Living above the clouds

God is so good.  Amen, right?  Through the stress of job hunting and interviews God has been working in amazing ways.  I was given the opportunity to fly down to Florida to spend two weeks with my best friend and her family.  I'm humbled by the Lord's provision and the Benner's open door, welcoming me for such a long time.  I loved being able to reconnect with my beloved sister and get to know her kids, one of which was born while I was in Uganda this past year.  Her husband and I have the same personality and sense of humor which also makes for a good time.  All in all, I'm blessed.

Living in Florida has it's perks... namely, the beach.  We were able to go 3 times to 3 different beaches.  We were also able to go to Disney's Animal Kingdom (for free, PTL) which was a blessing because I've never gone to that park and also because the Africa section made my heart leap for joy.  It may sound a bit silly, but just walking down the road and through the "village" (modeled after Mombasa, Kenya) and seeing everything written in Swahili brought tears to my eyes.  I loved being able to read and understand so much of the language... I also loved how authentic Disney tried to make it.  The safari we went on was of course a bit cheesy and the animals don't just roam free, but it felt so good to be in (fake) Africa.  I wandered in and out of the shops and saw some of the same type of items I bought buy in the markets in Kampala, although obviously I got a better price over there.  It was odd to get so emotional considering I was at a Disney theme park, but with half of my heart still residing across the world I guess it's understandable.

Even though I long to be in Africa, I'm learning to be content with where I'm at right now.  I've mentioned many times the fact that I'm sick of not having a job, car, or money.  It's more complaining than mentioning, to be honest with you.  I've realized that through my complaining I'm not honoring the ways that the Lord is indeed providing.  I have not gone a day without food, clothing, or shelter thanks to my friends and family... all of whom I've seen Christ in whether they recognize Him or not.  People have made and continue to make selfless sacrifices in providing for me.  While it may be embarrassing for me at times, it's how the Church is supposed to work.  We're supposed to be holding each other up and encouraging one another.  Praise God for family and friends who have done that.

The other day when I was flying home from Florida I had my iPod on and I was listening to some beautiful worship music and trying to process everything God had taught me during my time there.  We took off into dark, cloudy skies and the first 10 minutes of the flight were pretty shaky.  However, when we broke through the clouds and the sun pierced the plane, all was quiet and calm.  A thick blanket of clouds covered the ground below, but the sky above was bright and warm.  It was beautiful. Now, I've flown on plenty airplanes to plenty different states and countries.  I've flown in great conditions and I've flown in terrible conditions, causing the flight to be rerouted before the wind entirely took control of the plane.  I've always loved flying above the clouds, but it wasn't until this past flight that I thought about the fact that every single day has the potential to be sunny.  There has never been a day in my life time when the sun has ceased shining.  Even when clouds make it impossible to see the sun and feel it's warmth, it's there doing it's job as always.

This isn't shocking, new information to anyone... at least I hope it's not.  But it got me thinking about my role in furthering the Kingdom.  Being a Christian and fulfilling the Great Commission doesn't include sulking because of what I don't have.  It's a lifestyle.  So if I'm truly working to further the Kingdom, than this no money, no car, no job thing doesn't matter.  I have everything I need to work for God because I have Christ.  My prayer for myself and for the Church is that we would ignore what we don't have or what we do have (and what we think we need) and just work.  Just keep moving forward and spreading the Gospel no matter where we're at or what we do.  If you've got a full time job, good for you.  Are you still working to further the Kingdom?  If your life is full of different programs and you're insanely busy, are you still taking the time to preach the Gospel?  Are you still walking with Christ in spite of what you do and don't have?  If you're not working for the Kingdom, what are you working for?

God's Kingdom will be furthered whether I'm involved or not... just like the sun will shine with or without the clouds.  I want to live above the clouds, I want to be doing Kingdom work.

God of THIS City

For the past few weeks I've heard the song, "God of This City" each time I've left church on Sunday morning.  There was a time within the last 4 years as this song reached it's popularity that I didn't care for it.  Not because it doesn't have good lyrics, but because for one thing I didn't fully grasp the power of the lyrics and for another thing it was way overplayed.  Radio has a tendency to do that to most songs for me.

However, it's had me thinking for weeks now.  To claim an entire city in the name of God is quite ambitious, don't you think?  We claim our kids as we baptize them.  We claim our marriages, our lives, our homes, and our church buildings in the name of God.  But do we have the guts to claim a whole city in His name?  Claiming all of these things is nothing to take lightly.  Satan is threatened when we do this.

Today there was a baptism at church.  A baby boy was baptized and the Church claimed that it would nurture him and bring him up in the ways of the Lord for the next 18+ years of his life.  As a visitor of this church I sat and wondered if the congregation realized the commitment it was making.  And how many times have I spoken the words on the screen at my own church, agreeing to participate in seeing that a child is brought up in Christ, and never paid attention to that kid again?

So what about a city?  How much dedication and hard work does it take?  A lot!  But it can be done.  I really believe that it's time to stand up as the Church and proclaim our cities for the Lord.  There is so much boldness to it!  If we look at the beginning of Paul's ministry in Acts we see over and over again how he boldly spoke for the Lord, how he boldly preached Kingdom truths in many places.  Who was Paul?  Look at where he came from, his education and his faith growing up.  He was working in direct opposition of the Kingdom for a while, but was turned around and knocked upside down by the Truth... as a result he went.  He fulfilled the Great Commission with boldness.  He saw cities come to know Jesus in powerful, very real ways.  How encouraging!  If Paul was able to do that, so can we.  There's no magic behind Paul's ministry.  He came to know the Lord and began to preach.  He didn't attend tons of seminars or years of seminary.  Kooky, right?

Although we don't know for certain who the author of the book of Hebrews is, it's widely believed that Paul penned the book.  Chapter 4, verse 16 says, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."  God doesn't call us to be bold without backup.

So all that said, I believe we have the power, with the Holy Spirit to radically change the cities we live in.  God is ruler of all and will be acknowledged as so by everyone someday.  It'd be nice if as His bride, we the Church would stake His claim over all the earth.  Mountains will move, lives will be changed, His Kingdom will reign on earth.  For me, it begins with prayer... being very intentional about praying for the cities of Plano and Oswego.  That's where 95% of my time is spent and I want to see those cities won for Jesus.  It's that way where ever we live.  When I lived in Kampala I prayed for Kampala.  To clarify, I've not stopped praying for that city, but I know there are people there focused on furthering the Kingdom, so for now my focus is more towards where I'm actually living and worshipping.  I can't speak enough about the power of prayer.  Miracles happen when people pray.  God is glorified when His people pray.  All glory to God.

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope in the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

Amen.

Easter Eggs

I love these girls!  Kayla, 7, Alexandria, 4

Humble Pie

I'm going to make this brief (I hope).  I met with an admissions counselor from Wheaton on Friday.  All went well and the program would be amazing.  Wheaton is somehow prestigious and viewed highly by most.  A masters from there would be fantastic.  I meet the requirements, I did well enough on the GRE, and I'm pretty sure I would have some great recommendations and essays.  The biggest problems for me right now are pride and money.

As I sat there on Friday and got super excited about the future and hearing how the clinical psychology program works, I started to feel proud.  However I realized on my drive home that attending Wheaton, being good enough to be one of the 20 students admitted per year, and hanging up a degree with that name on it was what I was focusing on.  Yes, the education I would receive from Wheaton would be superior in a lot of ways, but if my main concern is what other people think, that's a problem.  

The reality is that 10-20 years down the road when I'm practicing... whether here or abroad, I don't believe my success will have anything to do with the name of the institution on my degree.  I can learn the same material and fine tune the skills needed at any number of schools.  I was a bit ashamed of how proud I had become about attending such a highly acknowledged school.  

My undergrad cost me nearly $100k... which I am still paying for today.  It seems financially irresponsible to add another at least $40k on top of the debt I already have just because of pride.  So I'm going to grab a slice of humble pie and look into other options.  Not to mention that I still have about 4-6 prerequisites to take seeing as though my undergrad wasn't psych.  I'm hoping to get those pre-reqs done asap so I can start a masters program.  The latest I want to start the program is Fall 2013.  It'll be a 2-3 year commitment. 

Even that short time stresses me out because there are other things I'd rather be doing, but I do believe that the Lord has called me back to be a student for the time being.  I've looked into and found numerous ways to get back to Uganda asap to be in full time ministry there and a few of them are fairly easy.  It's no secret that being here in the States is a struggle for me and I'm anxious to get "home", but I will abide.  AND maybe once I'm established in a program I'll be able to do some online courses and spend a semester or summer back in Africa.  It's heartbreaking to think that the next time I'll be on African soil is when I've completed my masters, but we'll see.  

In the mean time, I'm still job hunting and will probably take a retail job until a ministry position opens up.  More humble pie.  God is good.  "Remain in Me." 

"Woe is Me"

Over the last few months I've had quite a few "woe is me" moments.  It's easy to feel bad when you've got no money, no car, and no job.  However for the past few weeks the Lord has given me some sweet reminders of His love through some past experiences.  He loves to take my hand and heal my heart and He continues to do so.  I've decided to list some of the ways that I've felt so loved over the years in one way or another.

• Parents who love enough to let go... even at the age of 16
• Friends who stepped up as family when I was without mine
• Strong church family ties
• True brothers and sisters in Christ who continue to love me in spite of myself
• A sweet kiss on a difficult day
• My brother's nonjudgemental heart
• An airplane ticket purchased by (at the time) new friends so I could fly across the country and visit for a weekend
• College roommate... best friend, sister
• My family's open door and support right now
• Nieces who melt my heart... even on their naughtiest days
• Texts, calls, and love from my African family
• Bitter torrents of tears falling from students eyes (and mine) as I say goodbye
• Youth kids sending packages of love 9,000 miles
• A good friend holding me after I wrecked my car at 18 years old
• A nutcracker in my mailbox
• Little notes around my room from my nieces that say "I love you" in sloppy 4/7 year old hand writing
• Support of parents through bad choices and financial mistakes
• A boyfriend taking my hand knowing my palms will be sweaty... thank you Dad for those genes
• Parents of youth encouraging and trusting
• 19 year olds who traveled 9,000 miles to see me and experience a bit of my life in UG
• Roommates who wake up at 5:30am to pray with you
• Mentors/friends that have stuck around for 15 years to love and encourage
• People who know my faults and sins, yet continue to love and help me grow
• A brother-in-law who doesn't let me sulk or leave me alone, even if he knows it'll end in tears
• An awesome traditional outfit given to me as a gift from my students and their family
• Henna
• Youth kids who run and jump just because I show up
• Friends of the family who opened their home
• Extended family gatherings when my family is far
• A gathering of 4 friends... in Christ during one of the most trying times of our friendships
• A mix tape gift
• Meals served by those with much less than me
• Life and culture lessons from Sudanese brothers
• A pizza from my favorite place thanks to my sister
• Baby E's response to me
• My mom sleeping at the hospital with me after my appendix ruptured
• My dad pushing us to do our best from gymnastics to soccer to choir
• My dad pushing through each day, calling to check up, putting me first despite his suffering
• My mom always giving everything she has... even giving what she doesn't have.  Selfless
• My big sister standing up to a bully for me
• My little brother, trusting implicitly 
• My "Africa mom" taking care of me after a little surgery
• People protecting me during tense times of rioting
• Being welcomed into a family and cared for well... especially when I tore a ligament in my knee and dislocated my thumb.  Volleyball is extreme with the Ackers.
• Studio_10

The list could go on and on.  Usually when I've exhausted myself from job hunting for the day, I spend some time with the Lord.  For some reason during my prayer times each of these situations or people have made their way in at some point, so I thought I'd write some of them.  Mostly this is a reminder for me to look at if a "woe is me" day pops up anytime soon. 

Guns are scary... to say the least

Yesterday I got in my mom's car and headed to church on about 3.5 hours of sleep.  I almost hit snooze and rolled back over, but I was excited to get to church.  I got myself some caffeine and prayed for no head-bobbing during the service.  I was incredibly refreshed by the songs, but more importantly because they were so familiar to me I was able to be focused only on singing praises to the King.  The sermon was very good and thought provoking.  After church I got to talk to a very special friend with a huge heart for missions and then I headed to the basement to help lead the youth Bible study.  We're in Acts right now and I happen to love talking about the early Church and it's growth and development.  The drive home was gorgeous and the weather was warmer than expected.

When I finally got home my sister and brother-in-law were going trap (clay pigeon) shooting and I made the last minute decision to tag along with them.  I shot a gun for the first time in my life.  I don't know what kinds of guns I shot, but I know it's a shot gun range.  I shot 2 rifles and a revolver (that they put small shot gun shells in).  First of all, yes my shoulder is pretty sore today.  The kick back wasn't horrible, but definitely enough to bruise me.  

As my bro-in-law showed me how to hold it, where the safety was, and how to hit my target my adrenaline began to pump in a huge way.  I had never held a loaded gun that didn't contain paintballs before.  My palms were sweaty and I was shaky.  Guns scare the heck out of me and at that point I was wondering why I had agreed to even go with them.  I decided I needed to fire it once before they threw a clay for me to aim at so I knew what the kick would feel like.  It scared me!  I put the safety on and handed back to my brother-in-law.  About 10 minutes later they convinced me to try and shoot a clay.  So I let him load the gun, took my stance, tried to steady myself, and took aim into the field.  I said "pull" (which signals for them to release the thrower and sends the pigeon soaring) and tried my best to follow my moving target and hit it before it hit the ground.  Somehow I managed to turn the thing to dust.  It was pure luck, no skill at all that I hit it.  Over the next few hours I probably only got a total of 7 at best out of maybe 20 or so.  I mean, for never having held a rifle before and shooting at a moving target it wasn't so bad.  After 2 hours or so we packed up, picked up the used shells and headed home.  I have to be honest, I was still shaky and a bit unsettled.  I still don't like guns and they still scare the poop out of me.

I left with thoughts of my friends.  Friends who joined a war to fight for their people.  I had ear protection and my ears were still ringing a bit.  My arms are sore today, not just from the kick back, but from the weight of the rifle.  I'm almost 30 and I should be physically stronger than a 13 year old boy.  How bad did their bodies ache?  How loud was the ringing resonating in their ears?  It was a crowed day at the range (apparently) and there was nearly constant gun fire.  There was never a time to feel relaxed, at least not for me.  How did they ever get through years of that, during a vicious time of war?  I was with my family in a safe place on a gorgeous sunny day a few miles from my comfortable home.  How did they make it on their own, without the support of their families holding their hand?

Last month I finally got around to reading "A Long Way Gone" by Ishmael Beah.  It's an amazing book of memoirs written by a child soldier from Sierra Leone.  I was introduced to the book by Shelah when I was still in Uganda so I bought it at a local bookstore in town and started to read it.  About the time I started to read it one of my child soldier friends was suffering with problems because of the war (in the past and the new situation in Sudan).  His problems were such that I couldn't keep reading without thinking about how closely Ishmael Beah's  life relates to the guys I know and love.  

About this time last year I was privileged to sit with each of the guys and record their life stories.  "A Long Way Gone" brought back all of those horrific stories that I had already heard before.  No, not every story is the same.  And yes, these boys often get lumped into one, even though every single experience was somehow different for each of them.  The guys told me as much as they remembered.  Some of them gave me very detailed accounts of what they had seen, heard, smelled, and felt, but others avoided the graphic details for fear that they would scare me.  They told me things that they said they had never shared with others and they told me things that they've mentioned a hundred times.  

But as I read Ishmael's story this time, front to back in just a few days, I realized that there are way too many of these stories out there.  They may all seem like the same story, but they are all so different!  "A Long Way Gone" is a book filled with hope.  That hope doesn't come until the end of the book, but it's powerful.  Yes, I had to suffer through the details to get to the hope... and I was just reading it.  Not living it.  

I don't know what the point of this is beyond that I think every person needs to read this book.  Raising awareness is huge and I want to tell what I know.  I've been entrusted with some intense stories of hope.  Some I can tell... others I can't.  I can say with absolute certainty that there are people who are on the ground, loving these guys every day.  Supporting them, showing them Jesus, and bringing them hope.  It's not just the child soldiers, it's the lives of hundreds and probably thousands of people being changed thanks to my friends at Refuge and Hope International.  

I want to strongly encourage you to read "A Long Way Gone."  You can borrow my copy after I get it back from my dad.  More importantly, I would love to tell you more about Refuge and Hope.  Click here to check out their website and see the ministries they're involved in.  Please pray about possibly getting involved in the ministries that God has given them.  You can be a prayer partner and/or you can make a donation here to help support the Sudanese guys (former child soldiers) in school and the refugees at the Center of Hope in Kampala, Uganda.

I honestly had not planned on writing about Refuge and Hope today, but the Lord has placed them on my heart and I know they would love for you to support them in anyway that you can.  Thank you in advance for supporting them and showing love to my family abroad.  

I'd Take a Bad Day

I tend to get overwhelmed when I have too many choices.  One day one thing will sound super appealing and then the next day something else will come up.  On top of that, I like to keep my options very open and I'm a bit of a people pleaser, despite my strong, independent side.  

That being said, I'm over this whole job hunting thing.  I've written way too many cover letters in the last few months.  I'm still in the interview process with an awesome church and I'm hoping it works out.  If it does, I'll be living at home and working and going to school full time.  At least that's the plan in my head.  

I've started applying out of state too.  Well, it's my intention to apply out of state.  There are a couple of promising jobs in Florida not to mention my best friend lives there.  I've also been looking in Arizona, Indiana, and Seattle.  What's silly is that the choices overwhelm me because they're so numerous, but I just keep looking.  It's somehow exciting to think about leaving here and starting something new somewhere else.  I've never lived in FL and my time in AZ would be completely different from my short stints there during college.  I've never been to Seattle, but my bff lives there and I've only heard amazing things about the northwest.  

With all of these different choices and options, it's hard not to be anxious.  I also realize I'm being a job snob.  I worked at Walgreens for 7 years and I have absolutely NO desire to work retail ever again.  I worked nearly every major holiday including Christmas... numerous times.  I'm not in college anymore and I don't want to do that.  Working in an office or in retail just doesn't suit me.  I'm way too relational for that kind of thing.  That's why I hate the job hunting thing... I'm just sitting in front of my computer searching and filling out apps.  It may come down to having to work somewhere I really don't want to while I get my Masters, and I'll have to just suck it up and eat some humble pie.  

The other thing right now is how much I'm missing Uganda.  As I drove home after youth group and coffee with a college kid last night my heart was incredibly heavy.  Yes, nearly every single day something comes up and makes me miss it, but last night was different.  I talked about it more than usual, I guess.  I tried to convince myself that I didn't miss it very much.  I thought of some of the worst days I had this past year (kind of silly, I know) and one particular day can to mind.  Everything that could go wrong did... cooking gas ran out, car battery was dead, speeding ticket (in an unmarked area), no electricity for days.  It was a bad day... one of those days where I longed for America where there's always electricity and as long as you pay the bill you have cooking gas.  Then I began to think about how even though that day was terrible at the time, I'd give almost anything to be there reliving it again right now.  Some of my worst days there don't take this desire to be there away.

I actually find myself getting jealous of those who are there when I have to be here.  I see fun pictures on facebook and get exciting email updates, which I love!  Let me be clear, I love seeing those things!  It just makes me realize how far away I am.  God is doing big things in East Africa, of course!  He's doing big things through WGM, Refuge and Hope, and lots of other organizations and I love getting hear about it.  I just miss being "on the ground".  I miss my family there.  I miss nearly every aspect of life there and while I feel blessed beyond belief to have been born and raised in this awesome country, I feel more at home in East Africa.  That's a bold statement.  It's probably a statement that will make my mom cry when she reads it, but it's not meant to be offensive or hurtful.   There were days when I lost focus and I'm by no means perfect, but I still got to see God do some huge things.  I still had the privilege of serving with a great mission organization and being with awesome people.  The refugees and Sudanese guys have taught me so much and given my insights into more than I ever would have imagined just a few years ago.  I loved serving them, I loved getting to know more about their cultures and more about Islam as well.  

You know, when you take high school youth kids on a mission trip they generally get more out of the week of building houses than the people they're serving do.  That's not to say that they don't do good because they do, but they also gain much (sometimes without even realizing it).  That's how I feel about living in Uganda.  Yeah I've loved on babies, helped orphans get sponsored, prayed with some to accept Christ, taught English, led youth events and discipleship groups, and lots of other stuff, but I still feel as though I've been changed more than I've helped anyone else to be changed.  I don't know.  It's not about checking off all of the ways I've done something because I absolutely believe that God has given me the privilege of serving in the ways that I've been able to.  Nothing I could do on my own would ever make an eternal difference, but with God things have happened.  

Anyways through regrets and tough times there were even better times and lots of growing.  The video below is just something I got off of youtube.  These are not my pictures, but I love the song... especially when I'm homesick for Uganda.

I'm always praying for my family both near and far.  Would you join me in this?  I'd also appreciate some prayers for my heart and the job search as well.  

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9-10