It's been back to work for me on a consistent basis for over a week now. Amazing, I know! I've actually been staying quite busy which is nice for a change. It gets boring doing the same old thing all the time so I've been working on changing that up a bit. I'm going to start substitute teaching again to make some extra money as my cash flow is critically dissipated these days. I'm honestly not sure where my money goes anymore. I've done a lot of traveling since I've been back and so understandably much of my money has gone to that, I'm sure.
Anyways here's the deal. Money is a huge source of stress for me. It always has been. I don't always stress because I don't have it though... when I was younger it was stressful because I DID have it. I don't like money. It's not important to me. I don't like having it and I don't like how people can be so driven by it. I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. I'm not a fan of being restricted by something like money. I'm a bit of a hippie in this way, I know. Obviously the economy is bad and everyone is struggling these days, but it really seems like when it rains, it pours!
My car has multiple things that need to be fixed totaling about $1,500. I have school loans that are just piling up because I haven't had money to pay. I need a crown on my tooth. I just had surgery and haven't seen a bill yet, but can't begin to imagine what to expect. My car demands gasoline quite often, not to mention the law demands insurance. People are having babies and baby showers. People are getting married. AND on top of all that... I just want to get back to Uganda (which means I should be saving every penny). Dang it.
However(thankfully), God is a provider. Not just a provider, but THE Provider. Learning how to relax and trust God as the Great Provider has always been a bit of a challenge. But more and more through God's word and prayer I'm learning to chill. It's so nice to rest in knowing that Jesus is in control. Clearly I have to work on this everyday as more stuff keeps coming up. :)
God's movement is so evident to me lately. Maybe it's because I'm taking the time to listen and maybe it's because I'm learning how to be still. Is being still and listening easy for you? It's not for me. I am always wanting to DO something. I love to help God. Silly me, God doesn't need my help. Aren't I conceited, thinking that the Creator of the universe would NEED me? I just heard a sermon yesterday about God needing help. The pastor used many passages from Genesis, using the lives of Abraham and Sarah to illustrate how little God NEEDS us. It's always very humbling to hear things like that because it becomes very easy to think that the work Jesus has called us to do will not happen if we don't do it. Like the world will end or something. It will get done and the world won't end... simply because God is God. He can do it without the help of me or anyone. Luckily God is willing to use tools. I love being a tool that He chooses to use. Sometimes we are called to do things that we can't imagine doing... why is that? I've quoted Oswald Chambers a lot lately, but I love this one: "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." God is glorified when a task is done that would have proved impossible without His help. How cool is that? I love being a part of things like that. To God alone be the glory.
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