Epic Fail

I've not really ever thought too much about staying in one place, being settled. One of my best friends asked me last week if I was ever going to be settled. That's a tough question for me because right now I'm not settled and truthfully I don't like to feel settled. I don't like the feeling of being "tied down" as they say. I love being on the go... this is why I'm always going to one place or another on the weekends. It's somewhat adventurous and a little unknown... and I like it. So what does that mean for a future? Other than lots of frequent flyer miles, I don't think it means anything. I love being called to love on people. It means I can go anywhere. There will be seasons when I'm called to be at "home", so like the Chicago area, but I really look forward to the times when I'm out and moving.
I think the question was two-fold though. What about marriage? Let's just say I'm not really having to fight the men off too much, but I can't wait to get married. Apparently my husband doesn't know it yet... or I haven't met him yet. Maybe I'll meet him on one of my adventures! It'd be so sweet to be able to share all that with someone, you know? I can't wait to have a full-time partner in ministry.
It's not hard to fall into this kind of thinking. I mean by the time you're my age (about 27) people start to wonder why you're not married. It's ALWAYS a topic of discussion. I like to talk about singleness being a blessing and about all the things I can do and the places I can go because I'm not attached, but underneath it all (behind my false sense of strong independence) is someone who wants nothing more than to love and marry.
It's real easy to dwell on the fact that I don't have someone to share all that with right now. You know... all my closest friends are married and settled and so it's somehow difficult to be the only one who's not. But just last night as I was spending time in prayer I really felt like God was asking me when I'll let Him be enough for me. Because it's pretty often that I think I'm not good enough for someone... like it didn't work out with so and so, so I must not have been enough. Then it didn't work out with that guy, must be that I wasn't enough in that situation either. Enough, good enough, whatever it may be... the God of the universe asked me when HE will be enough for me. Wow, doesn't that put things in perspective? Why do I even worry about being enough or good enough. God wants to be enough for me? What?!?!? Mind-blowing! He's MORE than enough. Why do I place my hope in others then? Oh man... epic fail on my part. Aren't we all guilty of it though? Not that that's a justification for myself, just a reminder of my human nature.
Again, this is nothing new at all. I was reminded of something very similar back in March. I love the way God pursues me... constantly. I love hearing His righteously jealous voice calling to me, drawing me into Him. He is jealous for me. Who else is jealous for me? No one that I know of. He is enough.

Enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me