A Fresh Hope

A couple of weeks ago I was given the opportunity to go to Marion, Indiana where headquarters for World Gospel Mission is located and attend a workshop. I decided to stay with a good friend in Indianapolis which meant a long commute every morning and afternoon, but I knew that ahead of time and planned on the travel. What didn't I plan for?? Well from my time at IWU I thought I remembered that it took just under an hour to get to Marion from Indy. That was my first mistake. So after a fun Sunday night at youth group with kids that I LOVE, I woke up Monday with enough time to get ready and an hour to drive. Well, turns out it was further than I remembered if only by like 10 minutes, so I decided that I should speed things up a bit and get there on time. Let's just say that getting pulled over for speeding does NOT get you to your destination faster. Dang it! Strike one. So I arrive at the workshop, meant for career missionaries (not so much for volunteers), late on the first day. Strike two. I get to the room a good 15 minutes into the first session, devotions, with no bible to be found in my purse. Strike three. I had set expectations for myself for the week because I was there representing the volunteer status at WGM. I had failed... and I was super tired because staying in Indy with my buddy means not much sleep, so Monday morning did NOT start off well and I was praying that my experience that morning would not set the mood for the entire week. Well by the end of the first session via text message I was given these words of wisdom, "leave earlier, drive slower, and I have your bible." To top it all off I got to see two missionary families that I spent a lot time with while in Uganda. What started off as the worst day ever became one of the best days ever, not just because I got to see people I love, but also because I got a few minutes to take a step back and hear the goodness that the Lord has for me. He was imploring me to slow down... not just with my driving btw.
So each morning I woke up way before the sun was scheduled to rise, after getting just a few hours of sleep and headed on my way up to Marion. I am NOT a morning person by any means and I really love to sleep. So why didn't you just stay in Marion, you ask? Well I was much more blessed to stay with mi amigo and hang out with the youth group kids down in Indy... I don't get to see them during their daily lives very often, so this was a great opportunity to spend time with them. I was also excited to go to a bible study that I've been hearing about and to hang with fun people.
Anyways... if you've ever spent much time in Indiana or driving I69, you know how dreadfully boring and flat it is. There's not much to look at, and between Indianapolis and Marion there's a whole lot of fields of nothingness. In the winter time it almost seems desolate, unhopeful. It's as though the earth has been defeated because of the frigid cold. A long drive becomes even longer when you're passing over such a weary land. Those were my first thoughts about my surroundings. With unfamiliar morning radio shows I tuned into the very familiar Moody radio and KLove. Like a cloud opening up to reveal the warmth of the sun, the Word of the Lord came that second morning and brought hope to a weary and desolate land. Not to sound too dramatic, but it was like I had blinders on and they were removed. There was literally hope on the horizon as the rays of the sun began to creep over the vast flatness. Various shades of blues, purples, pinks, and oranges rose up from the darkness. I love the little gift that Jesus shared with me that morning. What a creative God we serve! Maybe now as I drive from Chicago to Indy, as I often do, I won't be as bored with the nothingness. It's not as hard to see beauty in that part of the creation. I love that hope always shines through... there's a promise of new life (like the coming of spring).
So anyways, the workshop was really good. Some of it didn't apply to me, but for the most part I found it helpful. It was also really cool to be at HQ because I've not been since I've been a part of the mission. I finally met the people I've been communicating with for the past two years and also made some good connections for my time back in Uganda. Over and over confirmation keeps coming that this is where God wants me. I'm excited. Spending time with the Coppedge's and the Bourne's was a huge blessing and very refreshing to me. It was like a little reminder of my time in Uganda. I went to Sudan with the Coppedge's almost a year ago and spent a little time with them in Northern Uganda where they live. The Bourne's lived in Kampala and are one of the most down to earth families that you'll ever meet. I love them and their genuine love for the Lord. :)
Beyond the workshop I was able to spend time at IWU that Friday hanging out with a girl connected with my church up here. She was an exchange student to my old high school a few years ago and now she is back in America attending IWU. Her brother is now here from Poland as an exchange student and he's on the worship team that I direct. I was able to help her get a little more familiar with campus, tell her about classes and teachers. She had just arrived that week and was still getting used to campus. It was so cool to see all of the new stuff that IWU has. It's been so long since I was on campus that I didn't even recognize some stuff. After that I drove back down to Indy to have dinner with a fabulous woman from Trent's church. I always love spending time with her... never a dull moment, let me tell you!
WSUMC (my home church) was having their winter high school retreat in northern Indiana, so after dinner that night I went home, packed up my stuff, and left for the retreat. I didn't get there til almost 11pm so I was completely exhausted after a week of no sleep. I knew going into the weekend that I shouldn't expect much sleep there either. BUT the senior girls laid claim on me to sleep in their room and they even gave me the big bed! It was SO amazing... like a nice hotel. We got like 6 or 7 hours of sleep... all in one night. It was fantastic! The whole retreat was great and it was so cool to finally hang out with some of those kids outside of the church. It's easier to connect in a different setting sometimes. The speaker was great and the band was pretty good too. I thought it was a relaxing weekend with some really sweet times with Jesus. :)
I finally arrived back home late Sunday afternoon and I feel like I've been catching up on sleep since. I did almost nothing last week after work and slept like 9 hours every night. It was amazing and I don't even feel guilty about my laziness. Even today, I laid around until like noon then went and hung out with my senior girls then came home, talked on the phone, and as soon as I'm done with this I'm going to bed!
That said... would you be in prayer for Haiti? I feel a strong burden for that situation and I really want to get down there asap. I'll go when it makes sense for me to go and I won't be in the way of medical type people. Right now I feel like I would be a hindrance. Pray for clarity on a time frame and also pray for the team from my church going down there tomorrow to scope things out. Lastly, I've just sent out my prayer/support letters as of yesterday and it always makes me a little anxious. Pray for the support to come in, but mostly pray that I am quick to remember to trust Him with the finances. Thanks! Much love.

Dying to Self

I stumbled across this poem yesterday and I think it's fantastic. It kinda kicks my butt. Maybe it will do the same for you.

Dying to Self
(author unknown)
"When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient, loving silence, that is dying to self.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any unpunctuality, or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility, and endure it as Jesus endured it, that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God, that is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown, that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, that is dying to self."

HIStory (clever, I know)

When someone asks, "will you pray for me about...??" Do you? Do you actually sit down and take the time to pray? When someone says that they'll pray for you about something, do you believe them? This is something I've been thinking about and even struggling with a bit. There are times when someone asks me to pray for them and of course I agree to, but then I go about my day quickly forgetting that request in the midst of daily life. I need to actually stop what I'm doing and lift up the request immediately to ensure that I pray for it. However even when I do that it becomes something really quick and then it gets filed in the back of my mind. Now I know that I'm not the only one who does this and some would even say, "don't beat yourself up about it." But really this is something I need to be better at. This is NOT to say that if you ask me to pray about something I won't and really I do my best, but sometimes things fall by the wayside and I wish they didn't.
My new goal for myself is to write stuff down. I have always carried this cute little pad of paper in my purse and it has a bunch of random notes from sermons, addresses, phone numbers, and it even has a song in Swahili translated to English, but I think it's time that it becomes my little prayer pad. From now on I can sit down at night or in the morning and flip through my prayer pad and remember to lift up the prayer requests I'm given. I'm excited to see how God moves in each situation... because now I'll remember what I've been praying for. It's so simple... and I'm just now getting on top of it. Oh my! I hope this helps you guys to remember to pray too. :)
Something else that I wanted to share with you guys...
For the past 6 months since I've been home I've been trying to figure out what's next. Where I need to go and what I need to do. God quickly confirmed and reconfirmed that I'm to be going back to Uganda. But somehow I was looking for a different kind of answer. NOT a different answer, a different kind of answer. I'm so excited to have the opportunity to head back to Africa, that's not the issue. What I was hoping for was more of a confirmation on what my life is about. Like what is the purpose of my ministry. I feel like that's a heavy question. I also know that I don't really need to know the answer, but it would be nice, right?
Well I've written on here in the past about being called to love on people, which I totally am called to do. More specifically though I believe that the Lord is calling me to be a support system. What does that even mean? Hard to say, but I'm understanding more and more everyday. Right now it means that God has given me a ministry with the youth at Wheatland Salem. I'm not the "director of student ministries" and I'm not the "youth pastor", but I have the job of bringing Jesus to them anyway... of loving them and being there to help out those who are in charge. As I understand the call on my life more and more I can see how Jesus ordained my past to bring to this place.
Maybe it started with my parents moving to AZ when I was 16. It was then that I began to learn how to be VERY independent. I learned to rely on the entire body of Christ to be my family when mine lived 1,800 miles away. I learned that dependence on God must be first because when your family's gone and you're a "guest" somewhere it can get real lonely.
Then college at IWU... Going in, I was determined to come out a music theory teacher/choir director. Heading out with a degree in Communications I had effectively learned how to relate to people and communicate with them on deeper levels than I would have been able to. I learned what it means to be a mentor, to counsel, to lead, and to speak well. How does one who used to fear public speaking grow to love it? Major in Communications in college! Bring on the big crowds!
After college I found myself still living in Marion, not sure where I was supposed to be next. So I was a substitute teacher for almost 2 years before moving back to IL and taking the youth pastor job. My time in the schools showed me my love for teaching (on some level) and definitely confirmed my love of youth. So when God asked me to be a youth pastor I not only had experience in teaching, but I had the skills necessary to communicate with the kids. Even beyond that I had the experience of being a leader in my youth group growing up, having been on worship team and such.
As the youth pastor at Plano UMC, God used the skills and talents He had given me to shepherd an awesome group of kids that I still talk to today. It was so cool to see them come to know Jesus!! Then, rather abruptly God called me to Africa. Of course I was super reluctant because I felt like I was FINALLY getting somewhere with the youth group and kids were accepting Jesus and how could I leave when things were moving in such powerful ways? But in His strong, silent way, on a beach in Florida at sunset, the Lord asked me to trust Him in all things, to remain in Him, and to go.
So I moved to Uganda for a year, taught, mentored, counseled, and led. Every part of my life, leading up to that point was God molding me, specifically for that. I went when He could use me and my abilities in such a way that would lead others into His presence and bring Him glory. Sweet!
Now I've been home for 6 months and I'm getting ready to go back for who knows how long, but I'm going back knowing that I'm being molded even now to do the work God has set before me. That work is being done in Illinois and Indiana right now, it will be done in Uganda and Kenya soon, and beyond that it will be done around the world, where ever that may be. As someone called to be a support system for others, my ministry is not limited to one specific area. It's kinda cool knowing that I get to go where ever.
That idea carries over into my relationships. I've been blessed with the ability to go where I'm needed for my friends. That means going to Florida, driving to southern IL for a day trip, going to Michigan, helping friends in TN, visiting friends in Alabama, hanging out in Indiana, going to AZ to help my brother. It's been amazing to be in a position where I can do those things... just another way that Jesus uses me as support. Someday when I get married I get to be someone's support system every single day. HIStory in the making. Clever, right??
I love my friends and family so much. I'm so thankful though, that from the time I was 16, God was preparing me to be able to go and do. It doesn't make leaving a ton easier, but I know I can do it when I remain in Him.

Darn... I feel like there was something else I wanted to say. Well, it's gone. I just looked out the window and got distracted by the copious amount of snow and thoughts of sledding later. Enjoy it if you've got it!

How Blessed Am I??

This is the time of year when we recount the happenings of the past year and think ahead to what the New Year promises to bring. We set goals for ourselves, usually without a good plan in place to actually reach those goals. We come into the the new year with expectant hope that something big is going to happen... that something will change and that this will be the best year of our lives. So, like most people I celebrated the new year in a big, fun way. I have goals for myself that I want to see accomplished, but how am I going to do that? It's easy to hope for something, but not so easy to see it through. There are things I expect out of the new year... I expect to have all of my funding in and be heading back to East Africa, I expect to lose weight so I can be more affective in my ministry, I expect to meet God in a new fresh way, I expect all my different ministries to grow, and I totally expect to enjoy the time I have left in America to spend with dear friends and family before I enter the mission field abroad once again. I think that all of those things are very attainable... none of those are beyond God. For me, I can't do any of those on my own. I don't have enough strength, even though I like to think that I'm so strong and independent. What good is strong independence if you go everything alone?? I'm praying even now that I wake up every day with expectant and terrible hope that God will be in the center of everything from my weight to my relationships and my ministries. It must be about Jesus, otherwise what am I working towards?
I write these words mostly for myself. As a reminder of my Hope and a reminder of my motivation. People tend to shy away from holding each other accountable because it's hard. It's really hard sometimes!! But I hope that each of you love me enough to hold me accountable to these things.
Anyways... I cannot thank you all enough for an awesome birthday and new year!! I was blessed beyond belief by my friends and family. After spending Christmas being sick, it was amazing to be able to celebrate by seeing SO many of my favorite people on earth!
My bestest friend ever, Michelle was here so I spent the day before my b-day getting pretty with her. We got our nails done and had a blast! Then on my b-day I got to skype with another bff, I was woken up by multiple phone calls and texts, and the first thing I heard the second that I opened my bedroom door was, "Happy Birthday!!!" I had a very relaxing day all leading up to a night with my friends and family and being blessed by each of them. I had friends on their way home from Virginia and instead of going home they came to my dinner, friends drove out from the city to come, another friend drove 4 hours! It was all really amazing to me. I was overwhelmed by the amount of emails and facebook messages from people around the world. I was floored by people's love for me, but more floored by their love for Jesus. I asked on facebook for people to donate to Jade and Shelah Acker's (Lino's family) mission, Refuge and Hope International in honor of my birthday. I was hoping that one or two people would donate a little, but instead my goal was reached and is going to be exceeded!! How amazing that you guys would choose to bless me so greatly by blessing those that are so important to me. Amazing! Jesus is amazing! Last year on my b-day I was blessed so much by the Acker family, so this year I wanted to return that blessing to them and thanks to Jesus and my friends and family it happened! Praise the King Of Kings!
My good buddy, Trent had gotten here on my b-day, so we spent New Years Eve together in Chicago. I was able to see some amazing friends along the way into the city which was fabulous! We got to my good friend's, Blake and Emily's house in Chicago and spent a little time with them before venturing out in the freezing cold to explore city a bit. After our first walk to the "L" it was obvious that finding a nice warm movie theater made the most amount of sense, so we saw a movie, then just as I was thawing out we ventured back out into the cold and walked over to meet up with some other friends for a bit. After hanging with them, Trent and I hopped on a bus (we had to keep warm for as long as possible and walking would NOT have accomplished that) and headed down to Navy Pier for fireworks. After walking around for like 45 minutes the fireworks and music were rocking and the New Year was here! I had never spent New Years Eve in Chicago before, so I had a total blast! It was so much fun! Even with the silly frigid wind I'd do it again! So then after our subzero walk back to the L and then to my car, it was really nice to know that I could be warm... that is until I locked my brother, Trent, and I out of my Vinny's house the next day. :) Oops, thankfully we're all like Mcgyver and were able to break in within like 10 minutes.
So needless to say it was very fun and adventurous and I am blessed beyond measure by the time with my friends and family. The promise of newness and freshness for the new year is exhilarating and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. I'm thankful for His promise and in awe of His faithfulness.

Going Back!

It's kinda been a while and I've had plenty of stuff that I've wanted to write about. God has been teaching me so much lately and hopefully soon I will find time to sit down and transcribe it in a way that is beneficial to others. However, even after spending an awesome day today with my best friend, my mind is far away. I'm excited to finally be able to tell you all that I'm heading back to Uganda! There are still details being worked out and I don't have an exact date, but I'm going to be working towards going back in August, 2010. I'm already overwhelmed by thoughts of preparing for more time away from home. My family isn't too thrilled with the idea and some friends are of the "supportive, but we'd rather you stay" attitude. It's an interesting mix of emotions to go through when thinking about leaving. I'm really excited at the thought of being back in a country I've come to love so quickly with people I treasure, but I'm also sad to leave relationships and friendships that are growing so well right now.
Even though Uganda is somehow familiar to me, my ministry will be different and there are many unknowns. I have a long time to prepare myself for this round, unlike last time when I left America 7 weeks after I was accepted. Even still nerves creep up and I ask God if He's sure I should be leaving when everything seems to be going so well. Kinda crazy to KNOW God has asked me to do something... He has confirmed it over and over again and there should be no doubt in my mind, yet I still ask for assurance. Just call me Thomas, doubting Thomas.
God is so good and so faithful. I am so undeserving of His grace. It is such an honor for me to be asked to go and serve. Uganda is so beautiful and I love it dearly. There are other places on earth that I believe God will call me to someday too and I will gladly go and do. I am going because the God of the universe, Creator of all things, my Savior has asked me to...
That is huge. It will never cease to amaze me how God wants to use me. Me?! Who am I? No one special... except that I am a beloved daughter of the King of Kings! Unspeakable joy fills my being when I think about that fact. And it's that fact that keeps me going when I just want to quit; when I am unsure; when I fail.
I'm so thankful for Psalm 86 tonight. David write beautiful prayers...

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

Would you pray with me as this journey moves forward? My goal is August... and if the funding comes in, I'll go in August. If not, God will provide the funding when He wants me to go. Pray that I would keep that truth close to me. Pray for my friends and family here and for my friends and family in Uganda. Thank you so much for partnering with me in ministry.

My Life Be Like

Anyone remember this song?? I just came across it for the first time in years. I used to blast it in my car!


My life be like
Ooh Aah (yeah), Ooh Ooh
My life be like (yeah)
Ooh Aah, Ooh Aah (yeah), Ooh Ooh

It's times like these that make me say
Lord if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do

I'm on an island by my lonesome stranded
Low key and stayin' candid
Reflect on all the things I try my hand at
Church for the equations to persuasions I'm used to
Finding comfort in the zones of closet bones I get loose to
A mountainous fontaine
Spinnin' and monsoonin', grinnin' it's hign octane
Explosive how I came
Rollin' down hills cause lifes a hastle
Encircled by my folly like a moat surround a castle
Stay afloat, catch a second wind
Thin
Is the air I breathe
Teary eyed nose runnin' wipe the snot on my sleeve
I'm callin' on the Savior to be all that I need
Please forgive me my behavior had me lost at light speed

The fear of never fallin' in love
And the tears after losin' the feelings of what you thought love was
Like the dirt still up under the rug (My life be like)
Bad characteristics covered in Christs blood
The joy of new birth and the pain of growin' up
The bliss between givin' my all and givin' up
The highs and lows
Paths and roads I chose
In the cold I froze
Tryin' to ease my woes
In this world of sin
Clothes to thin to fend
So to God I send
Words of help to win
In grumblings so deep letters could never express
So the sound of Ooh Aah beneath my breath projects

My life be like
Ooh Aah Ooh
Dum dum ditty
Here come that boy from the Capital City
Last up on the Grits new ditty
But eight bars or the truth well do
I believe theres a private stunnin
And I believe in the Kindgom Comming
I believe if you seek the truth
You don't need to look far cause it's gonna find you
So why oh why do I trip and stumble?
And ooh aah as commitment crumbles?
I can't believe that I'm here again....

It's times like these that make me say
Lord if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do

Epic Fail

I've not really ever thought too much about staying in one place, being settled. One of my best friends asked me last week if I was ever going to be settled. That's a tough question for me because right now I'm not settled and truthfully I don't like to feel settled. I don't like the feeling of being "tied down" as they say. I love being on the go... this is why I'm always going to one place or another on the weekends. It's somewhat adventurous and a little unknown... and I like it. So what does that mean for a future? Other than lots of frequent flyer miles, I don't think it means anything. I love being called to love on people. It means I can go anywhere. There will be seasons when I'm called to be at "home", so like the Chicago area, but I really look forward to the times when I'm out and moving.
I think the question was two-fold though. What about marriage? Let's just say I'm not really having to fight the men off too much, but I can't wait to get married. Apparently my husband doesn't know it yet... or I haven't met him yet. Maybe I'll meet him on one of my adventures! It'd be so sweet to be able to share all that with someone, you know? I can't wait to have a full-time partner in ministry.
It's not hard to fall into this kind of thinking. I mean by the time you're my age (about 27) people start to wonder why you're not married. It's ALWAYS a topic of discussion. I like to talk about singleness being a blessing and about all the things I can do and the places I can go because I'm not attached, but underneath it all (behind my false sense of strong independence) is someone who wants nothing more than to love and marry.
It's real easy to dwell on the fact that I don't have someone to share all that with right now. You know... all my closest friends are married and settled and so it's somehow difficult to be the only one who's not. But just last night as I was spending time in prayer I really felt like God was asking me when I'll let Him be enough for me. Because it's pretty often that I think I'm not good enough for someone... like it didn't work out with so and so, so I must not have been enough. Then it didn't work out with that guy, must be that I wasn't enough in that situation either. Enough, good enough, whatever it may be... the God of the universe asked me when HE will be enough for me. Wow, doesn't that put things in perspective? Why do I even worry about being enough or good enough. God wants to be enough for me? What?!?!? Mind-blowing! He's MORE than enough. Why do I place my hope in others then? Oh man... epic fail on my part. Aren't we all guilty of it though? Not that that's a justification for myself, just a reminder of my human nature.
Again, this is nothing new at all. I was reminded of something very similar back in March. I love the way God pursues me... constantly. I love hearing His righteously jealous voice calling to me, drawing me into Him. He is jealous for me. Who else is jealous for me? No one that I know of. He is enough.

Enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me