The first time it was brought up this week, I was catching up with a friend on the phone. This is a guy I served in Uganda with in 2008-2009. He is a missionary kid who grew up overseas, but more importantly than that, he is a man who loves the Lord with all that he is. He is a man striving to be like Christ and he's someone who challenges those around him to do the same. He's also very intentional about what he does and how he treats people. He's very careful when it comes to his interactions with members of the opposite sex. I've seldom met others who are so aware of how they care for others. One of the things I've always admired about him is his openness and willingness to be held accountable. Part of his time in Uganda was spent working with and being mentored by another missionary family. They took him under their wing, so to speak, and I believe he learned a LOT about what it means to be a Godly man during his time with this missionary family.
One time he explained to me about "taking keys" from girls and being aware of doing so, thanks to said missionary. It's just what it sounds like. Spending time one on one, dating, sharing emotions, etc.. None of those things are bad, but being mindful of the fact that in each interaction, the girl is probably giving away keys to her heart (whether consciously or not). As he explained it, he gave me examples of times when he knew he took some keys without the intention of keeping them. Just that simple concept and picture helps prevent him from doing so these days.
Relationships between single guys and single girls are very tricky. It's nearly impossible to maintain an opposite sex friendship without one or both people developing feelings. I know that there are plenty of people who would disagree and say that they have very healthy relationships with their best friend of the opposite gender. And that may be... for the time being. Give it a few years. It's so hard not to develop feelings for someone that you're so open with and someone you spend lots of time with. This friend of mine has really learned to consider how interactions may be viewed by the other party. He is now very up front and open about his intentions. If he doesn't intend to date or "court" a girl, he let's them know. Maybe that seems a bit harsh, but as a woman I have to say that that is so appreciated and very refreshing. It really prevents confusion and "heart break" in the long run, instead of stringing someone along so as not to hurt them. He has really set a standard for men... and I've told him that. His wife is going to be very lucky because there's no doubt in my mind that he'll treat her like God meant for husbands to treat wives.
Another time the topic of relationships was brought up was at dinner with some lovely ladies the other night. We are all at very different points in our journeys when it comes to relationships with men. It's so interesting to share with each other about our different experiences. I love chatting with those ladies because we all have very different personalities and preferences, but our desire to have a strong, Godly man, who will be a leader and point us toward Christ is very much the same.
One of the other times it came up was with a group young adults. (It comes up a lot with them...) They like to give each other a hard time about girls and tease one another. They talk a lot about assumptions that they've made about others. They critique other's relationships, but don't share much about their own. They are inquisitive about what's appropriate and what's not. They have certain expectations and demand that those expectations are fulfilled. Yet their friendships with the same gender seem to be so very solid.
It's just got me thinking these days. It's so interesting to think about how people interact with one another and how they handle their expectations of others. I've also been thinking about my own expectations and the kind of man that I am praying for. I was reading 1 Peter today (well my phone was reading it to me as I got ready... so wonderful) and of course chapter 3 struck a chord with me. It's not unfamiliar to me, (and I've even struggled with the whole "submissive" thing before because I'm so independent... um, duh) but I heard it in a new way today. Being submissive so that "if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2) It's the importance of Kingdom work in your own home. The next thing that struck me was in verse 4 when he talks about "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." The whole inner beauty thing isn't new to me, it's the whole concept of a gentle and quiet spirit being of great worth in God's sight. It goes on to say that this is how holy women who put their hope in God adorn themselves.
This is the type of woman that I long to be and yet I struggle with it so much because I'm not good at being quiet. (Again, duh... no surprises there.) But really, my strong personality and loud opinions, my independent nature, and my fast mouth need to be tamed. I want to be the type of Godly woman described in this passage and I really want to be a good wife to my husband some day. My desire is for us to point each other towards Christ, challenge each other, and minister together.
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