Culture of Christ

I'm sure some of you have heard the song "Try" by Colbie Caillat.  If not, here's the video.

I love the heart and the message of this song.  It makes me think of ALL of the different things (not just hair and make-up) that we try to hide behind in order to feel lovely and important/worthy.

Don't we all have insecurities that we live with and that keep us from being free to be our best?  I do!  From my physical appearance to my musical ability and everything in between.  My mind has been busy with thoughts of these insecurities lately... so much so that I've found myself becoming a bit inward at times.  

As I've been praying through some of this, the Lord has been speaking to my heart about these areas of insecurity.  Though we live in a worldly culture, the culture of Christ doesn't define things in the same way.  Culture says I should wear a certain size, have my hair done a certain way, that my skin should be perfect and accented by amazingly long eye lashes, that I should be climbing the corporate ladder, and making lots of money.  Jesus says, "I love You.  I love every inch of you.  I love your soul.  I am enough and it's through me that you are made whole"  None of that other stuff matters to Him.  He chooses to love me no matter what I look like, who I marry, or how much money I make.  He chooses to use me and all of my imperfections to further His kingdom.  All He asks is that I love, trust, and put my faith in Him.  And then through that commitment comes a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus that bears much fruit.  Amazing, right?

Oh Jesus, help me to love like you and to look at the beauty of You working in others.

I want to be defined by Christ in me, not by the things of Earth.  That's the desire of my heart.  I want to love Jesus so deeply that it reflects in each and every interaction I have.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.  For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."  2 Corinthians 2:14-15

"It's just too awesome."

Writing has always been quite therapeutic for me, as I'm sure it is for many people.  Yesterday I spent a great deal of time looking through some of my writings from the past few years in order to reflect on all of the cool stuff God has done.  I wasn't disappointed as I came across something that brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.

I have this locked document that, for the time being, is just between me and Jesus.  Looking through and seeing the movement of the Spirit and the changing movement of my heart, I once again found myself falling more in love with God.

About a year ago I had a special encounter with someone very dear to me.  This had been something I had been praying about for a long time.  We met to talk about Jesus, though they didn't know that was the purpose at the time.  We started off by reflecting on life thus far... good times and bad.  We talked about things that have been (and will continue to be) really difficult and we talked about things that are joyful and a bit less heavy.  The conversation flowed very easily and naturally for us.  As they continued to open up to me, I prayed for an opportunity to bring Jesus into our time.

That opportunity came and the results changed me forever.  Being a person who has grown up (somewhat) in the church, they knew about Jesus, but they had never made a connection between their head knowledge and their heart.  We talked a lot about what it means to know Jesus as Savior.  They asked some very honest questions, straight from the heart and I did my best to answer them as the Spirit led.  Then they said something to me that I will never forget...

They said they had never "accepted Christ in their heart," that they had wanted to, but the reason they never had was that it was "just too hard to believe."  When I heard those words, my heart sank a little bit.  I hadn't planned on that response from them.  So I asked, "what, exactly, is too hard for you to believe?"  I watched their face as they thought through their perfectly worded answer.  A look of awe and peace came over them as they gave me their response, "that Jesus would do that... it's just too awesome."

I remember my eyes welling up with tears and trying to keep it together so as not to make anyone uncomfortable.  It was a struggle to keep myself from throwing my arms around them and jumping up and down with joy... even though that's what was happening in my heart at the time.  As I composed myself internally I said to them, "you know what?  You're right, but Jesus is more than awesome enough to do that for us!  How cool is that?!"

We left the place where this conversation played out, got in my car, and I prepared to take them home.  I remember God nudging me, saying, "this conversation isn't over."  I didn't want to push them into anything based on emotion or based on what they thought I would want to hear, so I said that to them and let them know that I was available whenever they were ready to pray it out, be it then, or any time in the future.  They stopped me and said they were ready right then, in that moment.  So we held hands and prayed together.  Another name was written in the Book of Life that night as the angels rejoiced.

"It's hard to believe that Jesus would do that... it's just too awesome."  I agree wholeheartedly with this dear one and pray that we would all stop and take a minute to reflect on just how awesome He is.  Thanks be to God for this person who I love so deeply.  Thanks be to God for their honest words that cause me to stop dead in my tracks a year later and praise the Lord!

Like a Parent

God is so good.  Amen, right?  Seriously though, I'm just so in love with Him these days.  I know I wrote about it a few weeks ago, so I won't go on and on about it today.  I'm grateful.  

Ministry has been so great lately.  I love my job.  I mentioned in my last post about the upcoming sermon series I get to do and I'm so excited for it.  Something else that's so exciting to me is that today was the first day of after school Bible study for my high school students.  I had 5 kids show up.  That may not seem like a huge deal, but it is.  5 kids who want to dive deeper into God's Word?  5 kids who want to know Christ more?  Praise God!  There's so much goodness happening these days.

I'm at a really cool place with many of my youth... a place I love!  It's a place where they're wanting to hang out with me outside of church.  It's been this way for a while now with a few kids here and there, but it just seems different now.  You get to a point where your youth kids become your friends and I, for one, love it.  I think of the way Jesus interacted with His disciples and about how totally relational He was and that's where I long to be.  Relationships are my thing.  I can teach you, but I'd really like to do life with you too.  I don't want to only tell you, I want to show you.

Some of my "former youth kids" are now some of my favorite friends.  It's a very intimate thing to guide someone in their relationship with Christ.  In my opinion, you can't effectively minister to someone from afar.  You've got to get personal.  Sure, I understand that there's a line that shouldn't be crossed and you've got to be careful about what you disclose, but kids respond when you're open with them.  When they can relate to you because they know some of the trials you've faced, they trust you.

This means that I'm invested and 100% committed.  To be honest, it's a little scary.  It's a vulnerable place to be.  I feel like I'm pouring all of me into my ministry.  It's not just my job, it's my life.  Each kid that I disciple now has a piece of me.  Each person that I preach to gets to hear my heart.  The people that I minister with are like my family... they see me at my best and at my worst.  It gets lonely sometimes to be surrounded by my work, but Christ sustains me and He's enough.

Being consumed by day to day life (my job) doesn't allow time for much else.  I've been thinking a lot about life outside of my work and the hopes and plans that I've had.  A Master's degree is still very much on my radar and I'm pursuing that option, pending some financial stuff.  (Still paying off my undergrad degree.)  There's also the timing of it all.  I'm not sure how I'll have time to do school work on top of everything else, but I know I'll figure out a way to make it work.  I'd also still like to have a family... but I'm trusting God's timing on all of that.

Moments of vulnerability along with being so committed to so many things has really got me thinking.  I have brief times of panic every once in a while because of the level of commitment, but again, God reigns me back in and draws me back into a place of quiet and rest with Him. 

I consider it a huge privilege to do the work I'm doing and I don't think there's anything else I'd rather be doing right now.  I love Jesus and I really, REALLY want my kids (and the whole congregation) to love Him too... and to desire to walk with Him daily.  It's such an honor to bring these kids before the throne of the Lord everyday.  What an amazing gift.  

Like a parent, I have days when I wish I could walk down the halls of the school, holding their hands and guiding them through life.  I wish I could protect them from the realities of a sinful world.  I want to be their shield... or at least put them in a bubble.  God's got this though.  I trust Him.

I guess there wasn't really a point to this post other than to brag on my God and my youth.  Thanks Jesus.  

The Battle Rages On...

As I come up on a year of preaching(!), I've been working to plan out my sermon series a bit more in advance.  This past year has been quite the experience.  I've learned a lot about sermon prep and writing... and I've eaten a lot of humble pie as some of my messages weren't quite on target.  It's been lots of ups and downs and lots of trial and error.  There are weeks when I don't feel like I have a clear message until Friday (I preach on Saturdays).  There are other times when I've known the heart of the message for weeks before I deliver it.  

I still can't claim that I'm a great preacher by any means, but it's something I've come to love.  Can I be honest with you about some things?  Preaching is hard... and exhausting.  Sermon prep is hard.  ("Have I preached this same message already...?" "have I used this illustration before?")  Leaving my emotions and attitude at the door despite what's going on in my personal life is tough sometimes.  Scheduling out my week is hard too.  Ministry is such an interesting beast, but I love it.  :)

When my last series ended, I knew I wanted to start another series right away because the flow and build in a series is great, but I wasn't sure where to go.  I started to pray about it and bounce ideas off of colleagues and friends.  One thing kept creeping into my head, but I kept squashing it down a bit.  I'm not qualified to preach on that!  Sure, I've experienced it - pretty heavily at times - but how can I do a sermon series on it?  What authority do I have?  Won't this just be opening myself up for attack?

If you haven't guessed it, my next sermon series will be on spiritual warfare.  Why not go into my second year of preaching with a bang, right?  God confirmed to me that I am to move ahead in the planning of this series (with the power and authority of Christ!) and it's not been without it's trials already.

I'm aware that ANYTIME I'm doing the work of God, I open myself up to the attacks of the evil one.  And I also know that the evil one doesn't want others to know or believe that he's always on the prowl, so of course he's going to target me in the weeks to come.  Already this past weekend I had to deal with a situation that was the first of what I'm sure will be many attempts at bringing me down. 

Then Tuesday came... it began like any other day.  I met a friend and got a workout in, but by the time I got home, my feet were hurting quite a bit.  Out of the ordinary.  We had only done a mile more than I had been doing, so it really shouldn't have made a difference... or so I thought.  By Wednesday morning it was obvious that something wasn't right.  I couldn't put any weight on my right foot and I was writhing in pain.  So I  went right to urgent care to get an x-ray and see what was going on.  Fears confirmed... slight stress fracture.  

My friend, Allan and I have been doing this 100 mile running challenge to raise awareness and $$ for the prevention of human trafficking in southeast Asia.  I was 38 miles (and ahead of schedule) when this injury struck.  The evil one strikes where it hurts, doesn't he?  How am I going to catch back up?  How can I just sit around letting the days pass without adding miles?  I had made a commitment to complete this challenge AND a commitment to myself to live a healthier lifestyle.  Ugh.

The doctor said it was minor enough to not have to wear a giant boot thing if I would be sure to wear this special shoe and try to stay off of it as much as possible.  When I am without pain, I'm allowed to put weight on it, but I need to wait weeks before I can jump back into the 100 mile challenge.  That wasn't a problem on Wednesday or Thursday because I was still feeling that initial stabbing pain.  Today it's just a dull pain and I've only had to take the actual recommended dosage listed on the Ibuprofen bottle as opposed to the 5 at a time from the previous days.  Today I'm tempted to ignore the pain and go about life as usual.  One mile couldn't hurt, right?  Wrong.  

I know I'm a terrible patient.  I don't like resting and though I've gotten a lot of work done, I'm BORED!  My couch permanently has my butt print in it, or so it would seem.  I like to go to the kids' sporting events, but I'm not supposed to be driving at all, let alone that far.  Thankfully a friend was willing to drive me last night and it was nice to be out of the house.  I'm supposed to play paintball with my kids tomorrow... instead, I get to watch.  (Maybe I'll get some good pics, right??)  I've had people offering to do stuff for me and to help out, but I gotta say... I like doing things for myself.  I'm not good at letting others do stuff I should be able to do.  For example... I ran out of pain meds yesterday so instead of asking someone to run to the drugstore, I got in my car and drove myself.  It wasn't a huge deal, but by the time I got home, I was hurting.  Was it worth it though?  Well, I didn't have to bug anyone else...

All of that to say that this is simply another way that the evil one will try to keep me down and prevent me from speaking the truth.  I've experienced it before, especially while working with those of Islamic faith, and I'll experience it again, I'm sure.  I also know that this won't be the end of the trials.  I'm planning a 4-6 week series, so I assume I'll face a lot in the next month or so.  

So my plea to you is to join me in praying as this series approaches and for the duration.  Please pray for those I minister with and those I minister to.  I believe God has a message for us and I plan on delivering that message.  Would you stand with me as the battle rages on?