Fierce Competition

In April, I started up a volleyball game on Saturday evenings.  It's an open game and it's intended to be outreach.  We have had pretty much the same group of players every week since we started with a few others mixed in here and there.  The nights when we're playing with newbies or people who aren't normally there are a bit different than the nights when it's just the "normal" group.

When it's just us, so to speak, it gets pretty competitive.  At least, it does in my mind.  No one is shy about their frustrations with their teammates on a poorly hit or missed ball, myself included.  

When I was young, I generally did well in sports.  Even in random pick-up games with my brother and his friends... street hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer, football, etc..  We were always doing something.  I only participated in 2 organized sports- gymnastics and soccer.  My sister and I were very good at gymnastics.  Being two and a half years younger than she is, I was always trying to be just like her and live up to her level.  We were very competitive.  I can remember a particularly fierce meet where I did really well on the balance beam and floor exercise, but because my sister was older, she was able to do the uneven bars and made my routines look like nothing.  

Into high school and college, my focus was on all things music.  Sports were a thing of the past and learning guitar and singing was the thing to do.  I took piano lessons for about a year before I got frustrated with my progress and quit.  It was the same thing with guitar... I learned just enough to get by and I found myself surrounded by such talent, that I just settled for "ok" because I didn't have to be great.  Likewise, with singing- I took voice lessons, but hated the recitals because they were filled with other students who were, in my opinion much better than me.  Even in college when I was working on my music major, I became easily discouraged because a) I developed nodes on my vocal chords, thus preventing good practice time and b) it seemed as though everyone around me was a musical genius who didn't have to work hard at anything.

That's been the pattern for me and I don't like it.  I saw this reoccurring pattern last night at volleyball.  Volleyball is something that I've grown to love over the last 5 years.  I started playing in Uganda with an awesome group of friends and family, and my love for it has grown.  I'm not great, but I'm not bad either.  It's something I feel I should be able to excel at, so when I make a bad play I get pretty frustrated.  That frustration is magnified when others are being critical too.  I more critical of myself than those around me are aware of, so it's not fair for me to take their criticisms too personally.  Last night as we were playing, we had one person who had been there once and one who was brand new.  I made it a point to remind myself that we're just there for fun, but my competitive nature overtook me a number of times.  I chose to remain fairly quiet by the end because my words would not have been so edifying.  I'm sure you're aware, but for the most part I'm usually pretty loud, boisterous, and opinionated and it's intensified when I'm playing sports or doing anything competitively.

As I become more active again, I need to work on this fierceness.  It's not a good look to get so easily frustrated and it definitely takes the fun out of things... for me and for those around me.  Not to mention that it speaks loudly about my struggle with pride.  As I thought it through this afternoon, I began reflecting on Jesus' life and ministry.  He walked ever so humbly, though He is the King of Kings.  He encouraged those around Him, always building them up, never knocking them down.

This scripture came to mind as I prayed about my attitude and actions.  Philippians 2:1-11

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    by becoming obedient to death—

        even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father."

This is my prayer tonight... "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30