A Gift From Jesus

Last Wednesday I was driving home from watching a youth kid's volleyball game when I felt the need to call one of the Sudanese guys I worked with in Uganda.  Lino's been living in the States for a while now, but I've been terrible at keeping in touch for nearly 6 months now and out of no where (well not no where, but from Jesus) I felt prompted to reach out.  He actually answered which is a miracle itself and we chatted for a long time.  It's always fun to catch up with him, though he seems to stay pretty much the same these days.  I've been missing Uganda a lot these days and really want to go back... just for a week or two to visit for now.  It would definitely do my heart and soul some good.  Lino mentioned that his adopted mom, Shelah was in the States visiting a friend near Philly.  As soon as I hung up with Lino, I sent Shelah a message on the off chance that maybe I'd get to see her for the first time in nearly two years.  I've been so out of touch with Shelah and her family that she didn't even realize I was living in New Jersey, but it turns out that she was staying in DE with a friend and was looking for a ride to the airport for today.  Jesus?  I think yes.  I'm off on Mondays and she was only about 30 minutes from me!  Who know?  I was so excited to be able to see her until...

I got sick... really for the first time since moving here a year and a half ago.  Of course I've had a few random fevers and a couple of little tummy aches, but nothing that laid me out.  I try to take lots of vitamins.  When I'm around sick people I just try to keep a bit of a distance.  I was sick a lot as a child (ear tubes until I was 22) so you'd think I'd have lots of antibodies, but somehow once in a while I still manage to catch something.  It started Saturday night.  After the Yield service, my throat was a blazin', but I just figured it was from singing and preaching.  Not so.  I didn't sleep much on Saturday night because I couldn't swallow well.  Sunday I had a planned event with the youth and didn't want to cancel it at the last minute so we went to a corn maze and played outside all day.  By the time I got home, I was down for the count.  Fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose.  Special isn't it?

I sent Shelah a message letting her know in case she wasn't comfortable being around a sicky, especially when traveling internationally.  She called to let me know she didn't care, but wanted to make sure it was still ok with me since I wasn't feeling well.  I went to bed really early last night and even though I didn't sleep well, I got some good rest and spent time praying.  When I woke up I felt a bit better... not as stuffy, less of a cough, but still with the sore throat.  From the time I picked her up at 9:30am until the time I dropped her at the airport this afternoon, I felt about 70% better!  A little gift from Jesus, I believe.  When I got home I started right back with the coughing and runny nose.  Crazy, right?  Well worth it.

Both years that I served in Uganda, I spent much of my time with Shelah, her family, and working with their organization.  They were very much like my second family- celebrating my birthday, movie nights, volleyball and other games (cheating at Uno), inviting me for Christmas, dinners, etc..  I love their two girls and enjoyed spending time with them, especially because I was away from my nieces (they are nearly the same ages).  The Ackers were an amazing blessing in my life and I've missed them dearly.  I spent New Years ('11-'12) with them in Alabama and I haven't seen them since because of my schedule and lack of proximity to their "home base" when in the States.

Sitting and talking with Shelah for hours today was the most refreshing experience I've had in a long time.  When my heart aches for Uganda, she understands why.  She told me story after story of my loved ones there and caught me up on their lives.  So many things have happened and so many lives have been changed.  I got to hear about her family and my Sudanese brothers.  I got to hear about many of my former students and many others that I love.  She felt like she was going on and on, but I couldn't hear enough about the people and place that I love so much.

The biggest joy of the day was when she told me that some of my former students at the refugee center have converted.  (I can't give more details than that for their protection.)  I spent hours and hours with them, prayed for them, laughed with them, cried with them, heard their stories, told them about Jesus, lead worship and a Book study for them, and was made a part of their family.  When she told me of their conversion, I couldn't keep the tears from coming.  I can't even imagine the amount of rejoicing in Heaven that day!  Praise be to God forever and ever.

Today would not have happened if the Holy Spirit hadn't prompted me to call Lino.  I only got to spend about 4 hours with Shelah, but it was as if no time had passed.  I finally feel free, really free from some things and reenergized to connect with people again.  It's been so long since I've put any energy into staying in good contact because it's been too painful, but hopefully that will change now.

I feel like today was a special gift from the Lord, piles of tissues and all.  My head might be pounding and I've sneezed about 800 times, but I would do it over and over again if I could, as cheesy as that sounds.  I'm just so grateful tonight.

"It's going to be good, Beloved"

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  These are the words my Savior spoke directly to me just over a week ago.  I was up at Delanco camp, a place I both love and struggle with, when I heard those words loud and clear.  I had found a moment of peace amongst the crazy and was standing out on the party deck.  The weather was beautiful despite the predictions of wet conditions for the entire weekend and I couldn't help but worship the Lord and thank Him for the beauty of His creation.  The water was calm, the sun shining, the fish jumping, and the leaves falling ever so gently.  It was a very sweet, very private moment between me and Jesus.  He had my attention, my full attention.  My focus couldn't waiver in that moment.

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  I love it when He calls me beloved.  It's such a sweet term of endearment and it reinforces the fact that I'm His.  Simply amazing, isn't it?  The God of the universe, Creator of all, the Great I AM claims me as His own.  Not only that, He knows me intimately and cares for me.  He calls me beloved.  Me, the worst of all sinners, beloved.

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  I've been bringing Him plenty of situations, pleading on my behalf and on the behalf of others.  I'm consumed by work and school and I just keep adding to my list of responsibilities.  I feel so inadequate most of the time.  His words to me, at just the right time brought comfort and peace.  I don't know exactly which situation, condition, or feeling His word was referring to... maybe all of them, but I don't need to know.  Anything His hand is in is good.  I trust Him and I think He was reminding me to keep doing so.  

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  Doesn't that just melt your heart?  Praise be to God.

Aside from the privilege of of hearing those words, camp was pretty good.  My lesson went well and I think many of the kids went away desiring to know God deeper by exploring His many names.  I was pleased with their openness a really loved getting to know a handful of new kids.  During the afternoon of free time on Saturday I focused on just being with the kids.  We fished, boated, wandered around, chatted, and laughed... a lot!  Most of the staff decided to play their own game of volleyball (which I would have loved to do seeing as though it's my favorite sport to play), but I really felt like it was more important to just be with the kids since we had such a limited amount of time with them.  

I headed home that evening because I knew I needed to be at my church on Sunday morning.  It was the last Sunday of the same schedule with the worship team playing at the early service and the last Sunday before my senior pastor would be away for 4-6 weeks with a knee replacement.  Being at home with my church family was a must in my heart.  Right after the first service, I headed back up to camp to finish off the weekend with my youth.  

With camp finished, my focus turned toward Yield.  Yield is the new contemporary service we're offering on Saturdays at 4:30.  This service has been in the works for over a year, but has really been a focus for me for the last few months.  We have worked really hard to come up with a format and style, a logo, advertising, and a whole bunch of other stuff to make this service work.  

This past Saturday was our inaugural service and it went very well.  A few of us spent many hours this past week making sure that things would run smoothly and it really paid off.  I get to bring the sermon message each week which is exciting.  That's one of those areas that I feel so inadequate in, but Jesus is enough so I'll continue to trust Him.  Now that I have the first service under my belt, seminary doesn't seem like such a bad idea.  :)  The best part about the whole service, in my opinion, is that it was all about God.  It wasn't about my abilities, inabilities, strengths, or weaknesses but about the way that God was moving and working.  People were relaxed, laughing, worshipping freely, and really enjoying themselves.  It felt like home; the Body of Christ united.  So grateful to Jesus.  I'm really looking forward to seeing this service grow and morph.  I believe the Lord is using this ministry to further His kingdom.

Anyways, school is very time consuming these days.  Each week I have either 2 papers, two quizzes, or exams.  The material is really important to grasp, especially for when I start my masters course.  Somehow I'm making it.  Sleep is scarce, but as long as I continue to get A's on everything, I'm ok with that.  

So each week is full of school, youth stuff, young adult ministry, sermonizing, organizing, building relationships, meetings, and trying to keep up my house and animals.  I'm feeling very blessed.  

Here's a song I've been loving these days.  Oceans by Hillsong United.

Striving

Sleep eludes me.  I'm busy with work and school and my mind is reeling with the thoughts of the future.  Jesus keeps reminding me that He is enough and that's when rest comes... when I trust in that.  I've found myself at the foot of the cross a lot in the last few weeks, both literally and figuratively, and it's the only place I find peace.  When I just want to sing of His goodness, He meets me there.  When I want to complain, He listens.  When things are complicated, Jesus knows.  When my heart is shattered and my body is broken and sick, He heals.  When I've got nothing left within me, He fills me up.  When my immaturity and fiery mouth/temper run wild, He reins me back in.  It feels child-like sometimes to be curled up, sitting before Him, but then I remember just how much He loves the little ones... how He says they belong in His Kingdom.  I want that.  There's nothing more peaceful than Jesus calling you "little one" and cradling you in His arms of love.

Jesus keeps saying to me over and over, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30  

So I go and I sit.  I listen.  I express the desires of my heart.  He's not finished with me yet, He reminds me of this as I dwell on my imperfections.  Thanks, Lord.  I'm striving and though I'm not a wife yet, this is the type of woman I long to be:

 "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

    She is more precious than rubies.

 Her husband can trust her,

    and she will greatly enrich his life.

 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

 She finds wool and flax

    and busily spins it.

 She is like a merchant’s ship,

    bringing her food from afar.

 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 She is energetic and strong,

    a hard worker

 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

    her lamp burns late into the night.

 Her hands are busy spinning thread,

    her fingers twisting fiber.

 She extends a helping hand to the poor

    and opens her arms to the needy.

 She has no fear of winter for her household,

    for everyone has warm clothes.

 She makes her own bedspreads.

    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

 Her husband is well known at the city gates,

    where he sits with the other civic leaders.

 She makes belted linen garments

    and sashes to sell to the merchants.

 She is clothed with strength and dignity,

    and she laughs without fear of the future.

 When she speaks, her words are wise,

    and she gives instructions with kindness.

 She carefully watches everything in her household

    and suffers nothing from laziness.

 Her children stand and bless her.

    Her husband praises her:

 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

    but you surpass them all!”

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

 Reward her for all she has done.

    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

-Proverbs 31 (emphasis mine)