The important appointment was with a surgeon. About a month and a half ago I met with a doctor to address some pain I'd been having and she sent me straight to the surgeon. After meeting with him, we decided that I could wait to have surgery when I got back from Chicago, though he encouraged me not to wait too long.
Well, I had surgery this past Tuesday. All went well and there's no question about a full recovery. The problem that I've been having is following doctor's orders. Not being allowed to drive for a week and being told to lay down as much as possible doesn't sit well with me. I've addressed this control issue a bit in the past... here and here (and there are probably others).
My bff was able to take me to and from the hospital. She also stayed with me most of the day and spent the night. I'm incredibly thankful for her and her servant's heart... especially looking back at the week, realizing how bad a patient I am. She wouldn't let me do anything. I wasn't allowed to get off the couch unless I needed to use the bathroom. For someone as independent as me, that's frustrating. I like to do things on my own. I'm not good at accepting help from others, especially if I feel like I can do it myself.
Wednesday was much of the same. I was still on the "good stuff" so I was on the couch all day, in and out of consciousness. That night I had a prayer meeting with my senior pastor and my friend, Allan. We meet pretty regularly to pray over the Yield service and though I don't remember a lot about that meeting, Christ does, and that's what matters. They graciously agreed to meet at my house so I could remain horizontal. Allan even ran a quick errand to the convenient store to get me some juice since I wasn't supposed to do that on my own. My senior pastor told me I was "grounded" from the Yield service this week so that I could rest, but that just didn't sit right with me.
Thursday found me on the couch again. My pain was getting more manageable and I was taking less meds. Thursday night is when we have worship team practice and since I had rested all day, I decided I could go to practice for a little while. We prayed before practice and I got a sense that God was telling me to go home, but instead of immediate obedience, I pushed it. I didn't make it very long before I could hardly stand. I was dizzy and in a lot of pain. Too much too soon? I think, yes. Nothing like trying to push yourself against EVERYONE'S orders. That's that stubborn, hard-headed Italian thing. :)
Friday was a really long, difficult day for me. I hadn't eaten very much all week, even though I was taking such harsh medicine, but I hadn't been affected by it... until Friday. The anti-nausea meds that they gave me had apparently worn off and I was sick! It was awful. That's the one kind of sick that has the ability to drop me to my knees and make me cry. Ugh. By about 7pm I was finally starting to feel a bit better, but there was no way I was going to take any more of the good meds. It was during that dark time of icky-ness that I felt God was asking me to speak a very specific message at Yield on Saturday (even though Allan had already planned on using his wonderful, God-given gifts to lead the congregation in my absence). I had already made the decision in my mind to be at Yield, whether I was going to participate or not. God's word made the decision to speak an easy one. I didn't have to prepare much for it, it was to be brief, very simple.
So yesterday we started working on music early, around 1. I told Allan that I was going to help lead and that I also had a word from the Lord that I needed to share. I knew, going into the day, that I was going to end up in pain, but that didn't matter to me. As we put the final touches on the music and people started arriving for worship, it was exciting to see a couple of faces I'd never seen before. We greeted everyone and introduced ourselves to the newbies and then started the service. After a few songs we explained that worship was going to look a little different than normal.
One of the newbies was a middle-aged man. He wasn't your "typical" church-goer. He wasn't super clean and he wasn't very put-together, but he was lovely in the eyes of the Lord. In fact, he may not have had any experience in church whatsoever, but praise the Lord, he had made it through our doors last night. It was beautiful to watch him sing the songs of worships... songs he'd probably never heard before. When it came time for prayer requests, he spoke up. He spoke with humility and was very genuine. He was really seeking God. It was clear to me in that moment why God had given me such a specific word to share. The word was for him. God was nudging this man and he responded by walking through our doors. He saw a sign... it says "come as you are," and he did. Glory to God in the highest!
As the service ended we all stood around chatting and hanging out, and the man made an effort to ask about us. He didn't just come and leave. He participated; he wanted to be involved; he wanted to know more. Our regular congregants welcomed him warmly and I really believe he left church last night having experienced the love of Christ. Even as the last few of us left the church and headed to dinner, I felt led to pray for our new friend, so we did.
First of all, I'm so thankful to God for such clear leading! I'm thankful that he directed my words to be the words that this man needed to hear. I'm thankful that Allan is so good at choosing such beautiful music... and not just choosing it, but practicing it well and making it sound his best for Jesus. I'm also thankful that when an unkempt man walked in, he wasn't ignored or tossed aside... he was welcomed with open arms.
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” -Matthew 25:40 (emphasis mine). Watching those words played out was nothing short of awesome.
Sitting in service was very difficult for me this morning. I hardly got any rest all day yesterday (partially my own choice, but partially divine). I'm in a great deal of pain today, but you know what? I'd do it all again, every single day. (Although I may also listen to the doctors a bit more and rest and allow people to do things for me without me complaining or feeling so useless... maybe.)
Oh God, keep interrupting my plans... Your's are so much cooler!! This song is my prayer today... Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective Experiment.
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