Striving

Sleep eludes me.  I'm busy with work and school and my mind is reeling with the thoughts of the future.  Jesus keeps reminding me that He is enough and that's when rest comes... when I trust in that.  I've found myself at the foot of the cross a lot in the last few weeks, both literally and figuratively, and it's the only place I find peace.  When I just want to sing of His goodness, He meets me there.  When I want to complain, He listens.  When things are complicated, Jesus knows.  When my heart is shattered and my body is broken and sick, He heals.  When I've got nothing left within me, He fills me up.  When my immaturity and fiery mouth/temper run wild, He reins me back in.  It feels child-like sometimes to be curled up, sitting before Him, but then I remember just how much He loves the little ones... how He says they belong in His Kingdom.  I want that.  There's nothing more peaceful than Jesus calling you "little one" and cradling you in His arms of love.

Jesus keeps saying to me over and over, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30  

So I go and I sit.  I listen.  I express the desires of my heart.  He's not finished with me yet, He reminds me of this as I dwell on my imperfections.  Thanks, Lord.  I'm striving and though I'm not a wife yet, this is the type of woman I long to be:

 "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

    She is more precious than rubies.

 Her husband can trust her,

    and she will greatly enrich his life.

 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

 She finds wool and flax

    and busily spins it.

 She is like a merchant’s ship,

    bringing her food from afar.

 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 She is energetic and strong,

    a hard worker

 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

    her lamp burns late into the night.

 Her hands are busy spinning thread,

    her fingers twisting fiber.

 She extends a helping hand to the poor

    and opens her arms to the needy.

 She has no fear of winter for her household,

    for everyone has warm clothes.

 She makes her own bedspreads.

    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

 Her husband is well known at the city gates,

    where he sits with the other civic leaders.

 She makes belted linen garments

    and sashes to sell to the merchants.

 She is clothed with strength and dignity,

    and she laughs without fear of the future.

 When she speaks, her words are wise,

    and she gives instructions with kindness.

 She carefully watches everything in her household

    and suffers nothing from laziness.

 Her children stand and bless her.

    Her husband praises her:

 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

    but you surpass them all!”

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

 Reward her for all she has done.

    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

-Proverbs 31 (emphasis mine)