A Familiar Tune

What? 2 in one week?? That's right, get excited! This one should be fairly short though... I just had a thought as I was driving home last night. I've been listening to the newest Selah cd a lot... they're a fantastic Christian group with absolutely beautiful harmonies behind their strong melodies. Anyways the title of my last post "Standing on the Promises of God" is an old hymn and Selah's version is just awesome. Well just the statement "standing on the promises of God" has been a great reminder to me lately as I find myself frustrated with different things in my day to day. But the other night I went to the finale concert at Neuqua Valley High School (my Alma Mater) with one of my youth kids to see some of the other youth kids who were performing. I love going back and hearing how amazing the choirs sound... the directors do a fabulous job. The entire music department at NVHS is recognized as a top school in the nation. Check out their website www.neuquamusic.org and see all of their accomplishments, including Grammy awards.

Each year at the finale concert the graduating seniors are recognized and asked to step forward. Their names are read, the senior achievement award is given to one outstanding senior, and then the rest of the choir and any alumni in the audience are asked to stand and sing the Alma Mater to the seniors. It's a special time for the seniors and their families. I went to the concert knowing that I would stand and sing the Alma Mater, but stressed because I couldn't remember all the words or what the melody even sounded like. So as I stood up I was a little panicked, but as soon as we started singing everything just flowed. The words came back, the melody was strong against the harmony I was singing. Of course I wasn't sitting near anyone else who would have stood up (the student I was with didn't know the song) so I was kind of on my own in my section. The sound resonating around the auditorium was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed singing the alto part that was still so familiar (even though I thought it wasn't) to me while listening to the other parts blend together as smoothly as silk.

It was all very anticlimactic... something that I was actually nervous about turned out to be so easy. So as I drove home I began to think about how familiar the evening was. Sitting in the audience is of course different than performing, but it was so easy to know exactly what the students were thinking and feeling. I could pick out certain students and compare them with ones in my graduating class... almost 10 years ago, btw! I remembered so easily what it's like to prepare for the concert, to have to hurry and hang your robes up perfectly in order with the stole in place, on the correct hanger. Then you rush out to hang with your friends and family. Something that I haven't done in that place in almost 10 years came flooding back as though it happened yesterday. Now, if you had asked me what I remembered about the whole process prior to me attending the concert I would have struggled a bit... maybe given some vague thoughts about it, but I wouldn't have thought I could recall as much of the feeling and experience of the evening.

I feel like I do that same thing with God. No matter where I'm at in life or what is currently occupying my time, God is always so familiar and it sometimes catches me off guard. The things that I can recall, or that He recalls for me are so familiar. When I need to relate to someone on something that I haven't experienced in years, I can. To me, that's one of the most amazing parts of an ongoing personal relationship with Jesus. I spent countless hours in the music wing at Neuqua, but even still some of those memories fade because I'm not still there and involved. Because I choose to "stand on the promises of God", those things never change. God is constant so being familiar with Him gets easier the more time you put into a relationship with Him. I guess it's was just a good reminder.

Standing on the Promises of God

It's only been 2 weeks... not bad, right? To be honest the past few weeks have flown by. My wisdom teeth removal was not the worst experience ever, however the recovery has not been fun. My face wasn't bruised or horribly swollen which is a blessing though. So I was able to go down to Indy to get my guitar. I was also able to finally get my new tattoo which is pretty exciting! It's on my wrist and it says "Remain in Me" from John 15. I've been thinking about it for a long time... which is more than I can say for most of my other tattoos. I do have to say that this one hurt a LOT more than any of the other ones, probably enough to keep me from ever getting another one!

2 years ago I was in Panama City Beach, Florida on vacation. I decided to take my bible head down to the beach one evening during the sunset. I had decided prior to getting down to the beach that I would just pick a few Psalms to read so that I wasn't committed to a long time and could get back up to the room and hang out. Well after reading a few familiar Psalms I felt the Spirit prompting me to dig a little deeper. So I flipped to the New Testament, ready to hear something from Jesus. I ended up in John, which happens to be my favorite gospel to read. I thumbed through the pages and ended up stopping at chapter 15. Now, some of you may remember a little book by Bruce Wilkinson called "Secrets of the Vine." It was a very small, simple book written not too long ago that became a phenomenon for many people. It's based on John 15 and gaining a life of abundance through prayer. There is even a prayer given that you can pray to gain abundance. This book became so huge and main stream in my area during high school that people began to believe it as magic words to gain money and success. "Just pray these words and you'll be given everything you've ever wanted" was the theme that came out of it. I've read the book and I understand the author's purpose and people misconstrued his words, however I have been VERY turned off from John 15 because of how over done it was in my high school years. All of that to say that as I stopped on this very familiar passage of scripture I thought, "I haven't read this in a while, I guess it won't hurt to speed read over it."

First of all, how conceited of me to think I know everything about a passage and that God wouldn't have a new word for me! I think back on my attitude towards John 15 and I'm embarrassed because I know that there are other books that I've avoided because I've been convinced that I had them figured out, that I couldn't learn anything new from reading them. I've missed out on so much and I've limited God by ignoring parts of His word because of my own self-righteousness. That's a hard thing to admit, fo sho!

So anyways, before I began to read on that breezy April evening in Florida I prayed and asked God to speak loud and clear through His word. I was at a place of complacency in life and wanting answers as to what God wanted from me... where I was to go next, or how I was to be moving in my ministry. Well He answered loud and clear as I read and studied John chapter 15 that evening! It was then, on that beach that I received my call into missions. Through a time of intense studying and prayer, the Lord revealed that He is giving me the unique opportunity to go and serve where ever I'm needed... and at the time it was Uganda. He gave me the strong promise that if I remained in Him, abided in Him, He would remain in me. He called me to love others deeply, in a way that I'm not capable of without Him. He called me to go and build strong relationships, to use the communication skills that He's given me to further His Kingdom. I am getting ready to head back to Uganda for another year, (and while I don't think that I'm called to Africa for the rest of my life, rather whatever mission field can use me, maybe America... who knows?) and the most important thing for me to remember as I prepare to leave the people and places that I love is to remain in Him. To stand firmly on the promises of God. So, that's what this tattoo is about. I like it.

The rest of the weekend was just hangout time. Church Sunday, then lunch with an awesome family, a nap, and back to the church for a grad party/Eagle Scout ceremony. One of the senior boys at New Hope had asked me to come and I wasn't planning on being in town, but as you might recall I'm the smartest person ever and had to go back for my forgotten guitar, so it turned out to be a blessing. I left pretty early so that I could get home and have a minute to chill before heading back to work. Throughout the weekend my teeth didn't feel too bad. I ate soft food, didn't drink through a straw, and therefore didn't have to worry about taking any strong pain meds. The doc did put me on steroids, which I guess is normal to help with swelling. That was NOT fun for me. They caused me some major anxiety... so much so that on that first Saturday night, while I was in Indy I didn't sleep one minute. It was NOT fun. I was shaky and nervous. It was definitely my least favorite part of the wisdom teeth removal. Well at least until my stitches got pulled out on tuesday because I decided I was ok to eat a piece of beef jerky, which in effect pulled out the stitches, leaving a nerve nice and exposed. Gross, right? Yeah, well not just gross... incredibly painful! I don't normally take the pain meds that I'm prescribed after a surgery, but you better believe that last week I took vicodin on more than one occasion. Since I don't take that stuff often, it makes me loopy. I imagine that that's what it feels like to be drunk. I don't like it at all. A visit to the dentist confirmed the exposed nerve and since then I've been doing my best to keep my mouth clean so that it will heal because I'm pretty tired of having this nerve pain! My bad!

Over this past weekend we had a mission trip training day with the youth which was a blast. We laughed a whole lot while getting our work done. It was a great preview of what the mission trip will be like this summer. I had a couple of the senior girls over for a sleepover the night before because the training was way out by my house anyway and of course we had a blast! Love those girls!! I love the opportunities to minister to an awesome group of kids. As leaders, we're definitely blessed at Wheatland Salem. :) I can't wait to hang out with everyone again this wednesday night for youth group! This coming weekend we're having Alexandria's 3rd birthday party which will be a blast. She's too darn cute. I'm also leading worship for the confirmation service on Sunday. Then the next weekend all my bff's will be in town for Carley's baby shower!! I seriously cannot wait to spend time with them!! I haven't seen Stacy and Owen since July and Michelle since Christmas. The weekend after that I"ll be in Indianapolis for all of the fun graduation parties of the youth down there. Once again, time is flying. Before I know it I'll be in Haiti with WSC, then New York with NHPC, then Birmingham with WSC, then it'll be August and time to start packing for Uganda.

Please be praying as all of this exciting stuff is coming up. Pray for times of rest in the midst of the insanity. Pray also for Uganda, World Gospel Mission, Heritage International School, the families and missionaries there now. Pray for ministries here, for health, for family and friends. Let me know how I can be praying for you. Be blessed this week. Much love homies!

Boom, roasted!

I think I see a pattern forming here. I keep meaning to post, but in this case I don't think it's the thought that counts. I've often thought about updating and sharing what the Lord is doing, but honestly that does you no good, now does it? As per usual time has flown by. I've been really blessed to have lots of quality time with the youth from WSC. Relationships are growing in both quality and quantity and I'm SO thankful for that. God has really opened up a big door with youth stuff at that church and I'm loving every minute of it. I honestly can't imagine doing anything else right now. There are a few pics up on facebook and I'm hoping to add some more this week of the fun we've been having together. Easter flew by and I've of course stayed crazy busy with work and ministry.

I just got home today from vacation. I left on the 16th and spent the weekend in Indy. From there we got down to Panama City Beach, Florida on Monday afternoon. I went with Trent and our friend Drew. Trent and I have been to Panama City Beach before so it was nice to kinda be familiar with the area. We spent the week hanging out at the beach, in the hot tub, gator hunting, snorkeling, seeing movies, and just relaxing. It was definitely just what I needed. We had an amazing hotel suite too, which made it all the better because we each had our own space. My parents generously gave us use of a free voucher they got from their timeshare, so we stayed for free in a suite that costs something like $4,500 per week. Crazy!! Praise the Lord for an almost free vacation. My mom even gave us $250 worth of gift cards to various restaurants so quite a few of our meals were free. Such a blessing, let me tell you!


Beyond all of the activities though, were some really sweet times with Jesus. I decided to wake up early (and by early I mean like 10 am) everyday to spend time with Jesus. I don't normally wake up before I have to for anything, and when I'm at home I stay up later to pray and hang out in the Word, but for some reason getting up in a quite hotel, sitting on a balcony in the warmth of the morning sun, overlooking the bay was the perfect time to meet with God. I felt drawn into His presence. I love it when the Lord prompts you to study something specific because He has a word directly for you. My word came from Romans. I've been praying over some stuff for years now and each time I begin to give up, or throw in the towel, God comes and reminds me to be patient.

Well, can I just say that I am honestly getting tired of being patient? Have you ever had a situation that you just wanted to see have closure? Or maybe something that you wanted to see happen or change, and God just keeps telling you to relax. Well, I finally told God (as if He didn't already know) that I am done. I can't sit and be patient anymore. It goes against logic to sit and wait and some times it even hurts your heart. So I sat down one morning and wrote out my exact thoughts to the Lord. These are thoughts and prayers that I have uttered countless times over the past however many years or months. And do you want to know exactly what God said to me? "But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently." Boom, roasted. It actually makes me giggle a little... I reminded Jesus of my situation, of why I don't want to wait and be patient, why I need His provision and strength, and yet again I was told to wait. Really? I guess when you are looking for a real direct answer you'll get one. But somehow, even though it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, or even the answer I was praying against, it was a direct answer. He hasn't forgotten. He knows the pain, the heartbreak, the joy, the laughter. He knows. And He has sent a Helper to intercede on our behalf.

The next passage of scripture that I got to said this, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." Romans 8:26 With so many situations, I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to pray for. Especially situations that have been ongoing prayer requests. I grow weary of praying the same thing over and over... even knowing that it doesn't fall upon deaf ears. The situations that God is telling me to be patient with, are the kind of situations that I don't even know how to pray for anymore. There's not a new way of bringing them before God. But the Holy Spirit is willing to plead on my behalf... what?! He prays for us. He prays in groanings that can't be expressed with words. That's so powerful. You know you've had things that you've simply cried over because you don't even know what to say anymore. Some of my prayer requests seem to be getting that way. And for someone who doesn't cry often at all, it's stressful. There are times when words can't express what you're feeling and an outpouring of emotion is the only way to express yourself. Can you imagine how much more deeply the Holy Spirit feels emotion and pleads for us? I've read over this scripture many times before, but it's never stuck out to me that the Holy Spirit pleads for us (verse 27 says, "And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.") Are you letting the Spirit plead on your behalf? Are you worn out beyond belief and have no way of expressing yourself? How freeing to trust the Spirit enough to bring it to God.
Anyways, all of that to say that I loved hearing loud and clear from the Lord... made for a good vacation. Jesus is so thought provoking for me. We got back from Florida at like 2 am on Sunday. Got up a few hours later to go to church, napped all afternoon, then hung out and had youth group last night. Youth group at NHPC is always a blessing for me and I just love all those kids so much. I'll probably get to see them again much sooner than I had planned because I completely forgot my guitar at Trent's and since I use it weekly, I have to go back down and get it this weekend. My week is already booked... I'm leading a women's group bible study tomorrow night, wednesday I have a meeting and youth group, Thursday I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled, and then depending on how I'm feeling I'll head down to Indy on Friday. The weekend seems to be booked already too, but would I have it any other way? Nope. I live to be busy I guess. :)

May is rapidly approaching and promises to fly by because it's so booked up. I can't believe how quickly my departure for Uganda is approaching. I have about $4,000 left to raise, which is a little less than a quarter! It's definitely all God too, because I've not done much in the way of speaking at churches or anything. Praise be to God. My goal is to be done with fundraising by August 1st so I can enjoy my last month or so visiting with family and friends before I leave. Please continue to join me in praying for Uganda, for preparations, for money, for WGM, for ministries there, and for new opportunities. Pray for my heart.

Hopefully it won't be another month before I sit down to update, but you never know. Email me your prayer requests. :) Blessings and much love!

Busyness

Forgive me... I've been lost in the busyness of life. It's been my intention to update for weeks, but alas I've simply not taken the time to sit down and do it. It seems like I've not actually rested long enough to put my thoughts together, so we'll see how this goes. Leading worship for the Alpha retreat at church went well a few weeks ago. I was very blessed by my time at the retreat. It was Spirit-filled, and a great time of learning. My weeks have been full of work and ministry. It seems like I've been driving to Naperville nearly every single day to either hang out with kids or do something else with the church. From missions meetings to leadership meetings, my schedule is never ceasing. Of course all the driving means that my bank account is pretty depleted these days so I'm focusing on staying put a lot more.

I haven't been able to make it down to Indy since February and it's definitely a bummer for me. I miss hanging out with those kids and I miss my friend. It doesn't look like I'll make it down anytime soon and it'll be like a full 2 month span that I wasn't able to make it down before we leave for vacation. April 16th I say goodbye to Illinois for a while and I get to go to Indy for the weekend and then from there we leave for Florida for a week. I'm SO looking forward to that... a time away with friends, relaxing sounds amazing right about now. Who wouldn't want to sit on a beach and play guitar right??

Anyways, last night was the first Wheatland Cafe that raised funds for Uganda. (more photos on facebook) The focus of the evening was worship and it turned out to be a really chill time with some awesome people. The current youth worship team that I direct did a fabulous job!! I'm SO proud of them. Ben Thomas played too it was a major blessing and honor to have him involved. He and his wife, Joy are very supportive of me and I just love them so much. I mentioned before that I was going to have the youth worship team reunite from when I played on it and we did. It was so cool to be leading with all those guys again. I do have to admit that because of our schedules and locations, we weren't able to practice at all before going on. Of course playing guitar next to John Dudich makes me nervous because my skill level so slight next to him, but I feel like it didn't matter in the end. Everything went as well as it could, not having practiced. The only thing that I didn't like was that I sang... the thing is, my mic was really loud and it was hard to hear John, Carley, and Laura. On that team of people, my mic should have been turned down the most. I rarely sang on the team in high school, I mainly played rhythm guitar because that's what was needed. I'm just not a confident singer, so it's stressful for me to be loudest. Regardless though, in the grand scheme of things it's doesn't matter and we had fun. I'm really looking forward to the show in May because some guys that Trent knows are in a band and they're coming up from Indy to play. It'll be fun to be able to just relax and not worry about what my responsibilities are.

Fundraising seems to be going fairly well right now. I'm more than halfway funded and can't even believe how awesome people are. The Lord is prompting people to give and they are being faithful in responding to Him. I'm being covered with prayer and it's definitely being felt. What a difference it makes when people are praying! Truly. Having all of this time to think about heading back to Uganda is really great. It was so fast last time, the decision to go was made and I left. I've been preparing for this trip since returning last June. Even in the busyness of life as of late, I've been able to process through some of the thoughts running through my mind... the excitement of getting back, the fear of the unknown, the heart-breaking sadness of leaving those I love, and so many more. Above all of those things though, something greater is looming. The fact is that I'm going because God has called me to go. There is a need amongst the people I get to interact with. It's a need that the Lord continues to equip me to help meet. Jesus. All of the fears, the excitement, and unknown, all of those things are completely covered by Jesus and the task at hand.
During the sermon 2 weeks ago, Pastor Scott said something that has stuck in my mind. "Jesus is relentless in His ministry." I love the present tense that Scott used. Jesus IS. First of all... SO true! Second, what an awesome example of how to approach the ministry I'm in now and the ministry that awaits in East Africa. Relentless, never ceasing, always moving forward. In the end, I would love to hear Jesus say, "Christina was relentless in her ministry." Even when I get tired and grow weary, my prayer is that I would still be relentless. No excuses. Through His relentless ministry, the way Jesus related with people and loved on people sticks out to me. During the Last Supper Jesus and the Disciples are hanging out and during the meal Jesus tells them of the betrayal that is about to take place. According to the Message translation, "the one Jesus loved dearly" aka John was leaning on Jesus. I imagine John had his head resting on Jesus' shoulder with affection. It seems like such a small act, but the level of comfort among Jesus and the disciples was great. For one man to recline on another man is not something common in our culture. There's great love there. When my niece, Alexandria who's almost 3 comes and sits down and says she wants to "cuddle me" there's no greater feeling. She knows that she loves me and wants to be near me. John loves Jesus and wants to be near Him. Jesus loved John dearly, just as He loved the others dearly. Jesus wants us, especially in our relentless ministry, to climb into His lap, just because we want to be near Him. Because we love Him. I would say that relentless ministry can only happen when we truly climb onto His lap and lean on Him. Amen?

So anyways... things I'm looking forward to: the youth being on spring break and fun hang out times, regular Sunday school curriculum, RENT with Ashley, Holy week and Easter, Selah concert with Trent, time in Indy at New Hope Pres, Florida beach vacation, a new tattoo, Carley's baby shower with my bffs, Haiti mission trip with WSC, WGM 100 years Celebration, New York mission trip with New Hope PC, and Birmingham mission trip with WSC! So much is happening in the next 5 months before I leave!!

Please continue praying for support to come in and for partnerships. Pray for Uganda, Heritage International School, and World Gospel Mission. Pray for health safety. Thanks you guys. Please let me know how I can be praying for you. Much love!

Jesus WANTS to

When you've read something over and over again and hear sermons pertaining to Jesus it's easy to think you've got it all figured out. At least for me. For a while now I've had this tendency to skip over the Gospels because I've had this egotistical assumption that I knew all the stories. How silly to think that I had it all figured out. For the past two weeks I've really been enjoying hearing from the Lord while reading through the Gospels. I've been thinking a lot about the character of God, of Jesus and how He relates to His people.
From my time working at the Christian bookstore I acquired a copy of the Message, just the New Testament on CD. As you all know I spend more time in my car than anywhere else, so it's been a major blessing to have it. When I sit down to read I usually read out of the NIV or the NLT, but hearing the Message translation is pretty refreshing.
Anyways, so I took to really listening to each story and observing Jesus' actions and reactions. I've been looking at the way He interacts with people and their responses to Him. One story that I'm sure we've all heard before, or at least have some recollection of reading over is Jesus healing the leper. There's an account in each of the first 3 gospels: Matthew chapter 8, Mark chapter 1, and Luke chapter 5. So as I'm listening to the New Testament, Message translation in my car each time this story told one main thing sticks out for me. The leper kneels before Jesus and tell Him that if He WANTS to, Jesus can heal his body. How does Jesus respond? "I want to. Be clean."
Jesus WANTS the man to be well. He doesn't just heal him because that's what the Son of God is supposed to do. He does it because he WANTS to. I looked at the NIV just to get another idea of Jesus' willingness. In the NIV the word used is willing. "If you are willing, you can make me clean." "I am willing. Be clean!"
Now it doesn't strike me as strange that Jesus does something for someone because He's done more for me than I deserve. He DOES lots. During His whole ministry He was doing. What strikes me is the way the man approaches Him. He is humble... viewed as a lowly person in society, if he's even really a part of society. He knows though, that Jesus needs to merely speak the words and it will be. "If you want to, you can make me clean." I also feel like he was a bold man. For someone who doesn't have a high standing the in the world, he sure does walk right up to Jesus talk to Him. Of course those of "high standings" looked down upon the fact that Jesus kept the company of mere peasants, but that didn't bother this man. He knew that Jesus was the one place he could find refuge. Jesus wanted to make the man clean. He wanted him to be well.
Jesus wants to make us all clean. Another word for want is desire. His desire is for us to be clean and well. He is willing to make us clean. He is willing... it's His will for that to be so. How powerful are those words? I think it's a very big deal to remember what Jesus WANTS. To know what He wants we need to be in His Word, getting to know Him better. I guess that seems elementary, but how easy is it to throw a fit when you don't understand what God is doing? To understand more about the Jesus wants things for you, read your bible.
What does Jesus want for you? What does He want to DO for you? What is He willing to do? Pray for discernment, be in the word, be in constant communication with Him. Recently I've been feeling like God has been really telling me to pray for certain people in my life. At my job my hands stay busy, but my head is given freedom to roam so during those times I often find myself thinking about people and my relationships with them. More often than not I get consumed by my own thoughts. The imagination is a funny thing. So the Lord has asked me to pray for those people that run through my mind each day. instead of just thinking, praying. So now when people cross my mind, who have a tendency to take up much of my thought life, I pray for them. The Father loves hearing the prayers of His people and the prayers for His people. He loves when you talk to Him. He's captivated by you.
Onto update-land. The purity night at church went much better than I could have dreamed. The girls heard what we had to say and the Spirit was moving in that place. My youth worship team was blessed beyond belief by John's talk with them. Worship team has been a bit stressful for me as of late. Would you be praying for the kids and for my leadership? Other than that, I was privileged to go down in southern Illinois to visit with the Hopsons last weekend. They were in Uganda with me last year and they're getting ready to head back in a couple of weeks, and I wanted to spend time with them before they left the States. They'll be in Uganda for the next 3.5 years! It was a major blessing and totally refreshing to spend time with them. They're really like my own family so it was very relaxing and chill. We played laser tag, jammed on the guitar, and D made me my favorite food. I love them so much!
I'm SO glad it's March because it means Spring is on the way. More daylight is sounding really good right now! I'm beyond excited for Spring Break in Florida and hanging out with fun people! Fundraising is moving along fairly well. It's not easy for me to be relaxed about it, but God is ever so patient with my impatience, thankfully. I have been hanging out with some amazing women from Wheatland Salem who are very encouraging. I'm blessed to be in ministry with them and love the way that they challenge me in my daily walk. I have the opportunity to lead worship for the Alpha retreat at church coming up here soon. I'm also REALLY excited because the next two Wheatland Cafes (local band shows at church, outreach for the youth) are raising support for Uganda (which is a total blessing!!) and the first one is a worship night. SO, wanting to be involved I've asked everyone who was on the youth worship team with me in high school to come back and play a set! It's gonna be the first time in almost 10 years that we've all played/sang together! It's so exciting!! I love them all. :)
How can I be praying for you this week? Email me concerns and praises! Much love!

A Kiss

I'm not often comfortable enough to make myself vulnerable, but I've been mulling something over for the past few weeks and I've decided to write it down. Tomorrow night I'm privileged to be a part of a "Purity Promise" evening for the girls and moms of my youth group. I'm slated as the "single woman" who gets to talk and share about my life in that way. I feel like it's a very personal thing to talk about and it's made me think a lot about my values, what my standards look like, and the condition of my heart.
Beyond that though, something a bit more simple... I've been thinking about kissing. I have to sit in front of a group of people and basically tell my story. I love speaking to groups big or small so this isn't an issue, but as I think more and more about how to relate to these girls, I'm getting a bit nervous because a kiss is just a kiss today right?
What is a kiss? A dictionary defines a kiss like this: to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. Kind of silly, but I really like the part about what a kiss is an expression of. We don't often recall that a kiss is an expression of reverence because if I'm being completely honest... not many people have an understanding of what it means to be reverent anymore. I think immediately of the immoral woman who anointed Jesus' feet with rare perfume. She entered a Pharisee's home, washed Jesus' feet with her tears, wiped them dry with her hair, and anointed them with rare perfume. She then remained and kissed his feet. Kissed his FEET? Wow, there's a case of real reverence and how a kiss expressed that.
Then I started to think of how kisses can be hurtful. Does this remind you of Judas? One kiss and Jesus is betrayed. Judas and the guards who were told to arrest Jesus came up with a prearranged signal. Judas agreed to kiss the "one whom they were to take under their guard". So upon arrival in Gethsemane, Judas walked straight up to Jesus, exclaimed, "Rabbi!", and gave him a kiss. Jesus was immediately arrested. So much for a joyful kiss.
For a teenager, a kiss is just a kiss. When it comes to family maybe it's something you're forced to do... give your mommy a kiss before you leave or something. Maybe it's getting a big wet one from a great aunt that you see once a year. Or maybe a parent makes you kiss your brother or sister after a fight. Maybe it's a way that you really do show love to your family. It might be something that you only share with someone really special. Or maybe it's something that you share freely without much thought. Therein lies the problem in my mind. When a kiss is just something you do because it's what you're supposed to do, that's a problem.
A kiss should be something special, I mean really special. What's so great about something that you share with everyone? NOTHING. It's not personal anymore. It's not something rare and precious. A kiss should not be something common like a hand shake or even a hug. It should be something that is treasured. Something that someone has to work to earn. When something is common, there's not much emotion behind it. I can assure you that a kiss is an emotional thing for a girl. Women connect emotion with physical touch when it's intimate. Essentially, a kiss has the power to break a heart into a thousand pieces, but it also has the power to connect people in a very real and strong way. It makes me very sad when people are so free with their kisses (and I don't mean a little kiss goodnight to my niece, I mean a real kiss, kiss).
This may sound super old fashioned, but I think a kiss can be somehow compared to sex. Maybe not quite that extreme because honestly I don't know many people who have only kissed their spouse, but how sweet would that be to have such a special gift for your husband? The more you give yourself away physically, the more emotions are given away. How can a heart ever heal and be whole for the one you're going to spend your life with if you're so free with yourself. Should I be embarrassed because it's been a LONG time since I've really kissed someone? Sometimes it feels that way, but honestly when I sit and think about it, I'm so grateful. I'm really excited to give my husband this gift. Not only will I be a virgin (which is kind of hard to come by these days), but I'll be able to give him all of me because I've not given it away.
I don't like that my way of thinking is old fashioned, but when I watch movies and tv shows I see how difficult it must be for young women to equate a kiss with real love when the characters in movies and shows are shown making out with several different people in one evening. That is now a pretty accepted idea of real love and what's okay to do physically. When I think of all of the things that a kiss can lead to, my heart breaks for the girls who think that's ok, and that's the way life is. When did purity become old fashioned?
I guess this all comes back to a real understanding of what real, unconditional love is. It comes back to knowing a love so deep, so high, so long, and so wide. The love of a Savior, of a Father. When we know that kind of love, we start to learn how to love ourselves and respect ourselves enough to cherish something simple (or not simple) like a kiss.
Soapbox ---> me. I'm off it now.
On a totally unrelated note, last week the father of one of my youth girl's passed away. He lost his nine month battle with brain cancer and is now walking, pain free on the streets of gold. While the family had been preparing for the loss, it did not make it any easier. I drove down to Indianapolis last thursday night to go to the viewing friday and the funeral saturday. I had never actually met him but spent time with his daughter and wife on a retreat and I really felt like the one thing I could do for them was be a presence. I feel like they blessed me more than I actually blessed them though. It was a sweet time of laughter, and a hard time of watching the mourning process take place. I was also very blessed to spend so much time with the youth in Indiana. I get to see them whenever I'm around on a weekend that there's an all group gathering, but it never seems like enough time. I was talked into staying Saturday night and got to meet a few of the kids I didn't really know well, like a few senior girls. After knowing I would miss church at Wheatland Salem, I decided to stay for youth group and had a total blast with the kids. The ministry at New Hope is moving forward and I count myself lucky to be a part of it.
This week I had the privilege of hanging out with my kids in Naperville that are on the youth worship team outside of the church. We went to Feed My Starving Children as a team and packed food, laughed, sang, and even danced a little. What a cool experience for all of us! I believe that those kids are being used in a big way at the church and I'm praying for their ministry every single day. This weekend my good friend, John is gonna come and hang with me and the worship after church and I'm excited to see what the Lord wants the team to learn through him. Would you be praying for the youth worship team? Pray for an insatiable hunger for Jesus and His Word. Pray for deeper commitment and understanding of Jesus. Pray for our daily walk with the Lord.
Much love to you all. Please let me know how I can be praying for you.

Thank You Jesus for Friends

Reader beware: this is randomness.
Indianapolis turned out to be pretty fun this weekend. The snow storm prevented some parts of the plan, but created other fun times so it all worked out. I am always so blessed by the time I get to spend with the youth down there. I just wish I had a privet jet so I could be a part of both churches every Sunday. That would be fantastic! Any donors?? :) I also was able to spend time with some dear friends up here in Chicagoland at a Super Bowl party. I love seeing so many people I adore in one place.
Anyways, my schedule seems to be ceaseless these days... but I think I like it. This weekend I'll be in Indy again. Next weekend I have a friend coming into town, a purity night for the youth girls, and on Sunday I'm having my friend John meet with the youth worship team. Then with the end of Feb and beginning of March I should be around, but by the middle of March I've committed to some stuff and I'll be out of town again. Then April rolls around and (praise the Lord) I'll be heading to Florida for a week of warmth and fun!! May is a light month so far, only one weekend is taken by a camping trip so far. June I'll be going to Haiti on a mission trip with WSC. Then my bff is preggers and we're planning her baby shower for the weekend after Haiti. In July I'll hopefully get to go on two mission trips, one to New York with NHP and the other to Birmingham with WSC. Then by August I'll be preparing to leave for Uganda, Lord willing.
So it seems like my time is cut out for me, but somehow I'm really glad. I love having stuff to look forward to. Jesus has been teaching me to really run for the prize. I feel like all the stuff that I'm doing is along the course and on track to win the prize, if you will. It's exciting.
Fundraising is where my mind is these days. It's pretty time consuming and it's been a bit of a stress for me. I've known since returning to America in June that I would go back to Uganda. And it's always been clear that I'll go back whenever the funding comes in. The Lord is my Great Provider and I trust Him completely with this. I need to remind myself everyday that this CANNOT be something I try to do on my own strength because it will never work. I'm in such a learning stage right now and though it's not always easy to be patient (especially when it comes to money), I'm trying my best to do so.
Moving on... I had to opportunity to talk to one of my favorite people ever (Peter) on Sunday and I'm still so happy about it. Have you ever had a friend, maybe a best friend that you've kinda lost contact with? Who hasn't really? It's a bummer. Reconnecting is so much fun though! Obviously I love people, but just catching up and being reminded of why someone is such a good friend is refreshing. I was able to talk about some stuff with him that he doesn't know about simply because we've lost touch a bit, but stuff that I've talked with other people about for a long time, and get a fresh perspective on the situations. It was just so fantastic to talk with someone that I really love and trust about things that everyone else I'm close with has had to hear about for years. :) Thank you Jesus for friends.