The Lord Will Fight

Today was different.  Good different... finally.  For the first time in a long time I felt like I could breathe.  Nothing extraordinary took place.  Just peace.  Life has been anything but normal for me these days and I'm ready to get back to some form of normalcy.  It will happen eventually, of this I'm sure.

A fresh promise from God could not have come at a better time.  A friend recently sent me this verse, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."  Exodus 14:14.  I've been meditating on this verse for nearly a week now.  It hit me like John 15 did so many years ago... stopped me in my tracks.  My plans ceased and God started making some changes.  I've not been too pliable lately, but that must end.  Even in the stillness I'm being called to, I must be willing to move and bend.  God is fighting for me... and it's a good thing because I'm tired.  He doesn't grow tired of fighting for me.  He doesn't grow tired at all.  Knowing that is such sweet relief to my weary soul.

In this passage from Exodus, the Israelites had just witnessed the first Passover.  They saw the miracles of God first hand and yet at the first sign of trouble, they panicked.  I'm much like the Israelites in that way... miracle after miracle and clear word after clear word, and I still panic.  But the Egyptian army was closing in on them and they had reached a dead end.  The Red Sea.  Had God not already promised to save them?  Indeed.  But they panicked nonetheless.  After they are all clear and to the other side, when the Lord destroys the entire Egyptian army, it is then that the Israelites fear and trust Him.

Oh Lord, may I not be as wishy-washy as the Israelites.  I know that Your promises are true and that You are trustworthy.  Let me not forget that You will fight and I need only be still.

Retreating, Idol Removal, and Other Adventures

Warning: a long update lies ahead.  Proceed with caution.

A few weeks ago I mentioned a retreat that I had taken with my youth kids.  I've taken some time to think through and process all of the things God did and the best way to describe it is amazing.  Of course, I expect nothing less when it comes to God.  The group that went was a good mix of newbies and veterans to this particular retreat center.  The couple of weeks leading up to the retreat, I spent a good amount of time in prayer and I also asked my youth team to be praying as well.  The day before we left on the retreat I had a phone prayer time with the other leader who came on the retreat as well.  Many of our congregants were in prayer too.  It's such a blessing to have so much prayer support and I'm convinced that the retreat went the way it did because it was completely covered in prayer.  Thank you to those who prayed with us.

Everything went smoother than I ever could have hoped.  We never have any behavior problems (so far), but everything else ran very well too.  The trip up to the retreat center was a blast.  After we got settled in, we went for our first time of corporate worship.  It's always such a refreshing time for me to be able to just be with my kids without having the pressure of preparing huge lessons and teaching.  I got to just sit with them and worship Jesus.  How cool is that?  After worship, they went to their age group meetings and the leaders had a meeting.  After that we met back up with just our church in our designated room.  What an amazing time of vulnerability.  My other leader led a short devo for us, we chatted, prayed, and then went to play wallyball until bed time.

The next morning at breakfast we found our assigned tables for our church, but instead of splitting into two groups, we all decided to cram around one table.  It was then that I knew the retreat was going to be nothing short of awesome.  My kids, ranging in age from 12 to 18 actually WANTED to sit together.  They were genuinely enjoying each other and loved getting to know the others.  My heart was swelling with pride in that moment.  After breakfast we went to morning worship and then the kids went to two seminars of their choosing while my other adult leader and I met to pray and pick music for our church group time later that night.  Again, that time of prayer and worship with the other leader was incredibly important and definitely prepared our hearts for our time with the students later that night.

Volleyball tournament... heading to the 2nd round!

The afternoon was spent playing in a volleyball tournament, sitting in a hot tub and sauna, swimming, and playing more wallyball.  Our kids stuck together the whole afternoon... again, they really loved their time together.  After dinner came the talent show and then evening worship.  My leader and I had been praying specifically for the evening worship service because as is the norm on retreats like that, it was going to be the alter call night.  I knew I had kids who didn't personally know Jesus and my prayer was that if they made that decision, it wouldn't be based on the pure emotion of the moment.  My prayers were answered and the college kids leading the weekend did a fantastic job of presenting the Gospel and opening the alter without trying to coerce the kids into anything.  I believe that the decisions made that night were very genuine.  During the music, though they were playing songs I loved, I couldn't do anything but pray for my kids.  And then during the alter call I had the opportunity to pray over each of my students individually.  It was such a privilege to kneel beside them, ask if I could pray, and then pray for them.  Thanks be to God for leading in that way.  All glory to Him for the souls that were saved that night!  After that, our church group time was a fabulous time of worship and fellowship.  We got hear from the kids and talk them through what they had experienced and then of course, we ended the night with a crazy game of wallyball.

By the time Sunday morning came, we were all a bit sleepy, but still somehow energized by God's movement.  The closing worship was great and our church group time was a sweet time of worship and sharing.  The kids expressed their love and thankfulness for one another and I, of course was amazed by them.  I talked with them about reentering the unchanged world as changed people and how to keep moving forward.  God gave such clear words to share with them and it was so encouraging to hear their responses.  We ended our time by having a picnic as a group down by the lake, which was also a sweet time.

Aren't we cute picnic-ers?

I love this group of people!

Our trip home was as fun as the ride up was.  Leaving is always bittersweet for all of us, but I was definitely ready for a nap!  Again, thanks to all who prayed for us and thanks be to God for a life changing weekend.

Since then, life has continued to move quickly.  The Yield service continues to go well, and again, all glory to God for that.  I absolutely love Saturdays... more than before we started Yield.  Preaching still challenges me (in a good way) and I really love bringing the message each week.  I also love the music we've been doing lately... not that it was not good in the past, but as our repertoire expands, my heart overflows with love for the Lord.  There are weeks when I'm sitting at the piano, playing and sing, and I just can't keep from smiling because I'm overwhelmed by His love and mercy.  So thankful!  Two Saturdays ago, I even got the chance to play guitar again and that was refreshing too.  I found that I'm a tiny bit rusty, but I've missed playing guitar and Jesus loved even the few botched notes because they were for Him anyways.  

Last week, my former youth kid (and current friend :) came to visit for her spring break.  It was a wonderfully busy week and I'm so thankful for such good times with her.  The first weekend was kind of low key and chill, but as the week began it was full steam ahead.  Tuesday we explored the shore a bit.  Neither of us had ever been to Atlantic City, so we wandered around there for a couple of hours.  We were such nerds as we drove on the "Monopoly" streets excitedly.  The boardwalk was pretty much clear of snow so we walked around for a little bit before getting too cold.  Then we headed up the shore to Seaside Heights... made famous by the Jersey Shore series on MTV.  Some of our friends were really into that show a few years ago, so it was fun to explore Seaside and see all of the stuff we had heard about and/or seen on TV.  We had made reservations at an Italian place in Tom's River called Rivolis, also made famous by the show, so after leaving the shore we headed to dinner.  It definitely lived up to our expectations... HUGE portions and delicious.  Good thing it was Fat Tuesday.  

Seaside Heights, on the boardwalk

Wednesday was spent getting some work done and shopping.  Jodi needed clothes for an interview and also wanted to get a hair cut... a spring break tradition for her.  Instead of going to a salon, which is what I normally do when I need a haircut, Jodi suggested we just go to Great Clips.  She's not as crazy about her hair as I am.  My hair has always been something I've paid way too much attention to, and my mom, being licensed, has always cut my hair... so having someone other than her cut it is a huge deal.  I would never consider Great Clips because I'm a hair snob.  I've been contemplating getting my hair cut quite a bit shorter for a few months now.  It had even become a distraction for me.  As I sat next to Jodi and watched her cut 5 or 6 inches from her hair, I realized just how invested in my hair I had become.  It had somehow become an idol for me.  When you've got 6 or 7 different kinds of shampoo and conditioner in your shower, you've got a problem.  Right there, in that chair, I knew I needed to let go of whatever stupid pride I had and get rid of the idol I'd been carrying around so proudly.  So, I told the girls I wanted mine cut too... for $7.99... at Great Clips.  4 or 5 inches later, the drama was over and my hair was gone.  Honestly, I felt completely free after that.  It's been wonderful and my hair is so easy to do these days.

Thursday we spent the day in Philly with an amazing family from my church.  We went to the flower show at the convention center and then got cheesesteaks from Geno's and Pat's.  All in all, it was a great day filled with WAY too much food.  

Emma, Carrie, Jodi, me, Nancy

And then on Friday, we drove up to north Jersey to meet a friend of mine to go skiing.  Neither Jodi nor I had ever been, so it was a nervous drive up there.  My friend has gone skiing a lot, so she taught us on the bunny hill and was extremely patient as we fumbled and learned.  We had an awesome day and I definitely can't wait to go again!  Too bad it's such an expensive sport.

Jean, me, Jodi

I took Jodi the airport at 4am on Saturday and our whirlwind week ended.  It's always so refreshing to have someone from home visit.  It's like a vacation for me too since I get to do touristy things when people come.  It's definitely more fun to have someone else to explore and go on adventures with.  

This week I'm getting back in the swing of things and preparing for an insanely busy weekend with the youth.  Prayers are very much appreciated.  

Sabbath Work

This past weekend I took my youth kids on our winter retreat.  It was incredible and I will definitely post about it here when I'm done processing it.  Thanks be to God, though!

I've been blessed with a huge variety of different types of relationships and as I'm sure you know, I take pride in them.  They are a gift from God and I cherish each one.  My youth are so important to me and something I've heard a lot of in the past few weeks is that the Church can be confusing because it is hypocritical in some ways.  When I ask for specifics I'm not usually given too many details, but I try to do my best to explain things.  That's something that the Church as a whole has always been accused of and unfortunately, it has been proven true too many times due to our human nature and the sinfulness of this world.  We will never please everyone and we will often mess up.  Thank God for His redemptive grace, amen??

This week I was saddened to experience some of what they were talking about.  I've not been able to look past it.  The issue of the Sabbath has always been a bit of a hot topic in churches.  There's disagreement about what day the Sabbath falls on and what we should or should not be doing on said day.  It's become so legalistic that people are turned off to the idea of regularly attending church.  How sad, really.

I don't claim to be a "Sabbath genius" or anything awesome like that, but here are some of my observations/thoughts.  I work on both Saturday and Sunday.  That's the nature of my job.  Should I quit so that I don't work on the Sabbath?  The answer is a big NO!  I choose to take my sabbath on Mondays.  Do I sometimes have to get stuff done on Mondays?  Yes.  My sabbath time is spread out throughout the week because of my ministry schedule.  

There are some who are of the firm belief that Sunday is the Lord's day and NOTHING should be done on that day.  It must be a day of rest.  I can respect that.  Here's my question, though: If Sunday is indeed the Lord's day, yet you choose to go out to eat after church, are you causing others to sin?  The people who cook and serve you your food, those who clean your table... those people all have to work on the Lord's day.  Don't we want a restful Sabbath for those in the restaurant business?  What about retail workers?  Where does it end?  Our culture has drastically changed and it's socially acceptable for these places to conduct business 7 days a week.  Are we okay with "others" working or shouldn't we encourage them to rest as well?  

I've seen people very quick to shoot something down because of the Sabbath and then seen those same people go out and expect others to work for them.  So where is the line?  What is acceptable?  Why are we so nonchalant about the lives of others when we're so concerned about what happens to those within the 4 walls of the church building?  Jesus came for all, not some.  

Legalism and double standards run rampant.  My hope is for my youth to know Christ in spite these things.  Jesus, give us your eyes.

Love and Other Musings

I got a text at about 8:45 this morning informing me that a few of our Sunday school teachers weren't going to be able to make it due to the ice.  This meant that 1st-12th grades were going to be without Sunday school.  I didn't actually see the text until about 9:15 or so because I didn't have my phone on me.  This meant that I had approximately 30 minutes to get a shower and get over there to look at lesson plans.  Yes, I could have cancelled SS for the teachers, but not only would that have been unfair to the parents, but SS is vital for our kids.  I also couldn't fathom trying to find someone else so last minute... my first response was, "ok, let's do this."

Can I be honest about something?  I do NOT enjoy teaching kids under the age of 12.  Yes, I can do it.  Yes, I've done it plenty of times before.  No, I don't like it.  It's not my forte.  The busyness of that age group stresses me out and the inattention is beyond annoying to me.  This doesn't mean that I think their love for the Lord and their education is unimportant.  There will never be a time when I dismiss a group just because I'm not great with them.  That's just not how Jesus responds to people.  He doesn't dismiss me because I'm obnoxious and high-strung, therefore I won't dismiss children.

I got into the elementary classroom, found the lesson, and prepared to teach.  Since the high school teacher wasn't able to come, I was trying to figure out a way to make the kids' lesson relevant to the older kids as well.  I only had a few older kids come and they were very gracious as I mainly focused on the younger ones.  All in all, I felt like the lesson went pretty well.  We finished a little faster than I wanted to... mostly because I'm not great at drawing out such simplistic lessons.  I generally think and plan for a much different  level of logic and reasoning.  So as we finished, the older ones went to find food and the younger ones just started getting into EVERYTHING.  Ugh.  After a few minutes of free play, I decided I needed to take control of the room again.  I set up a game that we play at youth group sometimes and we played that for the last 10 minutes or so.  

By the end of my time with them, I couldn't stop smiling.  The stress was gone and the atmosphere in the room was very light-hearted.  They really enjoyed the game.  More than that, I think they felt so cool and important because the youth pastor, who only hangs out with the big kids, was spending time with them.  I entered the room so worried about connecting with kids that I don't spend any time with and trying to think of ways to relate to them, and left the room beyond encouraged.  I know it's common to their age group to kind of just go with the flow, but I was amazed at how they just welcomed me into their classroom.  They weren't bothered or thrown off by such a change.  They just went with it.  I'd do it again, if it was absolutely necessary.  I'm definitely not gifted in working with kids younger than 12 years old and it's still not something I love, but I sure did love my time with them today.  I love their innocence.  I also love that they think they are sneaky and can get away with things... not on my watch, kids.  I taught in an elementary classroom for a couple of years... I know all their tricks.

By the time youth group rolled around tonight, I felt relieved to be back in my element.  Such a sweet affirmation.  Senior high in particular was a sweet time for me tonight.  I felt like they really understood the lesson and took it to heart.  This coming weekend we're heading off on our winter retreat and I'm excited to get some renewed momentum for my program.  Prayers are much appreciated!

Aside from my adventures with the kids today, this weekend has pretty much gone as I expected it would.  The Yield service on Saturday was a huge blessing to me.  Every single week, it's what I most look forward to because I love seeing God take over and move... in spite of me!  My abilities are minimal, but His are huge.  I spent a great deal of time (unnecessarily) stressing out about my sermon this week.  The silly thing is that I knew just what God wanted to get across because He gave it to me, but I was scared of messing it up.  What a ridiculous amount of credit I give myself.  As if I could stand in His way!  As the service started and the Spirit took over, everything was lovely.  We always pray a few times before the service starts and no matter how common the prayer becomes, it always centers everything on Christ.  I'm so thankful for my ministry partner who is ever encouraging and gracious... even when my high-anxiety, craziness takes over.  What an amazing blessing to serve with him.

Just this afternoon I was thinking about how changed I am as a result of those around me.  They always tell me how much I've affected their lives and that the impact I've had is huge, but I don't think they realize just how much they've done for me.  I've never been more challenged, yet more encouraged than I have in the last two years.  I've been pushed, yet there are times I've been carried.  I've also done the pushing the carrying.  I am forever changed.  God has truly ordained a special team and I LOVE being a part of it.  

On a totally different note, Friday, before going out and even on my way home, I was thinking about real, true, and unconditional love.  Not the cheesy, Hallmark-induced love, though.  As we were out, I observed lots of different displays of love.  It got me thinking about people who don't know the love of Christ.  It really and truly baffles me how people live without knowing His love.  Without Christ, is love ever really unconditional?  How can it be?  No one can be that completely selfless without Jesus, can they?  How beautiful is His love?  How complete and perfect?  I guess I'm naive, but I really don't understand how marriages that aren't centered on Christ work out.  Please understand that I'm not judging those of you who don't claim to know Christ... I'm truly curious.  

I've somehow been stuck on 1 John 4:7-21 for a few months now.  I guess I'll keep exploring this passage as I rest in God's love and continue to learn how to love others with love that's been perfected in Him.  Here it is...

"7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."

Jealousy is NOT a Good Look for Me

“If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.  For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.  For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”  -James 3:13-18

Jealousy is not a good look for me.  It's not a good look for anyone, for that matter, yet it's something I struggle with from time to time.  The fact that most people experience jealousy once in a while isn't a comfort either.  It generally leads to sin.  Jealousy comes in so many forms too... from financial and material jealousy to relational jealousy, it's really ugly.

Money is not something that I get jealous over.  In fact, I really hate money and wish I didn't have to deal with it or have so much of my life defined by it.  Living simply is beautiful... it's not so easy to live simply in the America.  It was so interesting to pack for my second year in Uganda when I knew what to expect.  I didn't bring nearly as much stuff.  I found that I could live without so much stuff I thought I would die without during my first year.  I don't like having money and I feel like it's a distraction - to the point where if I have a few extra bucks and get my nails done, even looking at how beautiful my hands look with lovely nails is a distraction.  It takes my attention away from the Creator, even if it's just for a few minutes each day.  Sounds silly, I know, but I'm just being honest.  I don't think there's anything wrong with being beautiful or doing things to make yourself feel good, but when it becomes an issue of pride or a distraction for me or those around me, it's a problem.  If I'm called to be like Christ, I've got to learn to walk humbly in all that I do.

Since money is one of my least favorite things and since I almost never have much of it, I generally focus my attentions on relationships.  The most important things in my life are my relationships and I try to work really hard at maintaining them.  People mean the world to me.  If you're in my life, chances are I'm going to make sure you stay there.  Knowing my propensity for strong relationships and that my love language is quality time, I find that relational jealousy is something I need to be careful of.

A few weeks ago, I was in a meeting and something that was said sparked a huge surge of jealousy within me.  It was like I couldn't control it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and instantly I was angry.  And then many more emotions struck almost all at once.  I was jealous of the time someone had given away, I was angry that the time wasn't spent with me (as though I'm the most important person in the world), I was sad, and then I was angry and embarrassed by my dramatic response.  Now, all of this happened within me, but I know that I wasn't good at hiding the shift in my mood.  The whole feel of the room changed once that jealousy struck.  It changed the feel of the rest of the evening for me and probably for others who were with me.

I've reflected on that experience for a few weeks now and I still find myself embarrassed at my response and I'm still in no way justified in those feelings.  I've taken it to the Lord and explored the root of this jealousy... and He has begun a new work in me.  I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy.  I'm so thankful that even when I mess up and allow my human nature to take over, He is always standing, arms wide open, ready to welcome me back.  Praise God forever!

Scripture speaks of God being a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."  Exodus 34:13-14 says, "You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God)..."

I feel like God's jealousy is different from the jealousy that is so common to humans.  His jealousy is a vigilance in maintaining or guarding us.  He is the Creator of all, so He deserves all of our attention and love.  Of course He's jealous for us... He's created us to bring Himself glory, which He deserves.  How amazing that our huge God is jealous for us, that He wants all of us?  How humbling and assuring?!  We can rest in that, can't we?

Indeed, He is jealous for me.  I want to reflect that jealousy... I want it to be seen in my actions and heard through my words.  May I only be Jesus to those I interact with.  Lord, remove my jealousy for humans and the things of earth.  Amen.

He Wanted More

In my last post I mentioned that I was doing a sermon series on healing.  It was a brief series, but man, I really loved every minute of it.  God gave me some amazing clarity and understanding and it was a joy to share that with the congregation.  I'm so thankful for the last 3 weeks of ministry.

The first week focused on Jesus' absolute power, authority, and ability to heal everyone and everything.  We talked about God's role as healer long before the world began and that He knew how huge that role was going to be.  We talked about the various ways that He healed.  We also talked about the response of faith of those who were healed.

The second week we focused on Jesus' willingness to heal, using the story from Matthew 8.  We focused on the wording of the passage and Jesus' great compassion.  I also talked about the fact that sometimes the answer is no, and God chooses not to heal, but that the fact that He is indeed sovereign over all is something that we can rest in and trust completely.  The first part of the sermon was so exciting to deliver because I just love Jesus' response to the leper, but the second part was definitely challenging because of it's nature.  We don't like to hear that sometimes it's a "no."  All in all, I was very pleased with the way God had designed each of the sermons, but I knew He was asking me for more.  The "more" scared me, to be honest.  I knew what "more" was and I trembled.

"More" meant living out the very thing that I had been preaching about.  My third sermon was to focus on our involvement and call to healing.  My initial thought was to really focus in on Acts 9, but as I started to write, God rerouted me and had me start with the sending out of the disciples.  So, we first talked through Jesus giving the disciples the power and authority to heal and cast out evil spirits, and how that's the same power and authority He gave us when He spoke His command for us to GO.  Then I moved into Acts 9 and used Peter as an example of a mere human-- a man who had denied Christ THREE times and was often emotional and irrational-- who was able to heal in Jesus' name.  It was a call to action and faith... small faith like that of a mustard seed, which can command even a mountain to move.

I need to back up a bit though before moving on the the next part of the service.  I mentioned that "more" scared me.  When I knew God was asking me to have a time of anointing, laying on of hands, and prayer at the end of that last sermon, I was more than intimidated.  Let me be clear: I was NOT doubting God's ability.  My reaction of fear and trembling came from knowing just how absolutely big and powerful my God is.  I knew that He was going to do some huge things in people's lives, in my own life as well, and I was intimidated.

I often find myself wondering, "who am I?  Why on earth should I be used for such an important thing?"  And most often, "I don't have the authority that most in my denomination would expect when performing such important tasks."  As my fears and insecurities grew, I knew I needed to be on my knees.  I was horribly sick this past week and unable to leave home, so I had lots of prayer time, thanks be to God.  Thursday night I had a conference call prayer meeting with my senior pastor, Tom and our worship leader, Allan.  It was a very sweet time of prayer.  When Saturday rolled around, I was secure in my role and position, but still filled with nervous excitement, so I needed to be on my knees some more.  You don't just have a healing service without being filled by the Holy Spirit and without completely covering it with prayer!  When Allan arrived so we could start working on music, the first thing we did was pray.  When we had gotten through the songs and had them down really well, we prayed more.  And then as people came in and right before we started worship, we prayed.  The Spirit was on the move and even as the first notes were played, I could feel His presence and it was strong.  By the time we got to the last song of the first set His presence was almost overwhelming.  I couldn't keep myself from smiling as we sang, "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty!!!"  Gives me chills even now.

Now, back to the end of the sermon... I told them that we were going to have a healing service.  I explained what that would look like, we prayed, and then I invited them to come kneel at the alter so that I could anoint them with oil, lay hands on them, and pray with the individually.  It was incredible, though I would expect nothing less.  Every single person in that sanctuary came forward at one point or another, starting with Allan, so that he could then play a little guitar for us.  I've never felt so empowered by the Holy Spirit, yet so very humbled and privileged to lay hands on so many people and pray.  It was such a sweet time of worship, I don't have words strong enough to express the beauty and power present.  Hallelujah, praise God forever!  He is awesome indeed!

I'm still in awe.  There are so many things to be thankful for.  I'm thankful that I serve a God compassionate enough to WANT to heal.  I'm thankful for a senior pastor who prays, encourages, empowers, and trusts.  I'm thankful for an incredible worship leader and ministry partner who not only spends time thinking about and planning the perfect song set, but also who loves Jesus and loves worshiping Him, who spends lots of time practicing and perfecting so he can effectively lead others into worship, who prays, who gives constructive and honest feedback, and who is patient enough to put up with my crazy as I fumble through.  I'm thankful God asked for MORE and then gave me the strength and faith to obey.  To Him be ALL the glory.

How great is our God!

"That just has to be ok"

I really don't like the phrase, "it is what it is."  I've used it many times, but I've tried to stop.  It just sounds so defeatist doesn't it?  Like whatever "it" is, isn't important enough to care about too much?

"That just has to be ok" is a phrase I've heard myself use a lot lately.  At first, I thought it was in place of "it is what it is," but as I think more about how I've been using it, it's nothing like "it is what it is."

The times I've heard myself use it have always been in reference to God's ways.  A few weeks ago I preached a sermon called, "Future Plans."  It went right along with the idea of new years resolutions.  One of the scriptures we talked about was Proverbs 19:21 which says, "You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."  Like a wrecking ball to an abandoned building, the idea of God's plans being best keeps smashing into my heart and mind, tearing down walls, removing me, making room for more of Him.

And as I preach on healing during this current sermon series, I've used the phrase, "that just has to be ok" numerous times.  I think it's beautifully submissive to God.  It's not like giving up a fight, or being dragged away kicking and screaming.  It's like resting and trusting that His ways really are best; that He knows and that's enough.  Breathe in; breathe out; rest.

This hasn't always been so easy for me.  I'm a bit of a fighter, as I'm sure many of you would attest to, so I don't rest very easily.  I had a plan laid out in my mind (and society was/is great at reinforcing that my plan was good).  I was going to go to college, meet my husband, get married, work/do ministry, have a few children, travel, and live happily ever after.  Well here I sit, at 31, sans husband and kids, and my life has looked NOTHING like I originally planned.  God's ways are best.  There have been times, though, when I have doubted that with every ounce of my being.

How could me being lonely and alone be His best for me?  How could me feeling like an outsider to the rest of my friends who had "normal" lives be His best?  How could I NOT be a mom?  I have so much love to share and I'd be a really good mom, so why don't I have my own kids?  See a pattern?  It's all about me. (Cue the world's tiniest violin.)

There were plenty of times when I was so worried about me, that I didn't give Him a chance to move.  Of course, I couldn't see what was to come.  Two, year-long stints in Africa... would I have been obedient enough to go?  Would being married have allowed that?  Would I have been brave enough to take kids there?  (I would now, no questions, but probably not then.)  Would I have moved my family 900 miles for this job?  Would I even be doing what I'm doing had I forced my plan to work?

I think I know the answer to all of those questions.  God knows the desire of my heart is to be married and to be able to do ministry with my husband.  He knows how badly I want children, whether my own or not (my, how He's changed my heart on that).  He knows and that just has to be ok.  It has to be enough.  And it is... because I trust Him and because His ways really are best.

As God continues to reveal more of who He wants me to be, I will continue to rest knowing that He is trustworthy.

Psalm 33

1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;

    it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

2 Praise the LORD with the harp;

    make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

3 Sing to him a new song;

    play skillfully, and shout for joy.

4 For the word of the LORD is right and true;

    he is faithful in all he does.

5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;

    the earth is full of his unfailing love.

6 By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,

    their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;

    he puts the deep into storehouses.

8 Let all the earth fear the LORD;

    let all the people of the world revere him.

9 For he spoke, and it came to be;

    he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;

    he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,

    the purposes of his heart through all generations.

12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,

    the people he chose for his inheritance.

13 From heaven the LORD looks down

    and sees all mankind;

14 from his dwelling place he watches

    all who live on earth—

15 he who forms the hearts of all,

    who considers everything they do.

16 No king is saved by the size of his army;

    no warrior escapes by his great strength.

17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;

    despite all its great strength it cannot save.

18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,

    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

19 to deliver them from death

    and keep them alive in famine.

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;

    he is our help and our shield.

21 In him our hearts rejoice,

    for we trust in his holy name.

22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,

    even as we put our hope in you.