Choosing to Love

You're either a cat person or a dog person right?  Most people are loyal to one or the other.  Personally, I've always been a dog person.  We didn't have a dog growing up, aside from the short time my grandpa lived with us while he still had his dog.  When she lived with us, I LOVED playing with and taking care of her, but my parents were never fond of the idea of having to take care of a dog, knowing that we probably wouldn't.  We had a parakeet at one point.  I had a turtle.  And we always had a fish tank, but no "real" pet.

One pet that we never even thought to ask for was a cat.  None of us ever cared for cats, so it was never brought up.  When I would sleep over with a friend who had a cat, I ignored the animal.  No desire to mess with cats.  In fact, I actually grew to despise them... mainly because the ones I HAD been around were either really skittish or really stuck up.

Well about a year and a half ago, I adopted a kitten from a shelter.  Why on earth would I do something so dumb?  I've asked myself that same question nearly every day since getting the cat.  Until recently, that is.  You see, his main purpose is to take care of bugs for me... namely crickets.  I can't handle seeing or being around them without having an actual panic attack.  Embarrassing, I know.

Paka (my cat) has done a fabulous job keeping the bugs away, but he's also just plain annoying.  Because I'm not used to cats, I'm not accustomed to the dumb crap that they do ALL the time.  He constantly knocks stuff off of shelves and tables.  I come home or wake up to things broken, messed up, or missing all the time.  My response has always been to grab him and put him in the basement for the day (where his food and box are, btw).  Over the last year and a half, I really grew to hate the cat.  There was no part of him that I enjoyed.  In my eyes, he was just a bug killer that I had to feed.  My dog enjoys having him and they often cuddle and play together... which is one of the only reasons he's lasted as long as he has.  The church got an exterminator for me and as soon as that happened, I started looking for someone to take the cat, figuring that the dog would get over the loss.  I didn't want to return him to the shelter, but I didn't want to keep him.

If I'm being honest, I've been kinda mean to him.  I yell at him for doing those dumb cats things.  The other day, I caught myself raising my voice at him just because he exists.  He had done something very cat-like and I wasn't having it.  It was in that moment that I realized how awful I've been.  First of all, he didn't choose to come live here.  I adopted him.  I made the choice to bring him into my home.  The annoying, sometimes destructive things that he does are not meant to make me angry... he's just doing what cats do.

But more than that... through the words of a friend, I realized how little grace I've extended my cat.  But how much like the cat can I be sometimes?  I do stupid stuff human stuff all the time.  I destroy things and make messes of things.  I mean, we've all been born into captivity to sin... our nature is to be sinful and disobedient.  Like a cat, I like to do my own thing.  You know how cats sometimes just take off running for no apparent reason?  I do that too.  (No, not literally... though, how funny would that be?)

Before I was born, God knew me.  And yet He still chose to give me life and make me His beloved!  He knew that I would do stupid human things and yet He still sent His Son to the cross for me.  Amazing grace, indeed!!  How great is His love for ALL His people?

As I thought about this even further, the Lord revealed more of His great compassion and I made a conscious decision to love my cat.  It seems to go against all of my instincts to love Paka, but love isn't just a feeling.  It's a choice.  I have to choose to love him even if I don't think he deserves it... because the reality is that I don't deserve the love I've been shown.  None of us do.  So what does that mean for me today, aside from living peacefully and loving my cat?  It means that I understand a little bit better how to look on EVERYONE with love... not just those who make it easy to love them.

In His great wisdom, God knew that I needed a shot of compassion.  There is not one person alive who isn't in need of a Savior.  There's not one person alive who doesn't deserve to hear the Truth.  Am I supposed to love everyone?  Absolutely!  Am I going to encounter people who don't want me to love them?  Yep, but I will make the choice to love them anyway.  It's not my job to pick and choose who to love.   Sometimes love flows so easily.  Other times it's going to have to be a conscious choice.  In any case, my prayer today is that I will always move and speak with the compassion of my Savior.

My house is so much more peaceful since I decided to love Paka.  When I come downstairs in the morning and one of my beloved trinkets from Africa is in the middle of my living room, I simply pick it up and put it back.  I'm still not a cat person.  I'm not sure that'll ever happen, but I am thankful for Paka AND that God is cool enough to remind me of something through a pet.  What an awesome God!

Abundant Blessings and Special Privileges

Every time I've thought of something I'd like to write about, I get sidetracked and by the time I find my way back, the moment has passed.  November flew by in a whirlwind of both joyful and tearful occasions.  We lost a dear member of our church a few weeks ago and as you've probably read in other posts, I don't deal with death and loss very well.  Especially not when it was someone I loved so dearly.  The good news is that Jesus is victorious over death, so we had quite the celebration of her life and of her homecoming to be with Him.  Praise God!

There have been plenty of joys mixed in there and I'm so grateful for God's grace in tough situations.  Youth group has been going well and we continue to have new faces here and there.  As I gauge the spiritual needs of my kids, I find myself at the foot of the cross more and more often.  There is such a sense of urgency within me that sometimes it's really hard to sit back and follow the curriculum.  Some days it's tough knowing that the maturity isn't there, but God's work runs deeper than I get to see, so I trust Him.

On a different note, I was blessed with the gift of a piano recently and what an amazing privilege it's been to spend so much time worshipping the Lord through song in my home.  I don't think I'll ever get away from music being the thing that drops me to my knees in worship.  I can't hear even the simplest of melodies without wanting to raise my hands to the King of Kings.  Now I just need to take the time to practice the instruments I've been given.  My guitar doesn't go un-played, but I'm not the one playing it so much these days.  I miss it.  I went through a few weeks of writing recently and I know I need to get back at it.

Something else that's been a bit time consuming is my grad school application... also a reason I've not been writing much else lately.  The goal is to have the app completed before I leave to spend Christmas with my family.  It'll be a huge relief to be done with that.  Each time I talk with anyone at length about the grad program or life once I have my master's, I get overwhelmed with excitement.  I can't wait to start and I've definitely spent way too much time putting it off.  I've decided that there will never be a great time for me financially (thank you, IWU) so I just need to jump into it.  I seriously cannot wait for the day when I'm a licensed counselor!  Glory to God.

Outside of youth stuff, work has been a little hectic.  That definitely comes with the time of year.  We're expanding upon a ministry that's been up and running for years and I'm so pumped to see what God is going to do with that.  The Yield service is still going well, though our numbers haven't been increasing.  I love preparing sermons each week and I love working with our worship leader to pick music.  There's no denying the presence of the Holy Spirit in that place... it's by His power that the Word gets preached each week.  The Advent sermon series that I'm doing is called SENT and I've really been enjoying it so far.  We've also just started another round of adult Bible study which meets at my house each week.  The study is on prayer and it's great.  I'm looking forward to getting further into that too.  So much goodness happening.

I had the amazing privilege of spending Thanksgiving with a dear friend and his family in North Jersey this year.  It was a lovely time and really felt like a vacation for me.  His family lives in a gorgeous home on a beautiful lake.  It was very picturesque as the show fell while I wrote my sermon, sitting by the fire with my puppy by my side.  Perfection.

Aside from the Bears embarrassing loss on Thanksgiving, it was a fabulous day.  We walked the dogs around the lake as the snow tapered off, we shoveled a tiny bit, and we ran a quick errand for last minute items.  After the first football game, everyone began to arrive and we went and picked up his grandmother.  The meal was amazing and the fellowship was fantastic.  I do love being able to share what I'm thankful for... and no one had a shortage of things to thank God for.  After dinner was cleaned up a bit, we got our desserts and gathered back around the table.  Allan's grandmother then shared part her amazing story.  I can't really put into words what it meant to be there for that.  It was truly an honor to hear all of the amazing things God did to bring them safely through.  I know there's so much more to the story and I can't wait to hear it someday.  God carries His people.

On Friday, Allan and I grabbed a train into NYC for the day, but not before having a lovely breakfast with Jean!!  I really miss Chicago and spending time in big cities.  I mean, Philly is great and all, but it's just so small.  He was a fantastic tour guide!  I got to see so many things I hadn't seen before and the weather was pretty much perfect.  Cities are so lovely when it's a bit chilly out!

 

Again, it was an awesome day.  The whole trip was a blessing.  We got back down here in time to practice and have church on Saturday.  I'm happy to report that the meds I got for Piper worked!  She didn't get sick once while in the car (or otherwise, for that matter)!  She was well behaved... it gave me hope for Christmas.  

This past week has been spent catching up and organizing a bit.  I can't believe that Christmas is so soon.  There's a lot going on at the church in the next few weeks and I know it's gonna fly by.  

Actually... before I know it, I'll be walking the dirt roads of Uganda.  Truthfully, it brings tears to my eyes to think about being there and reconnecting with my beloved Africa family.  My heart has been longing for this for 3 years and I'm so thankful for the chance to go.  My church has been so understanding and supportive.  There aren't many jobs where they'll let you take two weeks off to go to Africa.  Not that I'm vacationing, but it still feels like such a privilege.  

As I mentioned earlier, the urgency of the gospel is overwhelming at times.  I don't have to look much further than the daily news to realize that.  The current condition of our country is horrifying.  Not that the rest of the world is much better off.  My sermon last week was called "The Coming Lord" and I talked briefly about the longing of the Jews for a Messiah.  Their cry was, "come!"  My cry is the same.  And yet, so many people I love still don't know Jesus.  It's a very difficult thing to want nothing more than for Jesus to come again, but to also want every knee to bow.  Like God's, my desire is that, "no one should perish." (2 Peter 3:9).  

In the midst of all of the pain and the suffering that we are surrounded by, God is so good.  My heart has been burdened by the condition of the world and the condition of those near and dear to me.  God has given me special time to spend with Him this week in order to interceed.  Monday, I found myself back at Valley Forge.  Two hours of worshipping, praying, and exercising... btw, some of those hills are no joke.  And then yesterday I began to feel overwhelmed and again, God gave me a place to go to be with just Him.  The more time I spend in His presence, the deeper in love with Him I fall.  This study we're doing on prayer has been a great reminder of what it looks like to align my heart with God's.  My desires are His desires.  His will be done.

I still have those tricky areas where my human nature creeps in, thus causing some worry and anxiety, of course, but God is compassionate and patient with me.  How comforting that He knows my every want and need and that He is sovereign over all!  Sweet relief.  

I really do long to be more like the woman described in Proverbs 31... hardworking, humble, strong, wise, dignified, nurturing.  O Lord, keep making me.