Going Back!

It's kinda been a while and I've had plenty of stuff that I've wanted to write about. God has been teaching me so much lately and hopefully soon I will find time to sit down and transcribe it in a way that is beneficial to others. However, even after spending an awesome day today with my best friend, my mind is far away. I'm excited to finally be able to tell you all that I'm heading back to Uganda! There are still details being worked out and I don't have an exact date, but I'm going to be working towards going back in August, 2010. I'm already overwhelmed by thoughts of preparing for more time away from home. My family isn't too thrilled with the idea and some friends are of the "supportive, but we'd rather you stay" attitude. It's an interesting mix of emotions to go through when thinking about leaving. I'm really excited at the thought of being back in a country I've come to love so quickly with people I treasure, but I'm also sad to leave relationships and friendships that are growing so well right now.
Even though Uganda is somehow familiar to me, my ministry will be different and there are many unknowns. I have a long time to prepare myself for this round, unlike last time when I left America 7 weeks after I was accepted. Even still nerves creep up and I ask God if He's sure I should be leaving when everything seems to be going so well. Kinda crazy to KNOW God has asked me to do something... He has confirmed it over and over again and there should be no doubt in my mind, yet I still ask for assurance. Just call me Thomas, doubting Thomas.
God is so good and so faithful. I am so undeserving of His grace. It is such an honor for me to be asked to go and serve. Uganda is so beautiful and I love it dearly. There are other places on earth that I believe God will call me to someday too and I will gladly go and do. I am going because the God of the universe, Creator of all things, my Savior has asked me to...
That is huge. It will never cease to amaze me how God wants to use me. Me?! Who am I? No one special... except that I am a beloved daughter of the King of Kings! Unspeakable joy fills my being when I think about that fact. And it's that fact that keeps me going when I just want to quit; when I am unsure; when I fail.
I'm so thankful for Psalm 86 tonight. David write beautiful prayers...

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

Would you pray with me as this journey moves forward? My goal is August... and if the funding comes in, I'll go in August. If not, God will provide the funding when He wants me to go. Pray that I would keep that truth close to me. Pray for my friends and family here and for my friends and family in Uganda. Thank you so much for partnering with me in ministry.

My Life Be Like

Anyone remember this song?? I just came across it for the first time in years. I used to blast it in my car!


My life be like
Ooh Aah (yeah), Ooh Ooh
My life be like (yeah)
Ooh Aah, Ooh Aah (yeah), Ooh Ooh

It's times like these that make me say
Lord if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do

I'm on an island by my lonesome stranded
Low key and stayin' candid
Reflect on all the things I try my hand at
Church for the equations to persuasions I'm used to
Finding comfort in the zones of closet bones I get loose to
A mountainous fontaine
Spinnin' and monsoonin', grinnin' it's hign octane
Explosive how I came
Rollin' down hills cause lifes a hastle
Encircled by my folly like a moat surround a castle
Stay afloat, catch a second wind
Thin
Is the air I breathe
Teary eyed nose runnin' wipe the snot on my sleeve
I'm callin' on the Savior to be all that I need
Please forgive me my behavior had me lost at light speed

The fear of never fallin' in love
And the tears after losin' the feelings of what you thought love was
Like the dirt still up under the rug (My life be like)
Bad characteristics covered in Christs blood
The joy of new birth and the pain of growin' up
The bliss between givin' my all and givin' up
The highs and lows
Paths and roads I chose
In the cold I froze
Tryin' to ease my woes
In this world of sin
Clothes to thin to fend
So to God I send
Words of help to win
In grumblings so deep letters could never express
So the sound of Ooh Aah beneath my breath projects

My life be like
Ooh Aah Ooh
Dum dum ditty
Here come that boy from the Capital City
Last up on the Grits new ditty
But eight bars or the truth well do
I believe theres a private stunnin
And I believe in the Kindgom Comming
I believe if you seek the truth
You don't need to look far cause it's gonna find you
So why oh why do I trip and stumble?
And ooh aah as commitment crumbles?
I can't believe that I'm here again....

It's times like these that make me say
Lord if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do

Epic Fail

I've not really ever thought too much about staying in one place, being settled. One of my best friends asked me last week if I was ever going to be settled. That's a tough question for me because right now I'm not settled and truthfully I don't like to feel settled. I don't like the feeling of being "tied down" as they say. I love being on the go... this is why I'm always going to one place or another on the weekends. It's somewhat adventurous and a little unknown... and I like it. So what does that mean for a future? Other than lots of frequent flyer miles, I don't think it means anything. I love being called to love on people. It means I can go anywhere. There will be seasons when I'm called to be at "home", so like the Chicago area, but I really look forward to the times when I'm out and moving.
I think the question was two-fold though. What about marriage? Let's just say I'm not really having to fight the men off too much, but I can't wait to get married. Apparently my husband doesn't know it yet... or I haven't met him yet. Maybe I'll meet him on one of my adventures! It'd be so sweet to be able to share all that with someone, you know? I can't wait to have a full-time partner in ministry.
It's not hard to fall into this kind of thinking. I mean by the time you're my age (about 27) people start to wonder why you're not married. It's ALWAYS a topic of discussion. I like to talk about singleness being a blessing and about all the things I can do and the places I can go because I'm not attached, but underneath it all (behind my false sense of strong independence) is someone who wants nothing more than to love and marry.
It's real easy to dwell on the fact that I don't have someone to share all that with right now. You know... all my closest friends are married and settled and so it's somehow difficult to be the only one who's not. But just last night as I was spending time in prayer I really felt like God was asking me when I'll let Him be enough for me. Because it's pretty often that I think I'm not good enough for someone... like it didn't work out with so and so, so I must not have been enough. Then it didn't work out with that guy, must be that I wasn't enough in that situation either. Enough, good enough, whatever it may be... the God of the universe asked me when HE will be enough for me. Wow, doesn't that put things in perspective? Why do I even worry about being enough or good enough. God wants to be enough for me? What?!?!? Mind-blowing! He's MORE than enough. Why do I place my hope in others then? Oh man... epic fail on my part. Aren't we all guilty of it though? Not that that's a justification for myself, just a reminder of my human nature.
Again, this is nothing new at all. I was reminded of something very similar back in March. I love the way God pursues me... constantly. I love hearing His righteously jealous voice calling to me, drawing me into Him. He is jealous for me. Who else is jealous for me? No one that I know of. He is enough.

Enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me