Breathe

Welp, a decision has been made.  A job offer has been accepted.  I feel like I can finally breathe.  Glory to God.

I've been home from Uganda for 5 long months now.  I've been looking for a job since the beginning of January.  My resume was sent out all over the place.  I wrote and rewrote my philosophy of youth ministry.  I sat and waited.  I was rejected by numerous different places.  I sat nervously through interviews, sweating my way through some answers in front of committees of people.  It was difficult and very discouraging.  There wasn't much peace or comfort.  Until last week.

Prior to last week, I had a good job offer from a church in Arizona.  They flew me down and I spent 3 days straight interviewing with different people and hanging out with the youth kids.  I enjoyed my time with this congregation, for the most part.  However, I never felt comfortable.  My philosophy of ministry and my theology didn't align as well as I thought it should for a successful match.  By the end of my time there, they had offered me the job with some nice benefits and a pension.  Aside from those incentives, I would have been able to live at my parent's house in Peoria, AZ for next to nothing.  I would have made and saved a lot of money, lived in a sunny place again, and been close enough to California to enjoy lots of mini vacations, but none of of that mattered to me when it came to being obedient.  There was one particular area that I felt very strongly on and we just couldn't seem to make it work.  Too many red flags and no peace from the Lord meant that I just needed to wait and see what else came.  It was extremely difficult to just sit on that secured job offer and wait until I interviewed with two other places.  So the offer was essentially "on the table" as I took more time to pray and interview at these other places.

Two and a half weeks ago I got an email from a church in New Jersey that I had sent my resume to in March.  They wanted to interview me.  I quickly replied and asked if they were wanting a face to face interview or if we could do a phone interview.  They agreed to do a phone interview and scheduled it for this past week, Tuesday.  When I scheduled it, I hadn't even gone down to Arizona yet so it seemed so far away.  Anyways, Tuesday came, sans nerves and the interview only lasted about 20 minutes.  Even though I really felt like it went well and I felt a peace about it, I didn't think I'd hear back because of the short length.  It felt very right, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.  The next day I received a phone call from the head of the staff parish relations committee asking if I would do a skype interview the next day, Thursday.  Surprised, of course I said yes.  Thursday came with some technical difficulties as they were unable to get their computer's microphone to work.  So I was placed, facing the staff parish relations committee with my phone to my ear and one of their phones on speaker phone.  It worked fine and again it was only about a 20 minute call.  I hung up feeling very excited about this church and very much like I meshed well with them.  I was so relaxed and very much able to be myself.  I hadn't felt that way with any other church or interview.  About an hour and a half later my phone rang and I was offered the position.

After many sleepless nights and worrying about different jobs, this one came just when I was at the point of settling for something that wasn't right, just to have a job.  It came out of no where and was a rapid whirlwind of peace.  It doesn't seem to make a ton of sense when I just say it like that, but God made it very clear through a few different means that this is the church where I'm supposed to work.  Praise Jesus!

I'm officially leaving Chicagoland June 12th and relocating to New Jersey.  My official job title is youth pastor/assistant pastor.  This is a huge step for me and I feel like a new chapter, as they say.  I'm so excited about being a part of this church family, ministering to the youth (and the rest of the congregation), and growing in my walk.  What I'm most excited about though... is seeing the Kingdom furthered each day by completing the work I've been called to do for the glory of God.  What an honor to be called to this role!

I've got a lot to do in the next couple of weeks.  I have lots of people I want to see and spend time with, and I have plenty of boxes to pack.  I'm so happy because this doesn't feel like a time of mourning at all, but more like a time of peaceful anticipation and joy.  I'm so grateful.  Thank you all very much for you prayer and support during the past 5 months.  Also for your continued prayer and support as I start this new adventure, grow, and face unknowns.

Forgetting the Past

I have a big decision to make regarding a job.  The decision needs to be made soon... very soon.  There are many reasons I'm struggling to decide what to do, but the main thing for me right now is settling into a comfortable American lifestyle (especially since I really would love be in Africa right now).  One of my job offers will have me living very comfortably... too comfortably if I'm not careful.  I don't want to be one of those people who spend over $100 on a night out with friends.  I don't need to spend money to have fun and be happy.  It will be an easy lifestyle to slip into though and I guess that's my biggest concern.  I don't want to live like I've got money even if I do.  I don't want to "forget" to to tithe because I "needed" to get my nails done or something.  I'm not judging, just trying to prevent myself from doing something I don't want to do or living in a way I don't feel honors God to the best of my abilities.

I've not always lived in a way that is honoring to God.  I've definitely messed up along my faith journey and will probably continue to mess up throughout my life.  I have some things in my past that keep coming to mind as I pursue holiness and they've made me realize that I'm bound by those things.  I've been studying Philippians for about a week now and all of these verses that I've read over and over throughout my walk are hitting me in very new and fresh ways.  The Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes and freeing my heart.

One particular passage that I've read and pretty much memorized is the "pressing toward the goal" passage in chapter 3.  Paul just got done briefly recounting his life and journey, reiterating that he of all people knows what he's gained in knowing Jesus.  As a result of his former life he really knows and experiences Christ and His power.  He then goes on to say this, "No, dear friends, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." Phil 3:13-14

"Forgetting the past" jumped off the page for me when I read it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Again, I've read this over and over during the last 15 and a half years (wow, I'm old!) of my life and I've always loved the victorious nature of really pursuing holiness... especially as Paul calls the Church at Philippi to do.  Paul knew he had a nasty past... he let that past fuel his desire to run as far from that as he could because he knew what life in Christ was like... so much better than anything he had known prior.  It wasn't until this past week that the Spirit really grabbed my heart and told me that I'm free from these past sins; that I need to stop focusing on what I've done wrong and start straining towards what's ahead.  To continue to focus on living in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, letting the shame of the past be gone and not letting it define who I am right now.

All of that said, there are pros and cons to the few different job options that I have right now and I just want to make sure that no matter which choice I make, I'm straining towards what's ahead, forgetting the past (and not allowing it to define who I am or what I do).  I want to make sure that I'm living in a way that pleases God and furthers the Kingdom by fulfilling the Great Commission.

Any and all prayers for further wisdom and discernment are much appreciated.  Having to make such a big decision is a good problem to have, I suppose.  Peace!

Actions on Camera

A week ago my sister scored free tickets to the Cubs vs. Cardinals game and let me tell you... the seats were awesome!  We've never sat that close in a regular season game before, let alone a regular season game against our biggest rivalry.  Cubs/Card games are usually pretty intense and the crowd is not friendly.  There are always a lot of Cards fans and they're always being obnoxious, even audacious seeing as though they're on our turf at Wrigley.  All of that to say that it was a great game and yes, the Cubs won!!

Waiting for the game to begin!

This pic shows just how close we sat  :)

Our seats, being 3 rows above the visitor's dugout, were on camera every single time there was a lefty up to bat.  We joked about being sure not to pick our noses or do anything super embarrassing because we were bound to be on tv quite a bit.  Throughout the game I was very aware that the camera was on me.  I was very aware that people would be able to see nearly all of my actions.  I'm not vain enough to believe that people were actually watching me the whole time instead of the players, only that I would be one of those people in the background, on camera the whole time.  (One of those people that I personally like to watch because they normally do embarrassing things.)

Being so aware that others could see my every move, I was careful with my actions.  I started to wonder if I'm always careful with my actions in my day to day life.  Am I living in such a way (above the clouds, see previous post) that my actions lead people towards Christ?  That's how I'm called to live, at least that's what I've observed from the life and ministry of Christ on earth and the ministry of His apostles to the early church and beyond.  Do my actions exude light and love?  When people see me am I honoring the Lord?  Do my words point to Christ?  What about the way that I drive my car or the way that I interact with cashiers?  They should.  If I'm truly living my life in a way that's pleasing to the Lord and Kingdom focused, than my actions will be a result of that.

I love this first part of Psalm 119.  (The whole psalm is good, but this sticks out to me tonight.)

Psalm 119:1-8

"Joyful are the people of integrity,
who follow the instructions of the Lord.
Joyful are those who obey his laws
and search for him with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil,
and they walk only in his paths.
You have charged us
to keep your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently 
reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed
when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn you righteous regulations,
I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees.
Please don't give up on me!"

Lord, may my actions consistently reflect your decree, your life.  Amen.


ps As we watched bits and pieces of the DVR'd version of the game, we were definitely on camera a lot.  Good thing I NEVER do anything ridiculous!  Ha!