I'm not often comfortable enough to make myself vulnerable, but I've been mulling something over for the past few weeks and I've decided to write it down. Tomorrow night I'm privileged to be a part of a "Purity Promise" evening for the girls and moms of my youth group. I'm slated as the "single woman" who gets to talk and share about my life in that way. I feel like it's a very personal thing to talk about and it's made me think a lot about my values, what my standards look like, and the condition of my heart.
Beyond that though, something a bit more simple... I've been thinking about kissing. I have to sit in front of a group of people and basically tell my story. I love speaking to groups big or small so this isn't an issue, but as I think more and more about how to relate to these girls, I'm getting a bit nervous because a kiss is just a kiss today right?
What is a kiss? A dictionary defines a kiss like this: to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. Kind of silly, but I really like the part about what a kiss is an expression of. We don't often recall that a kiss is an expression of reverence because if I'm being completely honest... not many people have an understanding of what it means to be reverent anymore. I think immediately of the immoral woman who anointed Jesus' feet with rare perfume. She entered a Pharisee's home, washed Jesus' feet with her tears, wiped them dry with her hair, and anointed them with rare perfume. She then remained and kissed his feet. Kissed his FEET? Wow, there's a case of real reverence and how a kiss expressed that.
Then I started to think of how kisses can be hurtful. Does this remind you of Judas? One kiss and Jesus is betrayed. Judas and the guards who were told to arrest Jesus came up with a prearranged signal. Judas agreed to kiss the "one whom they were to take under their guard". So upon arrival in Gethsemane, Judas walked straight up to Jesus, exclaimed, "Rabbi!", and gave him a kiss. Jesus was immediately arrested. So much for a joyful kiss.
For a teenager, a kiss is just a kiss. When it comes to family maybe it's something you're forced to do... give your mommy a kiss before you leave or something. Maybe it's getting a big wet one from a great aunt that you see once a year. Or maybe a parent makes you kiss your brother or sister after a fight. Maybe it's a way that you really do show love to your family. It might be something that you only share with someone really special. Or maybe it's something that you share freely without much thought. Therein lies the problem in my mind. When a kiss is just something you do because it's what you're supposed to do, that's a problem.
A kiss should be something special, I mean really special. What's so great about something that you share with everyone? NOTHING. It's not personal anymore. It's not something rare and precious. A kiss should not be something common like a hand shake or even a hug. It should be something that is treasured. Something that someone has to work to earn. When something is common, there's not much emotion behind it. I can assure you that a kiss is an emotional thing for a girl. Women connect emotion with physical touch when it's intimate. Essentially, a kiss has the power to break a heart into a thousand pieces, but it also has the power to connect people in a very real and strong way. It makes me very sad when people are so free with their kisses (and I don't mean a little kiss goodnight to my niece, I mean a real kiss, kiss).
This may sound super old fashioned, but I think a kiss can be somehow compared to sex. Maybe not quite that extreme because honestly I don't know many people who have only kissed their spouse, but how sweet would that be to have such a special gift for your husband? The more you give yourself away physically, the more emotions are given away. How can a heart ever heal and be whole for the one you're going to spend your life with if you're so free with yourself. Should I be embarrassed because it's been a LONG time since I've really kissed someone? Sometimes it feels that way, but honestly when I sit and think about it, I'm so grateful. I'm really excited to give my husband this gift. Not only will I be a virgin (which is kind of hard to come by these days), but I'll be able to give him all of me because I've not given it away.
I don't like that my way of thinking is old fashioned, but when I watch movies and tv shows I see how difficult it must be for young women to equate a kiss with real love when the characters in movies and shows are shown making out with several different people in one evening. That is now a pretty accepted idea of real love and what's okay to do physically. When I think of all of the things that a kiss can lead to, my heart breaks for the girls who think that's ok, and that's the way life is. When did purity become old fashioned?
I guess this all comes back to a real understanding of what real, unconditional love is. It comes back to knowing a love so deep, so high, so long, and so wide. The love of a Savior, of a Father. When we know that kind of love, we start to learn how to love ourselves and respect ourselves enough to cherish something simple (or not simple) like a kiss.
Soapbox ---> me. I'm off it now.
On a totally unrelated note, last week the father of one of my youth girl's passed away. He lost his nine month battle with brain cancer and is now walking, pain free on the streets of gold. While the family had been preparing for the loss, it did not make it any easier. I drove down to Indianapolis last thursday night to go to the viewing friday and the funeral saturday. I had never actually met him but spent time with his daughter and wife on a retreat and I really felt like the one thing I could do for them was be a presence. I feel like they blessed me more than I actually blessed them though. It was a sweet time of laughter, and a hard time of watching the mourning process take place. I was also very blessed to spend so much time with the youth in Indiana. I get to see them whenever I'm around on a weekend that there's an all group gathering, but it never seems like enough time. I was talked into staying Saturday night and got to meet a few of the kids I didn't really know well, like a few senior girls. After knowing I would miss church at Wheatland Salem, I decided to stay for youth group and had a total blast with the kids. The ministry at New Hope is moving forward and I count myself lucky to be a part of it.
This week I had the privilege of hanging out with my kids in Naperville that are on the youth worship team outside of the church. We went to Feed My Starving Children as a team and packed food, laughed, sang, and even danced a little. What a cool experience for all of us! I believe that those kids are being used in a big way at the church and I'm praying for their ministry every single day. This weekend my good friend, John is gonna come and hang with me and the worship after church and I'm excited to see what the Lord wants the team to learn through him. Would you be praying for the youth worship team? Pray for an insatiable hunger for Jesus and His Word. Pray for deeper commitment and understanding of Jesus. Pray for our daily walk with the Lord.
Much love to you all. Please let me know how I can be praying for you.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thank You Jesus for Friends
Reader beware: this is randomness.
Indianapolis turned out to be pretty fun this weekend. The snow storm prevented some parts of the plan, but created other fun times so it all worked out. I am always so blessed by the time I get to spend with the youth down there. I just wish I had a privet jet so I could be a part of both churches every Sunday. That would be fantastic! Any donors?? :) I also was able to spend time with some dear friends up here in Chicagoland at a Super Bowl party. I love seeing so many people I adore in one place.
Anyways, my schedule seems to be ceaseless these days... but I think I like it. This weekend I'll be in Indy again. Next weekend I have a friend coming into town, a purity night for the youth girls, and on Sunday I'm having my friend John meet with the youth worship team. Then with the end of Feb and beginning of March I should be around, but by the middle of March I've committed to some stuff and I'll be out of town again. Then April rolls around and (praise the Lord) I'll be heading to Florida for a week of warmth and fun!! May is a light month so far, only one weekend is taken by a camping trip so far. June I'll be going to Haiti on a mission trip with WSC. Then my bff is preggers and we're planning her baby shower for the weekend after Haiti. In July I'll hopefully get to go on two mission trips, one to New York with NHP and the other to Birmingham with WSC. Then by August I'll be preparing to leave for Uganda, Lord willing.
So it seems like my time is cut out for me, but somehow I'm really glad. I love having stuff to look forward to. Jesus has been teaching me to really run for the prize. I feel like all the stuff that I'm doing is along the course and on track to win the prize, if you will. It's exciting.
Fundraising is where my mind is these days. It's pretty time consuming and it's been a bit of a stress for me. I've known since returning to America in June that I would go back to Uganda. And it's always been clear that I'll go back whenever the funding comes in. The Lord is my Great Provider and I trust Him completely with this. I need to remind myself everyday that this CANNOT be something I try to do on my own strength because it will never work. I'm in such a learning stage right now and though it's not always easy to be patient (especially when it comes to money), I'm trying my best to do so.
Moving on... I had to opportunity to talk to one of my favorite people ever (Peter) on Sunday and I'm still so happy about it. Have you ever had a friend, maybe a best friend that you've kinda lost contact with? Who hasn't really? It's a bummer. Reconnecting is so much fun though! Obviously I love people, but just catching up and being reminded of why someone is such a good friend is refreshing. I was able to talk about some stuff with him that he doesn't know about simply because we've lost touch a bit, but stuff that I've talked with other people about for a long time, and get a fresh perspective on the situations. It was just so fantastic to talk with someone that I really love and trust about things that everyone else I'm close with has had to hear about for years. :) Thank you Jesus for friends.
Indianapolis turned out to be pretty fun this weekend. The snow storm prevented some parts of the plan, but created other fun times so it all worked out. I am always so blessed by the time I get to spend with the youth down there. I just wish I had a privet jet so I could be a part of both churches every Sunday. That would be fantastic! Any donors?? :) I also was able to spend time with some dear friends up here in Chicagoland at a Super Bowl party. I love seeing so many people I adore in one place.
Anyways, my schedule seems to be ceaseless these days... but I think I like it. This weekend I'll be in Indy again. Next weekend I have a friend coming into town, a purity night for the youth girls, and on Sunday I'm having my friend John meet with the youth worship team. Then with the end of Feb and beginning of March I should be around, but by the middle of March I've committed to some stuff and I'll be out of town again. Then April rolls around and (praise the Lord) I'll be heading to Florida for a week of warmth and fun!! May is a light month so far, only one weekend is taken by a camping trip so far. June I'll be going to Haiti on a mission trip with WSC. Then my bff is preggers and we're planning her baby shower for the weekend after Haiti. In July I'll hopefully get to go on two mission trips, one to New York with NHP and the other to Birmingham with WSC. Then by August I'll be preparing to leave for Uganda, Lord willing.
So it seems like my time is cut out for me, but somehow I'm really glad. I love having stuff to look forward to. Jesus has been teaching me to really run for the prize. I feel like all the stuff that I'm doing is along the course and on track to win the prize, if you will. It's exciting.
Fundraising is where my mind is these days. It's pretty time consuming and it's been a bit of a stress for me. I've known since returning to America in June that I would go back to Uganda. And it's always been clear that I'll go back whenever the funding comes in. The Lord is my Great Provider and I trust Him completely with this. I need to remind myself everyday that this CANNOT be something I try to do on my own strength because it will never work. I'm in such a learning stage right now and though it's not always easy to be patient (especially when it comes to money), I'm trying my best to do so.
Moving on... I had to opportunity to talk to one of my favorite people ever (Peter) on Sunday and I'm still so happy about it. Have you ever had a friend, maybe a best friend that you've kinda lost contact with? Who hasn't really? It's a bummer. Reconnecting is so much fun though! Obviously I love people, but just catching up and being reminded of why someone is such a good friend is refreshing. I was able to talk about some stuff with him that he doesn't know about simply because we've lost touch a bit, but stuff that I've talked with other people about for a long time, and get a fresh perspective on the situations. It was just so fantastic to talk with someone that I really love and trust about things that everyone else I'm close with has had to hear about for years. :) Thank you Jesus for friends.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Words
I was asked by a friend to describe them in three words... so I did. Then I turned the questions back, interested to hear their answer for me. The three words used to describe me were: untraditional, loyal, and real. Loyal and real were easy for me to agree with because I do my best to make sure that I keep those that are important to me close by.
I have always played the role of peacekeeper, in my family and in my different groups of friends. I think I've played that role because I hate when people give up on each other... I don't understand it because it's not how I've ever been. It amazes me when people let a friendship die either over something dumb, or it just fades with time. I'm not a fan of that at all. I will always do my best to treasure friends and family and remain loyal to them. The Lord gives us gifts in our friends and families even if they don't recognize Him as the Giver Of All Things. Not to say that it's always easy to deal with all your friends... and it's never easy to deal with family all the time. Jesus has given me a great capacity to love others and I see it as a blessing. If we're good friends chances are, I'm not letting you go. :) K, that may have sounded a little creepy, but I think you get the point.
Real. I agreed with this adjective too. If there's one thing that I really strive for it's to be real and honest. I'm not one to sugar-coat things or tell you something just to make you feel better. As harsh as that may seem I think it's the best way to be. Now thankfully I have learned how to be tactful and also mindful of people's feelings, so this quality is something I'm glad I've been able to show. I really appreciate when people are real to me. A big pet peeve of mine is when someone is being fake just to appease someone else. Nothing good comes of trying to be someone that you're not.
Then I got to untraditional and wasn't pleased about it. I've always thought of myself as somewhat normal (right?? Maybe??) so untraditional sounded like something I didn't want to be. I knew I wasn't supposed to read into it, but being a girl I couldn't let it go. I needed to understand what that meant. Luckily I was given an explanation. The definition I was given is this: "not satisfied with status quo; not going to do everything that everybody else does just because that is the way they do it." After hearing this I began to think through certain situations and interactions with different people and groups. I decided that this was a pretty accurate way to describe part of who I am. I do have this tendency to challenge authority when I don't think something is being done correctly. This isn't always done in the most tactful way and it's sometimes a hindrance. I get myself into trouble by offering up my opinion when it wasn't asked for. I like to see things happen quickly and efficiently and when there's something I can do to help a process along, I do it. I don't like being told something has to be done a particular way when I can see another way. Sometimes I find that I'm right, but sometimes I'm too stubborn to admit that I wasn't. I don't think we're supposed to always be ok with the status quo. Being untraditional is ok by me if it means always trying to better myself and the situations around me with the Lord's leading. It's not ok when I think I can take charge and come in and change things without regard to anyone else.
So for the past few weeks I've been thinking over these words and trying to see how they play out in my everyday life. It's been interesting to learn new things about myself and it's given me good insight into how I react to certain people and situations. My communication background definitely helps me understand others, but I don't often use it to analyze myself and the way I relate with others. Interesting... well, for me it is. Words are so powerful.
Anyway, moving on. I'm really excited with the way things are going with ministry right now. I was privileged to lead worship for the middle school lock-in on Friday night... I'm having a fantastic time with the youth kids at WSC and I looking forward to what God has to teach me this week with them. For Sunday school we're doing Alpha (http://www.alphausa.org) and I get to have my small group discussion with the seniors. They're a fun group of kids and I'm enjoying getting to know some of those that don't come for youth group. I'm looking forward to some changes this week and some sweet times with Jesus and the kids. So many are crying out and wanting to go deeper, and some aren't in that place, but Jesus commands us to preach the good news to all nations and that means the lost who show up on wednesday nights. Would you join me in prayer for the youth and leadership at WSC? I'm pretty excited to head down to Indy this weekend. NO I'm not a Colts fan... in fact I really hope they lose, but I'm pumped to see the youth kids down there! Would you also join me in praying for the youth and leadership at New Hope Pres? God is moving in big ways all over the place. Some times I don't recognize it and I even grow weary, but His love never fails. Never. Isn't that such a sweet promise to hold onto? That's what I'm clinging to this morning.
Psalm 111 is so beautiful...
1 Praise the Lord!
I will thank the Lord with all my heart
as I meet with his godly people.
2 How amazing are the deeds of the Lord!
All who delight in him should ponder them.
3 Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty.
His righteousness never fails.
4 He causes us to remember his wonderful works.
How gracious and merciful is our Lord!
5 He gives food to those who fear him;
he always remembers his covenant.
6 He has shown his great power to his people
by giving them the lands of other nations.
7 All he does is just and good,
and all his commandments are trustworthy.
8 They are forever true,
to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity.
9 He has paid a full ransom for his people.
He has guaranteed his covenant with them forever.
What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!
10 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom.
All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom.
Praise him forever!
This is from the NLT and I absolutely love the phrasing of verse 9. "What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!" Amen to that. I love this reminder of the awesomeness of God. Revel in it today.
I just finished reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers for the first time in about 8 or 10 years. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it! I'm not really into fiction books (with a few exceptions of course), but it is fantastic. It paints such a beautiful picture of God's perfect love for us. It really does inspire to love deeper.
Thanks for sticking with this very jumble entry this morning. Blessings to you all.
I have always played the role of peacekeeper, in my family and in my different groups of friends. I think I've played that role because I hate when people give up on each other... I don't understand it because it's not how I've ever been. It amazes me when people let a friendship die either over something dumb, or it just fades with time. I'm not a fan of that at all. I will always do my best to treasure friends and family and remain loyal to them. The Lord gives us gifts in our friends and families even if they don't recognize Him as the Giver Of All Things. Not to say that it's always easy to deal with all your friends... and it's never easy to deal with family all the time. Jesus has given me a great capacity to love others and I see it as a blessing. If we're good friends chances are, I'm not letting you go. :) K, that may have sounded a little creepy, but I think you get the point.
Real. I agreed with this adjective too. If there's one thing that I really strive for it's to be real and honest. I'm not one to sugar-coat things or tell you something just to make you feel better. As harsh as that may seem I think it's the best way to be. Now thankfully I have learned how to be tactful and also mindful of people's feelings, so this quality is something I'm glad I've been able to show. I really appreciate when people are real to me. A big pet peeve of mine is when someone is being fake just to appease someone else. Nothing good comes of trying to be someone that you're not.
Then I got to untraditional and wasn't pleased about it. I've always thought of myself as somewhat normal (right?? Maybe??) so untraditional sounded like something I didn't want to be. I knew I wasn't supposed to read into it, but being a girl I couldn't let it go. I needed to understand what that meant. Luckily I was given an explanation. The definition I was given is this: "not satisfied with status quo; not going to do everything that everybody else does just because that is the way they do it." After hearing this I began to think through certain situations and interactions with different people and groups. I decided that this was a pretty accurate way to describe part of who I am. I do have this tendency to challenge authority when I don't think something is being done correctly. This isn't always done in the most tactful way and it's sometimes a hindrance. I get myself into trouble by offering up my opinion when it wasn't asked for. I like to see things happen quickly and efficiently and when there's something I can do to help a process along, I do it. I don't like being told something has to be done a particular way when I can see another way. Sometimes I find that I'm right, but sometimes I'm too stubborn to admit that I wasn't. I don't think we're supposed to always be ok with the status quo. Being untraditional is ok by me if it means always trying to better myself and the situations around me with the Lord's leading. It's not ok when I think I can take charge and come in and change things without regard to anyone else.
So for the past few weeks I've been thinking over these words and trying to see how they play out in my everyday life. It's been interesting to learn new things about myself and it's given me good insight into how I react to certain people and situations. My communication background definitely helps me understand others, but I don't often use it to analyze myself and the way I relate with others. Interesting... well, for me it is. Words are so powerful.
Anyway, moving on. I'm really excited with the way things are going with ministry right now. I was privileged to lead worship for the middle school lock-in on Friday night... I'm having a fantastic time with the youth kids at WSC and I looking forward to what God has to teach me this week with them. For Sunday school we're doing Alpha (http://www.alphausa.org) and I get to have my small group discussion with the seniors. They're a fun group of kids and I'm enjoying getting to know some of those that don't come for youth group. I'm looking forward to some changes this week and some sweet times with Jesus and the kids. So many are crying out and wanting to go deeper, and some aren't in that place, but Jesus commands us to preach the good news to all nations and that means the lost who show up on wednesday nights. Would you join me in prayer for the youth and leadership at WSC? I'm pretty excited to head down to Indy this weekend. NO I'm not a Colts fan... in fact I really hope they lose, but I'm pumped to see the youth kids down there! Would you also join me in praying for the youth and leadership at New Hope Pres? God is moving in big ways all over the place. Some times I don't recognize it and I even grow weary, but His love never fails. Never. Isn't that such a sweet promise to hold onto? That's what I'm clinging to this morning.
Psalm 111 is so beautiful...
1 Praise the Lord!
I will thank the Lord with all my heart
as I meet with his godly people.
2 How amazing are the deeds of the Lord!
All who delight in him should ponder them.
3 Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty.
His righteousness never fails.
4 He causes us to remember his wonderful works.
How gracious and merciful is our Lord!
5 He gives food to those who fear him;
he always remembers his covenant.
6 He has shown his great power to his people
by giving them the lands of other nations.
7 All he does is just and good,
and all his commandments are trustworthy.
8 They are forever true,
to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity.
9 He has paid a full ransom for his people.
He has guaranteed his covenant with them forever.
What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!
10 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom.
All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom.
Praise him forever!
This is from the NLT and I absolutely love the phrasing of verse 9. "What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!" Amen to that. I love this reminder of the awesomeness of God. Revel in it today.
I just finished reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers for the first time in about 8 or 10 years. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it! I'm not really into fiction books (with a few exceptions of course), but it is fantastic. It paints such a beautiful picture of God's perfect love for us. It really does inspire to love deeper.
Thanks for sticking with this very jumble entry this morning. Blessings to you all.
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