Hard Times

I’m not gonna lie, the past week has been really, very rough on me. I’m learning a ton every single day and from each situation, but it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. Being a teacher is not something I love, as you all know, but I’m doing my best and I love my students for the most part. I can’t believe that there are only 7 weeks of school left… it’s pretty unreal to think of how fast the time has gone by. Spring break starts on the 4th or April and it can’t come soon enough. I’m hopefully going to travel to Kenya with some very dear friends of mine. It’s sure to be an adventure! We’re wanting to go to Nairobi, to the Masai Mara region, and to Mombasa. Mombasa is on the coast and I’ve heard it absolutely beautiful. Last year in April I was on the beach in Florida and this year in April I’ll be on the beach in Kenya… good stuff! The best part about the whole trip to Mombasa is that you can ride camels on the beach! How awesome is that?! Many of you don’t know this, I’m sure, but I love camels and I think they’re so funny. Basically I’ll be fulfilling a dream by doing this. I’m really excited to see the Indian Ocean too. Only one more ocean to see after this. ☺
Anyway, I don’t really know how to explain this, but I’m learning more and more each day how difficult it is to be a parent. A child that I love dearly is struggling quite a bit right now and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. We have been like best friends for a while now, but the person is to the point where I’m not as needed any more and man that is killing. I feel like my hand are tied and I just have to sit back and watch the situation unfold before me. I can only protect them so much and the rest is up to God. It’s been so hard and heartbreaking for me. I have to feel needed and when I don’t, I feel totally useless. I guess as a youth pastor that’s something that you just have to learn. I’ve become so attached to the kid that one of the main reasons for coming back is work with them and students like them. I want so much just to love on the kids and teach them about Jesus. I guess right now I’m struggling to find a balance. I’ve got to let the kid be a kid and make their own choices, but man is that hard.
I’ve been through a lot with a lot of people here and it’s not anything I wish I could change. I’m SO grateful for every thing that I’ve encountered since getting here and I’ve grown so much because of it. I just want each person to remember my involvement with them and remember how much I truly love them even after I’m back in the States.
Last time I updated I wrote about how difficult it is for me to think about leaving here and that is ringing ever true right now. It’s so strange to think that in 2 and a half months I won’t be here anymore and I won’t be a part of these people’s lives. Obviously my hope is to be a part of their lives whether I’m in the States or here; I just hope that remains.
It’s a bit egotistical to think that it should be difficult for people to function the same way without me here, but sometimes that’s how I think. I don’t think this because I think I can fix the world, but I’d like to think that my presence has a made some kind of an impact on someone’s life in the past 9 months (that’s how long I’ve been gone… exactly from today); an impact that they won’t soon forget.
Beyond all that, I’m still waiting to hear about being able to return next year. Waiting is the worst part let me tell you!
Um, I’ve has the opportunity to teach a few music classes in the past few weeks and I’ve absolutely loved it! I can’t believe that I didn’t continue with my music education degree. It’s definitely made me realize that I don’t dislike teaching EVERYTHING. It’s just something else to consider doing whenever my time is up here. Music has always been a passion of mine and I love watching the students begin to grasp even the basics… it’s so fun!
Prayer requests: Please, please, please pray for Lino. My heart is heavy for him right now and I can’t say much more than that, but he really needs you prayers right now. Pray for his guardians. Pray for me as I try to figure out where I fit in with his situation. Pray for Heritage International School. Pray for the youth to thirst for Jesus. Pray for a continued connection with some of the youth and that more of them would have a desire to hang out. Pray for WGM, here and in the States. Pray for my family, for my nieces, for my friends. Pray for my continued health and safety. Pray the condition of my heart.
Alright friends, midnight is approaching and I have a full day tomorrow after church. I hope you are all well and I’d love to hear from you. Thanks for your love, prayers, and support.