Today started off like any other day. Got up, fed my animals, got a run in, took a shower, and headed out the door to start the day. My agenda: go to a soccer game and preach at the Yield service. So on the way to the soccer game, I was told that we had to make a stop on the way home to grab something for the chicken BBQ at church tonight. Panic moment #1. I had completely forgotten about the dinner. In the busyness of the week, it totally slipped my mind and I thought it was next weekend. Nope. AND I had signed up to bring something... luckily it was just fruit and my lapse in memory was easily remedied by a stop at the store.
So we watched the game and then started to make our way back to the church, trying to figure out where to stop and buy our food for the dinner. About 30 minutes into the drive home, my mind was running over my check list for Sunday mornings. I remembered that I needed to bring some checks over that people had sent as contributions for my upcoming trip to Uganda. It was then that everything clicked and came together in my mind. Two weeks ago I was asked to be the speaker at the chicken BBQ dinner. Panic moment #2. What in the world was I going to share and how could I forget something so important to me?!
Not once during this whole week did I think about the chicken dinner or the fact that I was given the opportunity to share about Uganda - something I LOVE to do. I don't have an explanation as to why or how I could let something like that slip my mind. I have had so much going on - preaching, teaching Sunday School last week, preparing the youth room for the start of youth group, preparing a lesson for youth group, practicing music for worship team (for Saturdays, Sundays, Pitman Camp, youth group, the tent revival, the parade, etc), going to meetings EVERY night, leading Bible study, and keeping up with administrative stuff like emails and snail mail - that it simply got placed in the back of my mind.
We were still nearly a half hour from the church and we still had to stop and buy stuff to bring. When in the world was I going to prepare? My focus completely shifted, but I had to bring it back because the reality was that I still had worship to lead and a sermon to preach. Before we got to the grocery store, the Lord gave me a scripture to focus on for later that night and peace began to fall.
Before we started the service I asked Jesus to help me complete the tasks as they came. Though I was mortified that I had let something so important to me (and Jesus) slip my mind, I knew He would help me. The Yield service was refreshing and ran very smoothly in spite of me and my forgetfulness. God was worshipped and His Word was preached. Hallelujah, praise God forever!
After Yield, I had exactly 25 minutes to get things figured out. I ran home, grabbed my computer and prayed that my picture slideshow was still there and that I hadn't moved it to my external hard drive. Thankfully it was there, but then I found myself fighting with the projector and my computer to get something on the screen. So there I was, watching everyone eat, still not 100% sure what I was going to say, with no working slideshow. Panic moment #3. I will admit that I was extremely flustered and ready to give up when I called my friend over to help me. Between the two of us and mostly because of his determination (as I had already given up in my mind) and knowledge, he got the slideshow running. Breathe in, breathe out. Relief.
We went and got our food and sat with a couple of youth kids, enjoying a sweet time of fellowship with them. All of my worries slipped away and though I didn't have a speech written out, I was ready to share my heart.
It's a really vulnerable thing to do... to share your heart with so many people. You see, it's hard for me to share something so intimate- something I'm so passionate about and invested in- if I feel like people won't care as much as I do about what I'm sharing. I tend to take it personally, but I try to remind myself that it's hard to be passionate about something you don't understand due to lack of experience. That couldn't matter if I was going to do what God wanted me to do...
So I got up there, set my pride aside, and spoke of the ups and downs, the things God has done and is doing, and my love for Uganda. Before I knew it, I was twenty minutes in and I hadn't reached the heart of the message... the very thing I knew God was asking me to share. Thankfully, my passion (or maybe just the loud booming of my voice) seemed to have their attention. I opened the Word of God and the Holy Spirit went to work. When I closed in prayer, I knew I had done what God had asked me to do. The rest is up to Him at this point.
I'm so glad for those moments of panic today and I'm grateful I forgot to prepare something. This was one of those occasions when preparation would have led to stumbling over words and nervousness. The Lord brought to mind just the things He wanted spoken.
Praise God for forgetfulness! And praise Him for always keeping His promise to me! "Remain in Me and I will remain in you..." John 15:4.
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