Mailboxes and God

Mondays are normally my day off, but this week is just too busy for that so I ran a few errands for work this morning.  My first stop was the high school to apply to be a substitute teacher again.  It's definitely a great way to spend time with the kids and get to know their friends.  However, NJ has made it quite the process to be certified!  It took a few hours to fill out the paper work, send a transcript request to IWU, and set up a time to be finger printed as well as find someone who will notarize one of the papers!  Who knew??  But, I digress...

As I was heading through Woodbury I passed a woman with a toddler.  They stopped in front of a big blue mail box to send a letter.  The woman didn't hesitate to hand the child the letter, pick her up, and let her put it in the slot.  The woman didn't act like it was a hassle to allow the child to take a few extra seconds to mail the letter, she didn't refuse to let the child help.  Instead she just took her in her arms and guided her along the way.  A big smile spread across my face because the Holy Spirit reminded me that this is just how God sees us.  Isn't this just how God treats His children?  He patiently stretches His arms out and guides us along in even the simplest tasks when we allow Him.  What a beautiful picture of heaven on earth today.  

I love the reminders of God's promises each and every day.  I love being a part of God's family and being held in His loving arms.  I love that He trusts me enough to give me tasks that He will help me with.  I love that He is patient when I don't quite exactly understand how to do something.

The woman and the toddler I saw might be in the habit of walking to the mail box to drop letters daily. Maybe today wasn't special and maybe the child throws a fit when she's not allowed to help put the mail in the box.  Or maybe the mother wants the child to learn, to grow, to understand.  Maybe the mother was only looking at that child with love and grace today.

God can do all things with or without me.  I'm honored when I get to do things.  I love that he wants me to learn, grow, and understand.  I love how He looks on me with love and grace... even when I do throw fits.  I love that He knows when I need help and carries me.

What a sweet picture of God's love.  Praise be to God.

Cooking For One

Hectic.  Amazing.  God-glorifying.  Crazy.  Brilliant.  Exhausting.  Complicated.  Simply beautiful.  That is just the beginning of the adjectives that describe this past week.  VBS week is always intense at any church and this was no different.  My only real responsibility during VBS was to play guitar, but I somehow managed to stay incredibly busy all day every day.  Even that responsibility wasn't huge because of the other guitar player who is just phenomenal at what he does.  I'm blessed to work with some very passionate, loving people.  Aside from seeing the kids connect with Jesus (which they sure did!), I got to see them connect and interact with the adults from church.  It was very telling to see how the adults responded to the kids.  I saw a lot of love and a lot of grace.  I saw Jesus.  From seeing a father love on his children and a mother tear up with joy because her son is at church, to seeing a grown man run up and down the aisle with his guitar to get the kids excited, the Spirit was moving and I believe God was glorified.  The laughter and singing was infectious.  By the end of the week I couldn't help but look over at the other musicians with a huge goofy grin on my face because I was so proud of Christ's Church.  My heart smiles just thinking about it!

It was a great opportunity to spend some time talking and getting to know some more individuals from the congregation.  I love when I get to sit one on one and hear someone's story, hear their heart.  I love building relationships and I'm grateful that God ordained some special meetings this past week.  :)

Aside from VBS I had meetings, meetings, and oh yeah, a few more meetings.  All were very good and they were all relevant.  I feel like a lot was accomplished and I'm super pumped to continue moving forward in ministry here.  I really feel as though working at EUMC is a gift from God, one that I'll continue to cherish.

Yesterday I spent much of my day being a responsible adult.  I attended a brunch (where I was the youngest by many years) to hear a WGM missionary who works in Kenya and South Sudan speak.  It was a major blessing to hear updates on her ministries and hear about some of the people I know from Africa.  The last time I saw her was in her home in Kenya while I was traveling during my last year in Uganda.  It's a comfort to my soul to connect with those who know and love Africa the way that I do.  Being pretty non-emotional, I was surprised by how many times my eyes either teared up or threatened to during the course of her speech.  Africa is deeply imbedded into my heart and soul.  My heart aches to be there some days, but I'm thankful that the Lord has brought me to a place in America that is so incredibly connected with Uganda.

After brunch, I bathed the dog, did some laundry, cleaned my house, went grocery shopping, and cooked a bit.  Not a very exciting day after brunch, but a necessary one.  It wasn't a bad day at all, but as I was cooking dinner for myself I got to thinking about all of the times I've lived alone.  

When I moved home to Chicago from Indiana, I move into the parsonage in Plano.  Yes, I had the whole house to myself, but my family lived a mile down the road.  The house there was a refuge.  I delighted in having my own space.  Even cleaning didn't bother me because I enjoyed the space so much.  I didn't have time to be any kind of lonely because I was nearly never alone except for at night.  I ate dinner with my family most nights and when I wasn't with them I was with youth kids or out of town visiting Trent's youth kids.  

Last year in Uganda I was without roommates a few different times... having a rather large house all to myself.  Even in those time I wasn't lonely.  I was either sharing meals with the Sudanese guys, some of the other refugees, or other missionaries.  Not to mention, I lived on a compound with another family whom I adore so I spent a lot of time with them as well.  The nights when I was cooking for one were nights of peace amidst the craziness of life in Africa.  I was ok with cooking for just myself.  It didn't bother me.

Yesterday, it bothered me for some reason.  Maybe it's because I'm realizing how permanent this new chapter of my life actually is and as I find myself settling in, I wonder more and more about my husband.  Maybe it's because the dog was being annoying.  Maybe it's because my iTunes shuffle just happened to be producing some sappy songs/songs that remind me of people.  Maybe it's because my mom and dad were at home watching the Cubs game, just relaxing on a typical Saturday without me.  Whatever the reason, I was bothered by it.  

This is by no means a "whoa is me" situation.  And just to clarify... I'm thrilled to be where I am!!  I love Jersey and the people I'm getting to know!  I suspect there will be others days when I feel like that as well.  When I feel like I'm doing life on my own when I'd rather be doing life with my husband.  I'm able to rest in the fact that God's timing is perfect.  I've been reading through Kings and Chronicles.  It always amazes me that God spoke so very clearly and yet people still disobeyed, but when they did obey, they experienced the goodness of God.  When they waited upon the Lord, He responded.  When they put their trust in Him, of course, He fulfilled His promises.  God's promises to me are clear and He is fulfilling them every day.  As I continue to try to be patient, God continues to give me opportunities deepen that patience.  I'm so thankful and so humbled.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

Sermonizing

I'd known since June that I would be preaching this past Sunday.  I knew what scriptures I was going to use and what I was going to talk about.  It seemed very appropriate to speak about David handing the kingdom of Israel over to Solomon.  I read and reread the scriptures in Kings and Chronicles... I knew them pretty well.  It was important for me to feel very comfortable with the scripture because I don't use notes when I speak.  Notes have a tendency to slow me down and confuse me by making me lose my train of thought.  I know what I'm going to talk about and I just do it.

Nerves have never been much of an issue for me either.  Speaking in front of people doesn't intimidate me and I actually enjoy it.  Being so busy with family in town didn't leave much time to worry anyways.

Thursday came and my family understood that it was my day to really sit down and focus on the sermon.  When I got to my office at the church (which is in the youth room) it was in the midst of being turned into a campsite.  This week is VBS, therefore last week the church was being set up for the theme of the week.  The women who were working in my room were very respectful and did their best to stay quiet.  However with many different people in and out, asking questions, and chatting, what should have taken about 2 hours took all day.  It's no one's fault but my own that I planned on working on Thursday.  I could have done it last week or over the weekend before my family came, but that's just not how I work.  If I'm going to do well I've got to sit down just a couple of days before so it stays very fresh in my mind... and then I continue to read and reread the scriptures in those couple of days.  That's just what works for me.  Often times I don't have a lesson plan for youth group set until the day before. It just works for me.

That being said, I finally finished my sermon around 5:00pm on Thursday.  I took advantage of the empty church and went into the sanctuary to practice and time the sermon.  It went fairly well, but was a bit longer than I wanted.  I knew there were some things I could cut out, so I went home with it running through my head.  I spent Friday and Saturday with my family, though we just hung out locally on Saturday because I was wanting to go over to the church to practice again.  There were people at the church until about 7pm, setting up for VBS, so I didn't get to practice again until they were gone.  I ran through it again and shortened it successfully, but something didn't feel right.  I was comfortable with the scripture, but I felt like God was leading me to change the topic of the sermon a bit... 12 hours before I was to give it.

Thus, my nerves kicked in and I began to realize the weight of the next day.  Preaching for the first time in a new church is intimidating!!  Not many people in the congregation know me beyond a few Sunday mornings of helping with small parts of worship... knowing that fact made me believe that their expectations would be very high.  There were even certain individuals that came to mind that made me nervous... especially since I wasn't completely sure where God was leading me.

I sat and I prayed.  I waited and listened.  God gave me a new scripture to use along with the ones I was already using.  It fit in perfectly (of course!).  So at 8:30pm I went home, hung out with the family, and went to bed.  I woke up frequently, but prayed myself back to sleep each time.  The Holy Spirit kept bringing peace, against what I imagine was a bit of an attack of the evil one.  I awoke too early, but decided to get up, pray, and get ready early.  I was able to go over to the church and spend time in prayer, read through my scriptures and the notes I made the day before.  I was nervous prior to walking up to the alter, but once the microphone was in hand and I prayed with the congregation, I was good to go.  My prayer for so long had been that the words I was speaking would not be my own... that God would speak louder than me.  It flowed and the added scripture was more than relevant.  Glory to God because it was nothing I did.  I just tried to listen.  The truth of Jesus speaks for itself!

Thanks to all who prayed and lifted me up as I prepared and as I spoke.  I appreciate your support!

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  -Matthew 28:19-20

Christ in us?

The last two weeks have flown by unbelievably fast.  It seems like I've been nothing but busy since I arrived here.  It's definitely a good thing.  I feel so blessed to know the people I'm getting to know and to work in a place that working to further the Kingdom of God.  After one "normal-ish" week after camp, this past week was crazy.  My sister, mom, and nieces decided to drive out and spend a week with me.  It worked out nicely since I preached today... I couldn't have imagined 2 months ago when I accepted this position that my family would be in town the first time I preached.  Very cool.

The week with the family was good.  Very, very busy.  We went to the shore, spent a day in Philly checking out the Liberty Bell and that area, went to a bounce house place, and just hung out.  I still had the responsibility of writing my sermon so I spent an entire day doing that as well.  Kayla and Alexandria struggled to not have quite the same amenities as at home seeing as though I don't have many toys or books, but we made it work.  I loved that they got to see where I live and work so now they have a bit of an understanding of what I'm doing these days.  They loved the puppy, Piper of course.  She had a hectic week having 5 masters telling her what to do and not do all week.  She's currently passed on the couch next to me with no signs of moving any time soon!

So anyways, that's the short version of what's been going on.  Something else that has really been on my mind is a couple of conversations I've had with a couple of different people in the last few weeks.  Strangely, both of the conversations went in the same direction, but they were coming from people in two very different places in their lives.  In both cases each person had at one point been an active member of a church or youth group and has since decided to abandon that and do life their own way.  Also, in both cases the reasoning was the same: the hypocritical and judgmental attitude found in many churches throughout the States.  As I sat and listened, my heart became heavy.  I've seen it happen and it's not shocking to hear, just very disappointing. I've heard people speak on not fitting in before, but it's always heartbreaking to hear that people are turning away because of the Body.  

In both conversations I sat patiently listening, sympathizing.  People are always surprised when they can't shock me with their language or lifestyle choices.  (In turn, I shock them by having tattoos and being honest about struggling with sin.)  I feel as though I'm always being tested to see if I'm one of those people judging them for how they live.  I do my best to get across that I don't care about any of that, but that I only care about them walking with the Lord.

After I talked with one of those people for about an hour on the subject of faith, I could tell that I was being judged myself.  I was being watched and every word I said was being scrutinized.  This person grew up in the church, basically lived the same way that I did through high school and into college, but instead of walking with the Lord now, they have chosen to almost completely ignore Him.  It's a tricky thing to try and witness without pushing someone further away.  I prayed as I sat listening to all of the ways that this person feels slighted by the church.  I asked God to give me wisdom in how to respond.  I believe the Spirit was moving and this person asked me for advice and recommendations on how to try to attend church again without feeling judged.  I was very able to speak a bit of truth into their life by talking through human nature, the Church, and Jesus.  The biggest thing was just being honest about how I understand things, what I know about the character of God, and how I conduct myself.  I did my best not to be boastful, just honest.

I don't know if either of these people are going to actually attempt to rejoin the church and I don't even know if they'll attempt to talk to me again for fear of being held accountable, but I do know that as the Body of Christ we need to be working to change this stigma.  I'd like to challenge those who claim Christ to help change it.  How can we go, teach, and baptize if we are ignoring those who are crying out.  How can we fulfill this command if we are too busy with our own programming to reach into the pews and comfort the hurting, invite the lost, welcome those who are crying out for Christ?  How can we encourage change?  Do our lives speak loudly enough that others can actually see Christ in us and desire that for themselves?  Do we have to scream loudly to spread the gospel or are we showing His great love, mercy, and compassion?

I want to see the church be the Bride of Christ, not a place that turns people away because they are living in sin.  The Jesus I know hung out with sinners.  I want to do the same.

Camp, Church, and a Puppy

Well, after hearing about Delanco camp for many years from many different people, I finally experienced a bit that it has to offer.  During Camp Meeting last week I had the chance to meet many key people, hang out with some fun teenagers, and meet a lot of the people I've heard about for so long.  What a blessing to have the opportunity to build new relationships.  It was also a good refreshing time for me personally.  Everything has been so hectic since the day I decided to move to the East coast and it was nice to have so much quiet time.  

On top of the new relationships and quiet time, I played a LOT of volleyball.  Apparently it's tradition at Delanco camp meeting to play volleyball each afternoon.  It was so nice to play again... after playing so much in Uganda it felt like being home almost.  The fact that it was about 100 degress everyday helped it feel more like my African home.  It was such a good time!

I got home from camp on Friday night around 11.  I showered and went right to bed, exhausted from the extreme heat and not sleeping so well for most of the week.  Saturday I woke up and decided that I was going to go puppy hunting.  After researching a bunch of different shelters, I headed to one about 45 minutes away.  They were a really solid place and had a new litter of puppies being fixed that day.  They told me to come back the next day to pick one and put an app in if I saw one I liked.  It was first come first serve and they opened at noon.  Church doesn't end until noon and then I had to drive to get there.  

Sunday was the first Sunday that I was really helping to lead the service as assistant pastor.  I was quite nervous, but after spending some time in prayer, felt at ease about the morning.  Both services went really well and Jesus totally helped me to be able to focus on Him and not just on the fact that I was helping to lead.  

After church I didn't even change out of my dress before hopping in the car and heading to the shelter.  When I pulled in, the lot was nearly full.  My heart dropped and I suspected that all of the puppies had already been adopted.  Upon entering, I asked about the puppies and was thrilled to hear that there were still some available.  I spent time with a couple of them, finally choosing Piper.  She is really sweet and so far she's been pretty good.  

Piper

Sleepy after a fun first day!

Anyways, aside from the excitement of having a puppy, I'm really looking forward to establishing a semi-regular routine.  I'm learning my way around pretty well and I'm feeling more comfortable in my surroundings.  Praise God!