Christina in Arizona: Celebrating Life

New years are always exciting to me and I happen to celebrate a new year of life within a day of the rest of the world celebrating a new calendar year. It's no secret that I love my birthday. I love the idea of new beginnings and a fresh start. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than by heading up to the Grand Canyon for the day with my brother. I really enjoy hiking and exploring... and standing on the edge of exciting things, both literally and figuratively.

Like a child awaiting Christmas morning, I awoke early on my birthday (Dec 30th). I was ready for the day and my phone was buzzing with lovely greetings from friends all over the world, across many time zones. I tried to force myself to sleep longer, knowing that it would be a long day of driving and hiking, but at 5:40am, I gave up and looked at my phone. The first story on my Facebook newsfeed was that a dear friend of mine had passed away. I stared at my phone, unbelieving. I knew she had been very sick over Christmas... and that she had been fighting a battle for a long time, but I had no idea that her recent stay in the hospital would end that way. I couldn't keep the tears from overflowing at the shock and sadness of it all.

In the last 5+ years of my life, I've experienced the death of a few (more distant) family members and so many people from my congregation. Death is not unfamiliar, but it's always heartbreaking. This particular death was like a blow to the chest. Truth be told, I didn't interact with Bonnie much since moving to New Jersey. And even before then, I had been back and forth between Illinois and Uganda, so our time together was short.

I met Bonnie Kiefer back in 2007 or so when a friend of mine started as the new youth director at a church in Fishers, Indiana. At that time, I was spending many of my weekends in Indiana with said friend, thus getting to know both the youth, and the youth leadership. Bonnie was an adult leader and had two boys in the program at the time. Bonnie came with us on our first mission trip to Chattanooga, TN and our friendship was immediately solidified in my heart. Bonnie was fun, adventurous, brave, brilliant, honest, hard-working, and compassionate. She was a straight-shooter and not someone you went to if you wanted something sugar-coated. With lots of love for me, Bonnie provided guidance and wisdom during relationship woes, career decisions, and just life in general. She was a supporter like none other... if anyone ever needed someone in their corner, Bonnie was the person to go to. She was someone who got stuff done. She was an advocate, a voice for so many with the gift of empowering everyone with whom she came in contact.

Bonnie checked in with me regularly... even when I lived Uganda, we chatted a number of times. Our phone conversations were never super lengthy, but they were always very meaningful. When I lived in New Jersey, Bonnie came to town one time on business. In fact, it was her birthday. I went and picked her up at her hotel, and being unfamiliar with the area as I was back then, we googled the closest restaurant and went to dinner to celebrate. For hours we laughed, chatted, and caught up on just about anything and everything. Pure joy. That's how I remember that evening. I, of course, had no clue that that was the last time I would see Bonnie face to face. Of course, we kept up via social media, messaging one another from time to time and chatting on the phone a couple of times. Sadly, I haven't made it to Indiana in so many years because when I'm in the midwest now, it's so brief.

It's in these times of grief that it's so easy to speak only the goodness that a person exemplified, but truthfully, that's all I knew of Bonnie, and for that I will always be grateful.

So as I laid in bed this past Saturday, mourning the loss of my dear friend, I was tempted to just go back to sleep; tempted to say, "forget it" in regards to going to the Grand Canyon because I didn't feel much like doing something awesome anymore. I felt like staying in my pjs and crying. After some time, I fell back to sleep, but only briefly. As I woke up a few minutes later than I had planned to for the hiking trip, I thought sadly about Bonnie. And then something clicked. I decided that there would be no better way to celebrate the life of Bonnie than by moving forward with my plans. She would have gone. With her adventurous spirit on my mind, I got ready for the day, feeling really excited to stand on the edge os something so huge, excited to think of her amazing life in such a beautiful place.

So we went. I woke up my brother, and we headed out for the day. As he slept on the way up, I thought about Bonnie's life and shed some tears. Then I talked to a friend who knew Bonnie much better than I did. It was relieving to talk about my sadness and feel validated by someone who was feeling the same pain I was. By the time we got up to the Grand Canyon, I was ready. We hiked the quarter mile up to the rim of the canyon from where we parked. That first glimpse of such beauty is always breath-taking, but being a Saturday AND a holiday weekend, it was packed by the railings. So I wanted to get to a place where there were fewer people, where I could enjoy the quiet and vastness of it all. I hiked down this little area where few others seemed brave enough to venture. It was well worth it. Those few moments of solitude were refreshing and comforting as I thought of Bonnie.

The rest of the day was spent hiking about 5 miles. At times, I felt the need to break off the beaten (paved) path to climb down the side of the cliff, to admire the beauty around me. My Fitbit told me that I climbed something like 50 flights of stairs just from all of the side trips I took. My brother wasn't always willing to follow me, but I loved it. We had a great time and I really want to go back when I have more time off of work and when I can bring Piper with me, too.

I'm so thankful for Bonnie's life... and I'm so thankful our paths crossed, even briefly. I'm so thankful for my family and friends and all those who took the time to bless me on my birthday. What a sweet reminder of the fullness of my life. Over the rest of the weekend and into today, I learned of 3 other deaths, 2 from my church in New Jersey, and 1 an acquaintance that I only had the pleasure of meeting once thanks to our mutual love of Uganda. These lives are all worth celebrating and I'm certain I'll be reflecting on each one in the coming days, weeks, and beyond. Being so far away means that I'm unable to join friends and family for those funerals, which is really difficult, but I am taking solace in the fact that so many will be celebrating their lives together. Eternity with Jesus is worth celebrating, that's for sure.