Let This Be Home

Yesterday was the Christmas cantata at church.  For the past couple of months, each week after choir practice we had cantata practice.  Quite a few people who don't normally sing with the choir come out just to sing for the cantata.  There were close to 30 of us in the end.  Cantata practice made my Thursdays way too long and many times I considered quitting, but after yesterday, I'm so glad I didn't.  I absolutely love singing with a choir.  Through private voice lessons in high school and college, I have a classically trained voice.  However, since I've only been singing on praise teams for the past 10 years, I had forgotten what it was like to sing with my section and actually sight read through a song.  So fun!

Saturday I spent 3 hours in the morning with the group, running through the music for the performance yesterday.  I was tired and definitely not excited about being at the church on a Saturday morning.  But we ran through it and I went about my day.

Yesterday afternoon when I walked into the church for the performance there was a palpable excitement surging through the air.  Everyone looked beautiful, energetic, and exited to sing for the King.  We quickly warmed up and ran through a couple of numbers before meeting in a Sunday school room to pray.  We talked about a few little logistics and then I was asked to pray.  After I prayed for us, we headed to take our spots and prepare to head up to the stage area.  

It was very encouraging to see how many people had shown up... many people from the congregation, the community, and people's families.  A couple of announcements were made and then we made our way up to the stage.  Once we started singing, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit.  It was so beautiful.  Voices blended well as we sang the pre-recorded music with very simply harmonies, but more than that, it felt like every heart was turned toward Christ.  I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but I couldn't stop praising the Lord.  One of the songs took you from the birth of Christ through His death and resurrection.  As it spoke of the absolute victory we have in Jesus, the congregation faded before me and I could only see God being glorified and lifted high.  One of my prayers before we entered the sanctuary was that it would be God who was seen and not any of us.  In that moment, I knew that that prayer was answered.  

When it all ended after the final reprise, the choir stepped down and and hugged their family members and friends that had shown up.  Even though I was surrounded by people that I've come to love dearly, it hit me hard that I didn't have someone in the audience who would be rushing up to see me.  Again, not that I was looking for recognition, but simply to have my family there would have been amazing.  It very much reminded me of my last 2 years of high school... my parents had moved to Arizona and I begged to stay behind to finish high school with my friends.  They agreed, but it was after events like last night when I really missed them.  All my friend's families would come rushing towards them and I was hanging up my choir robe, getting ready to leave.  I'm thankful for my friend's families and their love for me through that time, but last night it felt exactly the same.  

When we headed down to dinner in the fellowship hall, I was encouraged as someone dear to me came and ate with me.  We had a blast hanging out with the youth too, of course.  There's never a dull moment when those kids are around.  

As I still try to figure out how to do life away from my family and friends and on my own, there will continue to be days of adjustments.  There will be days when I feel like an outsider, imposing.  There will be days when I just want to be back in Chicago (especially during seasons like Christmas).  But what will always reign over all of that is the simple fact that God has told me that this is where I'm to be right now and I trust Him.  He's asked me to be still and trust Him.  He's asked me to let this be home.