The Battle

Not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before was a really rough day for me.  I struggled to be focused during church and after church, even though I was surrounded by people that I love, I felt really off and just plan grumpy.  Later that day I went to a soccer game of a couple of kids who are really special to me, and even there I was having an internal battle.  Then I got to youth group where the problem within my heart persisted.  It was just a so-so night in my mind, but thankfully God doesn't do anything just so-so.  Thankfully He is the winner in the battle within me.  Satan was doing his best to pull me away from my ministry and to keep my focus completely inward.  Unfortunately, he knows what my heart struggles with; he knows the areas where I'm weakest and he uses them to distract and hinder.  That's kind of how most of the week went for me last week... very back and forth.

The good news is that Christ reigns.  I will never be enough and no matter how hard I try, I'll fail every single time.  I'll never be enough for others and I'll never be enough for me.  Honestly though, I'm so thankful for that.  I'm so thankful to serve a God who is way more than enough.  I'm thankful that I'm not left to do things on my own which will inevitably lead to me royally screwing things up.  I've been walking with God for many years and you'd think I wouldn't struggle with control and self-centeredness any more, but alas my human nature takes over.

Anyways the point is, that this past Sunday was completely different for me.  After a busy, yet relaxing Saturday, I was focused during worship, completely drawn into His presence, surrendered.  Surrounded by the same people as last week, something had shifted within my heart.  And then it came time for youth group after an afternoon of softball and other craziness.

I went over to the church and glanced at my lesson before kids started coming.  When the junior highers arrived, we took advantage of the nice weather and played frisbee outside before coming in and being focused for the lesson.  After the lesson the high school students began showing up for our combined dinner.  We ate, laughed, and simply enjoyed each other until it was time for the jr high kids to leave and for high school time to officially start.  The high school students really enjoy playing 4 square, so we drew up a court in the parking lot and played a very competitive 30 minute game.  I always love game time with the older kids because they get so intense.  I happen to be extremely competitive, so it's a nice release for me too.  :)  

It finally got too dark to continue so we went in for our lesson. We had more than enough time, so I figured we would do the lesson and then have time to chat and exchange stories like always.  As I started teaching the lesson, God really started prompting me to go deeper than I had planned.  My short 15 minute lesson turned into a 20 minute sermon with an activity at the end.  The amazing part about it was that the kids stayed really focused.  I didn't have to keep bringing them back... they were present and very thoughtful (or so it appeared).  During the activity I could see their brains working... I could see them drawing conclusions and reasoning.  It was so encouraging and also so helpful for me, as I now have a better understanding of where they're at.  We ended up going a few minutes past our normal ending time, but it didn't even matter.  I was so encouraged by their level of focus, their honesty, and their vulnerability.  It was also very humbling because I know without a shadow of a doubt that the words were not my own, that nothing I had planned was as important as what the Holy Spirit got across to the students.  

I'm so thankful.  And I just love my kids.  I love getting to know them, feeling free to joke with them, but more importantly, feeling free to challenge them.  What an honor to serve in this capacity.  The icing on the cake is our young adult ministry.  I am blessed to spend a lot of time with an amazing group of 20 somethings who are really hungry for God's word and for the truth.  Today I drove one of them back to school and was just amazed to hear how God is working in his life.  The conversation flowed freely and really revealed to me how to focus this young adult ministry.  I'm just so excited right now.  

God is moving even when I'm standing still.  God doesn't quit on me even when I sometimes quit on Him.  So grateful. 

I was hanging out in Hebrews today.  Here's a link to the 10th chapter.  I encourage you to spend some time there.