Basement Demons... For Your Entertainment.

Picture if you will, me sitting on the edge of my recliner, completely covered from head to toe except for my eyes and my finger tips.  Why am I in this ridiculous position, you may ask?  Well let me tell you the story of my life for the past few hours.

This actually started a couple of days ago as I began to internally debate whether to put up my Christmas tree or not.  I love decorating for Christmas and I especially love decorating Christmas trees.  It's one of my favorite childhood memories... my parents, sister, brother, and I listening to Christmas records, decorating the tree, setting up the electric train around the tree, and drinking hot chocolate.  Sounds lovely, yeah?  But then I got to thinking about the fact that I would be decorating alone, for only me to see, and I won't even be here on Christmas.  What's the point, right?  Not to mention that the tree is in my basement which means having to go down near the crickets.  I had pretty much decided against it, until I got to thinking how bah-humbug-y that sounded.

So this afternoon, after a VERY busy, hectic, beautiful morning, I decided to unwind by watching football and bringing up the tree.  As is completely necessary in order to go in the basement, I suited up in a hoodie, tied tight, shoes, and my hands in my sleeves, holding a broom.  I knew I was going to have to sweep some of the dead crickets away before I would be able to drag the pieces of the giant tree up.  So without much of a freak out, I was able to do that.  I got the tree set up, arranged the branches, got out my ornaments, and went and bought some candy canes.  After the ornaments and candy canes were arranged just right I sat down to enjoy my beautiful tree, relax, talk on the phone, and watch football.

This is when disaster struck.  I glanced over at the dog and out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement.  Turning my focus toward the movement, I was horrified to see a GIANT cricket creeping along my living room floor.

Let me just stop here and explain what happens when I come in contact with a cricket (cockroach, spider, etc.)... my heart rate increases very rapidly, adrenaline rushes through my veins, full panic sets in, breathing becomes difficult.  Even as I type this, I know just how ridiculous that sounds.  I am aware that crickets aren't poisonous, that they don't seek out humans, that they will normally jump away and avoid anything that moves.  I am aware that my fear is completely irrational, but it is what it is.

So upon seeing the cricket in my living room  panic set in pretty quickly.  I was on the phone when I started shouting at the dog to get it. She tried, but it got away.  Since it all happened so quickly I didn't know where the cricket had gone.  The only thing worse than actually seeing one, is knowing that one is around, but not being able to locate it and steer clear of it.  So I went back to talking on the phone, but went and got my bug spray and sprayed where I thought it had gone.

I hung up with that friend and called another one back.  Almost as soon as the second call connected, the cricket came out and was moving toward the couch, where I was sitting.  In my panic, I screamed, hung up the phone, dropped my laptop on the floor, and ran out of the room.  I grabbed the broom, deciding that I had to at least stun it so that the dog could get at it.  When I got back into the living room with the broom I swung at it, but it hopped away, attaching to the couch, climbing up the side of the couch.  For whatever reason, this sent me into a full panic attack.  It wasn't just rushing adrenaline and a rapid heart rate.  I couldn't breathe properly and embarrassingly, my eyes filled with tears.  I'm usually very good at controlling my tears (and emotions), but the fear had set in and I couldn't stop them from flowing.  It was so bizarre.  I swung again with the broom and knocked it on the floor, but it started coming towards me which sent me screaming out of the room again.  The dog did her best, but it got away again, causing further panic.

I sat down on the stairs to gain control and stop the ridiculous response that my body was having.  I called my dad (mostly because I was supposed to call him back from earlier in the day) and told him about the cricket.  He knows how crippling my fear of them is and was very sympathetic, but of course couldn't do anything about it from 900 miles away.  Talking to him calmed me down pretty quickly.  While on the phone, a church member beeped in.  I immediately answered, hoping that they might be willing to come and rescue me.  (How embarrassing for me, right?  Ugh.)  She and her daughter were at the church to drop something off and had a question.  They came over and did a cricket search for me, but didn't find anything.

So here I sit on the edge of my seat, feet off the floor, covered from head to toe, trying to avoid coming in contact with the little demon again.  I have the broom next to me, just in case.  I'm hoping that it fell down in a vent or something and is back in the basement, but I'm incredibly jumpy and very unsettled even an hour later.

Sitting here staring at my pretty tree, that bah-humbug-y feeling is back.  I'll bet anything that the cricket came upstairs with that tree.  Moral of the story??  From now on, anything that's in my basement, stays in my basement.

As embarrassing as this story is for me, I figured it would be entertaining for you.  You're welcome.