Love and Hate

I've been pretty busy since my plumbing adventure. Life moves so quickly here. I've been here for five months, but it really seems like I just got here. Maybe it's because there was never a huge adjustment. I didn't have to "get back in the swing of things" because coming back here was like coming home. I don't know. Regardless, I'm incredibly excited for my two youth kids, Jodi and Jacob to get here. They arrive in 3 weeks!! Their time is going to be busy and it's sure to make my time fly too. I can't wait! :)

Classes at the Center are still going well. My reading and writing class has been advancing nicely. We are all so comfortable with one another now that they aren't as shy about speaking and they seem to be getting a lot out of the class. I recently subbed for a beginner's class and was blown away by how far along my class seems to be. ESL is definitely not an easy thing to teach. English is a difficult language!

Anyways, I've been staying busy with lots of donor relations, marketing, and other correspondence lately. I think things are going pretty well with all of that. It keeps me busy for sure. I don't have a normal, set schedule every week with the exception of teaching, but somehow it works.

I was blessed to be able to skype with my family last weekend... my whole family as my dad is back from Arizona for the summer now. They had Alexandria's birthday party the day after Dad got home so he could be there. I loved talking to the girls and it was nice to finally "see" my dad again too. Skype is such an amazing gift. I've actually not been awesome at keeping in contact lately, but I do enjoy the fact that I can call people for free or super cheap thanks to decent internet this time. Knowing Jodi and Jacob are coming I've started buying gifts to send home with them. I've found lots of cute little outfits for the girls.

This past Friday was a blessing because two former Heritage students are home for the summer. They are both currently university students in Canada and the US and I haven't seen them since 2009. We surprised one of the current seniors by pulling her out of school for a morning of shopping at Friday market (which she had never been to) and going out to lunch. She is good friends with the two that have just arrived back and we had a blast. Lots of laughter and catch up time ensued as we perused the market. With the senior graduating in a couple of weeks and leaving to go to the States for college, it was nice to find some time to hang.

So anyways, I recently just discovered something that I hate and I thought I'd share it with you. Doesn't this sound pleasant? Convinced to read on? :)

I don't like the word the hate at all, but in this case I think it's the only way to express my emotions on the subject. Someone that I care a lot about came out and told me that he loves me. Now... I know you're thinking that I'm cold-hearted or something, but please give me a minute to explain. I hated it because I don't feel the same way and even though I wanted to lie and say that I did so as not to hurt his feelings, I just couldn't. I hate that I broke someone's heart... knowingly. I hate that someone made themselves completely vulnerable before me and I had to shoot them down. It was so difficult and I felt terrible. For those who know me well you know that it takes a whole lot to make me upset enough to cry, I mean a lot. However I couldn't help but sit there and cry because I know the pain he was feeling due to my response. It's super flattering for someone to express such a deep and real emotion to you. It's an awesome feeling to have someone love you so much, but I didn't feel anything but sad because of it. He definitely deserves someone who will love him back in a way that I just can't. He's an awesome guy, a great friend, and someone I care a whole lot about. Ugh. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to change how you feel so you don't have to hurt anyone. I haven't figured out how to do that yet though and it probably wouldn't help in the long run anyways.

I understand his pain... maybe even more than he does through my own personal experience. I know he'll be ok at some point because I'm ok and that's what is keeping me from wanting to cry right now. Luckily, I think the friendship can stay in tact just fine. I'm praying for his heart to heal quickly.

God is good. His character is good. He's loving and unfailing. His love is perfect and mind-blowing. I'm thankful to be loved by God and so many others. I'm blessed beyond measure. Thank you Jesus for the way that You love me, so I can love others.