In December, the group of pastors met to start planning for this year's unity service. Sitting around a table with a group of ordained men, as the only woman (unordained, at that) was a bit intimidating. We talked about how each church would participate and who would lead what during the service. Since my senior pastor is out right now, it was determined that I would speak, representing my church. With that initial decision came nerves, but I didn't allow myself to think about it too much because I still had a lot to do and a lot to get through before I could start worrying about January.
Fast forward a month. I've been preaching each Sunday for a couple of months now. I've gotten into a bit of a routine, but with school starting back up, my schedule has resumed level: crazy. With the unity service fast approaching, my nervousness increased. I made the decision to only write one sermon for the week and use it at both our normal 8:30am service and at the unity service at the other church. I couldn't imagine what I could preach that would be up to par with the other preachers... who are amazing, by the way. As I prayed and researched I was led to John 17 where Jesus prays for His disciples and all believers. I read through some sermons and things I found in reference to that scripture and unity and I wrote, borrowing a couple of illustrations. With the Spirit as my guide, the sermon came together (as it always does) nicely. I ran through it and practiced a number of times throughout the week. Though I had confidence in the working of the Holy Spirit, my nerves didn't cease.
When I preached at the 8:30 service at our church, things went very well and I started to get more and more excited about sharing the Word at the unity service. Then I got to the other church... and the nerves came back. My palms starting sweating and I felt a little sick. Those old thoughts of inadequacy came soaring back and I began to question the sermon, my abilities, my heart, and a whole variety of other things. Not to mention that I was leading the main set of worship along with our worship leader... and doing a special song with him and another church during our allotted time later in the service. My mind was racing and it was hard to stay focused, but after some prayer and encouraging words, I settled in at the beginning of the service. Leading the music and worshipping is always helpful to me as I offer myself to God and stand in His presence. When it came time to preach, I was a bit more settled. The nerves were present and I neglected to say anything prior to jumping into the sermon, but it worked and it began to flow nicely.
The following is a clip that my dear brother recorded about halfway through my sermon. In my mind, I have a bunch of reasons not to share this with you... it makes me vulnerable, I am extremely insecure about my physical appearance, I forgot to take the gum out of my mouth, I stutter, etc., but as my best friend pointed out to me today, not sharing it is exactly what the enemy wants to have happen. The message of unity from Jesus in John 17 is too important to keep to myself... and the brilliant words and thoughts of others are given by the Holy Spirit. Glory to God.
It was a privilege to preach and share with my brothers and sisters and I'm so thankful that God is bigger than my insecurities... and gracious and loving... and that He is allowing me to minister in this way. I'm also so thankful for this very hectic and difficult season and those who are supporting me through it. Thank you all.
1 comment:
You, Sister... are amazing. Thank you for living out a real, vulnerable, authentic faith in Jesus. So humbled to call you my friend.
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