimmers. Most don't even know how to doggy paddle. So even if I made it, David probably would not. I don't remember the tears starting to flow because I was soaked from head to toe, but I remember being terrified enough to think that I was going to die that day, in the middle of Lake Victoria. I was not being dramatic, just very realistic. I texted some people on the mainland asking for prayer and letting them know our situation in case anything did happen.

As I was sitting there, body tensed, holding onto the boat as the waves tossed us to near capsizing with every hit, I thought of what I had been reading in John. And then it occurred to me that I stopped reading right before the story of Jesus calming the storm. So with tears streaming silently down my face I prayed, "Jesus, I know this is cliche, but I really need you to calm this storm. Jesus, you've done this before. Calm the storm."

Almost instantly the wind died, the waves went back to sleep, and the sun was once again burning my skin. I didn't jump up or even say a word, but sat silently praising God because it was all that I could do.

We finally reached land and thus began the debate on more payment. The other men were being gross about women and even saying things to me, but I just couldn't pay too much attention to them because I was focused on stepping foot on land. After some time payment (not me, praise the Lord) was agreed upon and the men were off. Even though they were offensive and rude, God used them to probably save our lives that day. Pray for them as they were mainly Muslim men.

We finally jumped out of the boat, waded through a bit of diseased water, and were on the shore of a small village. My white skin was quite the spectacle, especially for the village children. We waited in the village for about 2 hours while someone was on their way to pick us up. The children were a gift from the Lord and I couldn't help but laugh as smile as they played. I spoke what little Luganda I do know to them and they laughed and laughed at the fact that a mzungu (white person) was speaking their language. If the internet is working fast enough I will upload a short video of the children here on the blog, but if not check out my facebook profile as I was able to get it on there.

Our vehicle arrived and we drove home over some of the most beautiful landscape I have ever seen. It was safe and peaceful inside of the vehicle even with the crazy unstable roads, animals and children darting into the dirt road, and bodas flying past. God is good.

When I awoke the next morning I was anxious to get back to the retreat, hang out with the youth, and put the previous day permanently behind me. I got to the retreat early enough to worship with everyone, hear the speaker, hang out with a new friend, visit with my old youth kids, laugh, have lunch, and just relax. Amazing. We departed Jinja for Kampala, got to the school by 3, and went home from there ready to crash for a long night's sleep.

The End.

Thanks for all who prayed for the trip. God answered your prayers. Please continue to pray for those orphans, for more sponsorships, and that we would never have to turn another child away because of lack of funds.

I would also appreciate prayer for my health. I was exposed to bilharzia, but don't know if I have it. The chances of me having it are small, but I really don't want to take the medicine and be violently ill from it. I hate throwing up so the thought of doing it for days is terrifying for me. It's a wonder I didn't barf on the boat from the waves. Praise the Lord. Praise God for His hand of protection. Please let me know how I can be praying for you.

I'm back!!

2011-01-28T02:54:00.000-08:00

Rusty, orange earth. Breath-taking fuchsia floral arrangements. Emerald landscape. Cars and bodas (motorcycle taxis) zooming past. Children's laughter. Dust. Bright blue sky. Friendly faces. Countless ducas (tiny shops along the road). Burning trash. Mud huts. Giant houses.

These are just a few of the sights, sounds, and smells I enjoyed on my walk home yesterday.

Upon arriving in Uganda a week ago I found myself very sick and very restless, yet simply at home. The transition has been easy, natural for me. I'm really thankful for this. As I'm trying to adjust other areas of my life and my heart, the last thing I needed was a complicated time adjusting to life back here. By the grace of God, it's been simple. Thanks so much for all of your prayers and love as this transition has been taking place.

Friday I had little or no voice and still felt terrible. Saturday I was feeling much better, but still had a nasty cough and no voice. But on Sunday I felt great, still coughing, but pain free. By Monday morning I felt back to my old self again, just with a cough. I began working in the print shop, collating a devotional book for youth in boarding schools. That took me all day Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was a national holiday called Liberation day, so my teacher friends were off school as were the kids. We had a slumber party with some youth girls, and then went into town for the day. It was a lovely day. Yesterday I spent the day stapling all of the books I had just collated, stopping for a few hours during the day to go and have lunch with a friend.

I am blessed by Jade and Shelah Acker and the Center of Hope for refugees that they have opened. They offer English, computer, sewing, and other life skill classes to those considered to be refugees. They are from many countries and backgrounds. Anyways their Center of Hope is just a couple of miles from my house so to ensure that I could find it and get there on time to meet them for lunch I took a boda. It was very easy to find as my boda driver knew exactly where to go. When I arrived I found Shelah and enjoyed a tour of the Center and a good chat with her while we waited for lunch. I got to see a friend from last time that I had not yet seen. When lunch was ready we served ourselves matoke, potatoes, pocho, beans, and some kind of veggie/meat mush. All of this local food was prepared by Uganda women who work at the center. It was my first encounter with local food again and of course I enjoyed all of it. You guys who know my issues with certain foods would be amazed at what I'll eat. I love local food and had been anxiously awaiting a chance to get some. Anyways as we ate our lunch we caught up on life for the past year and a half. It was such an encouraging time and I'm honored to be a part of the Center. I am still praying about my involvement there, but will most likely be teaching an English class and working with the youth when they are on holiday from boarding school. I can't tell you how excited I am to be a part of their family again. I spent much of my time with the Ackers the last time I was here. They have two adorable children of their own and 9 Sudanese guys that they sponsor, two of whom they are adopting, Lino and Taban. Again, if you want to know more about them check out earlier blog entries from like Sept 08- July 09. I think there's even a video of Lino and his going away presents last time.

After lunch with Shelah, I walked home instead of catching a boda. I love walking here. It's so peaceful despite the danger of being run over by a speeding vehicle. :) I stopped in a little road-side salon to find out about dreads for a friend, waved at the staring children, and sweated my way home. It was awesome. I'm not really sure why this is sticking in my head right now. Maybe it's because I'm excited about the familiarity of it all. I didn't even think twice about hopping on a boda. Driving on the left again has been surprisingly mindless. Despite the condition of my heart I'm excited to be here and to jump right in to ministry.

I've begun some work on the orphan project on Buvuma Island and am hoping to make my first trip out to the island next week. I'm working on some logistics with having a translator and a good camera to get pictures of the kids. I'm exciting to share more about this once I travel to Jinja and then to the village on the island. There is much to be done and the laborers are few... isn't that how it always is? I can't help but hear those words right from Jesus' mouth in Matthew chapter 9 when I think about all that needs to be done in this next year. However, God is sovereign and I'm still surrendering every day.

Would you join me in praying for Kikongo village on Buvuma Island? Pray for safety and health for those of us traveling to the island. Pray for the upcoming elections (Feb 18??) as the threat of terrorist attacks is high and getting higher by the day... pray for safety on the roads and for the police as they control rioting and whatnot. Please pray with me for the students at Heritage International School (HIS), pray for souls to be won and hearts to be broken for Jesus. Pray for the teachers as well.

I have yet to snap a photo of anything, but I will soon. Thank you for all your prayers and support! I appreciate all of you. Please feel free to email me prayer requests whenever you can.
My address and phone number are as follows:
World Gospel Mission
0772463218
PO Box 11788
Kampala, Uganda
East Africa

+256772463218 (you must dial the 256 because it's the country code. )

Pingo.com offeres great rates on calling cards, but honestly the easiest way to get a hold of me is over skype. If you just search my name you should be able to find me easily. I would love to hear from you!

Packages and letters appreciated!! :) Although, do let me know if you're sending a package as I need to be able to track it. They sometimes get "lost" in transit. Much love!

Arrived!

2011-01-21T02:06:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! I just wanted to pen a quick update on the rest of my travel. I arrived safely and on time last night. All of my bags and my guitar made it safely and I'm SO very thankful for that. When I boarded my plane in London I immediately noticed the size difference. Of course it was a bit smaller than the plane from Chicago, but this just meant lots of people and not lots of space. Fortunately for me my neighbor got up and moved after take off, whether from my coughing of lack of space, I don't know but I'm thankful. So I had a row of two to myself, curled up in an uncomfortable little ball and waited to arrive in Uganda. Normally I would be very excited to watch the Mediterranean Sea pass and the Saharan Desert, but not yesterday. It was so difficult to lift my head I could do little else than lay still. I thought I would be exhausted enough to sleep when I got here because I hadn't slept on the planes, but due to my cough, not even Nyquil could put me to sleep. All of that to say, today I am dead on my feet and in a lot of pain. I'm praying for a full nights sleep tonight and for less coughing. My chest feels like it's been set on fire, my heartbeat is in my head, and I can't swallow a thing. It will get better though, of that I'm sure.
God was so gracious to me yesterday as I forgot my debit card and thus had no way to pay for my extra bag. Luckily the British Airways lady was amazing and sympathetic as she watched me begin to panic and realize exactly where I had left it. She didn't charge me for my fourth bag, praise the Lord!! Also my mom happened to have a secret hiding place with some cash in it, so I should be ok until my card arrives in the mail. I'm praying for it's safety as it travels to me.
I would really appreciate prayers from you all and I can't even say enough thanks for the way I've been covered in prayer so far. I treasure each of you! More to come once I can sit up longer... :(

Sickly

2011-01-20T00:13:00.001-08:00

So, I'm sitting in the London Heathrow airport where I just paid 15 bucks to use the internet for the next couple of hours. Oh London with your ridiculous pricing. Last time I flew through London I had a huge layover and went and explored... this time I've only got like 4 hours before the next part of my journey. I'm thankful for a short layover because I definitely did not plan on being sick, but I totally am.

I was on the phone right before take off telling someone how I had a fever and a crazy cough and my neighbor heard me. The flight was pretty empty so she and her husband left my row to avoid illness. I had a whole row to myself! It was amazing. I'm not good at sleeping on planes, but I loved being able to lay down and rest my aching head. I'm still feeling pretty feverish and yet I have the chills. My head may explode due to the amount and severity of my coughing. It now hurts to swallow and my ears are killing me. On top of that, I can no longer breathe through my nose. I was really trying to avoid being sick while traveling because the pressure changes are killer, but it was a blast to play out on the ice last weekend with the youth kids on the retreat.

All of that to say... that I would really appreciate your prayers. Pray for my ears to unclog, for my fever to leave, and for rest. Thanks so much! I'll update much more when I get settled in. I feel like there's so much to update you all on! Much love!

Surrender

2011-01-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure where to begin right now. It's been a while because I've been incredibly busy with work, youth stuff, and preparing for Africa. As I sit on my bed and write this right now the only sound I hear is the wind gusting past my window. For the first time in what seems like forever there's a stillness in the house. My nieces are not home from their sleepover last night and everyone else is upstairs. It's so amazingly peaceful. In the stillness of the house though, there's a level of excitement and anxiety exuding from my room. I have so much stuff to do in the next 18 days and absolutely no motivation to do any of it. Not because I don't want to go, but because this is the first time in over a month that I've had a quite minute to myself.

This Christmas season was strange for me. Normally I'm beyond excited to see family and friends, to celebrate, laugh until I cry, and just have a good time. This year seemed different. I wasn't anxiously awaiting Christmas Eve, I was working. I didn't want to get out of bed Christmas morning and had it not been for my cute nieces whom I adore... I wouldn't have. Maybe it was because I was so busy with work. Or because I was sad to have already said goodbye to the people at New Hope Presbyterian. Or maybe because of my mom's injuries and our lack of cookies and delish food. Maybe it was because I made a bad choice, broke my heart, and even worse... lost my best friend. Maybe because a dear youth kid passed away a couple of days before Christmas. Or maybe it was because I just have so much going on I can't focus my emotions on one thing. Emotions run high this time of year anyway, so for someone like myself who is not very emotional, yet loves Christmas and the week after, it has been a weird experience. I just haven't felt like celebrating. My heart hasn't felt like celebrating. Despite the energy coming from the kids, I've been broken.

I feel like I need to reiterate the fact that I'm in no way dreading my departure. I'm so looking forward to what God has in store for me and the people of East Africa. The sadness that surrounds me is not a regret for future decisions made, it's a regret for past decisions made and the loss that comes along with that. I'm SO excited to have the opportunity to serve in East Africa again and I'm VERY much looking forward to being able to share Christ with the nations. Thanks be to God. :)

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that my birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. I usually have some sort of countdown reminding the world of "my" day, but again, this year it didn't seem important. I decided with one of my good friends/youth kids that I would have a combined birthday/going away party extravaganza on my birthday. We made the decision and sent out invitations before the craziness of life started, so by the time my birthday rolled around I wasn't too excited about it. The days leading up to my birthday were filled with work and hanging out with awesomely fun people. It was a good distraction to be surrounded by people who were excited for my birthday for me. On the eve of my birthday I had a slumber party with a couple of awesome youth girls. They took me out to a "classy" dinner at Olive Garden, then we came home and I was given some sweet temporary tattoos and some awesome safari animal sponge capsules that grow in hot water. We then spent the evening applying tattoos, dying their hair, growing the sponges, coloring, and simply having a fantastic time. What a blessing from the Lord. The morning of my birthday started with some yummy chocolate chip waffles, then I went and got my special birthday haircut. This year I even cut my hair more dramatically than ever; I'm not talking just a trim. I love it, so far. Then we headed to Naperville for the party. As soon as the guests started to arrive I couldn't help but feel like I was the most loved person on the planet. Throughout the night we had so many people filter through that I didn't even get a chance to talk to all of them. A big warm house filled with the people I love... it was the best birthday I've ever had. And to think I didn't even want a celebration going into the day. Honestly the Lord has been so gracious to me. I'm so undeserving and so thankful.

Despite myself, the Lord has been continually speaking clearly to me. Over and over and over again for about 3 weeks now He's given me the word surrender. One of the Sunday School lessons in our curriculum had the story of Jehoshaphat overcoming on onslaught. The short of it is that King Jehoshaphat receives word that they are to be attacked with no hope of a victory because of the sheer numbers and brute strength of the opposition. The first thing the King does is seek the Lord. He then orders a fast, so all the people of Judah and the surrounding towns fast. Then the King stands before the people of Judah and Jerusalem and prayed. The Spirit of the Lord then comes down to ensure the people that because they have placed their trust in the Lord, the battle is God's not theirs. The opposition is defeated and the Lord is praised with song.
A few things strike me. First off, if I was a mighty ruler and my people were threatened to the point of no hope, it seems like my first thought would not be to fast, it would be to RUN! To get the heck outta there and not look back. Or maybe it would be to create some sort of battle plan, but not pray and fast. The first thing Jehoshaphat does is surrender the situation to the Lord.

That was my first encounter with surrender. Then in the weeks to follow, as I've been struggling to stay afloat, God has continued to give me the word surrender. Then I heard a friend of mine speak to the youth about things that God has been laying on his heart. Through the truth of the words spoken by him from the Lord, I heard again the word surrender. Then one afternoon as I could do nothing else because I didn't have the strength or energy I picked up my bible and began reading. I felt prompted by the Spirit to read Colossians 3. I don't find the word surrender there, but I see discipline, complete trust (surrender), and real, unconditional love. A healing began that day and is still working right now. I am not strong enough to move forward anymore. I've thought for a long time that I was. It was not until I fully surrendered some things that I was still holding on to that I felt freedom.

Not being the one in control is painful. Surrendering is painful. However, I have never felt less in control and more free in my life... and I like it. There are areas in my life that I still have to consciously surrender every single day, some times more than once a day, and it is so hard, but when I do and let God take control there's nothing more freeing. Hearts don't heal overnight. Life can't be mended in a day. BUT God's grace is sufficient, His mercy endures, and His faithfulness doesn't waiver. God is not a God of guilt and uncertainty. He is a worthy and trustworthy God and I'm in love with him. I'm surrendered today.

Lots of Little Things...

2010-12-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

Mom Update: Left wrist is in a hard cast. Right arm and shoulder are still in just a sling because she hasn't had surgery yet. No decision has been made as to whether they are going to try to repair the shoulder or if they are going to do a complete shoulder replacement. There are obviously pros and cons to both of those options. It will be a game time call. Once they cut her open and see the extent of the damage they will make the decision. She will have to stay overnight at the hospital as well, which she is not happy about. She is having surgery next week and I would really appreciate your prayers.

Work has been absolutely insane because we're short a person. Mom has been coming to work, but obviously she can't do anything. I think the added pressure of having someone constantly standing over us doesn't help either. There have been some tense days. We're all doing what we can though and of course it's a good thing that we're so busy. Being busy = getting paid!

This past week was actually really rough for me personally, and without going into any detail as to why, I'd just like to ask for prayer. I appreciate it you guys. On top of that stuff, my car has decided that it needs a ton of maintenance right now including brake calipers which are essential in making sure that my brakes work, but the $400 it costs to repair it is lacking. No brakes means no car, which means no way of getting to work, which means no paycheck to pay for the stuff that needs fixed. Ugh. All that this really means is that I don't get to buy fun Christmas presents for my nieces or get the last few shots that I would like to/need to get before leaving.

On the other hand, I've been finding myself getting more and more excited about Uganda. Through the sadness of leaving there's excitement and anticipation. I had the awesome opportunity to talk with another missionary who I worked with in Uganda last time... she is home right now on furlough. She is an incredible encouragement and got me super excited about what's ahead.

I've been studying the life and ministry of Paul and the church in Acts. The Lord has been encouraging me to keep moving forward despite obstacles in my way, which has been huge because it seems like there are plenty of obstacles. I did the Beth Moore study, To Live Is Christ a couple of years ago and I've been going back through it because I love Paul and I love the beauty and simplicity of the early church. The absolute power of the Holy Spirit is incredible and awe-inspiring. Reading about the faith of the new believers, including Paul himself is so encouraging. As I prepare to leave, it's fun to read through other's missionary experiences, especially when it's coming straight from the Word of God. On top of reading about Paul and his ministry, I find myself re-reading the Christmas story and revelling in the creativity and genius of God. I do not love the frigid weather, but I do love this time of year, no matter how busy it gets.

The other night I was upstairs and I walked past Alexandria's room. She was supposed to be sleeping, instead I hear her little voice whisper, "TT??(This is what they call me because it sounds like Auntie)" So I went in her room to kiss her good night and she asks, "can I cuddle you in your bed?" It was so freakin cute, but I told her she had to ask her parents since she was supposed to be sleeping. She said, "can you tell them for me?" So of course I went downstairs and asked my sister if that was ok. She laughed and said that it was fine, but I had to be the one to put her back in her own bed and make her go to sleep. So I went back up, carried her downstairs to my room and we cuddled for like 10 minutes. She was so tired and it was so stinking cute. She was looking around my room and looking at the pictures on my wall and she asked me about a few that I have up from Africa. She then proceeded to ask me if I will still see her when I leave and then she told me that she was going to miss me. It was one of the sweetest moments ever. :) Here's a pic from that night.

Thoughts on dating and a prayer request

2010-11-25T21:10:00.000-08:00

First of all, I have a prayer request for you all. My mom slipped on some ice on Wednesday morning. She broke her left wrist, broke her right arm, and possibly shattered her left shoulder. She goes tomorrow for some more X-rays and an MRI I believe. She's obviously in a good amount of pain and on top of the pain is the inconvenience of not being able to use either arms. She can't feed herself, she can't drink, she can't use the restroom or shower without assistance. Work is out of the question, at least for the time being. Schedules are being altered, plans cancelled and/or changed. It's been humbling for us all, really. I'm praising God this morning for southwest airlines and their help in the situation. Most of you know, but my dad goes and stays at our house in Arizona during the winter months because of his health, but we were able to switch his Christmas flight to today at no cost. It was a huge help. Now he can be here to help with her since my sister and I will be running the business for a while. I would really appreciate your prayers. Thanks be to God for a Thanksgiving where we got to eat good food as a family, all in one state. :) Amazing.

On a completely different note I have been doing some thinking recently... uh oh, right? Well I went out with a friend from high school with whom I've recently reconnected, thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook. He and I weren't best friends, but out of my circle of friends I probably knew him best. Anyway we met for dinner at a nice restaurant just about a block from my job this past Tuesday night. We chatted for nearly 3 hours over dinner and it was really nice to catch up with an old friend and also break away from my normal schedule. The conversation flowed, it was fairly easy and natural. I enjoyed hearing about the last, almost 10 years of his life, and it was cool to be able to share about my heart for missions and love of ministry. It's always nice to share about stuff currently going on in life with someone who's on the outside looking in... new perspectives are always a good thing. It's also nice to be able to reminisce about good times had and laughs shared.
There was a familiarity in our meeting together. Even though we don't know each other now, it was as though we never skipped a beat. Yet, in the back of my mind I was considering all of the things that I don't really know about him. Not being in each other's lives for 10 years and not really being that close in high school, how much do I really know about him? Not much at all.
Then I got to thinking about how long it takes to really know someone. To be completely comfortable around them and to trust them implicitly. To be able to be 100% yourself, unapologetically. It takes a long time for a relationship like that. Shared experiences and time spent together is the only way to form that kind of a trust. It's hard work. Those kind of relationships are real and honest. As I sat and had dinner with a guy who I knew so little about, I started realizing how un-fun dating is for me. Don't get me wrong, I had fun and it was a great evening. We're not in any way going to start dating now, but just the setting made me think about how I am in dating situations. Meeting new people and dating is not fun. It's awkward and a lot of pressure. Also at almost 28, to meet someone new means having to take the time to learn all of the stuff about them and the last nearly 30 years of their life. That's a lot. And on top of that, how do you really know that nothing is being left out? Not that you have to know every single detail of some one's life, but just think about how much life happens in 28 years. Think through your life and experiences. It seems difficult and yes, I recognize that the reason that people know what they know about me is that we've spent time together, but at this point to meet someone new seems overwhelming. It's always fun to start fresh... that's a huge positive. With someone new you're given the opportunity to share stuff that everyone else has heard or knows and it's fun to be able to do that.
I don't really know what the point of this is at all. I was just bothered by my reaction to being out with someone and the thought that it would be too much work to build a new relationship. I know that a lot of this has to do with my leaving for Africa. Why start something with someone I don't know at all? Doesn't make sense. If we'd known each other for years, then it'd be okay and make some sense. I am all for starting a relationship at some point. My ultimate goal is to get married at some point right? I guess that means awkward dating.
I got to hang out with an awesome girl friend last night and she was talking about how she doesn't want to be in another relationship again unless she's known the person and been friends for a while. It just makes it easier, it's less awkward and more natural. She's been set up on some blind dates and fixed up with random guys and it's not been a fun experience for her. Maybe I'll take that approach.
Maybe I'm just lazy. :)

Just Give Me Jesus!!

2010-11-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Just a heads up... I'm not referring the the book Just Give Me Jesus by Ann Graham Lotz, although I love that book and recommend it! :)

Recently as I've been spending time in the Word the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me loud and clear on my ministry and how I'm to disciple others. I've read through a couple of other books as well, one of them being Radical by David Platt. I highly recommend checking this book out. If you're complacent, burnt out, and/or tired of church politics, Radical is an amazing reminder of living life the way Christ intended us to live. The title really says it all.
Anyway, as I've been studying Acts, the early church, and the life and ministry of Christ I've found myself comparing the way I do ministry to those who were front runners in the early church. They were not apologetic for the Word that they were bringing. They did not dumb things down so as not to offend others. They were out there on the front lines preaching the truth of Jesus Christ to all those they came in contact with. They gave up living a (first century) comfortable life and "went". The Great Commission has been fueling my life recently, as I believe it should be, and I've never wanted to go, baptize, and teach more than I do now. I love this command from Jesus. I love that it's not a suggestion, but clear instructions on discipleship. Often times in the modern church we find ourselves swamped with programming, discipleship plans, and events which are all great and should definitely be up and running, however the picture of the early church is lost. What has happened to gathering together in a simple room, not always being the most comfortable place, and studying the Word of God? Why do we have to have the best sounding worship band? Why do people leave a church because they don't like the way a band sounds? What about making a joyful noise to the Lord? Now, being a music lover, I cringe at the thought of out of tune guitars and bad harmonies, but if we're singing to the Lord and our focus is 100% on Him and His glory, then what does it really matter?
What if we didn't even have music or fancy lights? What if we took away the comforts of the church building? Would we be as apt to show up on a Sunday morning if we knew we had to sit on a cold floor to hear the Word of God? Is the Word of God enough on a Sunday morning or do we have to fill time to keep people entertained. Do you have to have some huge experience every week in order to meet with God?
I completely understand that in our culture some of these things are expected and I venture to say almost necessary. Meeting people where they're at is hugely important in ministry. Look at Jesus. Unfortunately that eventually means catering to the wants, not needs of people, and something gets lost in the interim. What gets lost? Jesus.
Jesus' ministry was relational. His disciples, those closest to Him, were privileged to know Him and I mean really know him. The model of ministry that Jesus laid out for us seems so simple. Closely disciple a few, who will in turn disciple a few others, and those others will then be able to disciple others and so on. It's a "pyramid scheme" of sorts. Now, when you think of a pyramid scheme I'm almost certain that it conjures up negative thoughts and feelings. I often think of slimy money making schemes where the person at the top of the pyramid is living the high life and those below are doing all the grunt work. That is not the picture of Jesus' discipleship ministry though. While ministering to thousands, Jesus closely discipled 12. There is evidence of the strong, personal relationships He had with His disciples all over the gospels and the entire new testament. I love the intimate interactions that He had with the disciples. The level of comfort that they all felt with one another was that of family. They relied on each other. Jesus called upon them in emotional times, He called them to pray with Him. He desired to be near them and spend time with them. This is a beautiful picture of the type of relational ministry that I'm talking about. This is sometimes lost in the programming and discipleship planning. The most effective ministries happen when relationships are built. The more you spend time with people and show them the love of Christ, the greater your ministry will be.
I think of my ministry with the youth. I don't do everything right and I'm not perfect, despite what you may think. :) However I do my best to spend time with the youth, build relationships, which in turn builds trust and the ability to teach. There is a fine line between friendship and ministry when it comes to youth, but I believe that youth are most responsive when you love on them. Kids are constantly texting me and asking me to hang out and while some of it is just hang out time, some of it is mentoring/discipling time. I love it. It's so much fun... and so much work. It challenges me everyday to live my life in a way that exemplifies Christ. Youth watch your every move. They know when you mess up and they will generally call you out on things. Since they are watching so closely, the best way to keep up a good discipling relationship is to walk daily with the Lord. They will see it and mimic it to some extent.
I've been frustrated with myself for some time because of my expectations of the church, which is where this all stems from. There have been mornings when I find myself disappointed because we didn't sing my favorite song in worship or something silly like that. What I'm finding more and more is that I personally need to think through my expectations of my church experience. I need to go, meet with God, and not focus on the distractions of the lights and the ambiance.
Thinking about going back to Africa reminds me of church experiences there. People wake up, walk to church sometimes for miles in the best clothes that they can find. The preacher might preach for an hour or two, sometimes more and the people are there, hungry for the word of God. The music is simple, voices raised singing joyfully to the King. Sometimes there are keyboards and sometimes there's a drum, but either way people come to sing for hours to the Prince of Peace, to sit on hard benches or dirt floors under a tin or mud roof in the hot African sun. They come to meet with God. They come to worship and sing praises. They come poor, hungry, and naked to thank God for all He has done for them.
Talk about a picture of the early church! Gathering in the simplest of places to hear the Word of God. No programs. No lights. No comfortable chairs and air conditioning. Just Jesus. Just gathering as the body of Christ, loving each other as we love our God.
I realize that this was kind of disjointed, but my mind is working overtime right now on some of this stuff. Let me know how I can be praying for you. Much love!

Birthday Wish

2010-11-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

I know I just posted like 2 days ago, but as I'm sitting here at work avoiding actually working I was thinking about my birthday. Ok no... it's not until December 30th, but those of you who know me well know that my birthday is my favorite day of the year. Not really for any specific reason either. I just love birthdays and love celebrating life I guess. This coming birthday isn't even anything special like a golden birthday or a big number or something. I still have 2 more years until a big birthday. I've decided what I want more than anything... I want to see all of the people I love together at one time. I realize that this is nearly impossible seeing as though not everyone lives within a 50 mile radius of me. Again, time spent is my love language so any time I get to spend with people is a blessing for me. I'm leaving within weeks of my birthday, so it seems like a good time to see everyone before I go. Also, I won't be in the US next year on my b-day. I haven't made any plans yet, but I'm thinking a b-day/going away party would be fun. I also know that not everyone is available because of Christmas and New Years, but let's make it a point to hang out before I leave on January 19th, mmmmk?? :)
The end.

Take Away the Sadness

2010-11-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have flown by in a whirlwind of activity. From a fairly busy weekend in Indy to Kayla's 6th birthday, I've found myself constantly in motion. This past week I played mommy to my nieces for a couple of days as my sister was out of town and my brother in law works crazy hours. Getting two kids ready for school and day care makes you late if you're not used to the routine. We had a good couple of days, but I was tired! Friday morning made it all worth it though. I had explained to Alexandria that she might wake up on Friday and no one would be home upstairs. My room is downstairs so I told her to come find me if she woke up and no one was home. My alarm went off and about two minutes later I heard little footsteps, my door knob being turned, and a little voice saying, "no one's upstairs, can I cuddle you??" It was like the cutest thing ever. So we cuddled for like 3 minutes and then started our day. :)

Kayla's birthday party was here yesterday so there were plenty of preparations to be made. I spent most of the day cleaning and helping my sister get food ready. Once guests started to arrive it was nonstop chatting, cleaning up, and playing with kids. My brother in law, Terry's parents were here and it's always nice to see them. They're so sweet. I was talking with his mom and she told me that Kayla was pretty upset about me leaving for Africa. I looked at her a bit confused because I've been explaining to the girls about Africa for a while now. Apparently last weekend when Kayla was with her grandma and grandpa she told them she was upset that I'm leaving. She doesn't really understand, which makes it that much harder. I know I say this all the time, but I'm not a cryer, however hearing how sad my little buddy is kind of broke my heart. I wish there was a way I could explain it. Last year when I was away I wrote Kayla and Alex letters that I'll give them someday. I only wrote them a couple of times each, but I basically told them about Uganda and why I was doing what I was. I'm planning on doing the same thing again this year, but maybe this time I'll send Kayla a couple of them.

Something that made me feel a little bit better was having Kayla talk on Skype with some friends of mine in Uganda. My old roommate, Jean was having a bunch of the girls from our discipleship group over for a sleepover. She's still in Uganda, so she's been able to disciple the same girls all this time. Anyway at their sleepover they called me on Skype and I got to see and talk to a bunch of beautiful women that I haven't seen in over a year. It was one of the sweetest moments of my whole life. They were begging me to bring my guitar back which has been a debate in my mind for a while now. They decided to sing a few songs to me that I had taught them when I was there. It may sound a little dramatic, but if I'm being totally honest it was as though heaven had opened up and I got a glimpse of eternity. The sound of the girls singing, their beautiful, effortless harmonies and honest hearts, filled my heart with pure joy. The sound of true worshippers singing to the King is awesome. It was such a precious moment and I'm praising the Lord for Skype. After they sang to me and we chatted for a bit they asked me to get my nieces so they could meet them. The girls came in my room and had the pleasure of having my African friends sing happy birthday to Kayla in probably the most energetic version of the song ever sung. Kayla and Alex loved seeing them and getting to talk to them for a minute. It was difficult for my girls to understand the accents, but it was cute to hear them try. It was good for Kayla and Alex to see what it would be like being able to talk to me when I'm there too. I hope it put Kayla at ease a little bit. Last time I wasn't good about Skyping with anyone. I didn't call as often as I could have and I distanced myself unnecessarily. My goal is to not be so wrapped up myself that I let that happen again. I want to encourage you all right now to get a Skype account and a web cam so that we can chat and keep up. Do it!! I really stink at emailing, so it's really going to be the best way to keep in touch.

Then this morning in church was faith promise weekend. Basically it means prayerfully seeking the Lord and asking Him how much He will provide to give to faith promise. Faith promise money goes to support the missionaries and missions that our church supports. I happen to be on that list of missionaries and can I just say that it was beautiful to watch all of the people go forward with their faith promise cards? Seeing so many people say "yes" to Jesus and the Great Commission is awesome. Last year during faith promise I shared my story with the congregation. I explained about my trip to Uganda and my hopes for a return. Now I'm on the horizon of another year thanks to the faithful supporters, like you, who have said "yes". Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! This morning a man preached about being faithful because God is faithful. Trusting the Lord implicitly. He shared stories of foreign missions, and one story in particular struck me. He spoke of 150 Kenyan AIDs orphans and the money raised to build them a home. It was a beautiful story and of course meant to be moving, to show the good that faith promise money does. As I listened to the sermon I was surrounded by teenagers. I always sit with the youth on Sunday mornings, but this morning as I watched them play, chat, and love on each other I was overcome with the sadness of leaving them. Then throughout the course of the morning I had several different youth at different times express their sadness at my departure. Of course, nothing makes me feel more loved than to hear I'm wanted, but nothing makes me more sad these days. Even though I'm ready and excited about being back in Africa, I'm SOOOO incredibly sad to leave. I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't get away from the sadness. The next 2 months are going to be so difficult if every event is full of, "I'm gonna miss you", "don't go!!", "a year is sooooo long!!", and "aw, you're going to miss (insert event)!". I know I'm going to miss those things. I know their lives are going to move on. I know that a year seems long to a teenager. As I try to push the sadness away - because I know that the year will be incredible and I'm SO pumped to be in Africa again- I find myself imploding with emotion.

I am aware that the youth say these things because they love me and they will truly miss me. The Lord has blessed me with this ability to build awesome mentoring relationships/friendships with kids and I know I've had an affect on them. BUT I don't want the next 2 months to be full of sadness. I don't want every event to be the "last time we'll do this with you". I want to have fun and keep ministering. Will you join me in praying for my relationships with the youth, with my friends, and with family? Believe it or not there are people who I've called friend for a long time that are having a hard time with me leaving. I understand the emotion. I'm not belittling it at all. It's just that I've done this before and this is what I will be doing in some capacity for my entire life if I'm living out Jesus' commands. I would love for people to be supportive. Ask me questions about it, be involved in my life by being involved in my ministry. Your lives will continue on just fine without me here and I still want to be a part of them. Just because I'm in Africa doesn't mean I don't want to hear about the things you're doing here in the States. You guys are all so significant to me. I care about every part of your life while I'm in Africa even if we don't get to talk every day anymore.
Join me in praying for the youth's hearts and souls. Pray for Africa and the exciting and not-so-exciting things I'll do. Pray for hearts to be changed, the Kingdom to be furthered, and souls won. Pray for those who don't understand how I can leave for a year to help people on the other side of the world when there are people hurting right here in Illinois. Pray for health and safety. Pray for each other, for my friends and family.

Please understand that even though I feel a sadness at being physically separated, I'm nothing if not thrilled to go again. I don't want anyone to misunderstand this sadness for regret because that is not the case. I think it's ok for me to be sad, and it's ok for you to be sad, but let's not allow it to dictate the next couple of months. :) Much love!

Official Date and Prayer Requests

2010-11-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

After quite a few months of uncertainty I have an official departure date. I will be boarding a plane January 19th to head back to Uganda! I have a quick 4 hour layover in London (no time to explore like last time), and then I head to Uganda. From the time I take off from Chicago to the time I land in Entebbe, UG, I will only have been traveling for like 20 hours or so... not too bad. Hopefully there will be time to shower in the Heathrow Airport again though. Needless to say, it feels good to have a set date. The tickets are bought and now I can sit back and wait to leave... well sort of.
Leading up to my departure, my schedule is booked out. This month is full of trips to Indy, birthdays, holidays, etc. Next month I'm sure I'll be heading to Indy a few times to spend time with and say goodbye to the kids there. Then Christmas, my birthday, and New Years will keep me busy, along with college kids being home on break and my high school bff being in town. I leave for a quick trip to Lakeland, Florida from January 6-10 to visit my bff, Stacy and hopefully meet her new baby girl if she's born by then. I come back from that and leave to go on the high school winter retreat with my church Jan 14-16, and then a few days later I leave the country.
When I see it all written out like that it seems a bit insane. Honestly though, my love language is time spent so for me it's really important to see people and spend time with them, even if that means driving/flying everywhere to be with people I love. Plus as you all know I get bored when I'm not busy so this will help the time to pass.
Of course I'm filled with mixed emotions and the thought of leaving all of you guys makes me sad, but I know that I'm ready for the year ahead of me and there's a lot to look forward to there. Plus, life goes on here and before you know I'll be back and ready to rock... and by rock I mean start grad school. :)

On a completely different note, it's only Tuesday and this week has been filled with sadness. I found out yesterday that my second cousin passed away. He was a really cool guy, always so sweet. My grandpa used to be bff with him, so he was around a lot. He'll be missed. On top of that, my roommate from Uganda, Jean emailed yesterday to tell me that Obeti, the little boy who used to live on my compound in Uganda died. He was maybe 4 years old at most. He was the son of our guard, only spoke Swahili (and maybe some french as they were Congolese), and was a really sweet little guy. He was always excited to help out, opening and closing the gate for us and we came and left, greeting us, playing happily on the small compound. It makes me sad to think that he spend a lot of his short little life inside the walls of a compound, no other kids to play with, no toys, and very little food.
If I was sitting out on the couch playing guitar he would make his way and sit on our stoop and play with a stick or something and just listen. Even though there was very little verbal communication between us, I knew that he cared about Jean and I. The cause of his death is unknown because autopsies don't occur, but there is suspicion that he was poisoned by a neighbor. Can you imagine? I know it's hard to understand, but this is not completely uncommon. His family had already lost another boy, so now it's just the mother, father, and a little girl. Please pray for the family. Pray for Congo and for peace in that war-torn nation. Every day hundreds are dying or being taken into war as slaves. Pray for Jean, myself, and others affected by Obeti's life.
Beyond those deaths, one of my best friends is experiencing the slow loss of his grandma and dealing with the emotions of a family in mourning. Then a friend of the family just lost two people very close to him too. It seems like death is surrounding us on all sides these days. Thankfully the Lord is victorious over death!! Death has lost it's power! Hallelujah!!
Thanks again to all of you who have supported me in prayer over the last few years as the ministry here and overseas has been moving forward. God is so good. I appreciate you all! Be checking back for updates as plans to depart move forward. Much love!

My First Marriage Proposal!

2010-10-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

The never-before told story, but first some other stuff...

On Monday I found myself up at 4am, if you recall. Yesterday I woke up at 3:45am and couldn't go back to sleep. Last night, against my better judgement (but exhausted) I took a couple of Benadryl to ensure some sleep. This morning I didn't wake up until 5:45 thanks to the medicine, but I woke up with a tension headache that just won't cease. Not to be a whiner... but I just want to sleep!! I don't have to wake up until 7 everyday and I'd really like to sleep until then. Since I've been awake so much lately my mind has been working overtime. My mom says I'm not sleeping because I have too much on my mind. So I was trying to think through things that might be causing me anxiety. Maybe it's thinking of leaving people I love, but that's not for 2 and a half more months. Maybe it's trying to figure out relationships. Maybe I'm thinking in circles about what I'm supposed to be doing in my ministry here for now. It's possible that I'm anxious due to my physical self. Maybe I just need to cry it out?? But I won't because that's not what I do. I'm really not looking for answers here, I'm just looking for sleep. As exhausted as I've been this week, I've still made it through every single day just fine. I haven't fallen asleep at my desk or while running the embroidery machines, so that a positive thing.
I have however looked exhausted all week. You would think that waking up 4 hours early for work would mean I would take the time to do something to my hair besides pulling it up in a ponytail, and maybe put some makeup on my face so I don't look dead. But no, because I felt tired while getting ready for work the first two mornings I didn't do either of those things. Monday and Tuesday were not my best days. Today I decided to get out of that habit, get dressed, and look presentable. I feel so much better already!

So as I was laying in bed this morning trying to trick myself into falling back to sleep I was thinking about some experiences I had in Uganda. See, I am actually pretty good at thinking through situations and turning them into dreams as I drift off, not allowing my mind to go crazy with other thoughts. One story in particular popped into my mind this morning and it makes me chuckle, so I thought I'd share it with you.

I was sitting on the couch in my apartment, my roommate was in the kitchen cooking something, and I was working on getting some grading done. Like 99% of the days in Uganda the sun was bright and the air was hot. The windows and doors were all swung open, no screens, just a little breeze blowing through the apartment to keep us from sweating profusely. The sounds of the children across the orange dirt path playing with an empty bottle or something similar filled the air. Their laughter always making me giggle and wonder what is so funny.

I could hear the guard of our compound walking around, sweeping, hanging out. As our guard, Joseph worked 24/7 to make sure our compound was a safe place. He answered when someone would come to the gate and then using hand gestures explain to us or our neighbors who was there and let us decide if we were ok with them coming in the compound. We trusted him to ensure our safety when we were at home. And he did, for the most part...
Until one day he came to our door to tell me that there was someone outside the gate asking for me. Me? Most people I know would text me when they were coming and I would meet them and let them in myself. It was strange to not know who might be calling. So I put my grading down, found some flip flops and ducked through the small door on our gate.

Before I go on I have to say that it is not advised advertise to people where you live due to safety. If the wrong person finds out, it doesn't usually end well, meaning a possible robbery. It's not as though you can't trust anyone, though. It's just you have to be smart. There were plenty of people I trusted and they knew where I lived. Moving on...

To my surprise, a guy from a church I had been attending was standing there, eyes bright, smiling. I must have looked shocked because he began apologizing rather quickly for just showing up unannounced. After some cordial greetings I politely asked him why he was there. Now, I knew in the back of my mind that this was coming. He had been asking around for my number and trying to get info from other people. Apparently when my guard was out on an errand he somehow mentioned where I lived, and I can only assume it was because my suitor was asking around.

So there I was, standing outside my compound with a man that I had repeatedly declined to date, not sure what to say. So I asked him how he knew where I lived. He explained that my guard had offered up the information freely. (I immediately made a mental note to speak with the guy in charge of our guards.) He then went on to tell me he was disappointed that we hadn't been spending time together, that he tried to get me to go out with him, and he was hurt because now even other people had asked him to back off. He simply wanted a minute alone with me to tell me how he felt. Without any encouragement from me, he went on to confess that he loved me and thought that we could have a really good life together. He explained that he was getting ready to go home for the holidays and he had to tell me how he felt before he left. I was invited to join him and meet his family. He noticed the purity ring on my left ring finger and looked saddened. He then asked if I was already married, but living without my husband. My mind was racing, trying to think of a way to gently tell him that I wasn't interested. I told him no, that I wasn't married. So then he straight up asked me if I would marry him. As I stood there, frozen I thought how can I be compassionate and not break his heart? The last thing I wanted to do was to lead him on and let him think that there might be a chance. (I simply wasn't interested and we had only really spoken a few times in church when I was surrounded by others.) So I told him that my heart was with someone back in the States and I couldn't think about being with anyone else. I hoped that in the truth of that statement he would understand that that meant I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He said he understood and just wanted me to remember that he loved me. I told him I appreciated his honesty and wished him well on his holiday.

As I climbed back through the gate feeling sad for him and angry at my guard, my roommate was on the front porch, questions written all over her face. I explained everything that happened, we talked with the mission about our guard giving up our info, and that was that.

It's so interesting to me... I can recall every detail from that moment. I can remember the smells hanging in the air. I can visualize the kids playing in the yard across the way, hear the people chatting as they passed by. What we did the rest of the day, who knows? Probably went out to dinner, hung with some MKs. Maybe we went to the pool or something. I do know that this moment stands out to me because of the feeling behind it. He "knew" that he loved me, he made himself vulnerable, and he went for it. I could use that kind of courage sometimes.
I could also use some sleep... and less crazy dreams. Psalm 127:2 (end of verse 2) says, "for he grants sleep to those He loves." Ok, might be out of context, but I'm praying for sleep tonight!

vivid dreams

2010-10-25T09:37:00.000-07:00

I've been awake since 4am for no particular reason. Right before I woke up I was having a very vivid dream about being back in Uganda. Of course I've been thinking about what life will be like when I get back... I've even purchased a few items that I will need to have when I get there. It's becoming so very real to me right now. In my dream this morning I had just arrived in Kampala with two suitcases, but no guitar (which is strange). I then started looking for stuff that I should have had with me, but couldn't find anything that I needed. I was trying to hide my panic from Jean, my roommate as we caught up and talked about all that's been going on since I left last year. It was so exciting to see her, but that underlying panic would not cease. Somehow by the end of the dream I found out that I was just there for a two week visit before I came for the whole year. It was a recon trip of sorts.
Still, when I awoke and finally remembered the dream that same type of panic stayed with me. I started going over stuff in my head that I feel it is important to have with me. I started to think about all of the things I should be doing and even when I tried to push away the anxiety by distracted myself with a dvd, I couldn't find rest. It was completely quiet in the house, peaceful despite the unrest I was feeling. So I found myself before God in the early hours of the morning, a little annoyed that I wasn't sleeping, and even more annoyed at the silly anxiety over something that is still two and a half months away. I honestly don't even remember much of what I talked over with God this morning, but I do know that I found rest in His presence. I should be falling asleep on my desk right now; instead I feel great! I feel refreshed and energized... maybe I'll stop using this staph infection as an excuse and go for a run after work. :)
So anyways, I just sent out my last prayer letter with a prayer magnet before I'm off in January. Hopefully you've received your copy and if you haven't please let me know and I'd be happy to send one. This is a copy of the letter...

Dear Faithful Supporters,
As the date of my departure draws closer, I find myself consumed with thoughts of Africa and the ministries I’m involved in both near and far. A nervous excitement runs through me whenever I think about the many opportunities that are before me. In just a few months I will be back in Uganda, getting reacquainted with life and the culture there, visiting old friends, and rejoicing with new ones.
I would like to invite you to join me in praying for the ministry I’ve been given and for my time away. As my supporters, you all are an extremely important part of the time I spend in Africa ministering to the people there. In fact, it’s because of your support and prayers that I’m able to go.
Matthew 28:18-20 says, “18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
In this passage Jesus is not just suggesting that we go and make disciples of all nations, this is a command. You answered the call into missions when you decided to join my support team. Thank you for being faithful and for saying yes to Jesus.
Here is a list things I would love for you to pray for:
· Health and safety
· Travel (both to and from the U.S. and as I travel to different countries within East Africa)
· Ministry on Buvuma Island with the orphans
· Discipleship ministry at Kampala International University
· Sponsorship programs with Pastors and Youth Pastors/ Africa Gospel Churches
· World Gospel Mission
· Provision of financial support (I am 85% funded!!)
As I go, I am resting in the promises found in John chapter 15. Jesus says, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you.” This is such an awesome promise to keep close to our hearts as we strive daily to serve the Lord. This is my prayer for you today and always.
Thank you again for all the love, support, and prayers. As always, I encourage you to let me know how I can be praying for you.

Serving Christ with you,

Christina Maddalone

Memories for the future

2010-10-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

As I'm getting closer to my departure date for Uganda I'm finding myself easily distracted by thoughts of goodbyes. This wasn't really something I had time for last time, so it's all rather new to me. There are days when I am so excited at the prospect of being back in Africa that I can hardly contain myself; there are other days when thoughts of who and what I'm leaving behind sneak up on me. There's the occasional thoughts of people moving on without me and of too much change. Most times I can think past those sad thoughts because of one particular memory of my return last year.
I stepped off the plane, anxious to see my friends and family and frustrated that we were all in the same building, but because I was coming from Africa I had more hoops to jump through than most departing the airport. I was ready to jump up and down and give big hugs, not talk about what might be in my bags or guitar case. So as I'm waiting for customs to clear my luggage and I remember thinking about having to wait until morning to see my nieces and how bummed I was to wait another twelve hours to hug them. I left for Uganda when Kayla was 3 and half and Alexandria was merely 15 months, so I was uncertain of how they would receive me. Kayla would talk with me one the phone and skype pretty often, but it was difficult to get Alex to sit still enough to chat. My sister requested that I not wake them up when I get home because I'd be getting home at 11 and they're a pain to put back down. When I got home I simply couldn't wait!! I decided to wake Kayla up, very gently so as not to get her too excited to go back to sleep. She was excited, but completely exhausted and went right back to sleep. I went in Alex's room just to look at her and decided not to wake her because if she didn't recognize me, I didn't want to scare her. So I kissed her and went to bed. Even though I hadn't slept for 36 hours and was emotionally drained, I didn't sleep well that first night. So when Alex woke up, I heard her downstairs playing and just had to go down and see her. I quietly went downstairs and sat on the bottom step. She was in the kitchen with my mom just chatting away. She heard me sit down and turned to look at who else was up at 6:30 in the morning and saw me. Her entire face lit up and she looked at my mom and said, "Nana!! My TT here!!" Then she ran to me and gave me a huge hug. It's one of the sweetest moments of my life. I don't think I can think of another memory when someone was more genuinely excited to see me. I had been so nervous that she wouldn't even remember me and there she was running into my arms. So sweet!!
It's memories like that that assure me that when I leave, even though it's a time of sadness, the rejoicing of the return is sure to come. I'm sad to leave my family. I'm sad to leave my youth kids both here in Naperville and down in Indy. I'm sad to leave my friends and all the new babies that are around. BUT when I get home in a year, life will continue and all will be just fine.
It was on my drive home from Indiana this morning when I was thinking about these things. I went to Indy simply because I had a three day weekend and wanted to be able to relax. And I did. I got plenty of good sleep, got to hang out with Trent, and spend time the awesome peeps at New Hope Pres. All in all, a good weekend. In the 3 days that I was there I think I made the drive to the church at least once each day.
Now, Indianapolis isn't what i think of when I think of pretty autumn colors. (I actually think of places like Michigan, where I was last weekend. So beautiful!) However the drive to and from New Hope is gorgeous this time of year. Unlike here in the Chicago suburbs, there are actually a few rolling hills in Indy. They are beautiful this time of year, splashed with fiery oranges and yellows, vivid reds, and earthy browns. It's really an amazing sight to take in. I love Autumn, but am not a fan of winter (at least not 6 months of winter). This year I only have to endure a couple months of it though. :) Anyways the beauty of the scenic drive with the worship music playing over the radio was incredibly peaceful for me. Life has been crazy busy and I'm always on the go (mainly by choice), but in quiet of my car each day I found rest in the Lord. Then last night we were bored so I went to get a movie and decided to drive the same way, down the same roads even though the night would surely be hiding the beauty of the day. Yet in the bright moonlight I got little glimpses of what the day had already revealed. The colors were muted, not nearly as vivid, yet somehow in the quiet of the night (it wasn't late, but everyone was in watching the ridiculous Indy football team), remembering the beauty of the day, I again found rest and peace on my short drives with God. I just love sweet intimate moments with my Creator and Savior. I'm so thankful today for moments like these. These are just some more of the memories that will carry me through and help me to hang onto the promises of God when I'm 8,000 miles away and missing everything about the Midwest.

Surgery Update and Personal Musings

2010-09-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

I want to thank you all who have prayed for my dad this week with his surgery. He is a little sore, naturally, but he's doing well. Apparently he has to have another surgery a week from this Thursday on October, 7th. more prayers are welcome then. :) He has had so many surgeries in his life time, it's pretty ridiculous actually. He has a disease called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome (RSDS), now sometimes to referred to as CRPS. This website gives a very brief overview of the disease. https://health.google.com/health/ref/Complex+regional+pain+syndrome Dad has always been in stage three and there's really no way of turning it around. He's in pain constantly. The reason for his recent surgery was to have the spinal cord stimulator in his back replaced. He has two of these devices in his body and they help to control some of the pain. The old units had batteries that only last for up to five years. He had a new unit put in on Thursday with a battery life of up to nine years. Hopefully it will last that long. However, the lead that connects to his spinal cord is not functioning now, so he will go back on for another surgery to replace that lead. Realistically it could have been done this past week, but doctors know best right? Actually if you couldn't detect my sarcasm, I'm pretty frustrated with the whole situation. It is a bit excessive for a 61 year old man to have to have this many major surgeries (5 in a year). The anesthetic cannot be good for you that frequently. Anyway, that's the update on my dad... thanks for the prayers.

Something else I wanted to do today was write out some things that have been floating around my head lately. This will be many disjointed thoughts, not necessarily related at all to each other, some maybe selfish, but they're honest. Mostly this is stuff you might know already. Read at your own risk.

I want to get married soon enough for my daddy to be able to WALK me down the aisle. All the surgeries are not encouraging me to believe that will ever happen. It's not his fault and I'm not sure that he would care whether I got married in a church or a courthouse.
I'm not sure I want to have some big lavish wedding. I think a backyard barbecue would be just as much, if not more fun than a huge fancy reception. I have a feeling I won't want to be dressed up all day.
A wedding is not about a party at all... it's really about celebrating a marriage... and praising God. I want to worship at my wedding... maybe I'll play some guitar.
I would rather be outside doing something, even if it's nothing exciting, than sitting inside staring at the tv.
I really like tv some days, but often feel like I've wasted time when I watch for too long. It's a catch 22 for me.
I'm not good at time management, or as good as I would like to be.
I love to rest, but when I'm not busy I'm bored. I will complain about how tired I am, but then opt not to sleep in order to do something else.
I'm not good at taking naps, but I kind of want to be better.
I love the beach... like really love the beach, but wandering through the forrest/mountains is an adventure I would take any day.
I love to hike, but I'm clumsy so it's funny for whoever is with me.
I don't like to sweat, but I sweat all the time... a trait inherited from my dad. Sweaty hands are gross and embarrassing. Oh well, it is what it is.
My college degree is finally being used and I'm just realizing how grateful I am to be good at communicating with people. The skills that I learned have enabled me to have some really cool relationships with youth.
I love speaking to large groups, but often don't prepare. When I prepare I get nervous thinking that I will forget something.
I love being a mentor.
I tend to trust people from the start, but if it's broken, good luck repairing it. I should work on that.
Some of my best friends are in high school/college right now and I'm ok with that.
God has given me this ability to love people implicitly, and sometimes obviously. I would not change it for the world. My compassion keeps me busy.
I want to use the abilities I've been given to love others deeply, as Christ loves them. I love having a ministry that spans continents.
I am a people pleaser, who often seeks the approval of others. Yet, some times I don't care what other people think because I can be pretty hard headed.
I can talk my way out of things pretty well, something I learned from my sister (who probably has never paid a late fee, or a ticket she didn't deserve in her life.)
I am blunt and will be honest, but also careful with feelings. If you ask me what I think or how I feel I'll probably tell you straight up.
I am more self-conscience than I would like... I wish I was better at eating healthy and exercising. I need to lose weight. Will I be happier then?
I absolutely adore babies... especially tiny newborn babies. I have lots of experience with them and I'm good at caring for them and loving on them. I'm going to be a good mom, not too much of a freak, first time mom. I don't want kids any time soon though. As much as I love them, I have no desire to have my own for a long time. I just really love being around all these babies again. I wish my sister would have another one... a boy. :)
I love spending time with my nieces. 3 and a half and almost 6 years old... they are so cute. So naughty sometimes!
My youth kids are amazing... from both WSC and NHPC. I wish I could split myself in half so I could be with both groups all the time. Thank God for effective ministry.
Going back to Africa is something I've wanted to do since the day I set foot back in America. Now I'm getting sad as the time draws nearer for me to leave again. I've had too much time to think about leaving this time. God is sovereign and His timing is perfect. Apparently I wasn't ready to go when I wanted to, so I'll go when He sees fit.
God is my all, my everything even though I don't always turn to Him before I turn to others. I feel weak every time I try to do stuff on my own. It's sometimes easier to give a friend a call when I have a need, but ultimately until I bring it before the Lord I can't be peaceful.
I struggle to live with my family and don't tell them I love them enough. The truth is that I love them more than words can say. My brother is awesome and could do anything he wants in life, but he's held back by himself and his addictions. He should be playing major league baseball, but that time has passed him by. Sometimes I fear for his life. Leaving for Africa becomes harder when I think about him.
I think I'll always have at least one pet. I hate cats and will hopefully never own one. I love dogs... I don't love when I move to Uganda and my family gives my dog away. I love having a turtle.
As much as I love all things music, I'm mediocre at best and have to work hard to be mediocre. I have no confidence in my vocals or my ability to play the guitar and sometimes am too embarrassed to play/sing in front of others. When I'm doing it for the Lord though, it's all about Him and not how I sound. Thankfully. I should have stuck with my music major. I was good at music theory.
I like to read, but am guilty of picking a series that I really like and reading and rereading the same books over and over. I've read nothing but Harry Potter and Twilight for the past year. I need to work on being that excited to read my bible, and not so cocky thinking that I know it all.
Mighty Ducks 2 and Sandlot might be two of my all time favorite movies.
I love sports. The Cubs will always be my team no matter how many years it is before they win again. Da Bears have the ability to make me scream at the tv... obviously I could run the plays more effectively! :) I'll always be a fan of Chicago sports (minus that team from the south side) and I think I'll always despise Green Bay and the Colts.
I used to avoid the sun so as not to appear to be anything but Italian and now I love the brown-ness of my skin. My dad had skin cancer... I should be more careful than I am.
When I see pain in someone's life I try to fix it... unsolicited mostly. I think everyone deserves to be loved and to understand that they deserve to be loved.
I have only truly loved one guy. I've been "in love" with a few guys. There's a huge difference.
Purity is something I cherish and will preach it until I die. What a gift to give your future husband or wife. It didn't used to be such a rare gift. The consequences are beyond what you may think.
I love the city, but would rather live in the country where I can have a yard to play in.
Africa has forever changed my life. Uganda is beautiful. I can't wait to spend more time in Kenya and Sudan. I love being called to missions right now, despite the sadness of leaving. I want to walk the orange dirt roads today and hear a boda man call out, "Hey Mzungu!!"
I want to experience other cultures too. Being fluent in Spanish, Italian, and Swahili, and Arabic would be awesome. I want to learn languages. Russia presents a challenge to me because it's hard to get into and the language seems impossible. We'll see. I am willing to go anywhere and serve, including here in America.
I sometimes go on rants, but most of the time I write them out in email form and refrain from clicking send because when I read them a week later, it's not that big of a deal.
Writing out my true feelings is easier for me that speaking them because I tend to forget everything I want to say or express.
I love to write. I can knock out a good 10 pager in a few hours of focused time and do well on it.
I've been told that my 7 tattoos make me look trashy, which makes me kinda sad, but I understand it. I definitely regret the placement of some of them. I regret getting two altogether. It's too expensive to have them removed and not worth the scarring.
With all the surgeries I've had to have over my life, I should be set as an adult. I don't have an appendix, tonsils, or a gall bladder. I've had foot surgery, ear tubes more times than I can remember (hence the difficulty I have with hearing), and have had my wisdom teeth removed. Anesthesia makes me totally goofy. Any time I've gotten vicodin for the pain after surgery I've made a fool of myself. I'm a lightweight when it comes to that stuff I guess.
I hate money. I don't like having it, I don't like having to deal with it. I know I"ll never have a lot and I'm actually thankful for that. It runs the world and ruins lives, but somehow it's a necessity. I can manage a budget with ease, but would rather not need to.
I went to bed at 4:00 this morning and got up at 9... so I'm gonna go practice that whole nap taking thing.

Adventures with Rubies and Dirt Bikes

2010-09-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

August ended with a mixture of emotions as I had to say goodbye to some of the youth kids who have now gone off to college. Over the past year some really cool relationships have been built with these kids, so of course it was sad to watch them leave. On the other hand I'm really excited for all of them as they start this new part of their lives.
Ruby Elyse Freeman was born on August 31st at 10:06 pm. She is absolutely precious and I just love her so much. She has such a sweet spirit, very much like her mama. It was evident from the first time that I held her, only hours old, that Ruby is going to be a strong, beautiful woman. Both Carley and baby are doing really well as they adjust to life together. Matt is a very proud daddy and its fun to watch them interact. You can already tell that she just adores Carley and Matt. Here I am with her, she's two and half weeks old in this pic.
It's been so much fun to hang out with Ruby during the last couple of weeks. Babies do some very funny stuff that they don't even realize is funny. I know she doesn't have control over her expression yet, but in this picture she's showing one of her already famous facial expressions... the "o". So cute!!!

September has proved to be just as busy as the rest of my summer has been, but mostly this busyness has been my choice. I've recently decided that I want to get my motorcycle license. Not for any reason in particular, really just because it's fun. So in order to work up to that, one of my youth kids offered to let me try it out on one of his dirt bikes. So one Sunday afternoon, a crowd of youth kids gathered to watch me attempt to ride a dirt bike in the church parking lot. Of course I was really excited... and then I saw the crowd. As my nerves took over I knew there was no way to back out of it and live it down so I got on the bike, received a brief tutorial, and took off. After stalling twice, I wheelied and was off around the parking lot. I only rode for maybe 20 or 30 minutes that day, but in that short time it seemed like every pastor and other prominent member of the church passed through the parking lot. All in all it was a success and I didn't wipe out once... until the next weekend.
Tom and Ian Howard (father and son, owners of the bikes) invited me to go out to the trails with them and practice some more on the bike. They assured me that I wouldn't be slowing them down and that they had brought many newbies with them, so I quickly agreed to go. The 45 minute drive south to Marseilles, IL where the Cliffs Insane Terrain (www.thecliffsinsaneterrain.com) is located should have been a peaceful drive through the country. Instead, I could only focus on not throwing up because I was so nervous that I was going to be the one person who they take out that gets seriously injured. I mean, then name "Insane Terrain" doesn't have a comforting ring to it. We arrived around the same time and I watched as they unloaded the 3 dirt bikes. The parking lot was full of different off-road vehicles, from dirt bikes and ATVs, to dune buggies and tricked-out mud covered Jeeps. Some of these Jeeps had tires that were nearly as tall as I am. So sweet! Anyway, as I was watching these awesome vehicles climb the Hill that leads to the trails I thought, "there's absolutely no way that I'm going to be able to get the dirt bike up that gravel and rut covered hill."
We went up to the office, paid, signed waivers, and got our bracelets. Tom gassed the bikes up and we were ready to go. Well, they were. I felt sick. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was going to die. Well obviously I didn't die, but half way up the first hill I ended up in the trees. After a few rounds on the motocross track and lots of wipe outs, we went to a flat area for me to practice the basics. So I practiced shifting gears, using the foot brake, and not stalling because I tend to drop the clutch. After we practiced for a while, Tom convinced me to ride my bike down the hill back to the parking lot for some lunch. Getting down the hill was easier than I thought it would be, riding first gear and tapping the back brake. We got some lunch and then ventured back up the dreaded hill to the flat area where we had spent the morning. I made it up the hill without any problems this time, much more in control of the bike than I had been in the morning. I practiced shifting gears for a little while longer and then we (they) decided it was time to hit the trails. Judging by the amount of mud coming off Ian and Tom as they traded off watching me practice and exploring trails, I knew I was in for a slippery ride.
Leaving the flat (safe) area, around the first turn was a huge mud pit with standing water. The ruts from the Jeeps and ATVs were deep. I watched Tom and Ian successfully fly through the mud, keeping their feet out for balance. I froze. In my mind I decided that I was just going to head back down to the parking lot. There was no way I could have enough control of the bike, focus on the clutch, throttle, and brake and still make it through standing up. I had already taken my fair share of spills too... flown over the handle bars, bike falling on me as a rut stole my balance, ending up in the trees and bushes because I panicked and gave it too much gas. If I went out on the muddy trails I would surely die. Well Tom rode back over to where I stood frozen on my bike, and somehow convinced me to follow him, showing me exactly how to do it again. I reluctantly followed and successfully made it through that first mud pit without a fall. Can I just say that that was the easy part?!
The trails proved to be riddled with large rocks, trees branches, creeks, ruts, jumps, and other ridiculous obstacles. Through all that I took it slow, only wiping out once and having Tom take my bike down a hill he knew would be too challenging. I inadvertently took a jump that came out of no where and landed it. I have never felt my adrenaline course through my veins as much as I did that day. There were times when my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty (thankful for gloves!), and I was panicking, but I decided to keep going. After making it through that we reconvened in the parking lot and I suggested that the boys go out without me so they didn't have to go slow anymore. They explored for another 20 minutes or so and then we packed up. At the end of it all, I was still smiling, so it couldn't have been that bad, right?
After I got home and showered all the mud off of me, I assessed the damages. Lots of large bruises, but nothing horrible until the next day. It was a challenge to lift my arms... it felt like I had spent a day at the gym pumping some serious iron. It's been two and half weeks since we were on the trails and the bruising is almost completely gone now. At first I decided I would never go again, but today it doesn't sound so bad. :)
The next weekend I decided to go up to East Lansing to Michigan State to visit with some of the youth kids. 4 of my girls go to college within an hour of each other so the other 3 made their way to MSU for a visit. I brought Jacob (another college freshman) with me since he's going to school locally and it was nice to have a friend with me in the car to keep me entertained. We had a fun filled weekend of eating food, walking around campus, eating more food, walking more, eating ice cream, and walking some more. It was really just a sweet time with kids that I love dearly. I enjoyed getting to see where Jodi is these days and how life at a state school works. The campus is absolutely beautiful. We had a blast simply being together. The Lord has really opened doors and enabled me to be someone that these kids really trust and depend on. It's a total blessing to have such awesome relationships with them. I think it was a nice break for all of them too. Nice for Jacob to get out of Naperville, for Jodi to have familiar faces, and for KP, Morgan, and Alex to get away from school for a while. Praise the Lord for good friends.

I am still in the process of figuring out what's next for me here in America. I have some really tough choices to make for the next few months, but I know I'm ready for a change. I've been looking for jobs and housing in Indy, so that's a good possibility. Please join me in praying for clarity and the right decisions for both me and the kids I minister to. Also please pray for my dad as he's scheduled to undergo major surgery this Thursday if he's healthy enough. I'm hoping to post again soon after his surgery to update you all on how it went. Thanks ahead of time for the prayer.
I am still planning on a January departure back to Uganda. Please continue to lift up the ministries there. Pray for the people and their hearts. Rest in the promises of Pslam 37 today. Thanks friends!

Delayed, but blessed

2010-08-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Now that August is almost over and September is on the horizon I think it's time to fill you all in on what's been happening in my world.

The youth mission trip with Wheatland Salem went really well. I had the amazing opportunity to get to know some really awesome kids and adults leaders even better than I could have imagined. The worksite that I was placed on was a ton of fun and the resident that we worked for was a major blessing. She was about 80 years old and had some very heart breaking, yet hopeful stories of living in Birmingham during the Civil Rights movement. I can't begin to describe all of the things that she saw and experienced during that time, but it definitely became more real for me that week. She stood very firm on Psalm 23 and the Lord being her shepherd, and that's what has carried her this far. I was the site devo leader so each day I would read some scripture and then talk it through, but when I would finish, Ms. Willie would give her take on things. The wisdom of the elderly is a great thing.
Other than the worksite, there was a ton of time to fellowship with the kids. We got to hang out a bunch and just enjoy each other. They are a very fun group of kids and I count myself lucky to have been able to spend so much time with them. The Lord really moved in the hearts of some and it was very cool to see some changes being made.
One of my favorite parts of the week was the driving. I had all seniors in my van and I've been helping to lead the senior small group at sunday school, so it was pretty sweet for me to hang out with those kids before they all leave me and go to college.

Anyways, since being home from B-ham I've been kept pretty busy with work and hanging out with the youth and friends. My good friend Laura had her baby and I was able to go visit him the week after he was born. He's just perfect! So sweet. I love being able to see Laura and Tripp as parents... they are fantastic and I love them so much. Here I am with David Grant IV
Every weekend has been full of fun times. Some of the youth came out to my house one Sunday afternoon and we drove out to Starved Rock for some hiking. We had a blast exploring, deer whispering, hiking down into canyons, and playing in caves. My best friend from college, Ashley came in one weekend and we had a good time catching up, seeing movies, and just being lazy. I always love the time I get to spent with her... and it was also cool to have her come to church with me because it's such a huge part of my life. The youth kids also decided to drive out one day during the week last week, so we went fishing at Silver Springs right on the Fox river by my house. It was so fun to just hang out and love on them before school starts and gets in the way of fun times. We played a little frisbee, did some hiking, tried to catch guppies with our hands, played with the remote control boat they brought, and then hung out at my house. I'm so honored to be someone that the kids really enjoy spending time with. The Lord has really opened up doors for good relationships, mentoring, and opportunities to share His love. What a blessing!

This past weekend was the youth kick off at New Hope Presbyterian. So I took two of the girls from my youth group (Jodi and Morgan) down to hang out with me and Trent and his youth. The girls had been asking me if they could come to Indy with me and it was the perfect weekend for it. The drive was so much more fun with the girls with me plus we had a blast hanging out with Trent. We helped make a slime pit and then got to play in it. We organized and played "Ultimate What" which is basically ultimate frisbee with random objects in place of the frisbee... like eggs, watermelon, a sack of flour. Really anything to get the kids messy is fun! There was also a bonfire for hot dogs and s'mores. So much fun!
Beyond the silliness of hanging with the youth I had the opportunity to mentor one of Trent's youth kids that I've built a good relationship with. God has opened up a huge door there and I love that I get to be a part of it. I also got to meet and have coffee with one of the other adult leaders who had come on the mission trip with us back in July, Jill. She is an amazingly fun, strong woman who I just love! She has quickly become one of my favorite people ever.

On a different note, my trip to Uganda has been delayed until January. The missionaries that I will be working directly with are not going to be back in Uganda until then, so for now I'm State-side for a while. I've gone through a variety of emotions since hearing that I'm delayed, but in seeking the Lord I've found a peace about the timing. God is sovereign and His timing is perfect. So for now I get to be around. I'm not sure what the next 5 or so months look like, but I know that the ministry I've been given will continue to grow and I'm very excited about having extra time with the people I love before I leave again.
My best friend, Carley is due to have her first baby this Friday and I am really excited that I'll get to hang out with baby girl for a while before I head off again. I'm so thrilled for another baby girl to love on and spoil... being an aunt is so much fun!!
I'm currently looking into housing options and a possible job change, so I'd really appreciate prayer on that. Would you also pray for patience and a continued peace about being delayed and timing? Thank you for sticking with me as my journey continues. I appreciate all of the prayers, love, and support you've shown over the past few years. Please don't hesitate to send prayer requests to my email! Much love!

May to July, time flies!

2010-07-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

A lot happens in two months. I honestly don't even know where to begin. May ended with lots of time spent with lots of awesome people. My BFFs were all in town for a baby shower and we had some really sweet times of catching up. This was the first time we've all been together in 3 years. I spent Memorial Day in Indy with my friend Trent and his youth... we went to a bunch of grad parties for the seniors. It was fun to visit with all of them.

June brought on the start of my crazy summer. The trip to Haiti went off without a hitch. Those of you who read my email updates know that stepping off the plane was like stepping home for me. It was all somehow very familiar because I was reminded instantly of Africa. From the sights to the smells to the beautiful faces, I felt right at home. My time there was heartbreaking for obvious reasons, but more than that it was encouraging. The people of Haiti have hope, a deep seeded hope that they refuse to ignore. We got to minister to a few different groups of people and ministries and we also had the opportunity to visit the area where the heart of the damage still sits. Though the country was devastated they are working to move forward.

I got home from Haiti on Saturday and left on the following Wednesday for the 100 year anniversary Celebration of World Gospel Mission in Indiana. Throughout the week about 1,000 guests graced the campus of my Alma Mater, Indiana Wesleyan University, to enjoy fellowship and to hear updates on the mission and all of the fields that it serves. It was beautiful to see so many of God's missionaries in one place at the same time to worship Jesus and honor the work He has done through WGM in the past 100 years. People from all over the world were able to obtain visas and come share their stories and experiences. It was very cool to hear their testimonies about their lives being forever changed because someone said "yes" to the call God placed on their life. Mugisha Emmy is a pastor that was trained through WGM missionaries in Uganda. He now works with the missionaries there to train pastors and youth pastors. Mugisha experienced his first flight and first trip out of Africa to come to Celebration. It was a delight to hear his perspective on America and to talk through some of his first thoughts. Can you imagine having never been to a Walmart before? What in the world would you be thinking, not knowing something like that even existed? Kind of crazy to think about, right?

Being in Indiana for Celebration meant spending time with the awesome people from Trent's church again. I've enjoyed being able to spend so much time with them. I got to see some fireworks with Trent and some of the youth a week early for their local festival. Very fun!

For the 4th I was here in Illinois. My sister, bro-in-law, and nieces were gone on vacation and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I had nothing I had to do and nowhere I HAD to be. It was fantastic. I literally slept all day that Saturday, only waking to eat some lunch, read a bit, and lay in the sun. It was awesome. I was also very blessed to be able to spend time with my some of my best friends at a pool all day one day and watching fireworks with some of my youth kids. All in all, one of the best 4th of July weekends ever! :)

A few days after the 4th I left home yet again to head to Indy. I had a meeting scheduled with the missions committee at Trent's church (New Hope Pres) on the 8th that happened to get cancelled. It worked out just fine though because I would have been down there the next day to prepare to leave on the youth mission trip with Trent. We left Saturday morning and headed to New York where we spent the week doing various ministries in the Adirondack mountains with YouthWorks. There were 6 of us leaders and 24 youth. Some of the youth were kids that I didn't know very well if at all, so it was pretty cool to get to know some new faces. Also some came on the trip who aren't a part of the church at all which opened up doors for some great convos and times of teaching. Even though it was a fantastic trip and I was very blessed to have the chance to go with Trent and the kids, it was a little bittersweet for me. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it and was reminded SO often of why I love hanging out and ministering to youth, but I was a little sad thinking about leaving for Uganda. I spent a week building up some really awesome relationships with the kids and other leaders, only to turn around and leave. Of course I'm stoked to get back to Uganda, but it doesn't make leaving any easier.

I still don't have a definitive departure date, so I know I'll get to see the kids again... I just wish I got to spend time with them more often. It's a hard thing to be a part of a youth group that I don't get to spend a ton of time with. I love the kids from New Hope so much that I wish I could be there all the time. BUT I love the kids from Wheatland Salem so much too and love seeing them all the time! Darn, listen to me whine about the ways that God is moving! :) I really am super thankful to belong to two awesome groups of kids.

So after just getting home from Indy last night, I'll work this week and then leave Saturday morning to do it all over again with the youth from WSC. Our youth mission trip is to Birmingham, Alabama and we're going through Group Work Camps. The theme is Undeserved and I'm pretty excited to hear some good preaching along those lines. We're printing the t-shirts at my job and they look pretty sweet! It'll be really sweet to spend time with my kids, especially the ones getting ready to go off to college. The Lord has really enabled me to build some strong relationships with the kids and I love them so much! Yay for youth ministry!!

When I get back from B-ham, I'm sure I'll find some time to update on how the trip goes. I jump right into a busy month of August... with baby showers, 2 new babies, youth leaving for college, visiting friends in Ohio (hopefully!!), time with youth in Indy, on top of getting myself ready to leave and raising support. I would like to say some rest would be nice, but what fun would that be?

Beyond all of those things, I'm sure many of you have heard about the bombings in Uganda. They happened during the World Cup game on Sunday and it's completely heartbreaking to hear about. Everyone that I know well is safe, but many people lost their lives and I happen to know families of those who were lost. Please be praying for Kampala. One of the restaurants that was bombed, Ethiopian Village was owned by a family whose children attend Heritage (the school where I taught). It is frequented by the Acker family, but thankfully they were at home when it happened. It hits really close to home when you've been there... I mean, we picked up food from there one day and brought it to a visit day for one of the Sudanese guys at boarding school. Pray for peace and pray for justice. God is sovereign. Thanks friends!

Coming soon

2010-07-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted... almost 2 months. I planned on getting something posted this week, but didn't manage my time as I could have thus, no new post. I am getting ready to leave on the first youth mission trip to New York with Trent and his youth. I'm really hoping to get something up between this trip and the next youth mission trip with WSC. Check back soon for updates! :)

A Familiar Tune

2010-05-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

What? 2 in one week?? That's right, get excited! This one should be fairly short though... I just had a thought as I was driving home last night. I've been listening to the newest Selah cd a lot... they're a fantastic Christian group with absolutely beautiful harmonies behind their strong melodies. Anyways the title of my last post "Standing on the Promises of God" is an old hymn and Selah's version is just awesome. Well just the statement "standing on the promises of God" has been a great reminder to me lately as I find myself frustrated with different things in my day to day. But the other night I went to the finale concert at Neuqua Valley High School (my Alma Mater) with one of my youth kids to see some of the other youth kids who were performing. I love going back and hearing how amazing the choirs sound... the directors do a fabulous job. The entire music department at NVHS is recognized as a top school in the nation. Check out their website www.neuquamusic.org and see all of their accomplishments, including Grammy awards.

Each year at the finale concert the graduating seniors are recognized and asked to step forward. Their names are read, the senior achievement award is given to one outstanding senior, and then the rest of the choir and any alumni in the audience are asked to stand and sing the Alma Mater to the seniors. It's a special time for the seniors and their families. I went to the concert knowing that I would stand and sing the Alma Mater, but stressed because I couldn't remember all the words or what the melody even sounded like. So as I stood up I was a little panicked, but as soon as we started singing everything just flowed. The words came back, the melody was strong against the harmony I was singing. Of course I wasn't sitting near anyone else who would have stood up (the student I was with didn't know the song) so I was kind of on my own in my section. The sound resonating around the auditorium was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed singing the alto part that was still so familiar (even though I thought it wasn't) to me while listening to the other parts blend together as smoothly as silk.

It was all very anticlimactic... something that I was actually nervous about turned out to be so easy. So as I drove home I began to think about how familiar the evening was. Sitting in the audience is of course different than performing, but it was so easy to know exactly what the students were thinking and feeling. I could pick out certain students and compare them with ones in my graduating class... almost 10 years ago, btw! I remembered so easily what it's like to prepare for the concert, to have to hurry and hang your robes up perfectly in order with the stole in place, on the correct hanger. Then you rush out to hang with your friends and family. Something that I haven't done in that place in almost 10 years came flooding back as though it happened yesterday. Now, if you had asked me what I remembered about the whole process prior to me attending the concert I would have struggled a bit... maybe given some vague thoughts about it, but I wouldn't have thought I could recall as much of the feeling and experience of the evening.

I feel like I do that same thing with God. No matter where I'm at in life or what is currently occupying my time, God is always so familiar and it sometimes catches me off guard. The things that I can recall, or that He recalls for me are so familiar. When I need to relate to someone on something that I haven't experienced in years, I can. To me, that's one of the most amazing parts of an ongoing personal relationship with Jesus. I spent countless hours in the music wing at Neuqua, but even still some of those memories fade because I'm not still there and involved. Because I choose to "stand on the promises of God", those things never change. God is constant so being familiar with Him gets easier the more time you put into a relationship with Him. I guess it's was just a good reminder.

Standing on the Promises of God

2010-05-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

It's only been 2 weeks... not bad, right? To be honest the past few weeks have flown by. My wisdom teeth removal was not the worst experience ever, however the recovery has not been fun. My face wasn't bruised or horribly swollen which is a blessing though. So I was able to go down to Indy to get my guitar. I was also able to finally get my new tattoo which is pretty exciting! It's on my wrist and it says "Remain in Me" from John 15. I've been thinking about it for a long time... which is more than I can say for most of my other tattoos. I do have to say that this one hurt a LOT more than any of the other ones, probably enough to keep me from ever getting another one!

2 years ago I was in Panama City Beach, Florida on vacation. I decided to take my bible head down to the beach one evening during the sunset. I had decided prior to getting down to the beach that I would just pick a few Psalms to read so that I wasn't committed to a long time and could get back up to the room and hang out. Well after reading a few familiar Psalms I felt the Spirit prompting me to dig a little deeper. So I flipped to the New Testament, ready to hear something from Jesus. I ended up in John, which happens to be my favorite gospel to read. I thumbed through the pages and ended up stopping at chapter 15. Now, some of you may remember a little book by Bruce Wilkinson called "Secrets of the Vine." It was a very small, simple book written not too long ago that became a phenomenon for many people. It's based on John 15 and gaining a life of abundance through prayer. There is even a prayer given that you can pray to gain abundance. This book became so huge and main stream in my area during high school that people began to believe it as magic words to gain money and success. "Just pray these words and you'll be given everything you've ever wanted" was the theme that came out of it. I've read the book and I understand the author's purpose and people misconstrued his words, however I have been VERY turned off from John 15 because of how over done it was in my high school years. All of that to say that as I stopped on this very familiar passage of scripture I thought, "I haven't read this in a while, I guess it won't hurt to speed read over it."

First of all, how conceited of me to think I know everything about a passage and that God wouldn't have a new word for me! I think back on my attitude towards John 15 and I'm embarrassed because I know that there are other books that I've avoided because I've been convinced that I had them figured out, that I couldn't learn anything new from reading them. I've missed out on so much and I've limited God by ignoring parts of His word because of my own self-righteousness. That's a hard thing to admit, fo sho!

So anyways, before I began to read on that breezy April evening in Florida I prayed and asked God to speak loud and clear through His word. I was at a place of complacency in life and wanting answers as to what God wanted from me... where I was to go next, or how I was to be moving in my ministry. Well He answered loud and clear as I read and studied John chapter 15 that evening! It was then, on that beach that I received my call into missions. Through a time of intense studying and prayer, the Lord revealed that He is giving me the unique opportunity to go and serve where ever I'm needed... and at the time it was Uganda. He gave me the strong promise that if I remained in Him, abided in Him, He would remain in me. He called me to love others deeply, in a way that I'm not capable of without Him. He called me to go and build strong relationships, to use the communication skills that He's given me to further His Kingdom. I am getting ready to head back to Uganda for another year, (and while I don't think that I'm called to Africa for the rest of my life, rather whatever mission field can use me, maybe America... who knows?) and the most important thing for me to remember as I prepare to leave the people and places that I love is to remain in Him. To stand firmly on the promises of God. So, that's what this tattoo is about. I like it.

The rest of the weekend was just hangout time. Church Sunday, then lunch with an awesome family, a nap, and back to the church for a grad party/Eagle Scout ceremony. One of the senior boys at New Hope had asked me to come and I wasn't planning on being in town, but as you might recall I'm the smartest person ever and had to go back for my forgotten guitar, so it turned out to be a blessing. I left pretty early so that I could get home and have a minute to chill before heading back to work. Throughout the weekend my teeth didn't feel too bad. I ate soft food, didn't drink through a straw, and therefore didn't have to worry about taking any strong pain meds. The doc did put me on steroids, which I guess is normal to help with swelling. That was NOT fun for me. They caused me some major anxiety... so much so that on that first Saturday night, while I was in Indy I didn't sleep one minute. It was NOT fun. I was shaky and nervous. It was definitely my least favorite part of the wisdom teeth removal. Well at least until my stitches got pulled out on tuesday because I decided I was ok to eat a piece of beef jerky, which in effect pulled out the stitches, leaving a nerve nice and exposed. Gross, right? Yeah, well not just gross... incredibly painful! I don't normally take the pain meds that I'm prescribed after a surgery, but you better believe that last week I took vicodin on more than one occasion. Since I don't take that stuff often, it makes me loopy. I imagine that that's what it feels like to be drunk. I don't like it at all. A visit to the dentist confirmed the exposed nerve and since then I've been doing my best to keep my mouth clean so that it will heal because I'm pretty tired of having this nerve pain! My bad!

Over this past weekend we had a mission trip training day with the youth which was a blast. We laughed a whole lot while getting our work done. It was a great preview of what the mission trip will be like this summer. I had a couple of the senior girls over for a sleepover the night before because the training was way out by my house anyway and of course we had a blast! Love those girls!! I love the opportunities to minister to an awesome group of kids. As leaders, we're definitely blessed at Wheatland Salem. :) I can't wait to hang out with everyone again this wednesday night for youth group! This coming weekend we're having Alexandria's 3rd birthday party which will be a blast. She's too darn cute. I'm also leading worship for the confirmation service on Sunday. Then the next weekend all my bff's will be in town for Carley's baby shower!! I seriously cannot wait to spend time with them!! I haven't seen Stacy and Owen since July and Michelle since Christmas. The weekend after that I"ll be in Indianapolis for all of the fun graduation parties of the youth down there. Once again, time is flying. Before I know it I'll be in Haiti with WSC, then New York with NHPC, then Birmingham with WSC, then it'll be August and time to start packing for Uganda.

Please be praying as all of this exciting stuff is coming up. Pray for times of rest in the midst of the insanity. Pray also for Uganda, World Gospel Mission, Heritage International School, the families and missionaries there now. Pray for ministries here, for health, for family and friends. Let me know how I can be praying for you. Be blessed this week. Much love homies!

Boom, roasted!

2010-04-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

I think I see a pattern forming here. I keep meaning to post, but in this case I don't think it's the thought that counts. I've often thought about updating and sharing what the Lord is doing, but honestly that does you no good, now does it? As per usual time has flown by. I've been really blessed to have lots of quality time with the youth from WSC. Relationships are growing in both quality and quantity and I'm SO thankful for that. God has really opened up a big door with youth stuff at that church and I'm loving every minute of it. I honestly can't imagine doing anything else right now. There are a few pics up on facebook and I'm hoping to add some more this week of the fun we've been having together. Easter flew by and I've of course stayed crazy busy with work and ministry.

I just got home today from vacation. I left on the 16th and spent the weekend in Indy. From there we got down to Panama City Beach, Florida on Monday afternoon. I went with Trent and our friend Drew. Trent and I have been to Panama City Beach before so it was nice to kinda be familiar with the area. We spent the week hanging out at the beach, in the hot tub, gator hunting, snorkeling, seeing movies, and just relaxing. It was definitely just what I needed. We had an amazing hotel suite too, which made it all the better because we each had our own space. My parents generously gave us use of a free voucher they got from their timeshare, so we stayed for free in a suite that costs something like $4,500 per week. Crazy!! Praise the Lord for an almost free vacation. My mom even gave us $250 worth of gift cards to various restaurants so quite a few of our meals were free. Such a blessing, let me tell you!

Beyond all of the activities though, were some really sweet times with Jesus. I decided to wake up early (and by early I mean like 10 am) everyday to spend time with Jesus. I don't normally wake up before I have to for anything, and when I'm at home I stay up later to pray and hang out in the Word, but for some reason getting up in a quite hotel, sitting on a balcony in the warmth of the morning sun, overlooking the bay was the perfect time to meet with God. I felt drawn into His presence. I love it when the Lord prompts you to study something specific because He has a word directly for you. My word came from Romans. I've been praying over some stuff for years now and each time I begin to give up, or throw in the towel, God comes and reminds me to be patient.

Well, can I just say that I am honestly getting tired of being patient? Have you ever had a situation that you just wanted to see have closure? Or maybe something that you wanted to see happen or change, and God just keeps telling you to relax. Well, I finally told God (as if He didn't already know) that I am done. I can't sit and be patient anymore. It goes against logic to sit and wait and some times it even hurts your heart. So I sat down one morning and wrote out my exact thoughts to the Lord. These are thoughts and prayers that I have uttered countless times over the past however many years or months. And do you want to know exactly what God said to me? "But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently." Boom, roasted. It actually makes me giggle a little... I reminded Jesus of my situation, of why I don't want to wait and be patient, why I need His provision and strength, and yet again I was told to wait. Really? I guess when you are looking for a real direct answer you'll get one. But somehow, even though it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, or even the answer I was praying against, it was a direct answer. He hasn't forgotten. He knows the pain, the heartbreak, the joy, the laughter. He knows. And He has sent a Helper to intercede on our behalf.

The next passage of scripture that I got to said this, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." Romans 8:26 With so many situations, I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to pray for. Especially situations that have been ongoing prayer requests. I grow weary of praying the same thing over and over... even knowing that it doesn't fall upon deaf ears. The situations that God is telling me to be patient with, are the kind of situations that I don't even know how to pray for anymore. There's not a new way of bringing them before God. But the Holy Spirit is willing to plead on my behalf... what?! He prays for us. He prays in groanings that can't be expressed with words. That's so powerful. You know you've had things that you've simply cried over because you don't even know what to say anymore. Some of my prayer requests seem to be getting that way. And for someone who doesn't cry often at all, it's stressful. There are times when words can't express what you're feeling and an outpouring of emotion is the only way to express yourself. Can you imagine how much more deeply the Holy Spirit feels emotion and pleads for us? I've read over this scripture many times before, but it's never stuck out to me that the Holy Spirit pleads for us (verse 27 says, "And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.") Are you letting the Spirit plead on your behalf? Are you worn out beyond belief and have no way of expressing yourself? How freeing to trust the Spirit enough to bring it to God.
Anyways, all of that to say that I loved hearing loud and clear from the Lord... made for a good vacation. Jesus is so thought provoking for me. We got back from Florida at like 2 am on Sunday. Got up a few hours later to go to church, napped all afternoon, then hung out and had youth group last night. Youth group at NHPC is always a blessing for me and I just love all those kids so much. I'll probably get to see them again much sooner than I had planned because I completely forgot my guitar at Trent's and since I use it weekly, I have to go back down and get it this weekend. My week is already booked... I'm leading a women's group bible study tomorrow night, wednesday I have a meeting and youth group, Thursday I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled, and then depending on how I'm feeling I'll head down to Indy on Friday. The weekend seems to be booked already too, but would I have it any other way? Nope. I live to be busy I guess. :)

May is rapidly approaching and promises to fly by because it's so booked up. I can't believe how quickly my departure for Uganda is approaching. I have about $4,000 left to raise, which is a little less than a quarter! It's definitely all God too, because I've not done much in the way of speaking at churches or anything. Praise be to God. My goal is to be done with fundraising by August 1st so I can enjoy my last month or so visiting with family and friends before I leave. Please continue to join me in praying for Uganda, for preparations, for money, for WGM, for ministries there, and for new opportunities. Pray for my heart.

Hopefully it won't be another month before I sit down to update, but you never know. Email me your prayer requests. :) Blessings and much love!

Busyness

2010-03-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Forgive me... I've been lost in the busyness of life. It's been my intention to update for weeks, but alas I've simply not taken the time to sit down and do it. It seems like I've not actually rested long enough to put my thoughts together, so we'll see how this goes. Leading worship for the Alpha retreat at church went well a few weeks ago. I was very blessed by my time at the retreat. It was Spirit-filled, and a great time of learning. My weeks have been full of work and ministry. It seems like I've been driving to Naperville nearly every single day to either hang out with kids or do something else with the church. From missions meetings to leadership meetings, my schedule is never ceasing. Of course all the driving means that my bank account is pretty depleted these days so I'm focusing on staying put a lot more.

I haven't been able to make it down to Indy since February and it's definitely a bummer for me. I miss hanging out with those kids and I miss my friend. It doesn't look like I'll make it down anytime soon and it'll be like a full 2 month span that I wasn't able to make it down before we leave for vacation. April 16th I say goodbye to Illinois for a while and I get to go to Indy for the weekend and then from there we leave for Florida for a week. I'm SO looking forward to that... a time away with friends, relaxing sounds amazing right about now. Who wouldn't want to sit on a beach and play guitar right??

Anyways, last night was the first Wheatland Cafe that raised funds for Uganda. (more photos on facebook) The focus of the evening was worship and it turned out to be a really chill time with some awesome people. The current youth worship team that I direct did a fabulous job!! I'm SO proud of them. Ben Thomas played too it was a major blessing and honor to have him involved. He and his wife, Joy are very supportive of me and I just love them so much. I mentioned before that I was going to have the youth worship team reunite from when I played on it and we did. It was so cool to be leading with all those guys again. I do have to admit that because of our schedules and locations, we weren't able to practice at all before going on. Of course playing guitar next to John Dudich makes me nervous because my skill level so slight next to him, but I feel like it didn't matter in the end. Everything went as well as it could, not having practiced. The only thing that I didn't like was that I sang... the thing is, my mic was really loud and it was hard to hear John, Carley, and Laura. On that team of people, my mic should have been turned down the most. I rarely sang on the team in high school, I mainly played rhythm guitar because that's what was needed. I'm just not a confident singer, so it's stressful for me to be loudest. Regardless though, in the grand scheme of things it's doesn't matter and we had fun. I'm really looking forward to the show in May because some guys that Trent knows are in a band and they're coming up from Indy to play. It'll be fun to be able to just relax and not worry about what my responsibilities are.

Fundraising seems to be going fairly well right now. I'm more than halfway funded and can't even believe how awesome people are. The Lord is prompting people to give and they are being faithful in responding to Him. I'm being covered with prayer and it's definitely being felt. What a difference it makes when people are praying! Truly. Having all of this time to think about heading back to Uganda is really great. It was so fast last time, the decision to go was made and I left. I've been preparing for this trip since returning last June. Even in the busyness of life as of late, I've been able to process through some of the thoughts running through my mind... the excitement of getting back, the fear of the unknown, the heart-breaking sadness of leaving those I love, and so many more. Above all of those things though, something greater is looming. The fact is that I'm going because God has called me to go. There is a need amongst the people I get to interact with. It's a need that the Lord continues to equip me to help meet. Jesus. All of the fears, the excitement, and unknown, all of those things are completely covered by Jesus and the task at hand.
During the sermon 2 weeks ago, Pastor Scott said something that has stuck in my mind. "Jesus is relentless in His ministry." I love the present tense that Scott used. Jesus IS. First of all... SO true! Second, what an awesome example of how to approach the ministry I'm in now and the ministry that awaits in East Africa. Relentless, never ceasing, always moving forward. In the end, I would love to hear Jesus say, "Christina was relentless in her ministry." Even when I get tired and grow weary, my prayer is that I would still be relentless. No excuses. Through His relentless ministry, the way Jesus related with people and loved on people sticks out to me. During the Last Supper Jesus and the Disciples are hanging out and during the meal Jesus tells them of the betrayal that is about to take place. According to the Message translation, "the one Jesus loved dearly" aka John was leaning on Jesus. I imagine John had his head resting on Jesus' shoulder with affection. It seems like such a small act, but the level of comfort among Jesus and the disciples was great. For one man to recline on another man is not something common in our culture. There's great love there. When my niece, Alexandria who's almost 3 comes and sits down and says she wants to "cuddle me" there's no greater feeling. She knows that she loves me and wants to be near me. John loves Jesus and wants to be near Him. Jesus loved John dearly, just as He loved the others dearly. Jesus wants us, especially in our relentless ministry, to climb into His lap, just because we want to be near Him. Because we love Him. I would say that relentless ministry can only happen when we truly climb onto His lap and lean on Him. Amen?

So anyways... things I'm looking forward to: the youth being on spring break and fun hang out times, regular Sunday school curriculum, RENT with Ashley, Holy week and Easter, Selah concert with Trent, time in Indy at New Hope Pres, Florida beach vacation, a new tattoo, Carley's baby shower with my bffs, Haiti mission trip with WSC, WGM 100 years Celebration, New York mission trip with New Hope PC, and Birmingham mission trip with WSC! So much is happening in the next 5 months before I leave!!

Please continue praying for support to come in and for partnerships. Pray for Uganda, Heritage International School, and World Gospel Mission. Pray for health safety. Thanks you guys. Please let me know how I can be praying for you. Much love!