Thursday, I spent my day in downtown Naperville with my youth kids. All of them are in college now and have very different work schedules, but I got to see a good number of them. I love catching up and learning about their lives. I'm so very proud of all of them... I love seeing how Christ is moving in their lives. They are all amazing young adults and it's been quite an honor to be a part of their journeys. I love how much we laugh when we're together. Old inside jokes, quoting movies, and sharing stories... so great.
I got up at 4:30am on Friday, knowing that I would be stopping in Indy to see my youth kids there, thus putting myself a bit behind schedule considering the time change and that I wanted to be home in time to be somewhere Saturday morning. A group of 8 or 9 of them met me at a Denny's right off the highway and it was nothing but laughter and joy. We spent a couple hours visiting and getting pumped for the mission trip. (My youth group is going to the same site on the same week... I'm pretty excited.)
When I finally got back on the road, I was drained from the week. Lots of good, some frustration, and some concern came out of my trip. I can't express how much good it did me to be in Illinois, though. I loved being surrounded by everything familiar... it was very comforting. This past Sunday at church someone said to me, "I can tell that was a much needed vacation. You are just glowing now, vibrant." I guess I didn't realize how much I missed familiarity until just recently. When others can see your resolve waning, you know it's time for a break. For a few weeks leading up to my trip a few different people asked me if I was doing ok and told me that I just did't look like myself. That was tough to hear, but being on this side of the trip, I can see a difference.
The drive home was uneventful and very long. I even stopped and got caffeine (even though I gave it up a couple of months ago). I was excited to get back and see people here, but 14 hours is a long time to drive. My iPod and shaker egg kept me pretty entertained. In fact, by the time I got to Jersey I had nearly no voice due to all of the singing. Shuffle kept playing some really great worship songs and I wanted nothing more than to just sing to my King. I got home and was pleased at how much I actually missed it here. I'm so blessed to be here and I absolutely love my friends and my church family. Not that I had any doubt, but God really knew what He was doing when He brought me here and asked me to be settled. It's not always been easy, but there's almost nowhere else I'd rather be.
Almost nowhere else. I want to be in Africa right now. Today I received word that one of my former students passed away. It was very unexpected and is completely heartbreaking. Jana was in my roommate's 1st grade class when we got to Uganda in 2008 to teach at Heritage International School (HIS). My 6th grade classroom was on the opposite end of campus, but I spent a decent amount of time with her class. I even had the chance to teach them music. She had an amazing class that year. Jana was always a very bright spot. She was almost always smiling and usually very excited to see me. I got to know her family pretty well as her dad worked in the cafeteria and her mom was the school nurse. I can remember those times when I was on duty in the cafeteria and my roommate's class would call me over to hang out with them. "Miss Christina come sit by us,"they would call. Somehow I always ended up near Jana and her little friends at the table. They were so stinkin' cute and always had something silly to say.
Jana would have been going into grade 6 this year. I haven't taught at HIS since 2009. Even when I was in Uganda in 2011, I didn't spend much time at HIS since I was doing other WGM stuff and working at the Center of Hope, but that time away doesn't take away the pain of losing a dear child. Hearing the story of her passing today reduced me to tears... not because I knew Jana well or was currently in her life, but because for the rest of their lives, her family has to live without her. As I've mentioned before, death is not something I deal with very well. What really struck me was the thought of their separation from their daughter, sister, and friend. We know that Jana is dancing with Jesus today, but that doesn't heal the void here on earth. Her parents love the Lord and I'm grateful for that.
I've never been able to grasp how to handle the loss of a child. I don't have words that can comfort. There are plenty of reminders of God's strength and comfort in scripture and right now that and prayer is what I can offer the family.
Separation is so painful. This afternoon, after hearing about Jana, I started to think about how God knows and experiences emotions just like we do... only much more intensely. It made me think about how painful it must have been to be separated from Jesus while He was on earth. Not a complete separation, sure, but what about those three days when Jesus had descended? When He was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knew He was about to take the wrath of God. Not only that, He was also going to, in death, experience separation from God. God knows our pain and has felt it in ways that we can't understand.
This loss reminded about how absolutely urgent the Good News of Christ is for every single person we encounter. Every single person has a soul at stake. Are we using every ounce of energy we have to tell our family, friends, and strangers about what Christ has done? I want to know that those I love will spend eternity with the King of Kings. I want to know that I won't be without those I've lost forever.
Jana is not the first student I've lost and let me tell you, it doesn't get easier. I can only rest in the strength of my Savior tonight and trust that His plan is perfect. Come Lord Jesus.
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