It's 11:30pm and I should definitely be attempting to sleep right now because I'm completely exhausted, but I can't... not yet. I went to church tonight for an awesome show... basically a bunch of different bands played and it ended with So Elated, my friend John and Ben's band. I hadn't yet seen John since I've been home from Africa and it was really sweet to have time to get reacquainted with one of my favorite people from high school.
Anyways... I gotta get to the point fast tonight. As I was driving home I was brought back to a time when rejection hurt more than I thought I could ever bear. When you're in high school and you're in love with someone and they're not in love with you, it hurts. When you're in college and you're in love with someone and they're not "in love" with you, it's gut wrenching. When you're an adult and you love someone and they don't love you back, it's devastating. You all know what I mean and I know you've all felt that rejection at some point in your life. It hurts right? It's one of those things where you don't believe it until the other person is in a different relationship, not with you... that's when you start to really give into the fact that you've truly been rejected. We try and try to convince ourselves that something will happen, or we even might try to change ourselves to make something happen. However, most of the time rejection is rejection and it hurts. It doesn't matter how old or young you are or if you're a believer or not... rejection hurts. Sometimes the pain is unbearable, right? I mean, really think about a time when you were rejected and it crushed your spirit. Maybe it isn't love for you, maybe it's rejected from a job. Maybe a group of friends. Maybe your family. Whatever the situation, it is one of the absolute worst feelings in the world. On top of the embarrassment of being rejected, many times you're expected to move on as though whatever you were rejected from didn't matter.
BUT after thinking about all that for a minute I got to thinking about Jesus and how deeply He feels emotion. When we are overcome with a strong emotion it consumes us and is often all that our thoughts can be focused on. Can you imagine being the Creator of the universe, sending Your only Son to die a sinner's death on a cross to save a sinful people, only to be rejected on a daily basis by literally millions of people? Rejected day in and day out, over and over. Do you think He's numb to it by now... like maybe because it happens so much it's not a big deal? Do you think He can brush it off of His shoulder and move on? Can you?? No way!!! The God of the heavens and the earth, the Great I AM, feels emotion on a level that I don't think I'll ever understand. He has walked this earth and He knows more about rejection than anyone I know. In His short time on earth He was rejected by thousands. Now sitting at the right hand of God, He faces rejection by even more.
I just can't imagine that kind of pain and sadness. I try to hide when I've been rejected... I want to be as far away from whatever I've been rejected from. Jesus doesn't run. He continues to stand with arms spread. How amazing is that? How can you not want to get on your knees right now, or raise your hands to the heavens??
How He Loves
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Guardianship Granted!!
I'm SOOOO very excited to let you all know that the Ackers have been granted legal guardianship of Lino!! Thanks to all who have been faithful in praying for this process, for the Ackers, and for Lino. I took this picture last year on Christmas day I think. I can't remember because it was with their camera and I took this from their blog. Please continue to pray for Lino, the Ackers, and their mission, Refuge and Hope International (refugeandhope.org).
This picture below is from a celebration they had at school for Lino's exciting day! The sign reads "it's a (teenage) boy!!" and it's signed by all the kids.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
You may want to hunker down...
I'll start with a bit of an update since I've been too distracted to do that lately. Work is changing a bit for me. Working for my parents is awesome because it's a relaxed environment and it's really flexible. Well the girl who was working the machines and actually doing all of the embroidery recently left, therefore I have a new job at the store! She trained me for like 8 days or so and now I'm on the machines everyday. I like learning new stuff and I can't say that I'm passionate about embroidery, but I do like seeing the end result of something I've created. Anyway, that's been keeping me pretty busy. This past weekend I went with Trent, his bro, and some youth to Carter Caves, Kentucky for a little camping and caving.
I left on Thursday to make my way down to Indy. We left for Kentucky on Friday morning and met the others from Ohio there in the evening. It was warm that first night and we had a sweet time around the fire, singing and relaxing. I had the chance to go on a walk with and chat with one of the youth girls one on one for a while that night. It was good. With the tents all set up and our gear inside we went to bed. Within what seemed like a couple of hours the rain started and it didn't stop until after lunch the next day. Needless to say, Saturday was cold and all our stuff was wet! The rain had brought a significant drop in the temperature. Even still, we hiked and explored for most of the afternoon. Saturday after the hike as the sun was going down I realized just how cold we were gonna get. Nothing had dried from the night before because it was cold all day, but still we found ways to stay warm until we ran out of dry wood. Luckily I had brought my long johns with me!! It was another fun night hanging out around the fire with the kids and laughing. Such a joy! I love that kinda stuff. Most of us were pretty sleepy since we didn't sleep much due to the rain, but I was dreading getting into my sleeping bag knowing just how cold the night was going to get. Time seemed to slow (we gained a darn hour of sleep on the coldest night ever!), and sleep didn't come. Cold seeped into every part of me! Travis had even brought me what I called my cocoon, a sleeping bag for freezing conditions and I was still cold! Well we survived the night in our tents (except for the one who shall remain nameless who couldn't handle it anymore and slept in the van). Sunday morning I wanted to have my own little church service, so while most were still sleeping I did a devo, grabbed my ipod and took off on a hike of my own. The sun was shining, but in the forest the warmth wasn't coming through as well as it could have. I was determined to find some warmth in the sun so I hiked up this hill that I found along a random path and after about 35 minutes or so I was standing in the sun on this beautiful hill, gazing out over God's creation, completely in awe of what the Lord does. The sun was SO warm, but standing in the presence of the Son was so much warmer than I could have hoped for after a night in the tundra. The valley was full of the vibrant colors of autumn. Most of you know that I love nature, I love being outside, and I love observing the wonders that God so mysteriously created. On that hill, with my ipod playing Selah ever so quietly in my ears I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the goodness of God. I just wanted to sit and bask in the warmth of the Son forever. I love how God gives us each our own little tastes of heaven sometimes. How sweet is it gonna be to live with Him eternally?? So sweet!
In that time with the Lord tons of thoughts rolled off my tongue and hundreds rattled around in my head. In my time of silence I listened and rested in His presence. I also loved singing at the top of my lungs though I was hoping no one else had left the path like I did. :)
Some of those thoughts followed me home and even as I drove from Indy back to Illinois on Monday morning I was overwhelmed by my time in the woods.
Which kinda leads me to the bulk of this blog entry...
Last time I wrote of not wanting to get stuck easily. But I was thinking about being stuck here (in America) instead of there (in Africa). Those are two very specific places if you ask me. When I think of America I think of living in Chicagoland, when I think of Africa I think of living in Kampala, Uganda, East Africa. Now I'm thinking about being "stuck" anywhere. I love the ability to move. I love being free. I'm so thankful that right now in my life I'm not restricted by outside things. I'm my own person and I make decisions for me and only me. Somehow that's freeing, and yet somehow its a bit depressing. It's freeing because I love being used by God and I will always go where ever He asks... even if it's just down the street and even if it's to some remote village in South America. It's depressing because it seems that I'm the only single person left out of most of my friends, thus I'm always a third, fifth, and ninth wheel. Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind not being as independent. Basically I'm sick of being single, but I'm excited to see who God has for me because I'm pretty sure it's gonna be an adventure. :) I am willing to be in America for as long as God has me here, I'm willing to go to Africa whenever I'm asked, and I can't wait to see what other places He may have in store for me (and eventually us).
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess all of that is to say that I'm SO confused these days and I'm getting real antsy. I've gotta move and be free. This is why I'm almost never home on a weekend. (I think I just discovered where all my money goes... fuel). I like going and doing. If something comes up, heck yes I'll drive 3 or 4 hours to hangout with someone. I need to have something to look forward to. Example: I'm so pumped to be heading out of state for a movie premiere in like 12 days! It gives me something to work towards. When I'm in this state of limbo I tend to go a bit nuts!
I've been ready to get back to Africa since like June 17th, (wait, didn't I get home that day?) ok maybe it was the 18th. Regardless, I thought I'd know some exact details by now and have most of my money raised. I thought I'd have a return date and a new assignment. Since then God has confirmed over and over that I'm supposed to be going back. Now it's just a matter of when.
BUT I've been kinda stressed just in the past week or so because I've learned something new about myself. I fell in love with Africa and it's people in less than a few months. Duh, you already knew that. I've fallen in love with the ministry I'm in now with WSC and even at New Hope in a few shorts months. I could easily fall in love with any place at anytime. How much of my heart can be spread across this vast creation? I love people and I love building relationships. God has given me the ability to relate to people in a way that I don't understand. I find it easy to connect with people quickly and I attribute that to Jesus. I simply love loving people. That's what I want to do.
Why does that stress me out? Well I guess that in thinking through some of that I've been thinking that that somehow belittles my experiences in Africa. Darn, I don't know how to explain it right now. I'm struggling to make sense of this entry, but I'll push on. I want to go everywhere and serve. There are people who are called specifically to one place for their entire lives and that's so awesome. I'm not sure if that's me... yet I'd be fine if it was, but it would take some getting used to I think.
Seriously... listen to this.
"If You Say Go" by Vineyard
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into theflames and look for You
Knowing that God has called me back to serve in Uganda again is amazing and I can't wait to go back. I'm super anxious for the details to start working themselves out. As most people are, I'm impatient. I'm praying that as I wait this would be a time of growing and learning so that when I go back I'm ready for things that are presented to me. Maybe in this time here I'm learning something amazing to bring with me when I go (where ever I go)! I've used this verse plenty lately, but I keep coming back to it... "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Amen to that.
For those who don't get my email updates, please be praying for Lino. This Tuesday the decision of the judge will be read and we'll know if Jade and Shelah are granted legal guardianship. This is their last opportunity and it's a huge deal. Please, please be praying for the judge to be compassionate and for her to really consider all aspects of Lino's life when making her decision. Pray for Lino and the Ackers and the weight that this decision has on their lives and their relationship. Thanks!
I know this was long, thanks for sticking with me and sorting through my crazy thoughts. :)
I left on Thursday to make my way down to Indy. We left for Kentucky on Friday morning and met the others from Ohio there in the evening. It was warm that first night and we had a sweet time around the fire, singing and relaxing. I had the chance to go on a walk with and chat with one of the youth girls one on one for a while that night. It was good. With the tents all set up and our gear inside we went to bed. Within what seemed like a couple of hours the rain started and it didn't stop until after lunch the next day. Needless to say, Saturday was cold and all our stuff was wet! The rain had brought a significant drop in the temperature. Even still, we hiked and explored for most of the afternoon. Saturday after the hike as the sun was going down I realized just how cold we were gonna get. Nothing had dried from the night before because it was cold all day, but still we found ways to stay warm until we ran out of dry wood. Luckily I had brought my long johns with me!! It was another fun night hanging out around the fire with the kids and laughing. Such a joy! I love that kinda stuff. Most of us were pretty sleepy since we didn't sleep much due to the rain, but I was dreading getting into my sleeping bag knowing just how cold the night was going to get. Time seemed to slow (we gained a darn hour of sleep on the coldest night ever!), and sleep didn't come. Cold seeped into every part of me! Travis had even brought me what I called my cocoon, a sleeping bag for freezing conditions and I was still cold! Well we survived the night in our tents (except for the one who shall remain nameless who couldn't handle it anymore and slept in the van). Sunday morning I wanted to have my own little church service, so while most were still sleeping I did a devo, grabbed my ipod and took off on a hike of my own. The sun was shining, but in the forest the warmth wasn't coming through as well as it could have. I was determined to find some warmth in the sun so I hiked up this hill that I found along a random path and after about 35 minutes or so I was standing in the sun on this beautiful hill, gazing out over God's creation, completely in awe of what the Lord does. The sun was SO warm, but standing in the presence of the Son was so much warmer than I could have hoped for after a night in the tundra. The valley was full of the vibrant colors of autumn. Most of you know that I love nature, I love being outside, and I love observing the wonders that God so mysteriously created. On that hill, with my ipod playing Selah ever so quietly in my ears I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the goodness of God. I just wanted to sit and bask in the warmth of the Son forever. I love how God gives us each our own little tastes of heaven sometimes. How sweet is it gonna be to live with Him eternally?? So sweet!In that time with the Lord tons of thoughts rolled off my tongue and hundreds rattled around in my head. In my time of silence I listened and rested in His presence. I also loved singing at the top of my lungs though I was hoping no one else had left the path like I did. :)
Some of those thoughts followed me home and even as I drove from Indy back to Illinois on Monday morning I was overwhelmed by my time in the woods.
Which kinda leads me to the bulk of this blog entry...
Last time I wrote of not wanting to get stuck easily. But I was thinking about being stuck here (in America) instead of there (in Africa). Those are two very specific places if you ask me. When I think of America I think of living in Chicagoland, when I think of Africa I think of living in Kampala, Uganda, East Africa. Now I'm thinking about being "stuck" anywhere. I love the ability to move. I love being free. I'm so thankful that right now in my life I'm not restricted by outside things. I'm my own person and I make decisions for me and only me. Somehow that's freeing, and yet somehow its a bit depressing. It's freeing because I love being used by God and I will always go where ever He asks... even if it's just down the street and even if it's to some remote village in South America. It's depressing because it seems that I'm the only single person left out of most of my friends, thus I'm always a third, fifth, and ninth wheel. Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind not being as independent. Basically I'm sick of being single, but I'm excited to see who God has for me because I'm pretty sure it's gonna be an adventure. :) I am willing to be in America for as long as God has me here, I'm willing to go to Africa whenever I'm asked, and I can't wait to see what other places He may have in store for me (and eventually us).
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess all of that is to say that I'm SO confused these days and I'm getting real antsy. I've gotta move and be free. This is why I'm almost never home on a weekend. (I think I just discovered where all my money goes... fuel). I like going and doing. If something comes up, heck yes I'll drive 3 or 4 hours to hangout with someone. I need to have something to look forward to. Example: I'm so pumped to be heading out of state for a movie premiere in like 12 days! It gives me something to work towards. When I'm in this state of limbo I tend to go a bit nuts!
I've been ready to get back to Africa since like June 17th, (wait, didn't I get home that day?) ok maybe it was the 18th. Regardless, I thought I'd know some exact details by now and have most of my money raised. I thought I'd have a return date and a new assignment. Since then God has confirmed over and over that I'm supposed to be going back. Now it's just a matter of when.
BUT I've been kinda stressed just in the past week or so because I've learned something new about myself. I fell in love with Africa and it's people in less than a few months. Duh, you already knew that. I've fallen in love with the ministry I'm in now with WSC and even at New Hope in a few shorts months. I could easily fall in love with any place at anytime. How much of my heart can be spread across this vast creation? I love people and I love building relationships. God has given me the ability to relate to people in a way that I don't understand. I find it easy to connect with people quickly and I attribute that to Jesus. I simply love loving people. That's what I want to do.
Why does that stress me out? Well I guess that in thinking through some of that I've been thinking that that somehow belittles my experiences in Africa. Darn, I don't know how to explain it right now. I'm struggling to make sense of this entry, but I'll push on. I want to go everywhere and serve. There are people who are called specifically to one place for their entire lives and that's so awesome. I'm not sure if that's me... yet I'd be fine if it was, but it would take some getting used to I think.
Seriously... listen to this.
"If You Say Go" by Vineyard
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into theflames and look for You
Knowing that God has called me back to serve in Uganda again is amazing and I can't wait to go back. I'm super anxious for the details to start working themselves out. As most people are, I'm impatient. I'm praying that as I wait this would be a time of growing and learning so that when I go back I'm ready for things that are presented to me. Maybe in this time here I'm learning something amazing to bring with me when I go (where ever I go)! I've used this verse plenty lately, but I keep coming back to it... "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Amen to that.
For those who don't get my email updates, please be praying for Lino. This Tuesday the decision of the judge will be read and we'll know if Jade and Shelah are granted legal guardianship. This is their last opportunity and it's a huge deal. Please, please be praying for the judge to be compassionate and for her to really consider all aspects of Lino's life when making her decision. Pray for Lino and the Ackers and the weight that this decision has on their lives and their relationship. Thanks!
I know this was long, thanks for sticking with me and sorting through my crazy thoughts. :)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lino Loves Fish
Hopefully this makes you all chuckle. I posted it back when I got home, but here's a refresher for you. Thanks for praying for Lino and the Acker family!!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Here and There
I woke up this morning, thought about the day ahead, and then abandoned all plans. Today I wasn't ready to face the world and all that comes with it. On a normal Sunday I get up, go to church, go to sunday school, hang out with friends, watch Da Bears, and hang with family. Of course I still plan on some of that (Da Bears, da bears, da bears, da bears!), but I needed a break this morning.
See, I'm trusting the Lord in all things... and I'm trying to wait patiently so I go about my daily life and wait. But there's something that's been on my mind for the last few days. I don't want to just go about my daily life! I want to move. I want to experience. I DO NOT want to be stuck in a routine with no way out and yet that's how I find myself this morning.
I can't smell Uganda anymore. I can't remember the smell of Lake Victoria in the morning or the feel of the moisture coming off of it. I can't hear the hundreds of different birds chirpping daily or the bats going crazy at night. I don't get to hear random cows, goats, roosters, chickens, and wild dogs. The sound of children's laughter as they play with a plastic bottle or push a tire down the broken, torn, and beat up orange path called a road is slowly fading from my memory. The brilliant colors that burst in the warmth of the equatorial sun are becoming dull and dim in the monotany of my everyday life.
Why is that? Everyday that I'm gone from there it's as though I'm settling more and more here. "Here" is not bad by any means. But "there" is where my heart beats freely. I had no idea that my life would be totally changed by an 11 month experience. How can I ache for a place as much as I do when I've spent so little time there? And how can I explain to others my passion for the place when I struggled so much when I was there the first time? These are all things that I don't know and don't understand.
What I do know is that I'm called and when God is ready for me to go, I'll go. Until then I'm clinging to these verses: "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Here's a song that I've fallen in love with over the last couple of weeks.
"If You Say Go" by Vineyard
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into theflames and look for You
See, I'm trusting the Lord in all things... and I'm trying to wait patiently so I go about my daily life and wait. But there's something that's been on my mind for the last few days. I don't want to just go about my daily life! I want to move. I want to experience. I DO NOT want to be stuck in a routine with no way out and yet that's how I find myself this morning.
I can't smell Uganda anymore. I can't remember the smell of Lake Victoria in the morning or the feel of the moisture coming off of it. I can't hear the hundreds of different birds chirpping daily or the bats going crazy at night. I don't get to hear random cows, goats, roosters, chickens, and wild dogs. The sound of children's laughter as they play with a plastic bottle or push a tire down the broken, torn, and beat up orange path called a road is slowly fading from my memory. The brilliant colors that burst in the warmth of the equatorial sun are becoming dull and dim in the monotany of my everyday life.
Why is that? Everyday that I'm gone from there it's as though I'm settling more and more here. "Here" is not bad by any means. But "there" is where my heart beats freely. I had no idea that my life would be totally changed by an 11 month experience. How can I ache for a place as much as I do when I've spent so little time there? And how can I explain to others my passion for the place when I struggled so much when I was there the first time? These are all things that I don't know and don't understand.
What I do know is that I'm called and when God is ready for me to go, I'll go. Until then I'm clinging to these verses: "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Here's a song that I've fallen in love with over the last couple of weeks.
"If You Say Go" by Vineyard
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to thefire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into theflames and look for You
Monday, October 12, 2009
God's Little Helper
It's been back to work for me on a consistent basis for over a week now. Amazing, I know! I've actually been staying quite busy which is nice for a change. It gets boring doing the same old thing all the time so I've been working on changing that up a bit. I'm going to start substitute teaching again to make some extra money as my cash flow is critically dissipated these days. I'm honestly not sure where my money goes anymore. I've done a lot of traveling since I've been back and so understandably much of my money has gone to that, I'm sure.
Anyways here's the deal. Money is a huge source of stress for me. It always has been. I don't always stress because I don't have it though... when I was younger it was stressful because I DID have it. I don't like money. It's not important to me. I don't like having it and I don't like how people can be so driven by it. I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. I'm not a fan of being restricted by something like money. I'm a bit of a hippie in this way, I know. Obviously the economy is bad and everyone is struggling these days, but it really seems like when it rains, it pours!
My car has multiple things that need to be fixed totaling about $1,500. I have school loans that are just piling up because I haven't had money to pay. I need a crown on my tooth. I just had surgery and haven't seen a bill yet, but can't begin to imagine what to expect. My car demands gasoline quite often, not to mention the law demands insurance. People are having babies and baby showers. People are getting married. AND on top of all that... I just want to get back to Uganda (which means I should be saving every penny). Dang it.
However(thankfully), God is a provider. Not just a provider, but THE Provider. Learning how to relax and trust God as the Great Provider has always been a bit of a challenge. But more and more through God's word and prayer I'm learning to chill. It's so nice to rest in knowing that Jesus is in control. Clearly I have to work on this everyday as more stuff keeps coming up. :)
God's movement is so evident to me lately. Maybe it's because I'm taking the time to listen and maybe it's because I'm learning how to be still. Is being still and listening easy for you? It's not for me. I am always wanting to DO something. I love to help God. Silly me, God doesn't need my help. Aren't I conceited, thinking that the Creator of the universe would NEED me? I just heard a sermon yesterday about God needing help. The pastor used many passages from Genesis, using the lives of Abraham and Sarah to illustrate how little God NEEDS us. It's always very humbling to hear things like that because it becomes very easy to think that the work Jesus has called us to do will not happen if we don't do it. Like the world will end or something. It will get done and the world won't end... simply because God is God. He can do it without the help of me or anyone. Luckily God is willing to use tools. I love being a tool that He chooses to use. Sometimes we are called to do things that we can't imagine doing... why is that? I've quoted Oswald Chambers a lot lately, but I love this one: "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." God is glorified when a task is done that would have proved impossible without His help. How cool is that? I love being a part of things like that. To God alone be the glory.
Anyways here's the deal. Money is a huge source of stress for me. It always has been. I don't always stress because I don't have it though... when I was younger it was stressful because I DID have it. I don't like money. It's not important to me. I don't like having it and I don't like how people can be so driven by it. I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. I'm not a fan of being restricted by something like money. I'm a bit of a hippie in this way, I know. Obviously the economy is bad and everyone is struggling these days, but it really seems like when it rains, it pours!
My car has multiple things that need to be fixed totaling about $1,500. I have school loans that are just piling up because I haven't had money to pay. I need a crown on my tooth. I just had surgery and haven't seen a bill yet, but can't begin to imagine what to expect. My car demands gasoline quite often, not to mention the law demands insurance. People are having babies and baby showers. People are getting married. AND on top of all that... I just want to get back to Uganda (which means I should be saving every penny). Dang it.
However(thankfully), God is a provider. Not just a provider, but THE Provider. Learning how to relax and trust God as the Great Provider has always been a bit of a challenge. But more and more through God's word and prayer I'm learning to chill. It's so nice to rest in knowing that Jesus is in control. Clearly I have to work on this everyday as more stuff keeps coming up. :)
God's movement is so evident to me lately. Maybe it's because I'm taking the time to listen and maybe it's because I'm learning how to be still. Is being still and listening easy for you? It's not for me. I am always wanting to DO something. I love to help God. Silly me, God doesn't need my help. Aren't I conceited, thinking that the Creator of the universe would NEED me? I just heard a sermon yesterday about God needing help. The pastor used many passages from Genesis, using the lives of Abraham and Sarah to illustrate how little God NEEDS us. It's always very humbling to hear things like that because it becomes very easy to think that the work Jesus has called us to do will not happen if we don't do it. Like the world will end or something. It will get done and the world won't end... simply because God is God. He can do it without the help of me or anyone. Luckily God is willing to use tools. I love being a tool that He chooses to use. Sometimes we are called to do things that we can't imagine doing... why is that? I've quoted Oswald Chambers a lot lately, but I love this one: "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." God is glorified when a task is done that would have proved impossible without His help. How cool is that? I love being a part of things like that. To God alone be the glory.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Program of Our Lives
Have you ever noticed how almost nothing goes according to our plans? This isn't the first time I've noticed it, but somehow it stands out in a new way to me right now. Humans are funny creatures, run by the programs of their lives. We are people who live by their schedules and rarely do we allow our schedules to change unless something really good comes up. Schedules and routines are comfortable and a lot of times we can go through each day in a brainless state of being. Do I think this is the worst thing in the world? Yes and no.
Well my "slowing schedule" was rocked last week and completely flipped upside down. Without going into much detail on here... I've had some family issues. Things were unsettled enough for me to leave for a week, thus my whole idea of not having to travel for a while was shattered. I ended up driving 3 and half hours to stay with my bff/roomie. Now, it had been about 3 months since I had seen her and my visit was WAY overdue so of course my visit was a blessing, just very unexpected. I'm so thankful to the Lord for friends that I can call and say, "hey I'm coming to stay with you for a while, I'm not sure for how long." (Even when we haven't talked in a while).
I arrived around midnight last thursday night and stayed until wednesday. While I was gone, not only did I have an amazing time with my bff and her family, but I spent a lot of time in the Word and in prayer. Jesus and I had plenty of time to talk and plenty of time for me to listen. In the midst of a "mini crisis" I just drew nearer to Him. I have a feeling that satan is not too happy to see me walking so closely with the Lord so he's doing what he can to try to tear me away. He's been using my family, friends, and other situations to discourage me and knock me over. Satan is very real, thankfully God is so much bigger and greater. As I was being brought down on one side, Jesus was on the other side holding me up... how great is our God?! Time and time again God continues to confirm His plans for me, and boy are they plans for good!
Here is a short passage from the September 29th devo out of My Utmost For His Highest:
"If a man or woman is called of God, it doesn’t matter how difficult the circumstances may be. God orchestrates every force at work for His purpose in the end. If you will agree with God’s purpose, He will bring not only your conscious level but also all the deeper levels of your life, which you yourself cannot reach, into perfect harmony."
Praise the Lord. Peeps, I really want to encourage you to walk closely with the Lord every single day. You will be more susceptible to attacks from the evil one... because he will be much more threatened by you, but you will find yourself relying on Jesus for anything and everything. The Creator of the universe will not allow you to be brought down completely, of that I am confident.
Well, I'm home now and so thankful for all the prayers and support. I'm still trying to figure some stuff out here and would appreciate continued prayers for me and the family. Another week off work means that I'm really not gonna be traveling anywhere anytime soon thanks to my lack of a paycheck. The youth worship team I'm directing at Wheatland Salem UMC has been going well and I love being a part of that group. This weekend I'm leading worship for their Confirmation retreat... it's great because the retreat center is only about 15 minutes from my house. I'd love some prayers for that time with the kids.
I would love for you to partner in prayer with me regarding Uganda and my return there. On top of that, would you pray for the country as a whole? Pray for the city of Kampala, the people, the missionaries. Pray for Heritage International School. Pray for my loved ones there. Pray for more rain for East Africa so people can eat again. Pray for peace.
Pray for my family and friends here. Pray for provision.
I'm praying for each of you and thanking God for you today. Amen!
Well my "slowing schedule" was rocked last week and completely flipped upside down. Without going into much detail on here... I've had some family issues. Things were unsettled enough for me to leave for a week, thus my whole idea of not having to travel for a while was shattered. I ended up driving 3 and half hours to stay with my bff/roomie. Now, it had been about 3 months since I had seen her and my visit was WAY overdue so of course my visit was a blessing, just very unexpected. I'm so thankful to the Lord for friends that I can call and say, "hey I'm coming to stay with you for a while, I'm not sure for how long." (Even when we haven't talked in a while).
I arrived around midnight last thursday night and stayed until wednesday. While I was gone, not only did I have an amazing time with my bff and her family, but I spent a lot of time in the Word and in prayer. Jesus and I had plenty of time to talk and plenty of time for me to listen. In the midst of a "mini crisis" I just drew nearer to Him. I have a feeling that satan is not too happy to see me walking so closely with the Lord so he's doing what he can to try to tear me away. He's been using my family, friends, and other situations to discourage me and knock me over. Satan is very real, thankfully God is so much bigger and greater. As I was being brought down on one side, Jesus was on the other side holding me up... how great is our God?! Time and time again God continues to confirm His plans for me, and boy are they plans for good!
Here is a short passage from the September 29th devo out of My Utmost For His Highest:
"If a man or woman is called of God, it doesn’t matter how difficult the circumstances may be. God orchestrates every force at work for His purpose in the end. If you will agree with God’s purpose, He will bring not only your conscious level but also all the deeper levels of your life, which you yourself cannot reach, into perfect harmony."
Praise the Lord. Peeps, I really want to encourage you to walk closely with the Lord every single day. You will be more susceptible to attacks from the evil one... because he will be much more threatened by you, but you will find yourself relying on Jesus for anything and everything. The Creator of the universe will not allow you to be brought down completely, of that I am confident.
Well, I'm home now and so thankful for all the prayers and support. I'm still trying to figure some stuff out here and would appreciate continued prayers for me and the family. Another week off work means that I'm really not gonna be traveling anywhere anytime soon thanks to my lack of a paycheck. The youth worship team I'm directing at Wheatland Salem UMC has been going well and I love being a part of that group. This weekend I'm leading worship for their Confirmation retreat... it's great because the retreat center is only about 15 minutes from my house. I'd love some prayers for that time with the kids.
I would love for you to partner in prayer with me regarding Uganda and my return there. On top of that, would you pray for the country as a whole? Pray for the city of Kampala, the people, the missionaries. Pray for Heritage International School. Pray for my loved ones there. Pray for more rain for East Africa so people can eat again. Pray for peace.
Pray for my family and friends here. Pray for provision.
I'm praying for each of you and thanking God for you today. Amen!
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