I just got home today from vacation. I left on the 16th and spent the weekend in Indy. From there we got down to Panama City Beach, Florida on Monday afternoon. I went with Trent and our friend Drew. Trent and I have been to Panama City Beach before so it was nice to kinda be familiar with the area. We spent the week hanging out at the beach, in the hot tub, gator hunting, snorkeling, seeing movies, and just relaxing. It was definitely just what I needed. We had an amazing hotel suite too, which made it all the better because we each had our own space. My parents generously gave us use of a free voucher they got from their timeshare, so we stayed for free in a suite that costs something like $4,500 per week. Crazy!! Praise the Lord for an almost free vacation. My mom even gave us $250 worth of gift cards to various restaurants so quite a few of our meals were free. Such a blessing, let me tell you!
Beyond all of the activities though, were some really sweet times with Jesus. I decided to wake up early (and by early I mean like 10 am) everyday to spend time with Jesus. I don't normally wake up before I have to for anything, and when I'm at home I stay up later to pray and hang out in the Word, but for some reason getting up in a quite hotel, sitting on a balcony in the warmth of the morning sun, overlooking the bay was the perfect time to meet with God. I felt drawn into His presence. I love it when the Lord prompts you to study something specific because He has a word directly for you. My word came from Romans. I've been praying over some stuff for years now and each time I begin to give up, or throw in the towel, God comes and reminds me to be patient.
Well, can I just say that I am honestly getting tired of being patient? Have you ever had a situation that you just wanted to see have closure? Or maybe something that you wanted to see happen or change, and God just keeps telling you to relax. Well, I finally told God (as if He didn't already know) that I am done. I can't sit and be patient anymore. It goes against logic to sit and wait and some times it even hurts your heart. So I sat down one morning and wrote out my exact thoughts to the Lord. These are thoughts and prayers that I have uttered countless times over the past however many years or months. And do you want to know exactly what God said to me? "But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently." Boom, roasted. It actually makes me giggle a little... I reminded Jesus of my situation, of why I don't want to wait and be patient, why I need His provision and strength, and yet again I was told to wait. Really? I guess when you are looking for a real direct answer you'll get one. But somehow, even though it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, or even the answer I was praying against, it was a direct answer. He hasn't forgotten. He knows the pain, the heartbreak, the joy, the laughter. He knows. And He has sent a Helper to intercede on our behalf.
The next passage of scripture that I got to said this, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." Romans 8:26 With so many situations, I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to pray for. Especially situations that have been ongoing prayer requests. I grow weary of praying the same thing over and over... even knowing that it doesn't fall upon deaf ears. The situations that God is telling me to be patient with, are the kind of situations that I don't even know how to pray for anymore. There's not a new way of bringing them before God. But the Holy Spirit is willing to plead on my behalf... what?! He prays for us. He prays in groanings that can't be expressed with words. That's so powerful. You know you've had things that you've simply cried over because you don't even know what to say anymore. Some of my prayer requests seem to be getting that way. And for someone who doesn't cry often at all, it's stressful. There are times when words can't express what you're feeling and an outpouring of emotion is the only way to express yourself. Can you imagine how much more deeply the Holy Spirit feels emotion and pleads for us? I've read over this scripture many times before, but it's never stuck out to me that the Holy Spirit pleads for us (verse 27 says, "And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.") Are you letting the Spirit plead on your behalf? Are you worn out beyond belief and have no way of expressing yourself? How freeing to trust the Spirit enough to bring it to God.
Anyways, all of that to say that I loved hearing loud and clear from the Lord... made for a good vacation. Jesus is so thought provoking for me. We got back from Florida at like 2 am on Sunday. Got up a few hours later to go to church, napped all afternoon, then hung out and had youth group last night. Youth group at NHPC is always a blessing for me and I just love all those kids so much. I'll probably get to see them again much sooner than I had planned because I completely forgot my guitar at Trent's and since I use it weekly, I have to go back down and get it this weekend. My week is already booked... I'm leading a women's group bible study tomorrow night, wednesday I have a meeting and youth group, Thursday I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled, and then depending on how I'm feeling I'll head down to Indy on Friday. The weekend seems to be booked already too, but would I have it any other way? Nope. I live to be busy I guess. :)
May is rapidly approaching and promises to fly by because it's so booked up. I can't believe how quickly my departure for Uganda is approaching. I have about $4,000 left to raise, which is a little less than a quarter! It's definitely all God too, because I've not done much in the way of speaking at churches or anything. Praise be to God. My goal is to be done with fundraising by August 1st so I can enjoy my last month or so visiting with family and friends before I leave. Please continue to join me in praying for Uganda, for preparations, for money, for WGM, for ministries there, and for new opportunities. Pray for my heart.
Hopefully it won't be another month before I sit down to update, but you never know. Email me your prayer requests. :) Blessings and much love!
