I'm In

For months now I've been bringing something before the throne... I've whined about it, I've cried about, and I've pleaded for it and a few weeks ago I got my answer.  No.  The answer was No.  What?  But hadn't God heard my many reasons?  Didn't He realized how well thought out my plan was?  Of course He had.  But the answer was no.

My church hosted a revival (our first annual revival, in fact) a few weeks ago.  My role was to help out with music.  So, our worship leader and I worked for hours and rehearsed, preparing to lead others to the foot of the throne.  One day, we rehearsed for nearly 6 hours.  It seemed like more.

I have been praying for revival in South Jersey since I got here.  Along with some dear colleagues, I believe that revival is going to take place very soon.  It's already begun in my individuals and I'm so excited to see where God is going to go with it all.  May the nations come to know Him!

So, the revival was cruising along.  We had different speakers lined up for each night.  The first two nights were great and they really grabbed my attention.  So much so that I went into the 3rd night with a very healthy, but very real fear of the Lord.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that He was going to do something huge that night.  I had no idea what it was going to look like or that it was going to strike me the way it did.  We had a healing service that night and the speaker had a team set up and ready to pray and anoint with oil.  I was the 2nd to last person to be prayed over.

The moment the person began to pray was the moment I heard God's voice louder than ever before.  His first words to me were the answer to the thing I'd been praying for for so long.  And again, it was a no.  Tears were flowing freely and it knocked the breath out of me.  How could it be a "no?"  But He wasn't done.  He spoke healing and truth to many of the places of deep pain within me.  He spoke His power and authority into me and empowered me.  God held me tightly that night.  He knew the answer was going to be painful... He also knew I'd need to hear it more than once.  So again and again, He answered me.

The healing service ended and I just wanted to run home and record every single word God had spoken to me.  I was surrounded by loved ones, but I wanted to escape.  But, I knew I had to stick around to pack up the instruments and the sound system, so I just kept running God's words over and over again in my mind.  I was home within 45 minutes or so and I couldn't write fast enough.  Even now as I look back over those words, I can see the urgency in my handwriting.

Since that night, I've been slowly processing all of the things I heard.  I've been able to look ahead with much more clarity.  I've been clinging so desperately to Jesus and I wouldn't have it any other way.  The way I prepare sermons has changed a bit.  The way I deliver them has changed too.  Not drastically, but enough that I think it's noticeable.  I finally feel like I can speak with the power and authority of Christ.  He has given it to me and I'm to use it.  Just like when He sent out the disciples in His name.  Glory to God.

A few other things have changed since that night.  They've been more internal, but God is still working on me.  Many of my desires haven't changed and the end goal is still the same.  I'm so thankful to have a support system that allows me to verbally process too.  Revival is here.  Revival is happening now.  I'm seeing it the lives of those I work with closely and I can hardly contain my excitement.  :)

Of course there have already been times of attack from the evil one, but that's to be expected when you're walking so closely to God.  I encountered a very immature situation just yesterday that would normally throw me off my game, but God is so much bigger than these silly little attacks and my support system stands by me, unwavering... acting as bodyguards, quite literally.

So in this precious time of deep intimacy with Jesus, I've been reaffirmed and empowered like never before.  Yes, the "no" was a difficult one and I still can't see how this is all going to work out going forward, but I'm standing on the promises of God.  This is home.  I'm surrounded by people I love deeply.  "All the nations" means right here, right now.  I'm in.