Jealousy is NOT a Good Look for Me

“If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.  For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.  For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”  -James 3:13-18

Jealousy is not a good look for me.  It's not a good look for anyone, for that matter, yet it's something I struggle with from time to time.  The fact that most people experience jealousy once in a while isn't a comfort either.  It generally leads to sin.  Jealousy comes in so many forms too... from financial and material jealousy to relational jealousy, it's really ugly.

Money is not something that I get jealous over.  In fact, I really hate money and wish I didn't have to deal with it or have so much of my life defined by it.  Living simply is beautiful... it's not so easy to live simply in the America.  It was so interesting to pack for my second year in Uganda when I knew what to expect.  I didn't bring nearly as much stuff.  I found that I could live without so much stuff I thought I would die without during my first year.  I don't like having money and I feel like it's a distraction - to the point where if I have a few extra bucks and get my nails done, even looking at how beautiful my hands look with lovely nails is a distraction.  It takes my attention away from the Creator, even if it's just for a few minutes each day.  Sounds silly, I know, but I'm just being honest.  I don't think there's anything wrong with being beautiful or doing things to make yourself feel good, but when it becomes an issue of pride or a distraction for me or those around me, it's a problem.  If I'm called to be like Christ, I've got to learn to walk humbly in all that I do.

Since money is one of my least favorite things and since I almost never have much of it, I generally focus my attentions on relationships.  The most important things in my life are my relationships and I try to work really hard at maintaining them.  People mean the world to me.  If you're in my life, chances are I'm going to make sure you stay there.  Knowing my propensity for strong relationships and that my love language is quality time, I find that relational jealousy is something I need to be careful of.

A few weeks ago, I was in a meeting and something that was said sparked a huge surge of jealousy within me.  It was like I couldn't control it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and instantly I was angry.  And then many more emotions struck almost all at once.  I was jealous of the time someone had given away, I was angry that the time wasn't spent with me (as though I'm the most important person in the world), I was sad, and then I was angry and embarrassed by my dramatic response.  Now, all of this happened within me, but I know that I wasn't good at hiding the shift in my mood.  The whole feel of the room changed once that jealousy struck.  It changed the feel of the rest of the evening for me and probably for others who were with me.

I've reflected on that experience for a few weeks now and I still find myself embarrassed at my response and I'm still in no way justified in those feelings.  I've taken it to the Lord and explored the root of this jealousy... and He has begun a new work in me.  I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy.  I'm so thankful that even when I mess up and allow my human nature to take over, He is always standing, arms wide open, ready to welcome me back.  Praise God forever!

Scripture speaks of God being a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."  Exodus 34:13-14 says, "You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God)..."

I feel like God's jealousy is different from the jealousy that is so common to humans.  His jealousy is a vigilance in maintaining or guarding us.  He is the Creator of all, so He deserves all of our attention and love.  Of course He's jealous for us... He's created us to bring Himself glory, which He deserves.  How amazing that our huge God is jealous for us, that He wants all of us?  How humbling and assuring?!  We can rest in that, can't we?

Indeed, He is jealous for me.  I want to reflect that jealousy... I want it to be seen in my actions and heard through my words.  May I only be Jesus to those I interact with.  Lord, remove my jealousy for humans and the things of earth.  Amen.