Relinquishing

I'm really missing Uganda tonight.  It's really not much different from any other night aside from the fact that I actually have some time to myself thanks to a canceled meeting.  Time to myself means I get to clean a little.  I love to clean, it's somehow therapeutic for me.  I was dusting the bookshelf in the living-room when things got nostalgic.   Two of the shelves are dedicated to African stuff.  Like a child being made to clean their room, I stopped to "play" with my stuff.  Looking through some pictures and holding gifts from precious friends allowed me to travel "home" for just a few minutes.  The intense heat of the sun beating down on my head as I walk along the busy orange-rust colored dirt roads.  Cars and bodas speeding by, people walking, riding, laughing, talking, children playing, birds making monkey-like sounds, animals roaming and grazing.  Vividly colored foliage dancing in the sun and slight breeze.  The aroma of diesel vehicles, animals, chapati being fried, and trash, all mixed with fresh, pure air.  A sweet gift from Jesus.  Smiles like the mid-day sun.  People working hard both to survive and to thrive.  Climbing to the top of the quarry to gaze over the calm water of Lake Victoria on one side and the city on the other.  What I wouldn't give to sit at the top of the hill tonight where stars and constellations from both hemispheres shine, uninterrupted by too much electricity.  Who needs it when the moon is more than sufficient?

The sound of Piper chasing the cat brought me back to reality.  There was no sadness this time, just longing.  Along with longing came excitement and relief.  Excitement to be where I am; relief that this really is home and I'm happy with that.  I don't think the longing will ever go away... when your heart is divided like mine is, it's impossible to ignore.  But it becomes okay because being obedient to God is much greater than anything this world has to offer, even better than my beloved Uganda.  I delight in His goodness... which I get to see more and more of as I relinquish control and rest in Him.  Relinquishing control is far from easy for me (though I doubt that's uncommon for many people), but when it's done it always results in God being glorified.  As I seek to be a Godly woman, this must become more of a part of who I am.  My human nature must fade.  

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."  Proverbs 31:25-26

I recorded part of a boda ride from downtown Kampala to where I was staying.  This isn't the whole journey and it hardly captures anything I just described, but it's still fun for me to watch and relive a little bit.  It's enough for me tonight.