Put Through the Wringer

In the past month and a half I've written well over 80 pages for a number of papers and assignments, along with reading too many books and articles to count... not to mention the hours and hours of lectures I've listened to both online and in class.  Grad school is no joke.  I knew that going in and it's what I wanted, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier.  There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get it all done and if I'm being honest speed reading has become my best friend again.  I want so badly to grasp and retain the material.  I want to be a good counselor... no, that's a lie.  I want to be the best counselor.  More and more I'm finding my perfectionism to be both a blessing and a curse.  The blessing is that I'm determined, the curse is that anything less than perfect is stressful to me.  On some level I've always been this way and I wish it would manifest itself in other areas of my life that really need work as well.

But all of that isn't even the hard part.  I chose this specific counseling program for a couple of main reasons.  1. It's Biblical.  2. Practical hours are required from the beginning which means I've already been practicing the skills I've been learning.  We practice in lab.  Practicing the skills and theories we learn about in lecture is imperative if we're ever going to be effective practitioners, right?  Makes so much sense but, wow, lab is by far the hardest part of grad school.  

So what could be hard about practicing skills with a smallish group of your peers, especially since you're all on the same level?  First of all, when you're a perfectionist self awareness is sometimes difficult.  What's more difficult though is working through those faults with your lab mates.  Each week during lab we are all required to bring very real life, personal situations to use as examples.  At some point each week we act as both counselor and client... and it's hard.  I love that I'm learning so much about counseling and about myself (and really it all makes practical sense that we would work through some of our own stuff and also become aware of things that clients may bring to us in the future that could be triggers for us), but it's hard.  It's not a group therapy session and there are times when I walk out of lab feeling completely broken and like I've just been left hanging there.  That's how it's designed.  Perhaps that sounds cruel to some.  It did to me at first too.  

Now I understand the method behind the madness, though I don't always like it.  I'm almost always completely exhausted by the time lab is over... which is not good because I have a 3 hour lecture immediately following lab each week.  This past week was one of those weeks.  Something was revealed in me that caused our lab leaders to encourage the lab to "pursue me."  This means I became the "client" though I wasn't really prepared for that.  It was good, but it was hard.  I feel like I'm being put through the wringer... and so do the rest of my lab mates.  It helps to know we're in the same boat, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.  Of course, because of the nature of the work we do in lab, it's all confidential, which is comforting since we're expected to bring real stuff to lab.

Writing here today feels good.  No, I don't have time and yes, I should be doing my 4th paper of the week, studying for my midterm, and putting the finishing touches on a presentation I have this weekend.  But it's nice to sit and mindlessly write for a few minutes.  I would love to say I'm back and committed to blogging again, but that's unlikely.  Honestly, I'm not even going to take the time to edit this for errors.  No time.

So much has gone on since the last time I updated that I can't even begin to catch you up in detail.  I miss my family A LOT.  I miss my sister- my best friend, Stacy and her family.  It's been lonely.  Everyone here has their own stuff and their own friends and family.  Relationships are hard.  Work is good... up and down like most jobs.  Though, I don't like to look at what I do as just a job... I love the ministry God has given me.  I definitely miss preaching regularly.  I still say I have the coolest youth kids around.  

God is moving me forward and He continues to reassure the call He's placed on my life.  I'm so excited to see how all of this plays out.  He's been reminding me lately that my view is limited... His is not.  How awesomely reassuring is that?  I've been immersing myself in His Word and resting in the knowledge that no small detail goes unnoticed.  God is so good and I love Him deeply.

Reflections of an Imperfect Perfectionist

Sometimes you cancel plans and decide to stay in.  Best decision I've made all day, let me tell you.  I needed a break.  And I realized I needed a break when I couldn't keep the tears from falling over something silly.  Let me make myself uncomfortably vulnerable and explain...

I play tennis with a dear friend of mine a couple of times a week.  I've played with him for a while now and just recently I've begun to see improvement in my game which is so exciting.  Tennis isn't anything I've ever taken seriously... in fact, I'm sure I've watched tennis and thought, "Come on, even I could do that."  How wrong I've been.  Sure, I've played around once in a great while- the neighborhood I grew up in had courts (though, I'm pretty sure I rollerbladed on those courts more than I played tennis)- but I never really played competitively.  Come to think of it, I've never done anything really competitively other than music and even then, I was the low man on the totem pole.  And that's partially where the tears came from.

I am extremely uncomfortable when I'm not good at something.  I am a perfectionist so I usually just don't do the thing I'm not good at.  Unfortunately, it takes a lot for me to step outside my comfort zone these days with certain things.  Fear of rejection and fear of foolishness, ugh.  It's got to be the right people asking me to do something.  For example, the past winter I was invited to go iceskating.  I said no.  The last time I had gone iceskating, I had to hold onto the wall the entire time for fear of falling and/or making a fool of myself some other way.  So this time, when I was invited the answer was easy.  No.  No way.  Well I eventually agreed to go, but not before making those I was going with agree to no laughing when I had to hold onto the wall the whole time.  Did I get off the wall?  Yes.  Someone took my hand and taught me and I felt comfortable with those I was with.  Am I the best skater ever?  No, but I now know there's at least some potential there.  I don't have to fear it as much now.  It was the same way with skiing.  I had never gone... my family didn't do much other then sledding in the winter. :)  So when I finally got up the courage to go skiing, I went with people I trust completely, with the understanding that I would be on the bunny hill all day.  I'm so not good at letting myself fall down... literally or figuratively.

There are plenty of other non-physical examples too, I'm sure.  In fact, one of the reasons I'm not a music teacher right now is because I was uncomfortable with not being great.  Everyone else in the music ed program at college seemed to have it all together and were very naturally talented.  I had to work really hard for my A's.  When it came time to perform, I wanted to die.  I didn't want to stand up in front of all of those people who were so much more talented (in my eyes) and sing.  I was ashamed that I wasn't as good as them.  I was ashamed that I wasn't as pretty and put together as them.  To be in front of an audience at my level seemed silly.  So I quit.  My perfectionism won again.

So, back to the tennis thing.  When I started getting better at tennis, the crazy, perfectionist, competitive Christina came out.  In my mind, there's no reason I shouldn't be good.  But then when the reasons become glaringly obvious, I shut down.  As is natural to any person with insecurities, when something/someone points out something I struggle with, I can't focus on anything else for a time.

So a couple of things happened all at once the night the tears came.  It was warm and humid.  I sweat.  A LOT.  I've always been really insecure about sweating.  Girls shouldn't sweat as much as I do.  Gross.  It's definitely a gift from my dad- dude sweats constantly.  And when I sweat, my head sweats the most.  I have thin hair (another insecurity).  When thin hair gets wet, you can see scalp.  Again, gross.  So I started to sweat as we got going.  Then my friend graciously took the time to stop, give me pointers, and give me time to practice the proper techniques.  I was so grateful, but all I could think about was how gross I must look.  As soon as the stress of being visibly sweaty hit, I was done.  My mind took off and started running in a million different directions.  I went from having a fun time playing tennis, to panicking about the way I looked which, in turn, caused me to drop like 6 games in a row, which then caused me to get frustrated because I was losing, and why couldn't I just be thin and in shape so I could be less sweaty and better at tennis and not gross looking... and why couldn't I do the thing he just taught me already... and why couldn't I love myself in that moment and see myself like Christ does... don't I trust Him... isn't he enough?

You see the craziness?  In the 5th game I dropped, the tears started.  One good thing about tennis is that your opponent is far enough away not to see the tears when they flow.  I kept myself calm, but the tears silently fell.  So many things had come crashing down as a result of my insecurities.  The devil knows the things that I'm most sensitive about and he's great at bringing them to my attention.  The last 2 games of that 3rd set were lost because I couldn't see through my tears.  How ridiculous is that?  Satan had gotten ahold of my thoughts and he ran with them.  All of my imperfections, those things that eat away at me, were at the front of my mind in those few minutes.  As I walked over to my water bottle, I said a little prayer asking God to overcome those evil thoughts.

When my friend asked if I wanted to keep playing I said 'yes' without hesitation.  In saying yes, I was risking further embarrassment, but I didn't care anymore.  This time, the perfectionist in me wasn't going to quit.  All my life, I've let myself be hindered and ruled by my insecurities.  So many times when I have to work really hard and if I don't see results right away, I quit.  What vicious cycle, right?  My biggest insecurity is my physical appearance.  I've spent more time hating myself and how I look than I care to admit.  And while that's not uncommon amongst women, sadly, it's a reality.  It's one of those things I've tried to fix on and off throughout much of my adult life.  And as soon as I slip up or when I don't see the results I want to see when I want to see them, I quit.  I give up.  What's the point?  Which then triggers thoughts of being alone forever because who is going to love me and so on...

I am an imperfect perfectionist.  I demand the best and yet when I don't quite make it, I shut down.  But Christ is perfect.  I spent a lot of time in prayer this morning telling Him how much I'm disappointed in me.  He doesn't agree.  Christ in me is perfect.  Even on my ugliest most imperfect day, Christ in me is perfect.  That's not always something I remember... (obviously, or I wouldn't have shed any tears the other night), but it's true.  When I am ashamed of myself because of how I look, when I hate myself, when I limit myself in order to protect me, I limit Christ in me.  Just like when I lay down in defeat, I limit Christ in me.

The Holy Spirit reminded me tonight of Peter's vision in the book of Acts, chapter 10.  God said to Peter in his vision, "Do not call something unclean if God has made it clean."  Here God is revealing to Peter that His Word and His Holy Spirit is for both the Jews and Gentiles.  What I call unlovely, God has made lovely.  How dare I?  None of us is good enough... that's the point.  Neither the Jew nor the Gentiles deserved salvation, but it is a free gift given to all.

My insecurities hold me back... just like everyone else's hold them back.  I am an imperfect perfectionist.  I need to stop letting my imperfections bring up insecurities that in turn keep my imperfections imperfect.  Make sense?  Somehow...

Incase you were wondering... we did play another set of tennis that night.  I lost the set 7-5.  I consider that a win.  :)

Original Plan

Piper and I were on a little 5 mile jaunt this morning as I reflected on my life and on my next steps.

10 years ago I was finishing up college with high hopes of doing something huge.  I assumed that a college degree would mean that I could do anything I wanted to do.  That's what we had always been told, growing up.  Yet the first couple of years after college weren't spent living out some big dream with the perfect job, husband, and family.  They were spent substitute teaching in a town that seemed so hopeless, never changing or moving forward.  I felt like a failure... like I wasn't moving on because I didn't feel like I was meant for anything more.  I was disappointed that my degree hadn't opened up more doors, although looking back, I didn't pursue any one thing in particular.  I was somehow stuck, held down by what I had assumed was the right thing.  I thought I had to get married and have kids before I could move on to something bigger.  But those things wouldn't have allowed me to do what was next.

Going to Africa was such an easy act of obedience, if I'm being honest.  God was leading me there, but I wasn't going kicking and screaming, like I assumed I would when He asked me to do something huge.  I like adventure.  I don't like leaving my family and friends, but it was the excitement of the unknown that drew me in.  I knew that God was going to have to be my sustainer because I knew I would be terrified and alone at times.  How quickly Uganda became home!  God made a way.  If my original plan- to get married and have kids- had happened, I'm not sure I would have been so quick to jump in with both feet.

The second year was even easier to say yes to because my original plan had fallen apart around me.  Though, it was always in the back of my mind, as evidenced by the fact that I seriously considered adopting a sweet baby I had fallen in love with at a local baby home.  I knew it wasn't the time, but I didn't know why.  I was still stuck, trying to be who society wanted me to be.  I was still striving to be a better version of me- thinner and not alone.

Oh how quickly things change.  Fast forward three and a half years to today.  Here I am, once again living away from my family and friends, trying to walk in obedience, and so uncertain about what the future holds.  Over the years I've learned a little more about trusting God with what's next... it's still not always easy.

The dog and I took a little excursion into a neighborhood we've never gone through.  The purpose of the excursion was simply to add some distance to our jaunt, but it's done more than that.  We passed by these cute little houses with their perfectly manicured yards and freshly washed cars in the driveways.  We stopped and let a 2, maybe 3 year old girl pet the dog and then run off to continue playing in her yard.  It was seriously picture perfect.  That old longing crept back up for a minute, but this time it was different.

The longing to have kids is gone at this point... not that it's outside of the realm of possibility, but as I've grown, I've come to realize that I'm not as tolerant of the toddler stage/early years as I once was.  I know, I know... "it's different when it's your own," and all that.  And maybe it is, but for now, I'm content to not have my own kids.  The me from 10 years ago must be shaking her head in disappointment.  Things haven't gone the way I'd planned or even the way society says they should.  My longing for my original plan to succeed has changed so much.  Yes, I long to be thin, to be settled, to have a husband to partner and walk through life with, but I'm seeing more and more just how little of the plan I actually get to see.  All of MY plans have gone out the window.  I have been realizing more and more that I am my Beloved's and He is mine.  The part of my life that I can see and that I think I have control over is just a pin-point compared to the vast panorama that God sees.

My reflections have me looking ahead.  I don't know how long I intended to be in this area, but God intends it for at LEAST 3 more years.  I've been accepted into a masters program and starting this fall, I'll begin a new journey!  I'm so excited... and so nervous.  Of course any time you walk into the unknown lots of insecurities creep up (at least for me, they do)- am I smart enough to get through a masters program?  Am I cut out for this line of work?  How can I work full time, ministering effectively while earning a masters degree?  All of these things have been laid on the alter and they're in God's hands now.  I trust Him as He whispers to me, "Beloved, I AM the Lord your God."

Praise God for Missing Pieces

Oh how I wish I had the gumption to sit down and write out the details of my time in Uganda to give you a better picture of what my day to day looked like.  I don't.  And in all reality, I'm not sure you'd want every detail of every day.  (and if you do, let's just go out to coffee :)  My time there was very sweet.  I hadn't really sat down and reflected on it much until today as I met with a dear friend.  Through her questions, I was able to process and see things much differently.

The first thing that hit me today was that God ordained every moment... each interaction, each breath, each tiny moment of eye contact as I cruised by on the back of a boda.  He ordained the joyful reunions and laughter, and the heart-wrenching tears as goodbyes were said.  He walked with me every step of the journey, just as He does every moment of every day here.

It's always so validating and humbling to be greeted with so much love and enthusiasm... The big hugs, the tears of joy, the feel of someone relaxing into your hug, relieved that you're finally there.  Unconditional love and the feeling of being wanted and needed... just what every woman desires.  And if I'm being completely honest, that's how most women find their identity... in how they're loved, wanted, and needed.  There were times when I felt like royalty because of the way I was being treated.  It was easy to start thinking that my worth was based on how I was being treated... because in those moments it was SO good.  But then, what would happen if I wasn't as warmly welcomed by someone? (not that that happened.)  Would how I view myself diminish somehow?  And the answer was YES.  That's a scary reality, but it's not uncommon and it's so easy to slip into.

The exciting thing is that God was in each of those moments reminding me of where my identity lies... "Beloved, I love you.  No matter what.  My love has no end, no conditions.  It doesn't depend on the number of sweet reunions or how many people love you.  It doesn't depend on how frizzy your hair is today.  You are mine and I Am more than enough.  I love you."  Over and over again, God told me and showed me that He loves me.  Who I am in Christ is who I am... that's my identity.  Looking back and looking ahead, it's so refreshing to know that God is my All in All.

Anyway, one of my favorite parts of the two weeks was spending time with the youth at the Center.  I had kids from 3 or 4 different countries, both Muslim and Christian, all new to the program.  Many of them had just arrived in Uganda.  Their English levels were extremely low, but with God's help, communication wasn't really an issue.  We spent time learning English, playing games, and doing a Bible lesson each day.  By Wednesday their participation in the games was extremely low.  Finally, one of the older boys communicated to me that they just wanted to learn... they didn't care so much about the games.  Really?!  Awesome!  So I adjusted, and I taught.  There was much laughter even in the lessons because they included a lot of me drawing... which isn't really helpful to anyone.  They also took turns drawing.  My favorite was reading the creation story from Genesis, knowing that they didn't understand most of the words coming out of my mouth, and yet seeing understanding come to them as I fumbled through drawing.  We made it through the story of the fall by the end of the week... but it was an amazing end as the Lord prompted that the emphasis be on the fact that He still pursued Adam and Eve after they had sinned.  Praise be to God.

Silly games

It was also amazing to learn a little bit of each of their stories about where they had come from and what brought them to Uganda.  Many of them are carrying the weight of the world on their young shoulders.  War, disease, death, hopelessness, anger.  The Center of Hope is indeed just that: a place of hope.  I'm so thankful for the ministries provided and that it truly serves an an oasis to refugees without hope.  It's incredible to see how it has grown over the last 3 years.  When I left, there were probably under 100 students.  Now, they are bursting at the seams with over 600.  It's so evident that Kingdom work is being done there... God is at the center and He is moving in ways that I don't think any of us could have imagined.

My African family is as sweet as ever.  To be called and introduced as "my daughter" by two of the women is so humbling.  I cherished my time with the family... even though it wasn't as long I as I would have liked.  Relationships are very much intact and growing.  It's always so cool to me that time doesn't matter to God.  In the grand scheme of things, I've spent very little time with my African family, but that doesn't seem to matter one bit.  The amount of love present is evidence of that.

Mom and Dad A

My sweet sisters

Just from school... so proud!!

:)

Mama V

My dear friend, Suadi :)

I'm SO thankful for the time I was allowed to be in there.  Each time I leave it seems like I leave more of my heart behind.  I don't mourn for those missing pieces... I rejoice, very grateful and privileged to have so many places (and people) to call home.

There's much more to share and God continues to reveal more of Himself as I sift through the days in my memory.  Please join me in praying for the work and the workers at the Center.  Pray for the refugees.  Pray for my African family.  Pray for the work and ministries here and my family here in the U.S..  Thank you all for the love and support.

"Eh, You Have Been Lost!"

I know this is pointing out the obvious, but God is so good.  I've been bad about blogging lately and I think one of the main reasons is because I'm so overwhelmed by all of the things that God is teaching me...  so much goodness that I've not been able to articulate it.  But I'm so thankful to be overwhelmed in this way.  Praise the Lord!

January both dragged on forever and flew by.  I couldn't wait to be here (in Uganda) but I also needed time to be there, preparing and still ministering affectively.  We had an amazing community worship service.  There have been plenty of good times with the youth too.  I know I say this all the time, but I LOVE my youth kids so much!  One of the Sunday nights in January I set up prayer stations for youth group.  It was such a lovely time of worship and growth.  Seeing my kids talk to God, surrender to Him, worship Him, and pray for our brothers and sisters around the world really blessed my heart.  It was a beautiful time of worship for me too.  :)

Looking back from this side of the Atlantic, January was hectic.  I spent the last two full weeks of the month being quite sick.  I don't get really sick often, but when I do, I do it right!  So miserable.  Thankfully I have lovely people in my life who helped care for me by bringing soup, cough drops, and even a vaporizer.  It was nice to slow down a bit for a change, but I was a little panicked because I still had so much to do before coming here.  The last weekend of the month was the youth winter retreat.  Thankfully, I was feeling about 80% better by then and we had a great weekend.  Did I already mention how much I love my youth?

Just a day and a half after the retreat, I flew to Uganda.  Both flights were wonderful, mostly because they weren't jam-packed.  I had plenty of space to NOT sleep.  Man, I wish I could sleep on planes!  On the upside, I've recovered from jet-lag pretty quickly because I was more than ready to go to bed by the time I got to the Hopson's house.

Anyway, the flights were perfectly timed and not only because I got off the plane in London and was able to run to make my next flight with no problems.  The timing of the day was perfect.  It was night over the Atlantic, but the sun rose as we approached Ireland and Scotland.  And the second flight was nice and bright as we cruised over France, Germany, Austria, Italy, Greece, and the Mediterranean.  The sun set just after the sea kissed the shore of Libya into Egypt.  Flying over the Nile river at night is always incredible.  It's teeming with life... lit up on both sides, nearly all the way through Sudan, South Sudan, and Uganda.  This continent is so amazing, even in the dark of the night.  Small wildfires blazed in some places, little villages were visible only by their tiny fires, and the cities just seem to be misplaced.

A lot of my flight time was spent thinking through and processing how to deal with only being here for two weeks.  I've only ever been here for year-long stints.  Two weeks just doesn't seem like enough.  I was reminded yesterday that this coming week is my only full week.  How is that even possible?!

The moment I stepped off of the plane, my whole body and mind shifted gears.  The familiars sounds and smells were so comforting... along with the sweat rolling down my neck.  Relief came over me and my eyes filled with tears.  I quickly stifled the tears so as not to draw attention to myself or creep anyone out, but I was overcome with the emotion of being here.  3 years is a long time to be away from somewhere so dear to me.  All but one bag made it, but nothing could crush my spirits.  (the bag came today, btw.)  I dealt with that quickly, and went outside to find my dear friends who had come to get me.  The reunion was very sweet.

Everything has felt so natural and familiar.  My Ugandan-English has come back without any problems and I love talking to people.  It has been a HUGE joy to be greeted by so many people I love so much!  Even my favorite boda driver (motorcycle taxi) came and met me on the road one day as I was walking.  He just wanted to greet me and find out why I'd been gone for so long.  Others who I hadn't thought would remember me so much have been more than happy to welcome me home.  The phrase, "eh!  You have been lost!" has been heard too many times to count and I love it!  I've also heard, "you are now Ugandan" many times just because of the number of times I've come and gone.  Everyone knows you can't stay away once you come.  :)

Staying with my dear friends has been an amazing blessing and comfort.  I feel so at home here.  The reunions at the Center of Hope have been nothing short of fabulous as well!!  Lots of screams, big hugs, and laughter have ensued and I still haven't even seen everyone.  My African mom from South Sudan cried, "my daughter has come home!!"  I can't accurately describe the joy in my heart these days.  There are so many people to see and my schedule is about to get a little bit hectic, but I'm so excited!

I would appreciate prayers as I minister to the youth at the Center of Hope this week.  They don't have good English (or any at all), as they say, but I'm up for the challenge.  I miss teaching ESL!  They are new to the Center which definitely works to my advantage.  We will get to know each other and how things are going at the Center together.  I can't wait.  I'm not yet sure how many nations will be represented in this group of youth, but the Center looks a lot like "all the nations" these days.  With over 600 students from probably 15 or more different countries, it's very exciting times.

Also, continued prayer for safety on the roads and health would be wonderful.  Thank you to all who have supported and who continue to support this trip!  I am SO grateful to be ministering here for this time.  Webale nyo! (Luganda for "thank you very much!")  And asante sana!! (Swahili)  Feel free to facebook creep, as I am able to update that much more frequently.  :)

IL, NJ, UG and Everywhere

A strange thing happened when I got in my car on December 23rd.  It was all packed up, dog vomit-proofed and we were about 20 minutes from the house when I was overcome with a sadness.  Not like, "I need to cry for 20 minutes and then I'll be good" sadness.  More like, "as much as I long to be in Chicago right now, I don't want to leave" sadness.  It was such a weird feeling considering how much thought and preparation I put into making sure I could be home for Christmas Eve with extended family and Christmas morning with the girls.

 I thought for sure it would subside the farther from NJ I got, but it didn't, it just intensified.  Actually, it was really annoying because it was killing the whole fun, adrenaline, anxiety of going to Illinois.  My nieces didn't know I was coming early and I was looking forward to surprising them... at least I thought I was.  By the time I got into Ohio, I had had enough.  I began to pray and ask God to help me sort through what was going on.

He began to show me, walking me through my life, that I had always made myself at home wherever I went.  That wasn't news to me.  I've even written on here about my somewhat transient lifestyle.  But what He was showing me was how extremely blessed I am to have so many places to call "home."  So many places where I'm comfortable and surrounded by people I love.  Even more than that though, He reminded me that since this world isn't my permanent home, He has enabled my heart to make everywhere home.  I'm not sure that I have effectively communicated that, but I'm not really sure how else to put it.  It was an awesome reassurance of His presence and power, no matter where my physical location.  God has always made a way and it's not been easy in the least, but what an amazing feeling, to have my heart so spread out.

When I got back in my car to come back to NJ, I felt the same sadness, but this time I rejoiced.  I had had a wonderful time with my beloved family and even though it's hard to leave, I was ready to be back here with this family.  Walking through my door here, to a house (and cat) that had been so lovingly cared for by dear friends made my heart happy.  And of course the reunion here was so sweet.

Within 2 days of being home I was told about a Ugandan Kid's choir concert that was only about 10 minutes from my house.  Talk about wanting to go home!  There are times when just I ache for Africa... longing to be "home."  What an interesting few weeks of such mixed emotions.  The concert was during youth group, so myself and a couple of my leaders took the kids and headed over.  I was bursting at the seams with excitement.  Seriously though, it was hard to contain.  I couldn't wait for everyone here to get to experience just a tiny, tiny bit of the place that brings my heart so much joy.

As soon as the first song started, so did my tears.  I was overwhelmed with joy to hear "Jabulani," a song that I've both sung and heard many, MANY times.

Thankfully I was sitting in front of my kids, so they didn't have to experience how overcome with emotion I was.  :)  The choir was fantastic!  I WISH I had their energy.  To see their faces and watch how excited they were to worship God was incredible.  Their love for the Lord was more than obvious... it radiated off of every part of their bodies.  I don't think I stopped smiling the entire time.  After the concert, my kids had the opportunity to greet the choir and get a picture with them which was really cool.  I even told them how to say "thank you" in Luganda and the choir was shocked and thrilled to respond in their native language.

Honestly, it felt like a gift from God as I prepare to head to Uganda in a few weeks.  I can't wait to be there, reunited with yet another branch of my family!

Though sometimes it's really hard to be in any one of the many places I call "home," I feel extremely blessed that Jesus has given me so much.  To be a part of the Body of Christ is to have a place anywhere and everywhere.  What a comfort knowing that wherever God places me or sends me, I'm home because I'm His.

The icing on the cake this week was reading this quote on a friend's page... "You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere.  That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place." -Miriam Adeney

Thank You, Jesus.