I woke up this morning, thought about the day ahead, and then abandoned all plans. Today I wasn't ready to face the world and all that comes with it. On a normal Sunday I get up, go to church, go to sunday school, hang out with friends, watch Da Bears, and hang with family. Of course I still plan on some of that (Da Bears, da bears, da bears, da bears!), but I needed a break this morning.
See, I'm trusting the Lord in all things... and I'm trying to wait patiently so I go about my daily life and wait. But there's something that's been on my mind for the last few days. I don't want to just go about my daily life! I want to move. I want to experience. I DO NOT want to be stuck in a routine with no way out and yet that's how I find myself this morning.
I can't smell Uganda anymore. I can't remember the smell of Lake Victoria in the morning or the feel of the moisture coming off of it. I can't hear the hundreds of different birds chirpping daily or the bats going crazy at night. I don't get to hear random cows, goats, roosters, chickens, and wild dogs. The sound of children's laughter as they play with a plastic bottle or push a tire down the broken, torn, and beat up orange path called a road is slowly fading from my memory. The brilliant colors that burst in the warmth of the equatorial sun are becoming dull and dim in the monotany of my everyday life.
Why is that? Everyday that I'm gone from there it's as though I'm settling more and more here. "Here" is not bad by any means. But "there" is where my heart beats freely. I had no idea that my life would be totally changed by an 11 month experience. How can I ache for a place as much as I do when I've spent so little time there? And how can I explain to others my passion for the place when I struggled so much when I was there the first time? These are all things that I don't know and don't understand.
What I do know is that I'm called and when God is ready for me to go, I'll go. Until then I'm clinging to these verses: "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Here's a song that I've fallen in love with over the last couple of weeks.
"If You Say Go" by Vineyard
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into theflames and look for You
2 comments:
Sorry for your waiting... but know that waiting on Him is the sweetest privilege! We'll keep praying!
Christina, I sit here in my bed listening to those children run around like mad finding interest in climbing the oversized ant mound and chasing chickens around their yards. On my boda ride home today I saw the friendly faces of the guards welcoming back to Kansanga on Kamacazi Hill. Their smiles brighten life here even more so sometimes than the glistening sun. The moist reality sets in of where I am when I read things like this. Thanks for the reminder of what a blessing it is for me to have those items in my life.
I've even discovered new bird life in the past few months...check out the great blue turaco. It flew in our yard once!
Praying for you dear friend!
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