A Kiss

I'm not often comfortable enough to make myself vulnerable, but I've been mulling something over for the past few weeks and I've decided to write it down. Tomorrow night I'm privileged to be a part of a "Purity Promise" evening for the girls and moms of my youth group. I'm slated as the "single woman" who gets to talk and share about my life in that way. I feel like it's a very personal thing to talk about and it's made me think a lot about my values, what my standards look like, and the condition of my heart.
Beyond that though, something a bit more simple... I've been thinking about kissing. I have to sit in front of a group of people and basically tell my story. I love speaking to groups big or small so this isn't an issue, but as I think more and more about how to relate to these girls, I'm getting a bit nervous because a kiss is just a kiss today right?
What is a kiss? A dictionary defines a kiss like this: to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. Kind of silly, but I really like the part about what a kiss is an expression of. We don't often recall that a kiss is an expression of reverence because if I'm being completely honest... not many people have an understanding of what it means to be reverent anymore. I think immediately of the immoral woman who anointed Jesus' feet with rare perfume. She entered a Pharisee's home, washed Jesus' feet with her tears, wiped them dry with her hair, and anointed them with rare perfume. She then remained and kissed his feet. Kissed his FEET? Wow, there's a case of real reverence and how a kiss expressed that.
Then I started to think of how kisses can be hurtful. Does this remind you of Judas? One kiss and Jesus is betrayed. Judas and the guards who were told to arrest Jesus came up with a prearranged signal. Judas agreed to kiss the "one whom they were to take under their guard". So upon arrival in Gethsemane, Judas walked straight up to Jesus, exclaimed, "Rabbi!", and gave him a kiss. Jesus was immediately arrested. So much for a joyful kiss.
For a teenager, a kiss is just a kiss. When it comes to family maybe it's something you're forced to do... give your mommy a kiss before you leave or something. Maybe it's getting a big wet one from a great aunt that you see once a year. Or maybe a parent makes you kiss your brother or sister after a fight. Maybe it's a way that you really do show love to your family. It might be something that you only share with someone really special. Or maybe it's something that you share freely without much thought. Therein lies the problem in my mind. When a kiss is just something you do because it's what you're supposed to do, that's a problem.
A kiss should be something special, I mean really special. What's so great about something that you share with everyone? NOTHING. It's not personal anymore. It's not something rare and precious. A kiss should not be something common like a hand shake or even a hug. It should be something that is treasured. Something that someone has to work to earn. When something is common, there's not much emotion behind it. I can assure you that a kiss is an emotional thing for a girl. Women connect emotion with physical touch when it's intimate. Essentially, a kiss has the power to break a heart into a thousand pieces, but it also has the power to connect people in a very real and strong way. It makes me very sad when people are so free with their kisses (and I don't mean a little kiss goodnight to my niece, I mean a real kiss, kiss).
This may sound super old fashioned, but I think a kiss can be somehow compared to sex. Maybe not quite that extreme because honestly I don't know many people who have only kissed their spouse, but how sweet would that be to have such a special gift for your husband? The more you give yourself away physically, the more emotions are given away. How can a heart ever heal and be whole for the one you're going to spend your life with if you're so free with yourself. Should I be embarrassed because it's been a LONG time since I've really kissed someone? Sometimes it feels that way, but honestly when I sit and think about it, I'm so grateful. I'm really excited to give my husband this gift. Not only will I be a virgin (which is kind of hard to come by these days), but I'll be able to give him all of me because I've not given it away.
I don't like that my way of thinking is old fashioned, but when I watch movies and tv shows I see how difficult it must be for young women to equate a kiss with real love when the characters in movies and shows are shown making out with several different people in one evening. That is now a pretty accepted idea of real love and what's okay to do physically. When I think of all of the things that a kiss can lead to, my heart breaks for the girls who think that's ok, and that's the way life is. When did purity become old fashioned?
I guess this all comes back to a real understanding of what real, unconditional love is. It comes back to knowing a love so deep, so high, so long, and so wide. The love of a Savior, of a Father. When we know that kind of love, we start to learn how to love ourselves and respect ourselves enough to cherish something simple (or not simple) like a kiss.
Soapbox ---> me. I'm off it now.
On a totally unrelated note, last week the father of one of my youth girl's passed away. He lost his nine month battle with brain cancer and is now walking, pain free on the streets of gold. While the family had been preparing for the loss, it did not make it any easier. I drove down to Indianapolis last thursday night to go to the viewing friday and the funeral saturday. I had never actually met him but spent time with his daughter and wife on a retreat and I really felt like the one thing I could do for them was be a presence. I feel like they blessed me more than I actually blessed them though. It was a sweet time of laughter, and a hard time of watching the mourning process take place. I was also very blessed to spend so much time with the youth in Indiana. I get to see them whenever I'm around on a weekend that there's an all group gathering, but it never seems like enough time. I was talked into staying Saturday night and got to meet a few of the kids I didn't really know well, like a few senior girls. After knowing I would miss church at Wheatland Salem, I decided to stay for youth group and had a total blast with the kids. The ministry at New Hope is moving forward and I count myself lucky to be a part of it.
This week I had the privilege of hanging out with my kids in Naperville that are on the youth worship team outside of the church. We went to Feed My Starving Children as a team and packed food, laughed, sang, and even danced a little. What a cool experience for all of us! I believe that those kids are being used in a big way at the church and I'm praying for their ministry every single day. This weekend my good friend, John is gonna come and hang with me and the worship after church and I'm excited to see what the Lord wants the team to learn through him. Would you be praying for the youth worship team? Pray for an insatiable hunger for Jesus and His Word. Pray for deeper commitment and understanding of Jesus. Pray for our daily walk with the Lord.
Much love to you all. Please let me know how I can be praying for you.