Take Away the Sadness

The past few weeks have flown by in a whirlwind of activity. From a fairly busy weekend in Indy to Kayla's 6th birthday, I've found myself constantly in motion. This past week I played mommy to my nieces for a couple of days as my sister was out of town and my brother in law works crazy hours. Getting two kids ready for school and day care makes you late if you're not used to the routine. We had a good couple of days, but I was tired! Friday morning made it all worth it though. I had explained to Alexandria that she might wake up on Friday and no one would be home upstairs. My room is downstairs so I told her to come find me if she woke up and no one was home. My alarm went off and about two minutes later I heard little footsteps, my door knob being turned, and a little voice saying, "no one's upstairs, can I cuddle you??" It was like the cutest thing ever. So we cuddled for like 3 minutes and then started our day. :)

Kayla's birthday party was here yesterday so there were plenty of preparations to be made. I spent most of the day cleaning and helping my sister get food ready. Once guests started to arrive it was nonstop chatting, cleaning up, and playing with kids. My brother in law, Terry's parents were here and it's always nice to see them. They're so sweet. I was talking with his mom and she told me that Kayla was pretty upset about me leaving for Africa. I looked at her a bit confused because I've been explaining to the girls about Africa for a while now. Apparently last weekend when Kayla was with her grandma and grandpa she told them she was upset that I'm leaving. She doesn't really understand, which makes it that much harder. I know I say this all the time, but I'm not a cryer, however hearing how sad my little buddy is kind of broke my heart. I wish there was a way I could explain it. Last year when I was away I wrote Kayla and Alex letters that I'll give them someday. I only wrote them a couple of times each, but I basically told them about Uganda and why I was doing what I was. I'm planning on doing the same thing again this year, but maybe this time I'll send Kayla a couple of them.

Something that made me feel a little bit better was having Kayla talk on Skype with some friends of mine in Uganda. My old roommate, Jean was having a bunch of the girls from our discipleship group over for a sleepover. She's still in Uganda, so she's been able to disciple the same girls all this time. Anyway at their sleepover they called me on Skype and I got to see and talk to a bunch of beautiful women that I haven't seen in over a year. It was one of the sweetest moments of my whole life. They were begging me to bring my guitar back which has been a debate in my mind for a while now. They decided to sing a few songs to me that I had taught them when I was there. It may sound a little dramatic, but if I'm being totally honest it was as though heaven had opened up and I got a glimpse of eternity. The sound of the girls singing, their beautiful, effortless harmonies and honest hearts, filled my heart with pure joy. The sound of true worshippers singing to the King is awesome. It was such a precious moment and I'm praising the Lord for Skype. After they sang to me and we chatted for a bit they asked me to get my nieces so they could meet them. The girls came in my room and had the pleasure of having my African friends sing happy birthday to Kayla in probably the most energetic version of the song ever sung. Kayla and Alex loved seeing them and getting to talk to them for a minute. It was difficult for my girls to understand the accents, but it was cute to hear them try. It was good for Kayla and Alex to see what it would be like being able to talk to me when I'm there too. I hope it put Kayla at ease a little bit. Last time I wasn't good about Skyping with anyone. I didn't call as often as I could have and I distanced myself unnecessarily. My goal is to not be so wrapped up myself that I let that happen again. I want to encourage you all right now to get a Skype account and a web cam so that we can chat and keep up. Do it!! I really stink at emailing, so it's really going to be the best way to keep in touch.

Then this morning in church was faith promise weekend. Basically it means prayerfully seeking the Lord and asking Him how much He will provide to give to faith promise. Faith promise money goes to support the missionaries and missions that our church supports. I happen to be on that list of missionaries and can I just say that it was beautiful to watch all of the people go forward with their faith promise cards? Seeing so many people say "yes" to Jesus and the Great Commission is awesome. Last year during faith promise I shared my story with the congregation. I explained about my trip to Uganda and my hopes for a return. Now I'm on the horizon of another year thanks to the faithful supporters, like you, who have said "yes". Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! This morning a man preached about being faithful because God is faithful. Trusting the Lord implicitly. He shared stories of foreign missions, and one story in particular struck me. He spoke of 150 Kenyan AIDs orphans and the money raised to build them a home. It was a beautiful story and of course meant to be moving, to show the good that faith promise money does. As I listened to the sermon I was surrounded by teenagers. I always sit with the youth on Sunday mornings, but this morning as I watched them play, chat, and love on each other I was overcome with the sadness of leaving them. Then throughout the course of the morning I had several different youth at different times express their sadness at my departure. Of course, nothing makes me feel more loved than to hear I'm wanted, but nothing makes me more sad these days. Even though I'm ready and excited about being back in Africa, I'm SOOOO incredibly sad to leave. I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't get away from the sadness. The next 2 months are going to be so difficult if every event is full of, "I'm gonna miss you", "don't go!!", "a year is sooooo long!!", and "aw, you're going to miss (insert event)!". I know I'm going to miss those things. I know their lives are going to move on. I know that a year seems long to a teenager. As I try to push the sadness away - because I know that the year will be incredible and I'm SO pumped to be in Africa again- I find myself imploding with emotion.

I am aware that the youth say these things because they love me and they will truly miss me. The Lord has blessed me with this ability to build awesome mentoring relationships/friendships with kids and I know I've had an affect on them. BUT I don't want the next 2 months to be full of sadness. I don't want every event to be the "last time we'll do this with you". I want to have fun and keep ministering. Will you join me in praying for my relationships with the youth, with my friends, and with family? Believe it or not there are people who I've called friend for a long time that are having a hard time with me leaving. I understand the emotion. I'm not belittling it at all. It's just that I've done this before and this is what I will be doing in some capacity for my entire life if I'm living out Jesus' commands. I would love for people to be supportive. Ask me questions about it, be involved in my life by being involved in my ministry. Your lives will continue on just fine without me here and I still want to be a part of them. Just because I'm in Africa doesn't mean I don't want to hear about the things you're doing here in the States. You guys are all so significant to me. I care about every part of your life while I'm in Africa even if we don't get to talk every day anymore.
Join me in praying for the youth's hearts and souls. Pray for Africa and the exciting and not-so-exciting things I'll do. Pray for hearts to be changed, the Kingdom to be furthered, and souls won. Pray for those who don't understand how I can leave for a year to help people on the other side of the world when there are people hurting right here in Illinois. Pray for health and safety. Pray for each other, for my friends and family.

Please understand that even though I feel a sadness at being physically separated, I'm nothing if not thrilled to go again. I don't want anyone to misunderstand this sadness for regret because that is not the case. I think it's ok for me to be sad, and it's ok for you to be sad, but let's not allow it to dictate the next couple of months. :) Much love!