My Kryptonite

The evening was off to a rough start.  Our bass player was sick, the keyboardist was unavailable all of a sudden, and I was one of 4 people singing.  Somehow all of the other singers were inhibited by traffic.  It was obvious that satan was working to prevent us from having a good, focused worship evening.

People started trickling in and taking their seats.  The instruments and mics were set and we were ready to go.  After a time of prayer together we took our places as a team and the praise and worship began.  With only one practice under our belts and many song changes, we were essentially winging it.  Thankfully the level of talent on the team is incredible, so I wasn't too worried... for the others.  I, on the other hand have always had to try really hard to just be decent, it's not effortless for me like it is for the others.  

I've been leading worship since I was about 15 or 16.  I've always been pretty comfortable standing in front of people, but I've never been confident in my skill level.  I can lead and sing for about an hour before my voice grows weak due to the nodes on my vocal chords.  At that point my lower range is non-existent and my upper range is in jeopardy of cracking.

As the only girl singing soprano and sometimes the only person carrying the melody, I began to worry about my voice.  Before I could get too distracted and forget why I was standing up there leading for two hours, I began to pray.  After praying and bringing my focus back to Jesus, it was easier and much more peaceful. 

And then it happened.  After one of the songs I opened my eyes to see a giant, black, cricket just feet away from me.  This may seem like it's no big deal to some, but crickets (bugs in general, but crickets are the worst!!) are my kryptonite.  I began to panic.  My heart started racing and I couldn't focus on anything, but getting away from that cricket.  There's no telling when it might come at me.  I began to plot my escape immediately.  If I just shut off my mic and walked off maybe they would just assume I was sick or something.  

I had quite a few options for escape routes, but before I could flee the Spirit reminded me why I was there.  I was reminded that satan didn't want this evening to happen.  He didn't want a crowd of people to come and join us, to stand and worship the King of Kings.  He didn't want Christ to get any glory.  Walking off the "stage" as one of the only, or the only person singing melody just wasn't an option.  So once again I prayed and while I never took my eye off of the thing for too long after that, I was able to stand there and sing.  To lift up my hands and praise my Creator.  One of the next songs we did after that little demon was sent to destroy me was "It is Well."  It was beautiful to be able to stand there with this creeper creature taunting me and proclaim that it was indeed well with my soul. 

The evening ended about 20 minutes later my voice was almost completely gone.  Never once during the two hours did it crack or sound weak.  One of the youth who was at the event (she had been sitting in the front row and is very aware of my affliction to bugs) came up to me to lovingly let me know that the disgusting bug had been literally right next to my shoe at one point, but I never saw it because my eyes were focused on God.  Thankfully... or I definitely would have had to flee!

Worship night with Studio_10 at Heritage is an event that I've yet to miss participating in since I've been in Uganda.  The first worship night we had was in December of 2008.  Since then the studio has grown is both size and popularity.  I'm blessed to be a part of such a talented group of people who accept me as I am.

So that's my silly story this week.  You can laugh if you want to.  I completely understand that my intense fear of bugs is ridiculous, but I can't seem to shake it.  I'll hold a snake, swim with a shark, or play with a mouse or rat, but bugs make me want to run away screaming and crying.  Don't judge.