Tangible Love

Time is dragging this week.  Maybe because regularly scheduled programming isn't running, OR maybe because I'm ready to hug my nieces.  Whatever the reason may be, I'm glad it's Friday.  That's not to say it's been a bad week, quite the contrary, it's been a great week.  I've had the chance to spend time with people I really enjoy (although I haven't seen Amy lately :)) and who now have more free time.

There continues to be this build-up of excitement about Christmas, but I'm still not quite there.  I think when I walk through the door at the house in Chicago, I'll feel excited.  Maybe even when I get on the plane in Philly.  I love hearing about people's traditions and the things they're doing in the next few days as they prepare for Christmas morning.  It's kind of hard to build traditions with Piper, the puppy, but I think I'll get there.

This extra time has been very purposeful, I believe.  Even during normal things like walking my dog, that urgently desperate thing that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago persists.  On Tuesday we went out around our normal walking time, but the clouds had just rolled in and it started to rain.  I'm not so bothered by walking in the rain (and Piper is insane no matter what the conditions) so we continued on our way.  People drove by looking at me like I was crazy for being out in the rain, but it was such a peaceful time with the Lord that I didn't care.  After about 10 minutes, the rain ceased and the sky cleared a bit.  The sun's rays peaked through the clouds in such a way that it was easy to let the things of this earth fade away and turn my eyes upon Jesus.  I'm so thankful and blessed by little love gifts like a stunning sky.  What a beautiful Creator we have!

My time has also been filled with thoughts of gratitude.  I have never been a part congregation that is so generous and thoughtful.  The Christmas stocking hanging on my office doorknob continues to be filled with wonderful gifts... including things like an Applebee's giftcard which in turn allowed me bless someone with a dinner.  Cookies, pop, African ornaments, candy, candles, a scarf, notes with encouraging scripture and prayers, hot chocolate, cards, etc. have all been sweet blessings recently.  And to top it off, I've been taken out to lunch for my birthday, given many cards, and someone brought me a gift today.  I've held off opening it for close to 2 hours now... I don't know how much longer I can resist.  :)

I'm overwhelmed by the love that I've been shown and I can't even express how thankful I am to be a part of such a community.  But it's not just been the tangible things that I've enjoyed.  It's coming into work, hearing about a situation, and being able to stop everything to simply pray with a dear sister.  It's being encouraged by hearing people's hearts for serving God.  It's seeing people's growth as they walk closer with the Lord.  It's sharing in each other's burdens, not because we have to, but because we love the Lord and consider it an honor.  It's tangible love.

Jesus is Not Normal

The following is a little preview of our upcoming missions weekend in January:

Jesus is not normal.  There, I said it.  In fact, I would go as far as saying that He’s the farthest from normal that a person can be.  The life that Jesus lived, the death He died, and the grave that He conquered, as recorded in scripture is nothing short of extraordinary.  There is no one like our God according to Jeremiah 10:6 which says, “No one is like you, O LORD; you are great, and your name is mighty in power,” and I for one am thankful for that!

So if Jesus is so abnormal, why on earth are we always striving to be so normal? I can tell you one thing, most missionaries are NOT normal by most people’s standards.  I should know.  I am one.  (And I think you already know that I’m not so normal. J)  So what sets someone apart as a missionary?

They are radical followers of the Word who walk daily with Christ. 

They are those who have heard these words, “”Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and the last first,”” (Mark 10:29-31, NIV) and who have gone. 

They are imperfect, but willing to be used by a perfect God.

They have heard these words, “While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.  Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother,”” (Matthew 12:46-50, NIV) and have extended their families and the family of God.

And they have heard these words, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age,” (Matthew 28:19-20, NIV) and they have trusted Him.

They are movers, doers… urgently desperate for God… motivated by eternity with the King of Kings… striving to be like Christ, sharing His truth… raising up disciples.

Being a missionary doesn’t always mean moving to a foreign country, but it does mean being abnormal by following Christ closely.  It means being willing to be used by God, to be a part of His story.  Being a missionary is not a suggestion, nor is it a calling.  It is a command of Jesus for all believers as recorded in Matthew 28.  When you said “yes” to Jesus, you accepted the great responsibility of ministering through missions, near and far.  Where is your mission field?  Are you willing to be abnormal… like Jesus??

Let This Be Home

Yesterday was the Christmas cantata at church.  For the past couple of months, each week after choir practice we had cantata practice.  Quite a few people who don't normally sing with the choir come out just to sing for the cantata.  There were close to 30 of us in the end.  Cantata practice made my Thursdays way too long and many times I considered quitting, but after yesterday, I'm so glad I didn't.  I absolutely love singing with a choir.  Through private voice lessons in high school and college, I have a classically trained voice.  However, since I've only been singing on praise teams for the past 10 years, I had forgotten what it was like to sing with my section and actually sight read through a song.  So fun!

Saturday I spent 3 hours in the morning with the group, running through the music for the performance yesterday.  I was tired and definitely not excited about being at the church on a Saturday morning.  But we ran through it and I went about my day.

Yesterday afternoon when I walked into the church for the performance there was a palpable excitement surging through the air.  Everyone looked beautiful, energetic, and exited to sing for the King.  We quickly warmed up and ran through a couple of numbers before meeting in a Sunday school room to pray.  We talked about a few little logistics and then I was asked to pray.  After I prayed for us, we headed to take our spots and prepare to head up to the stage area.  

It was very encouraging to see how many people had shown up... many people from the congregation, the community, and people's families.  A couple of announcements were made and then we made our way up to the stage.  Once we started singing, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit.  It was so beautiful.  Voices blended well as we sang the pre-recorded music with very simply harmonies, but more than that, it felt like every heart was turned toward Christ.  I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but I couldn't stop praising the Lord.  One of the songs took you from the birth of Christ through His death and resurrection.  As it spoke of the absolute victory we have in Jesus, the congregation faded before me and I could only see God being glorified and lifted high.  One of my prayers before we entered the sanctuary was that it would be God who was seen and not any of us.  In that moment, I knew that that prayer was answered.  

When it all ended after the final reprise, the choir stepped down and and hugged their family members and friends that had shown up.  Even though I was surrounded by people that I've come to love dearly, it hit me hard that I didn't have someone in the audience who would be rushing up to see me.  Again, not that I was looking for recognition, but simply to have my family there would have been amazing.  It very much reminded me of my last 2 years of high school... my parents had moved to Arizona and I begged to stay behind to finish high school with my friends.  They agreed, but it was after events like last night when I really missed them.  All my friend's families would come rushing towards them and I was hanging up my choir robe, getting ready to leave.  I'm thankful for my friend's families and their love for me through that time, but last night it felt exactly the same.  

When we headed down to dinner in the fellowship hall, I was encouraged as someone dear to me came and ate with me.  We had a blast hanging out with the youth too, of course.  There's never a dull moment when those kids are around.  

As I still try to figure out how to do life away from my family and friends and on my own, there will continue to be days of adjustments.  There will be days when I feel like an outsider, imposing.  There will be days when I just want to be back in Chicago (especially during seasons like Christmas).  But what will always reign over all of that is the simple fact that God has told me that this is where I'm to be right now and I trust Him.  He's asked me to be still and trust Him.  He's asked me to let this be home.  

Christmas Eve

Every year for my entire life (aside from 2008 while I was in Uganda), I've spent Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family.  It's always a good time, a loud time, but a good one.  We eats tons of (Italian) food, open presents, play a game, watch the kids run around like crazy people, have a visit from Santa, etc..  It's so much fun.  I'm quite sad I'm going to miss it this year, having to be here for the Christmas Eve service.

I was chatting with my senior pastor today about what the Christmas Eve service will look like since neither of us have done Christmas Eve at this church.  In fact, I haven't been to a Christmas Eve service in years.  Two years ago I had a hard time even getting out of bed, let alone thinking about going to church.  I was getting ready to head back to Africa for a year and I had just lost my best friend.  My heart was beyond crushed by the loss.  I was far from feeling like a whole person.  Completely torn apart and unable to express just how I was feeling.  On top of trying to prepare myself for another year in Uganda.  It was NOT a good Christmas.  

Then last year I was jet-lagged, struggling with reverse culture shock, and my car wasn't up to par, having sat for a year while I was away, so I didn't make it to church then either.  To be honest, I don't remember last Christmas at all... although my heart was healed from the previous year, my mind was 9,000 miles away.  Jet-lag does crazy stuff to your memory too.  I'm pretty sure my family hosted Christmas Eve, but I just can't picture it.  Weird how that works.  

I'm really excited for our Christmas Eve service here this year... and not just because it's been too many years since I've been to one.  It's a service of such beauty and hope.  What an honor to celebrate the birth of the King of Kings.  What an amazing reminder of the greatness of God... becoming flesh, being lowly, taking on human form.  Not only that, though.  He came to redeem us all.  Let me say that again.  God became flesh to take away the sins of the world.  Let that sink in for a minute.  This is the God I serve.  How could I want to do anything, but be with Him?  Amazing love, how can it be?!

There's a longing in my soul... I'm simply in awe of His greatness tonight.  I'm thankful, humbled, and I'm desperate for Him.  I'm also really looking forward to the music at the Christmas Eve service.  We'll be singing some beautiful hymns and carols, the choir is singing a couple of songs, and I'm doing special music with my friend, Allan.  As you all know... solos are not my thing and even though this is a duet, I'm still singing alone at times, but Allan just brings a level of comfort.  I don't get so nervous singing with him.  He found a really fun mash-up of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and We Three Kings.  It's such an up-beat,and energetic.  I'm just excited to celebrate with the Body of Christ!

I fly home early on Christmas day.  It's an amazing blessing to be able to go home and be with family and friends.  I won't have a car, so I'll be limited on who I'll get to see, but being back in Chicago is going to be refreshing.  To be honest, there's so much stuff going on in my family that I'm a bit nervous to be with them, but I'm trusting the Lord in all of those situations.  Seeing my youth kids is going to be amazing and I'll also be seeing life-long friends and college friends too.  It's still somehow weird that that's not "home" anymore, but I like that Jersey is feeling more and more normal for me.

I'm resting in the fact that God is sovereign, trustworthy, and so, so good.   

Be Still

This past week I spent quite a bit of time shopping and preparing for our youth group Ugly Sweater Christmas party.  Being a woman, you'd think I'd really enjoy that kind of thing, but hosting parties is not my forte.  I always end up anxious about having enough food, enough activities, and also about people actually showing up.  I did my best to advertise, invite, and make it sound super fun, but you just never know.  And really, I like to spend my time at parties socializing, not running around.  

My day Tuesday was spent decorating the youth room, with the help of a friend... and was broken up by a lovely lunch date with Amy Edwards (look, Amy I used your name this time!! You're famous!) and her handsome 11ish-month-old companion, Mason.  We went to a local diner with so-so food and not so good atmosphere, but the company balanced out the circumstances.

By the time Saturday came, I was really ready for the party to come and go.  It was my last big thing before Christmas for the year.  All the food was bought and/or ordered, room was decorated, ugly sweater ready to go, white elephant gifts were wrapped, all that was left was the execution of it all.  I went to bed pretty early, knowing that Sunday would be nuts.  I got plenty of sleep and awoke feeling very refreshed.  Worship was refreshing too, which was nice.  It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was very easy to be focused on Jesus.  Distractions seemed to vanish as I sang and it was just me and the Lord.  The sermon was really good too... a different view of Joseph and a call to all fathers to step up whether biological or not.  Sunday school was a nice break.  We didn't move forward in Revelation, instead talked about something topical.  It's always such a good time with that group though.  Those guys always have me laughing.  

Even though it was terrible, I watched the Bears game and played with my puppy and relaxed for a bit in the afternoon.  Then I came over to the church and started getting last minute stuff set up.  People started showing up and the party got underway.  The only major hitch was that Olive Garden forgot to send the big salads that I ordered.  One of the parents had gone to pick the food up for me and didn't know just how much of everything I had ordered.  Oops!  I called the OG, asked for a manager, and let them have it.  Ok, so I wasn't super mean, but I was very annoyed.  Graciously my senior pastor and his wife volunteered to go back and get the salads and extra breadsticks.  I got a $40 gift card out of it, so if you want a date to Olive Garden, I'm your girl!  ;)  The party was a blast.  We had plenty of food, the hot chocolate bar was a success, the white elephant exchange was so fun, and there were plenty of super ugly sweaters.  The kids had so much fun and I think the adults did too.  The adults were all very helpful which allowed me to spend my time with the kids.  What a blessing.

When I got up yesterday I was a little bummed that it was all over.  It's like how the day after Christmas (and sometimes even the afternoon/evening on Christmas day) is such a downer.  So much build up and then it's over.  After I fed the dog and let her out, we were playing on the floor when I noticed a big green bubble on her lower tummy.  Further inspection revealed a tick.  I'm sure you're all aware of my ridiculous, yet very real fear of bugs by now, so you must know that I couldn't handle it on my own.  I made a vet appointment for today because she had already eaten (and is a projectile car passenger).  I then decided that I just couldn't live with a bug near me all day.  I texted a friend and got him to come to remove it, but by the time he came after work, the tick was gone.  So I'm hoping it came off outside, but if not than it's somewhere in my house waiting to eat my face off.  Gross.

Onto the whole point of this post...

This morning I woke up at 5:30 to go help a friend put his kids on the bus so he could get to work.  From the moment I woke up, I felt God beckoning me into Himself, drawing me towards Him.  He is a jealous God who wants all of me.  So I showered, got ready, and went to my friend's place.  When I got there, something was missing.  I had spent my drive over focused on finding a fun song to sing on the radio instead of responding to God by taking those 10 short minutes to be with Him.  I went in, chatted for a few before he left for work, helped the kids finish getting ready, and put them on the bus... all the while, feeling distracted and unsettled.

I got home, took care of the dog, talked to a friend on the phone, and then came to work.  On my 30 second walk to the church, I heard God telling me to be quiet, just to be still.  So I greeted our amazing secretary and then grabbed my Bible and headed upstairs to my Sunday school room.  No one is ever in that part of the church during the day.  I knew I would be uninterrupted.  I had just started reading bits and pieces of Hebrews, so I decided to start over and ended up reading the first 6 chapters.  Hebrews is one of those books that I'm prone to skip over because I feel like there are other places I'd rather be.  Man, was I floored by how clearly God spoke to me through Hebrews today?  The life, death, and sovereignty of Jesus were screaming at me as I read.  Chapter 4 really captured my heart today.  I've spent a lot of my life "on the go," so to speak.  This isn't to say that I don't rest and take my Sabbath, but it struck me, just how much I do indeed busy myself.  I don't like to be still.  I don't like to feel bored and restless.  As I read Hebrews, I heard God telling me to just be still.  To just let Him be I AM.

"For the word of God is full of living power.  It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires.  It exposes us for what we really are.  Nothing in all creation can hide from Him.  Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes.  This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done.

That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God.  Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him.  This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin.  So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."  Hebrews 4:12-16 (NLT)

I then spent time in prayer for a while before actually quieting myself.  Sitting in silence, being still in the presence of the King.  No pressure, no distractions... just me and Jesus.  It was so restful that (even though I can never nap when I want to) I fell sleep for about 20 minutes.  When I woke up, I felt completely settled and refreshed.  

I want to be still.  The song I posted below is by Selah.  I love it.  Enjoy.

Urgently Desperate

My mind is swimming tonight.  The last 24 hours alone have been jam packed, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I had a very refreshing Saturday night... spent with a good friend playing some music, watching some movies, laughing, and chatting.  It's the best way to spend an evening in my opinion, and I'm thankful to have someone fun to share my time with these days.

Getting home at midnight-thirty isn't that unreasonable, but then winding down and trying to fall asleep meant actually sleeping around 2am.  I then woke up at 4 thinking I had slept through my alarm (although sleeping through a rooster alarm is nearly impossible).  At about 4:30 I was finally able to fall back asleep until 6 when my alarm actually went off.  I rolled out of bed knowing that caffeine was going to be my friend all day long.

I try to get to the church before anyone else on Sunday mornings to have some very still, quiet time time in the sanctuary with the Lord.  I look forward to it each week even if it means waking up earlier than normal.  I noticed the car of one of the young adults in the parking lot as I crossed to the church and knew my time wouldn't be alone, but also praying for an opportunity to continue strengthening that relationship.  It was an encouraging time and I'm thankful for it.

Things with the praise team went smoothly, the sermon was insightful, and sharing communion with the Body of Christ is always refreshing.  By the time I got to Sunday school I was ready for a nap.  We're studying Revelation which doesn't exactly allow for the mind to rest, but as we talked through the seals (and laughter ensued, thank you Allan and Tony) a sense of urgency sprang up in my heart.

As I grow deeper in my own faith and encourage others to do the same, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of Christ's return.  On one hand I would love nothing more than for His return to be soon, just to be with Him.  On the other hand, I'm terrified at the thought of His return before my family, my friends, and the world has heard and believed the Truth.  I feel so restless when I think of the number of souls that are lost right now.  The world is in a state of emergency, the message of the Gospel is urgent!  There's no time to waste.  There's also no excuse for not sharing.  If you know the Truth, please share it.  There's a desperation in my soul for Jesus.  Are you absolutely desperate for Him?  How can others be desperate for something they know nothing about.  Why are we content to live as though everything is all good just because we know who Jesus is?  Why aren't we shouting with all we've got?

My prayer tonight is for a sense of urgency to wash over you... if you know Christ and even if you don't know Christ.

After Sunday school I was stuck on this feeling of urgency and found myself quite distracted during the second service, but it went well anyway.  Right after church I held a quick informational meeting about the summer youth mission trip, which was very poorly attended.  I'm feeling a little discouraged by the numbers, but I'm often reminded of Jesus' relationship with His disciples and the quality of those relationships.  It's not about an overwhelming number of students, but about effectively discipling the ones who are showing up.

I then met up with a couple of the kids and went out for Chinese with them.  We then went and bought gingerbread house kits and candy for youth group.  By the time I finally walked through my door it was 3pm.  I played with the puppy for about 45 minutes before feeding her, walking her, and putting her back in her cage so I could be back at the church by 4:30.  Youth group was a blast... it was so fun to watch the kids try to build their gingerbread houses.  The ones who actually followed the instructions were successful and made beautiful houses; the ones who didn't follow instructions watched their houses fall apart.  The lesson centered on Matthew 7 and the house built upon the rock... an impromptu lesson that was someone else's thoughts, but great, nonetheless.

At about 8:30 I walked through my doorway, exhausted, but grateful and urgently desperate for God.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."

If We Are the Body

Last night was another one of those nights where the Lord woke me and gave me the opportunity to pray.  I was so tired that it was hard to focus, but I spent quite a bit of time in prayer before finally falling back asleep.  At 2am the burden seems heavy, but when God carries me through a day without feeling completely exhausted it's more than okay with me.  I do have to admit that I'm excited for a time when I'm able to sleep really well for like an entire week.  But I digress.  

I got to work later than I wanted to because I rolled out of bed later than normal.  When I got there I was greeted at the door by my senior pastor and two strangers, a man and a woman.  I said hello and continued down the stairs to my office.  About a minute later the senior pastor asked me if I would ride with him to take the couple somewhere.  I agreed of course, and we left after I was properly introduced to them.  

We were headed to a motel to get them a room for a week.  Turns out they lost everything they had and had been living in a boarded up house without electricity, gas, water, or food.  The woman had come to the church on Sunday and left with tears in her eyes after the youth Sunday service because she was so blessed by the Word brought by one of the young adults.  I continued to listen to their story, my heart breaking more and more with each word spoken.  What really hit me hard was when the man said that they had gone to another church in town, but were turned away because the man in charge was "busy".  Um, what??  Granted, I don't know what he was dealing with... maybe there was a huge crisis, but unfortunately that response is typical from him according to locals.  But really, what?!

Immediately the words of Jesus flooded my mind...

^"35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’" Matthew 25:35-40

To me, scripture is clear... more than clear actually.  I've lived among some of the poorest people on earth and I tell you the truth, they are the most generous people I know.  They have nothing to give, but will give you everything if you ask.  I guess that's the difference between knowing what you want and knowing what you absolutely need.  

I believe turning this couple away would have basically been a slap in the face to Jesus.  How can we, as the body of Christ turn people in need away?  How can we be ignorant to the needs of those around us?  It happens everyday and I know I'm guilty of overlooking people.   I may not have any savings right now (thanks to mission work, which I don't regret at all), but I do have shelter, food, water, electricity, gas, internet, cable, etc..  I'm one up on most of the people in this world.

(This isn't to say that we should be naive and allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, but we need be prayerful and obedient at the same time.)

In my opinion, the Church in this country is a sleeping giant.  When you're asleep, nothing is happening.  There's no moving forward.  Revival can't happen while we're not moving.  I don't know what it's going to take, but I pray that it's awakened soon.  I pray that those of us who wouldn't necessarily count ourselves as sleeping would be bold, would study, pray, preach, teach, baptize, and move... fulfill the Great Commission with urgency!

I'm not really a fan of Casting Crowns, but I like the lyrics of this song and they definitely apply.

Basement Demons... For Your Entertainment.

Picture if you will, me sitting on the edge of my recliner, completely covered from head to toe except for my eyes and my finger tips.  Why am I in this ridiculous position, you may ask?  Well let me tell you the story of my life for the past few hours.

This actually started a couple of days ago as I began to internally debate whether to put up my Christmas tree or not.  I love decorating for Christmas and I especially love decorating Christmas trees.  It's one of my favorite childhood memories... my parents, sister, brother, and I listening to Christmas records, decorating the tree, setting up the electric train around the tree, and drinking hot chocolate.  Sounds lovely, yeah?  But then I got to thinking about the fact that I would be decorating alone, for only me to see, and I won't even be here on Christmas.  What's the point, right?  Not to mention that the tree is in my basement which means having to go down near the crickets.  I had pretty much decided against it, until I got to thinking how bah-humbug-y that sounded.

So this afternoon, after a VERY busy, hectic, beautiful morning, I decided to unwind by watching football and bringing up the tree.  As is completely necessary in order to go in the basement, I suited up in a hoodie, tied tight, shoes, and my hands in my sleeves, holding a broom.  I knew I was going to have to sweep some of the dead crickets away before I would be able to drag the pieces of the giant tree up.  So without much of a freak out, I was able to do that.  I got the tree set up, arranged the branches, got out my ornaments, and went and bought some candy canes.  After the ornaments and candy canes were arranged just right I sat down to enjoy my beautiful tree, relax, talk on the phone, and watch football.

This is when disaster struck.  I glanced over at the dog and out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement.  Turning my focus toward the movement, I was horrified to see a GIANT cricket creeping along my living room floor.

Let me just stop here and explain what happens when I come in contact with a cricket (cockroach, spider, etc.)... my heart rate increases very rapidly, adrenaline rushes through my veins, full panic sets in, breathing becomes difficult.  Even as I type this, I know just how ridiculous that sounds.  I am aware that crickets aren't poisonous, that they don't seek out humans, that they will normally jump away and avoid anything that moves.  I am aware that my fear is completely irrational, but it is what it is.

So upon seeing the cricket in my living room  panic set in pretty quickly.  I was on the phone when I started shouting at the dog to get it. She tried, but it got away.  Since it all happened so quickly I didn't know where the cricket had gone.  The only thing worse than actually seeing one, is knowing that one is around, but not being able to locate it and steer clear of it.  So I went back to talking on the phone, but went and got my bug spray and sprayed where I thought it had gone.

I hung up with that friend and called another one back.  Almost as soon as the second call connected, the cricket came out and was moving toward the couch, where I was sitting.  In my panic, I screamed, hung up the phone, dropped my laptop on the floor, and ran out of the room.  I grabbed the broom, deciding that I had to at least stun it so that the dog could get at it.  When I got back into the living room with the broom I swung at it, but it hopped away, attaching to the couch, climbing up the side of the couch.  For whatever reason, this sent me into a full panic attack.  It wasn't just rushing adrenaline and a rapid heart rate.  I couldn't breathe properly and embarrassingly, my eyes filled with tears.  I'm usually very good at controlling my tears (and emotions), but the fear had set in and I couldn't stop them from flowing.  It was so bizarre.  I swung again with the broom and knocked it on the floor, but it started coming towards me which sent me screaming out of the room again.  The dog did her best, but it got away again, causing further panic.

I sat down on the stairs to gain control and stop the ridiculous response that my body was having.  I called my dad (mostly because I was supposed to call him back from earlier in the day) and told him about the cricket.  He knows how crippling my fear of them is and was very sympathetic, but of course couldn't do anything about it from 900 miles away.  Talking to him calmed me down pretty quickly.  While on the phone, a church member beeped in.  I immediately answered, hoping that they might be willing to come and rescue me.  (How embarrassing for me, right?  Ugh.)  She and her daughter were at the church to drop something off and had a question.  They came over and did a cricket search for me, but didn't find anything.

So here I sit on the edge of my seat, feet off the floor, covered from head to toe, trying to avoid coming in contact with the little demon again.  I have the broom next to me, just in case.  I'm hoping that it fell down in a vent or something and is back in the basement, but I'm incredibly jumpy and very unsettled even an hour later.

Sitting here staring at my pretty tree, that bah-humbug-y feeling is back.  I'll bet anything that the cricket came upstairs with that tree.  Moral of the story??  From now on, anything that's in my basement, stays in my basement.

As embarrassing as this story is for me, I figured it would be entertaining for you.  You're welcome.

Sleep

This Sunday is youth Sunday at church.  I've spent the last few weeks preparing the kids for their roles in the service.  They've done a good job and have worked hard.  I'm excited to see how things play out and how the congregation reacts.  The service won't follow our traditional order of worship, but I think it's a good thing.  I recently had a couple of the older folks in the church request me to introduce the kids by name so they can put faces with names that they've all read about before.  What a blessing to have a congregation who wants to know who is who in the youth program, especially considering the general demographic of which we're made up.

This week leading up to youth Sunday has been fantastic, exhausting, but fantastic.  Monday evening was fun... I spent it with a friend, working on music for this Sunday and watching Da Bears lose again. Ok, so the bad football game wasn't so fun, but the company was good, so I can't complain.  After having the music figured out, I was much less stressed.  Getting home late that night meant about 5 hours of sleep leading into Tuesday.  I think it worked to my advantage though.  As much as I hate to admit it, I get a lot done when I only get a little sleep.  I rocked out pretty much all the work that I needed to get done before leaving town for Thanksgiving.  Tuesday was capped off with a lovely ecumenical worship service with my church and about 4 other churches in the area.

For whatever reason (I tend to believe it's a mixture of a sore throat and nerves) I didn't sleep well again on Tuesday night, but again, on Wednesday I found that I got more stuff done than I even realized needed to be done.  Not to mention, doing laundry, cleaning my house, and traveling to Hershey, PA.  

I got to Hershey where I met up with my best friend, her husband, and their 2 kids who are up this way visiting his family.  It was a huge blessing to be invited to stay with the family they were staying with and share Thanksgiving with them.  This is the second year in a row that I've not been around my immediate family which seems strange.  Last year I was in Uganda with the other missionaries and my African family... always lots of fun, tons of food, and good worship.  Anyways, being with Stacy and her family is like being home, despite being in a stranger's home.  She and I have known each other for nearly 20 years and I consider her my sister.  I had been struggling with the fact that I wasn't going to be with blood relatives, but God sweetly reminded who my family is, who my brothers and sisters are.  "For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”  Matthew 12:50.  Amen, right?

I don't normally sleep well when I'm not at home so as I expected, Wednesday night I got about 4 hours of sleep and last night I got 2, at best.  When you're the only person awake in a house full of people it seems silly not to spend quiet time with the Lord.  So much of the night last night was spent in prayer... for friends, family, burdens the Lord has placed in my heart, African matters, and youth Sunday were among the most popular items.  In my last post I mentioned how much of a blessing it is to feel led to pray very specifically for others and I have to say, even though it meant no sleep, I was honored to have so much time to bring you all before God's throne.


Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

Needless to say, I'm beyond exhausted tonight.  I did rest a bit today, but chose not to nap so that I would sleep really well tonight.  I do not like black Friday shopping, but there were a few items I needed to pick up in preparation for Stacy and her fam to come stay here tomorrow night and I have been looking for new shoes.  I went out around noon today to grab those things... HUGE mistake.  I got back in my car and drove home when I saw the crowds and lines, but not before finding shoes that I wanted and stashing them so no one else would buy them before I came back.  Yeah, I'm that person.  Being tired and dealing with crowds of (most likely) rude people did NOT seem appealing.  I went back out around 5... what a difference!  Walmart was pretty dead and I was able to get the things I needed (and a few things I didn't need... cheap dvds are a weakness of mine).  I then decided to try Kohls again.  Success... I got new $105 running shoes for half off.  

Even now, I'm feeling anxious about Sunday morning.  Partly, I feel like this service will reflect directly on me, even though it's not about me at all.   Will you join me in praying for the youth and for the amazing adults who have been so supportive and helpful as we prepare?  Pray for the musicians, for the kid's nerves, for the body of Christ to be pointed towards the throne, for His face to be seen above all else.  Pray for me as I make last minute preparations in the church tomorrow afternoon (I have to wait to set up because there's a wedding) as well as anticipate Stacy and her family's arrival.  I'm very excited to show my bff where I live and work now.  Lastly, would you pray for healing?  I've been fighting what I think will eventually turn into a cold/sinus thing.   Really I just need it to hold off until Sunday afternoon. 
I'll leave you with this song from the 90's by a guy called Riley Armstrong.  If you skip to about a minute into the song you'll see why this is my theme song right now.

Blessing of Burdens

While I was driving the other day, the guy on the radio asked, "have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"  Ummmm... yikes, right?

More often than not, my answer would probably have to be no.  I spend a great deal of time talking to others near and far.  It seems so natural to pick up the phone and call someone when I have something pressing (and sometimes not so pressing) to discuss or think through.  I think it's what most of us do.  Seeking the advice and counsel of others is not a bad thing at all, but when I think of the amount of time I talk with some people about some things, it's obvious where my priorities are.

However, lately I would say that my answer is leaning more towards yes.  I've been feeling very burdened for others and I'm so blessed by it.  Of course I have my normal list of people and things that I pray for and about, but more recently God has been speaking to me very clearly about how to be praying for people more specifically.  I'm pretty intuitive and I'm very much a feeling person... I can most likely read how you're doing simply because I try really hard to pay attention to the details of my interactions with you and/or your interactions with others.  I've been loving spending so much time in prayer, seeking the Lord, pleading on other's behalf, and seeking wisdom and discernment.

How can feeling burdened for someone be a blessing?  I love when the Lord puts people on my heart because it opens up opportunities to know them better and love them deeper.  I am often drawn into God's presence by the needs of others.  It's such a privilege to know and understand someone well enough to pray very specifically for them.

I don't believe that God tires of hearing from His beloved bride.  He's honored when we seek Him.  He's glorified in our needs and our weaknesses.  More than that, I believe He loves when we seek to be in relationship with Him in a very real and intimate way.  I'm so thankful to Jesus for the ability to be in communication with the Almighty Creator of the universe.  Mind = blown.

The other thing that this question from Mr. Radio Man really touches on is gossip.  How many times do we hear about something or see something happen and then run and tell someone.  I've seen and experienced so many cases of incorrect rumors and information being spread, it's sickening.  Gossip spreads like wildfire, especially amongst women... yes, I admit it.  Sometimes I don't think that people think about the possible repercussions of false rumors or assumptions.  I'm a fairly confrontational person when I need to be, so I'm all about someone just asking me something about myself instead of assuming something and then sharing it with others.  Nothing annoys me more than people talking about stuff that they're unsure of.  To be fair, I'm guilty of it myself, but I really do try to be mindful of what I'm saying and how it might affect their job, their family, or affect the way that they're viewed.  It's a tricky game to speak on something you're not sure about.  More than that though, it's just sinful.  I immediately think of the third chapter of the book of James, not to mention the numerous Proverbs that deal with the tongue and gossip.

Anyways, this past week, though extremely busy was a blessing.  I had lots of meetings, but one that sticks out in my mind took place on Friday morning.  I asked a woman from the church to meet with me because I really wanted someone to pray with and God has continually spoken clearly to me through her.  She is a woman that I greatly respect, she loves the Lord, and is very obedient to His word.  What a blessing to know such a faithful sister!  As God continues to place others on my heart, I want to make sure that I, myself am staying focused on my relationship with Him and not just on other's.  It was refreshing to know that the Lord was leading me to this woman... and even more refreshing that there was a high level of comfort so that I could share a bit of my heart openly.  Hearing the words of a wise woman is so encouraging.

I'm continually amazed at how Jesus sends me people at just the right time (especially in times of little discouragements).  Although at this point, I really shouldn't be surprised anymore because He's just so amazing.  :)  Continuing into the weekend, I got to spend time with some of the youth... really just laughing and enjoying each other's company.  Such a blessing and so much fun!

So grateful.

Kayla Nicole is 8!!

8 years ago my cell phone rang and it was my sister telling me that at her ultrasound they found out that her amniotic fluid was nearly gone and that they were going to do an emergency c-section to get the baby out before it was too late.  I dropped what I was doing, got in my car, and started driving to Chicago from Indiana, where I was living at the time.  Kayla Nicole was born 5 weeks premature, but healthy.  Since she was so small she and a little jaundice she had to be in the area where only parents and grandparents are allowed.  I arrived at the hospital 4 hours later so excited to hold my first niece for the first time ever.

The nurses, despite my sister's requests, would not allow me to hold Kayla, even though none of the grandparents were around.  I saw her through the window for the first time and I couldn't help but stand there and cry because I wanted nothing more than to hold her, kiss her, and just love on her.  Watching the nurse have to draw blood from her tiny heal was the saddest moment ever.  This tiny, tiny little helpless baby was screaming and shaking like newborns do.  

Within a few hours Kayla was finally allowed to come to Liz's room.  The moment I held her I was in love!  Since that day, Kayla has been my little buddy.  I drove up from Indiana nearly every weekend after she was born and spent as much time as possible with her.  We bonded well and I honestly didn't even care that I was spending a ridiculous amount of money on gas to see her sweet little face. 

When I left for Uganda in 2008, I had no doubts that Kayla would remember me when I got home, but I was nervous about her sister, Alexandria who was only 15 months at the time.  Through the magic of facebook pictures and skype (not video because the internet wasn't good enough for that), the girls and I were able to keep in touch.  In January of 2011 when I left for yet another year in Uganda they were both old enough and I had no worries about being remembered, only about missing out on their lives.  This is now the second year in a row that I've not been home for Kayla's birthday, since I was in Africa last year, and this year I'm here in Jersey.  

I realize more and more everyday just how much I love my nieces and how difficult it is to be away from them and miss their lives.  We skype a lot, we color pictures and mail them to each other, we talk on the phone, but it's just not the same.  I miss hugging them, tucking them into bed at night, building forts with them, reading books together, going to the playground, riding bikes, and just being together.  

I got to skype with my family tonight, sing happy birthday, watch Kayla blow out her candles, and watch her open the gift I sent her.  It was almost as good as being there... almost.  It's weird to be so close to them (relatively... aka on the same continent) and not to be with them for special things like this.  At least when I was in Africa I didn't even have the option of going home for a birthday... it just wasn't feasible.  I can't wait to go home at Christmas and actually be in the same room.   

Here are a few pics of Kayla, Alex, and I over the years.  I don't have tiny baby pics right now because my computer is out being fixed.

1 year old Kayla

Kayla (2.5 years) and I in my bff, Carley's wedding

Getting ready for a birthday party

Always cheering on Da Bears!

Alexandria, me, Kayla, at a show some friends and I played in 2010

A bumble bee and a witch (2010?)

Hanging out a month before I left for Uganda again

Cheese face Kayla... I love us!

Job in Jeopardy?

Man, this has been a good week already.  I had the opportunity to preach on Sunday while our senior pastor was out of town.  As I worked on my sermon last week I struggled to make a decision about what the focus needed to be.  As with any time I'm working on a sermon, my goal is to make it relevant and to point to Christ.  What happened to be relevant for this Sunday?  Politics, right?

It's inappropriate to speak on politics from the pulpit.  It's faux pas.  It could put one's job in jeopardy if done in the wrong way.  However, it was something that I didn't want to back away from or ignore.  I'm fairly politically charged and I do my best to be educated.  Though, I do have to say it's not something I feel qualified to debate about.

All of that said, as I was looking through scripture, praying, and seeking the Lord's leading for my sermon I felt lead to talk about the responsibility of being informed... not only politically, but more importantly spiritually.  The sermon ended up being titled "Canvassing for Christ" and challenged believers to be so well informed about Jesus that they would be comfortable actually canvassing for Christ... to be so confident and passionate in what they believe that they just can't keep it to themselves and feel compelled to share it with others.

One of the little tiny sidebars in the sermon touched on the Church being united and sharing in absolutely everything.  As we look at the early Church and see how the believers prayed together, worshipped together, ate together, lived life together, kept nothing for themselves, and spread the word, how can we think it's ok to do any different?

Even using a political illustration (no party names were mentioned, but it was obvious who I was talking about) from my college days, I got good feedback from the congregation.  Who knows if they were just being nice about, but I truly believe that the Holy Spirit was speaking to some hearts and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be used by God in such a way.  I'm also relieved because this was the first time that I didn't have to make major changes to a sermon at the last minute.  God had spoken very clearly to me which put me at ease early.  Usually the Saturday before I give a sermon I'm super high strung.  This was a nice change.

So aside from the whole preaching thing, this week has been good for many other reasons.  One of those reasons is that I've blessed to witness the Church (note the capital C) step up with generosity... even for silly things.  My laptop's warranty is about to expire so I decided to take it in and request a new battery (mine got fried in Uganda) and there was also a problem with the dvd drive.  They told me it would take 2-3 weeks.  I wasn't thrilled about being without a computer for that long, (first world problems) but the reality is that I've got a smart phone so I wouldn't be without internet and I live next door to the church where I have access to a computer and internet.  Nonetheless, not having my computer would be a bit of an inconvenience.  I happened to mention that I'd be without a computer on Sunday and no more than 2 hours later a member of the congregation was on my porch with an extra laptop for me to use while mine is being fixed.  Amazing.

Another (very silly) reason for the good week is that I have a working Nintendo again!  I mentioned on fb that I was looking into getting a "new" one since mine hasn't worked in about 5 months.  Within days of it being mentioned, I had a working NES delivered to me by someone who happened to read about my "need".  Could I live without a game system, um, duh, but I do have to say that I'm super grateful for this little blessing because I enjoy mindless entertainment sometimes.

Yet another reason for this good week is that when I walked into work today I was greeted with, "Yay!!  Christina's here!!"  Followed by a wonderful group of women presenting me with a basketful of gifts.  It's a belated welcome basket and I'm very grateful and also humbled by their generosity.  Best way to start a work day?  I think, yes.  I can't imagine feeling more welcome!  :)

You think I'd be done, but alas I have more reasons to share quickly.  Relationships continue to grow.  From lunch dates with fun ladies to impromptu hang out times at my house, I love getting to know people.  The youth are always surprising me... in fact, today I got a celebratory phone call today from one of them sharing a (ridiculous) personal victory.  I love how the level of comfort is growing.  I still have so much to learn and so many relationships to build, but I'm feeling encouraged this week.  I've even had the pleasure of spending some time with two future youth kids (they're too young right now) and I'm very excited about what God is going to do.  ALSO, I got a plane ticket home for Christmas, my golden birthday, and new years eve!  I'm so excited!!

Last but definitely not least, God is good.  He is always good.  Whether this week has been good or bad, He's good.  His Word is true and constant.  He never changes, even when I do.  I'm so beyond thankful for these truths.  It's nice to rest in my Savior tonight.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
WHATEVER my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well, it is well with me soul.

Though satan should buffet, though trials should come
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, it is well with me soul.

Classy Hurricane Moment

This past Sunday morning at church we made the announcement that all church activities/meetings were cancelled through Wednesday because of the impending hurricane.  So I enjoyed a quiet Sunday watching football, chatting on the phone, doing some laundry, and skyping with my sweet nieces.  It was a bit strange not to have youth group, but a nice break.  When I woke up on Monday it was raining  steadily and the wind was starting to pick up.  I made sure everything was secure (windows locked, garbage can and recycle bin in the creepy little shed, etc.), took a hot shower, and "hunkered down", as they say.

There's nothing on tv during the day so I watched the news, played with the puppy, played guitar, and read.  All was going well until about 2pm.  This is when my dog decided to go nuts.  I usually only let her out without a leash when I'm confident that she'll come back right away... like in the morning when she knows she gets to eat when she gets in, when it's rainy because she hates getting wet, and late at night when there aren't a lot of distractions to draw her from the house.  You would think that during a hurricane when the wind and rain is raging, she would turn around and come right back in (in fact she had already done that 2 other times that day).

Well I don't know what happened in her little peabrain, but she chose to take that opportunity to run amuck.  The ground was thoroughly saturated by this point, so she effortlessly started digging a hole, covering herself with mud.  This prompted me to head out into the yard to try and stop her.  Picture, if you will, me with my hair messily in a ponytail, pajamas/comfy clothes on, no make up, trying to avoid falling tree branches, chasing my dog around the yard and the church parking lot, shouting like a crazy person, all in the middle of a hurricane.  A very classy moment for both Piper and I.

When I was finally able to get her back in, she took off running because she knew she was in trouble.  So not only was I soaking wet (AFTER I had already showered for the day), but now my house had mud tracked all over it.  I was able to corner her, spank her, and carry her to her cage before much more damage was done.  I proceeded to cover her cage with a blanket just like a bird you don't want to hear from.  She didn't make a sound... lucky for her.  I cleaned up her mess, changed into warm, dry clothes, and just chilled for a while before letting her out.  About an hour later I went to let her out and she came cautiously out of her cage, bowing before me.  She quite literally laid herself at my feet looking ashamed, which of course made me feel guilty for punishing her.

The rest of the afternoon went well.  The weather continue to deteriorate, but still wasn't what it was predicted to be for my area.  Yes, when I took the dog out (on the leash) I changed into different clothes, knowing I would get soaked, but all in all it wasn't horrible.  Around 5 it started to really pick up.  I decided to crank the heat in my house so that if I did lose power later that night, it would take longer to get really cold.  By about 11pm I was sweating and the lights had only flickered a couple of times.  I turned the heat down and went to bed, not able to fall asleep until about 2:30am because of the crazy wind.

The only "damage" here is a few branches in my yard and the trellis above the walkway fell down.  To be honest I'm not sad about the trellis being down.  It was decent looking, but spiders liked to drop from it while people walked under it.  Not cool at all.

So my first hurricane experience was a bit stressful at times, but mostly I'm feeling very grateful for the uneventful nature of the storm around my home.  Watching the news and seeing the damage at the shore, other parts of NJ, NYC, and the entire east coast is sobering.  My area is fortunate to still have power and nearly no damage.  Please continue praying for those who are not as fortunate.

First Major Bout

Today was my first day substitute teaching in New Jersey.  It took about 2.5 months just to get to this point.  Crazy.  I've really missed being in the classroom.  Aside from my first year at Heritage International School, I've really enjoyed teaching.  And even then, it wasn't that I didn't like the teaching part, I just wasn't a fan of the age of my students and most of the subject matter we had to cover... not to mention the fact that I was far from being prepared, not having a teaching degree and all.

I subbed for an English teacher and I had mostly seniors today.  My job was of course simple, press play, fast forward, and write bathroom passes, but I'm really glad I'm doing this again.  I saw and talked to about 5 of my youth kids from church... they were surprised to see me and did a pretty good job of introducing me to their friends (which is the whole point of me being there).  A fire alarm was pulled and there was a pep rally at the end of the day, so things moved pretty quickly which was nice.  One of my friends was subbing there today too and I'm glad.  It was nice to not stand alone at the pep rally.  I sometimes struggle to be really outgoing (shocking, I know) with the actual classroom teachers because I'm self-conscious about being "just a sub" when I'm there.  Subs are generally looked down upon, at least from what I've been told... so I'm not good at socializing with them.  The fact that there was someone else around that I already know, put me at ease today.

I had talked with a couple of the kids about going to the homecoming game tonight, but then their plans changed, so here I sit.  I'm actually ok with it because after waking up at 5:30am, I'm good to just chill tonight.

Something that today brought on that I did not expect in the least is homesickness.  Being in the school made me miss my students in Uganda, both at the international school and at the refugee center.  I miss playing with them, basketball and volleyball.  I miss the ridiculous laughter that ensues when I would try to explain things that the language barrier tried to prevent.  I miss sharing meals and learning new cultural things.

It also made me miss my youth kids back in Illinois (and Indiana).  I miss just hanging out with them... being a part of their lives.  I've been blessed to stay in pretty good touch with most of them, skyping and texting fairly regularly.  I often get texts from them expressing how much they miss me... but today it really hit me.  These are kids who were willing to travel 9,000 miles to see me, and parents who trusted me enough to let that happen.  These are kids who planned their trips home from college around my schedule, road-tripped with me, had my birthday party at their house, drove out to my house to go fishing, play night frisbee, hike, watch movies, have slumber parties.  Kids I love so much... and miss very dearly.

I'm anticipating those kinds of relationships with the kids here, eventually... very much looking forward to it.  

Being away from friends and family is tough too.  I have a voicemail saved on my phone from my youngest niece because her little voice is so precious and I miss her.  I (kind of) miss living at home and always having someone around. (I say that now, but if that were the case I'd be longing to get out again.)  I miss talking to my parents/siblings at the end of the day and watching football as a family.  I miss building giant forts with my nieces, drawing with chalk, and going to the playground.  I miss doing ridiculous things like coming home to see them running through the sprinkler in the back yard... and putting on my swim suit and sneak attacking them, and hearing their laughter and screams of surprise.  

I love my job.  I love my church.  I even love my crazy dog.  I'm ok with being sad sometimes because I know without a doubt that this is where God has placed me.  So tonight I'm resting in that fact.  God is good... and I'm allowed to miss those I love dearly.  I'm actually feeling a little blessed by this bout of homesickness because it means I've been given lots of amazing people in my lifetime so far.  

Comfortable

I've been busy... not that that's big news these days.  It's truly been great.  I find myself making to-do lists for my to-do lists.  Anyone who says youth ministry isn't a full time job is kidding themselves.  I feel like I haven't hardly scratched the service.

Relationships continue to move forward and grow in depth.  My Monday night Bible study with the young adults is often times my favorite part of the week.  They are a lively group of 18+ people who love discussing tough issues and doctrinal stuff alike.  I thoroughly enjoy getting to hear their opinions and the reasoning behind them, as well as bringing scripture and the character of Christ into things.  We start off each week with this simple (and sometimes not so simple) question, "how is it with your soul?"  I consider it a privilege to lift them up before the Lord.

Youth group continues to go fairly well.  I like the curriculum I'm using and I feel like the lessons have been going well.  We've also been playing a lot of 4-Square prior to lesson time.  I must say... we're getting good.  :)

Beyond youth stuff, I'm really enjoying all of the other things I get to do each week.  I love Sunday morning worship, I love the worship leader Bible study, I love being on the praise team and singing again.  This past Thursday we were supposed to have worship leader Bible study, which I lead.  We're going through a Louie Giglio book and I was very excited about the chapter we were going to discuss. Only about a third of the people who were supposed to be there actually showed up, which was very disappointing since I consider being in the Word with other leadership to be extremely important for our ministry and unity.  

About an hour prior to the beginning of Bible study I heard the Lord telling me we should do a prayer walk, even though I had something else prepared.  So when I saw that so few people were there, it was apparent to me that God had ordained that group of people to pray together.  We prayed in the sanctuary for the congregation.  We prayed near the Sunday school rooms for that ministry.  We prayed in the parking lot for our neighbors and the surrounding communities.  The we went downstairs and prayed for the youth ministry.  I decided that out last stop would be at the alter... there we prayed for God to be glorified through our worship, prayed for the staff, and prayed for the leadership.  Praise the Lord for a good focused time of prayer together.

This past Friday night was Open Mic Night with the youth/young adults.  We open the church up, set up a guitar, the drums, and a few mics, and invite people to share music, poetry, etc..  The video below is one of the songs that my friend, Allan and I did that night.  There weren't as many people there as we all would have liked, but it was absolutely a blessing and a very fun, relaxing time.   



It's rare that I feel comfortable enough to perform in front of people, but this time felt so different.  I wasn't nervous in the least.  (which is huge because you all know how very self-conscious I've always been about my singing voice/musical abilities.)  Allan and I had picked a few songs and practiced a couple of times before Friday, but it wasn't that we had taken the time to practice that made me feel comfortable.  It was just easy to be up there with him... there was no judgment, it was relaxing.

Then on Saturday I met my Uganda roomie, Jean and her friend up in North Jersey and we went into NYC for the day.  They are both very familiar with the city which made my first time in NYC very fun and very chill.  We found free parking, explored Central Park, rode the subway, hung out in Little Italy, walked around a street fair, ate yummy pizza, found a geocache, saw the Empire State building, hung out in Times Square, went up to the rooftop of Jean's friend's building just in time for sunset, saw the Brooklyn Bridge, and went in Grand Central Station.

We were down there for probably 8 or nine hours and walked for about 7 of those hours.  We were exhausted at the end of the day, but it was so nice to be back in a big city and fun to see all of things I've seen in movies my whole life.  I really enjoyed how easy it is to get around, though I'm not surprised seeing as though Chicago is the same way.  I do have to say that I'm still partial to Chicago (it's much cleaner, less stinky, and a bit friendlier), but more than that, it's just more familiar to me.  I'm looking forward to exploring NYC some more in the future... practice makes perfect.  :)

It was nice to get home that night to the quiet rural area I now call home.  It's nice to fall into bed and feel at home.  Grateful.

Birthday Time!!

A quick addendum to my previous post entitled "Poop": the little pooper was indeed a squirrel.  He was caught early the next morning before I arrived at work.  He wasn't in the trap though.  He was nested up in the trash can by my desk... terrified.  He was released and I've not seen him since.

Moving on...

So at Delanco Camp (the place I was at last weekend) the kids are not allowed to have their cell phones at all.  If they bring them, they have to turn them in to the staff for the weekend.  So I was with my kids, getting them signed in and registered when a 20 year old staffer came right up to me and said, "look into my eyes..."  I was like, um, this chick is a total creeper.  So I'm looking at her and she says, "do you have your cell phone?  Be honest."  At first I was confused and wondering why she needed my phone... like, do you not have one and need to make a call, or what?  Then it dawned on me that she thought I was a camper and wanted me to give up my phone for the weekend.  I very politely, but in an obviously amused voice said, "I'm on staff."  She of course was mortified, put her face in her hands and turned around.  I couldn't help but giggle with my kids about this after she had gone.  They like to remind me just how old I am all the time.

Her mistake basically made my day.  I know I look a bit younger than I actually am, but it's been a while since someone has mistaken me for being THAT young.  The oldest I could have been even if I was a camper is 18.  I'll take it.  A few years ago I went to see a movie with a friend... I got carded, he didn't.  It was amazing!  So apparently I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.  That, or people are terrible at guessing ages.  I'll stick with the former.  :)

So it actually made me start thinking about the fact that I'm turning the big 3-0 in just a couple of months.  Those of you who've known me for any length of time know that my birthday has always been my favorite day of the year.  I love being with my friends and family to celebrate and I ALWAYS make a huge deal out of it... mostly for fun, but partially because of the timing of it.  I can't remember a specific time when I felt like my birthday was ignored because it's 5 days after Christmas and a day before New Years Eve, but it's always been less celebrated than other people's.  So I've always made sure people don't forget.  

This year I don't have a desire to make a big deal out of it.  What?!  Are you kidding me?!  Shocking, right?  This isn't because I'm turning 30, (because obviously I don't look it, so whatevs) but more because I've been humbled.  Last week I noticed that facebook was telling me that it was someone's birthday when I've always known their birthday to be in December (although they are unaware of when their actual real b-day is).  This person is an African friend of mine, so I sent a message asking for clarification.  They clarified that though that's when we had been celebrating it all these years, they had decided that they like a specific date last week and just changed their birthday to then.  I wasn't super surprised by this choice, but it's still a strange thing to think about being unsure of when you were born.

I have MANY other African friends who are in similar situations.  They're not sure of an exact date and in some cases they're not even sure of the year.  Can you imagine not knowing how old you are?  I mean, does it really matter?  What difference does a year or two or even 5 make?  This has been on my mind quite often for the past week and a half or so.  I feel very blessed and privileged to have grown up the way that I did and in this country.  It's just so interesting to actually think about the things that we (I) hold dear, that we (I) deem as important.  I've never had a birthday without cake of some sort.  I don't think I've ever had a birthday without being sung to.  What would it be like to have never celebrated a birthday before... simply because it's not important?  It's just another day to work, hopefully eat, live, love.

Some of you may be thinking, "that's no big deal, I don't really celebrate my birthday anyway."  Do you go out to dinner?  Does someone cook you something special?  Do you get a card in the mail or hundreds of fb b-day wishes?  I'm willing to bet that your birthday is celebrated somehow.  You may not be like me and make sure you take the day off of work (I've never once worked on my b-day), but I'm sure it's at least recognized, if not celebrated.

Maybe it doesn't strike you at all and you're thinking that I'm over-thinking this.  Whatever the case may be... I'm excited to turn 30 and I feel blessed to know that it'll be celebrated whether I decide to make a huge thing of it or not.  I'm thankful for the knowledge I've been given and the family I'm a part of.  I'm thankful for my African friends and family who help keep me grounded, though they are unaware that they are doing so.  I'm also thankful that those dear ones accept me and love me even if I am accustomed to silly things like birthdays being so important.  I'm feeling overwhelmingly loved and blessed tonight and I'm grateful to God.  All good things are from God, who is good.