Christina in Arizona: January 2018

In such a politically charged year, it has been really hard to bite my tongue. I have not always been successful, sometimes giving my opinion when it was unnecessary. I sit here today, still baffled, angry, and confused that our so-called president is still in office, and more than that, that people are still supporting and defending such an evil person. To call him a man would give him too much credit. No man I know would be ignorant enough to do or say 99% of the stuff he does. America, he is setting us up for failure. His presence in office threatens our safety and and pushes us further away from peace than we have been in a long time. He is hate-filled and ignorant, viewing the world from the back seat of a limousine or Air Force One as opposed to coming down to the level of those he claims to support and stand behind.

We have put up with this abomination long enough. His disgusting words yesterday are further proof of his ignorance and the hate that fills his very soul... they are evil words that evidence his grossly hardened heart. There is no proof of love or grace in him. To use the undignified language he does is immature, unintelligent, and serves only to weaken this country. He is a racist bully that believes he needs to say such things in order to show his power and make this country great again. I've got news for you, so-called president, you are an embarrassment who has done nothing but breed further division. There is no greatness in that. It's hard to hear such horror day after day. It's hard to believe that this is what America is reduced to now.

After having lived in one of those "shithole" countries for a number of years, I can tell you first hand that though infrastructures are not perfect and corruption is the norm, so many of those beautiful countries are doing more for their people than the commander in chief would ever dream of doing. Uganda, the Pearl of Africa, is the approximately the size of Oregon. Relatively small, right? It has taken in over a million refugees in the last year alone. Along with the help of many NGOs, it provides food, shelter, clothing, and education for its victimized and traumatized neighbors. To me, that looks a lot like something Jesus would be involved in... a lot like something I so long to be involved in again.

I have sat and listened to the stories of trauma first hand. I have held their hands, wiped their tears, laughed and rejoiced with them. I have been a part of educating and mentoring these dear people. I have seen lives completely transformed... I've seen healing take place. This is not about what I've done in the least, though. It's about the work that's being done all over the world, every single day, that betters the lives of so many. Christ came and died for all, or have we forgotten that each soul matters? I could go on and and about the many ways that I've seen good come from a "shithole" country; much more than I've seen from anyone in our current administration, but I digress.

I would be willing to wager that the president has never in his life been willing to get down off of his pedestal and to support and encourage people from such plights. Why would he, after all? He may get sweaty or dirty if he did that. He may miss a round of golf, or worse, a meal. It wouldn't serve him and his nationalist way of life. Someone else would have to be the center of attention and we've all seen what happens when that's the case... like a toddler in his terrible-twos, he throws a fit and tweets how great he is, greater than whoever is his current target. Again, it's astonishing and incredibly disappointing.

I'm so proud of all of the "shithole" countries that are working hard to improve day after day, instead of going backwards by decades as we are in America. I will continue to support and stand behind all of the amazing work that is being done in so many African nations, in Haiti, and all around the world. With MLK day coming up, I'm encouraged to be reminded of what real leadership does and and what real leadership looks like. I'll end my anger-filled, heartbroken rant with the words of Martin Luther King Jr.: "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."

Stand up. Resist. Call your reps. Enough is enough.

New years are always exciting to me and I happen to celebrate a new year of life within a day of the rest of the world celebrating a new calendar year. It's no secret that I love my birthday. I love the idea of new beginnings and a fresh start. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than by heading up to the Grand Canyon for the day with my brother. I really enjoy hiking and exploring... and standing on the edge of exciting things, both literally and figuratively.

Like a child awaiting Christmas morning, I awoke early on my birthday (Dec 30th). I was ready for the day and my phone was buzzing with lovely greetings from friends all over the world, across many time zones. I tried to force myself to sleep longer, knowing that it would be a long day of driving and hiking, but at 5:40am, I gave up and looked at my phone. The first story on my Facebook newsfeed was that a dear friend of mine had passed away. I stared at my phone, unbelieving. I knew she had been very sick over Christmas... and that she had been fighting a battle for a long time, but I had no idea that her recent stay in the hospital would end that way. I couldn't keep the tears from overflowing at the shock and sadness of it all.

In the last 5+ years of my life, I've experienced the death of a few (more distant) family members and so many people from my congregation. Death is not unfamiliar, but it's always heartbreaking. This particular death was like a blow to the chest. Truth be told, I didn't interact with Bonnie much since moving to New Jersey. And even before then, I had been back and forth between Illinois and Uganda, so our time together was short.

I met Bonnie Kiefer back in 2007 or so when a friend of mine started as the new youth director at a church in Fishers, Indiana. At that time, I was spending many of my weekends in Indiana with said friend, thus getting to know both the youth, and the youth leadership. Bonnie was an adult leader and had two boys in the program at the time. Bonnie came with us on our first mission trip to Chattanooga, TN and our friendship was immediately solidified in my heart. Bonnie was fun, adventurous, brave, brilliant, honest, hard-working, and compassionate. She was a straight-shooter and not someone you went to if you wanted something sugar-coated. With lots of love for me, Bonnie provided guidance and wisdom during relationship woes, career decisions, and just life in general. She was a supporter like none other... if anyone ever needed someone in their corner, Bonnie was the person to go to. She was someone who got stuff done. She was an advocate, a voice for so many with the gift of empowering everyone with whom she came in contact.

Bonnie checked in with me regularly... even when I lived Uganda, we chatted a number of times. Our phone conversations were never super lengthy, but they were always very meaningful. When I lived in New Jersey, Bonnie came to town one time on business. In fact, it was her birthday. I went and picked her up at her hotel, and being unfamiliar with the area as I was back then, we googled the closest restaurant and went to dinner to celebrate. For hours we laughed, chatted, and caught up on just about anything and everything. Pure joy. That's how I remember that evening. I, of course, had no clue that that was the last time I would see Bonnie face to face. Of course, we kept up via social media, messaging one another from time to time and chatting on the phone a couple of times. Sadly, I haven't made it to Indiana in so many years because when I'm in the midwest now, it's so brief.

It's in these times of grief that it's so easy to speak only the goodness that a person exemplified, but truthfully, that's all I knew of Bonnie, and for that I will always be grateful.

So as I laid in bed this past Saturday, mourning the loss of my dear friend, I was tempted to just go back to sleep; tempted to say, "forget it" in regards to going to the Grand Canyon because I didn't feel much like doing something awesome anymore. I felt like staying in my pjs and crying. After some time, I fell back to sleep, but only briefly. As I woke up a few minutes later than I had planned to for the hiking trip, I thought sadly about Bonnie. And then something clicked. I decided that there would be no better way to celebrate the life of Bonnie than by moving forward with my plans. She would have gone. With her adventurous spirit on my mind, I got ready for the day, feeling really excited to stand on the edge os something so huge, excited to think of her amazing life in such a beautiful place.

So we went. I woke up my brother, and we headed out for the day. As he slept on the way up, I thought about Bonnie's life and shed some tears. Then I talked to a friend who knew Bonnie much better than I did. It was relieving to talk about my sadness and feel validated by someone who was feeling the same pain I was. By the time we got up to the Grand Canyon, I was ready. We hiked the quarter mile up to the rim of the canyon from where we parked. That first glimpse of such beauty is always breath-taking, but being a Saturday AND a holiday weekend, it was packed by the railings. So I wanted to get to a place where there were fewer people, where I could enjoy the quiet and vastness of it all. I hiked down this little area where few others seemed brave enough to venture. It was well worth it. Those few moments of solitude were refreshing and comforting as I thought of Bonnie.

The rest of the day was spent hiking about 5 miles. At times, I felt the need to break off the beaten (paved) path to climb down the side of the cliff, to admire the beauty around me. My Fitbit told me that I climbed something like 50 flights of stairs just from all of the side trips I took. My brother wasn't always willing to follow me, but I loved it. We had a great time and I really want to go back when I have more time off of work and when I can bring Piper with me, too.

I'm so thankful for Bonnie's life... and I'm so thankful our paths crossed, even briefly. I'm so thankful for my family and friends and all those who took the time to bless me on my birthday. What a sweet reminder of the fullness of my life. Over the rest of the weekend and into today, I learned of 3 other deaths, 2 from my church in New Jersey, and 1 an acquaintance that I only had the pleasure of meeting once thanks to our mutual love of Uganda. These lives are all worth celebrating and I'm certain I'll be reflecting on each one in the coming days, weeks, and beyond. Being so far away means that I'm unable to join friends and family for those funerals, which is really difficult, but I am taking solace in the fact that so many will be celebrating their lives together. Eternity with Jesus is worth celebrating, that's for sure.