That being said, I'm over this whole job hunting thing. I've written way too many cover letters in the last few months. I'm still in the interview process with an awesome church and I'm hoping it works out. If it does, I'll be living at home and working and going to school full time. At least that's the plan in my head.
I've started applying out of state too. Well, it's my intention to apply out of state. There are a couple of promising jobs in Florida not to mention my best friend lives there. I've also been looking in Arizona, Indiana, and Seattle. What's silly is that the choices overwhelm me because they're so numerous, but I just keep looking. It's somehow exciting to think about leaving here and starting something new somewhere else. I've never lived in FL and my time in AZ would be completely different from my short stints there during college. I've never been to Seattle, but my bff lives there and I've only heard amazing things about the northwest.
With all of these different choices and options, it's hard not to be anxious. I also realize I'm being a job snob. I worked at Walgreens for 7 years and I have absolutely NO desire to work retail ever again. I worked nearly every major holiday including Christmas... numerous times. I'm not in college anymore and I don't want to do that. Working in an office or in retail just doesn't suit me. I'm way too relational for that kind of thing. That's why I hate the job hunting thing... I'm just sitting in front of my computer searching and filling out apps. It may come down to having to work somewhere I really don't want to while I get my Masters, and I'll have to just suck it up and eat some humble pie.
The other thing right now is how much I'm missing Uganda. As I drove home after youth group and coffee with a college kid last night my heart was incredibly heavy. Yes, nearly every single day something comes up and makes me miss it, but last night was different. I talked about it more than usual, I guess. I tried to convince myself that I didn't miss it very much. I thought of some of the worst days I had this past year (kind of silly, I know) and one particular day can to mind. Everything that could go wrong did... cooking gas ran out, car battery was dead, speeding ticket (in an unmarked area), no electricity for days. It was a bad day... one of those days where I longed for America where there's always electricity and as long as you pay the bill you have cooking gas. Then I began to think about how even though that day was terrible at the time, I'd give almost anything to be there reliving it again right now. Some of my worst days there don't take this desire to be there away.
I actually find myself getting jealous of those who are there when I have to be here. I see fun pictures on facebook and get exciting email updates, which I love! Let me be clear, I love seeing those things! It just makes me realize how far away I am. God is doing big things in East Africa, of course! He's doing big things through WGM, Refuge and Hope, and lots of other organizations and I love getting hear about it. I just miss being "on the ground". I miss my family there. I miss nearly every aspect of life there and while I feel blessed beyond belief to have been born and raised in this awesome country, I feel more at home in East Africa. That's a bold statement. It's probably a statement that will make my mom cry when she reads it, but it's not meant to be offensive or hurtful. There were days when I lost focus and I'm by no means perfect, but I still got to see God do some huge things. I still had the privilege of serving with a great mission organization and being with awesome people. The refugees and Sudanese guys have taught me so much and given my insights into more than I ever would have imagined just a few years ago. I loved serving them, I loved getting to know more about their cultures and more about Islam as well.
You know, when you take high school youth kids on a mission trip they generally get more out of the week of building houses than the people they're serving do. That's not to say that they don't do good because they do, but they also gain much (sometimes without even realizing it). That's how I feel about living in Uganda. Yeah I've loved on babies, helped orphans get sponsored, prayed with some to accept Christ, taught English, led youth events and discipleship groups, and lots of other stuff, but I still feel as though I've been changed more than I've helped anyone else to be changed. I don't know. It's not about checking off all of the ways I've done something because I absolutely believe that God has given me the privilege of serving in the ways that I've been able to. Nothing I could do on my own would ever make an eternal difference, but with God things have happened.
Anyways through regrets and tough times there were even better times and lots of growing. The video below is just something I got off of youtube. These are not my pictures, but I love the song... especially when I'm homesick for Uganda.
I'm always praying for my family both near and far. Would you join me in this? I'd also appreciate some prayers for my heart and the job search as well.
"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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