Classy Hurricane Moment

This past Sunday morning at church we made the announcement that all church activities/meetings were cancelled through Wednesday because of the impending hurricane.  So I enjoyed a quiet Sunday watching football, chatting on the phone, doing some laundry, and skyping with my sweet nieces.  It was a bit strange not to have youth group, but a nice break.  When I woke up on Monday it was raining  steadily and the wind was starting to pick up.  I made sure everything was secure (windows locked, garbage can and recycle bin in the creepy little shed, etc.), took a hot shower, and "hunkered down", as they say.

There's nothing on tv during the day so I watched the news, played with the puppy, played guitar, and read.  All was going well until about 2pm.  This is when my dog decided to go nuts.  I usually only let her out without a leash when I'm confident that she'll come back right away... like in the morning when she knows she gets to eat when she gets in, when it's rainy because she hates getting wet, and late at night when there aren't a lot of distractions to draw her from the house.  You would think that during a hurricane when the wind and rain is raging, she would turn around and come right back in (in fact she had already done that 2 other times that day).

Well I don't know what happened in her little peabrain, but she chose to take that opportunity to run amuck.  The ground was thoroughly saturated by this point, so she effortlessly started digging a hole, covering herself with mud.  This prompted me to head out into the yard to try and stop her.  Picture, if you will, me with my hair messily in a ponytail, pajamas/comfy clothes on, no make up, trying to avoid falling tree branches, chasing my dog around the yard and the church parking lot, shouting like a crazy person, all in the middle of a hurricane.  A very classy moment for both Piper and I.

When I was finally able to get her back in, she took off running because she knew she was in trouble.  So not only was I soaking wet (AFTER I had already showered for the day), but now my house had mud tracked all over it.  I was able to corner her, spank her, and carry her to her cage before much more damage was done.  I proceeded to cover her cage with a blanket just like a bird you don't want to hear from.  She didn't make a sound... lucky for her.  I cleaned up her mess, changed into warm, dry clothes, and just chilled for a while before letting her out.  About an hour later I went to let her out and she came cautiously out of her cage, bowing before me.  She quite literally laid herself at my feet looking ashamed, which of course made me feel guilty for punishing her.

The rest of the afternoon went well.  The weather continue to deteriorate, but still wasn't what it was predicted to be for my area.  Yes, when I took the dog out (on the leash) I changed into different clothes, knowing I would get soaked, but all in all it wasn't horrible.  Around 5 it started to really pick up.  I decided to crank the heat in my house so that if I did lose power later that night, it would take longer to get really cold.  By about 11pm I was sweating and the lights had only flickered a couple of times.  I turned the heat down and went to bed, not able to fall asleep until about 2:30am because of the crazy wind.

The only "damage" here is a few branches in my yard and the trellis above the walkway fell down.  To be honest I'm not sad about the trellis being down.  It was decent looking, but spiders liked to drop from it while people walked under it.  Not cool at all.

So my first hurricane experience was a bit stressful at times, but mostly I'm feeling very grateful for the uneventful nature of the storm around my home.  Watching the news and seeing the damage at the shore, other parts of NJ, NYC, and the entire east coast is sobering.  My area is fortunate to still have power and nearly no damage.  Please continue praying for those who are not as fortunate.

First Major Bout

Today was my first day substitute teaching in New Jersey.  It took about 2.5 months just to get to this point.  Crazy.  I've really missed being in the classroom.  Aside from my first year at Heritage International School, I've really enjoyed teaching.  And even then, it wasn't that I didn't like the teaching part, I just wasn't a fan of the age of my students and most of the subject matter we had to cover... not to mention the fact that I was far from being prepared, not having a teaching degree and all.

I subbed for an English teacher and I had mostly seniors today.  My job was of course simple, press play, fast forward, and write bathroom passes, but I'm really glad I'm doing this again.  I saw and talked to about 5 of my youth kids from church... they were surprised to see me and did a pretty good job of introducing me to their friends (which is the whole point of me being there).  A fire alarm was pulled and there was a pep rally at the end of the day, so things moved pretty quickly which was nice.  One of my friends was subbing there today too and I'm glad.  It was nice to not stand alone at the pep rally.  I sometimes struggle to be really outgoing (shocking, I know) with the actual classroom teachers because I'm self-conscious about being "just a sub" when I'm there.  Subs are generally looked down upon, at least from what I've been told... so I'm not good at socializing with them.  The fact that there was someone else around that I already know, put me at ease today.

I had talked with a couple of the kids about going to the homecoming game tonight, but then their plans changed, so here I sit.  I'm actually ok with it because after waking up at 5:30am, I'm good to just chill tonight.

Something that today brought on that I did not expect in the least is homesickness.  Being in the school made me miss my students in Uganda, both at the international school and at the refugee center.  I miss playing with them, basketball and volleyball.  I miss the ridiculous laughter that ensues when I would try to explain things that the language barrier tried to prevent.  I miss sharing meals and learning new cultural things.

It also made me miss my youth kids back in Illinois (and Indiana).  I miss just hanging out with them... being a part of their lives.  I've been blessed to stay in pretty good touch with most of them, skyping and texting fairly regularly.  I often get texts from them expressing how much they miss me... but today it really hit me.  These are kids who were willing to travel 9,000 miles to see me, and parents who trusted me enough to let that happen.  These are kids who planned their trips home from college around my schedule, road-tripped with me, had my birthday party at their house, drove out to my house to go fishing, play night frisbee, hike, watch movies, have slumber parties.  Kids I love so much... and miss very dearly.

I'm anticipating those kinds of relationships with the kids here, eventually... very much looking forward to it.  

Being away from friends and family is tough too.  I have a voicemail saved on my phone from my youngest niece because her little voice is so precious and I miss her.  I (kind of) miss living at home and always having someone around. (I say that now, but if that were the case I'd be longing to get out again.)  I miss talking to my parents/siblings at the end of the day and watching football as a family.  I miss building giant forts with my nieces, drawing with chalk, and going to the playground.  I miss doing ridiculous things like coming home to see them running through the sprinkler in the back yard... and putting on my swim suit and sneak attacking them, and hearing their laughter and screams of surprise.  

I love my job.  I love my church.  I even love my crazy dog.  I'm ok with being sad sometimes because I know without a doubt that this is where God has placed me.  So tonight I'm resting in that fact.  God is good... and I'm allowed to miss those I love dearly.  I'm actually feeling a little blessed by this bout of homesickness because it means I've been given lots of amazing people in my lifetime so far.  

Comfortable

I've been busy... not that that's big news these days.  It's truly been great.  I find myself making to-do lists for my to-do lists.  Anyone who says youth ministry isn't a full time job is kidding themselves.  I feel like I haven't hardly scratched the service.

Relationships continue to move forward and grow in depth.  My Monday night Bible study with the young adults is often times my favorite part of the week.  They are a lively group of 18+ people who love discussing tough issues and doctrinal stuff alike.  I thoroughly enjoy getting to hear their opinions and the reasoning behind them, as well as bringing scripture and the character of Christ into things.  We start off each week with this simple (and sometimes not so simple) question, "how is it with your soul?"  I consider it a privilege to lift them up before the Lord.

Youth group continues to go fairly well.  I like the curriculum I'm using and I feel like the lessons have been going well.  We've also been playing a lot of 4-Square prior to lesson time.  I must say... we're getting good.  :)

Beyond youth stuff, I'm really enjoying all of the other things I get to do each week.  I love Sunday morning worship, I love the worship leader Bible study, I love being on the praise team and singing again.  This past Thursday we were supposed to have worship leader Bible study, which I lead.  We're going through a Louie Giglio book and I was very excited about the chapter we were going to discuss. Only about a third of the people who were supposed to be there actually showed up, which was very disappointing since I consider being in the Word with other leadership to be extremely important for our ministry and unity.  

About an hour prior to the beginning of Bible study I heard the Lord telling me we should do a prayer walk, even though I had something else prepared.  So when I saw that so few people were there, it was apparent to me that God had ordained that group of people to pray together.  We prayed in the sanctuary for the congregation.  We prayed near the Sunday school rooms for that ministry.  We prayed in the parking lot for our neighbors and the surrounding communities.  The we went downstairs and prayed for the youth ministry.  I decided that out last stop would be at the alter... there we prayed for God to be glorified through our worship, prayed for the staff, and prayed for the leadership.  Praise the Lord for a good focused time of prayer together.

This past Friday night was Open Mic Night with the youth/young adults.  We open the church up, set up a guitar, the drums, and a few mics, and invite people to share music, poetry, etc..  The video below is one of the songs that my friend, Allan and I did that night.  There weren't as many people there as we all would have liked, but it was absolutely a blessing and a very fun, relaxing time.   



It's rare that I feel comfortable enough to perform in front of people, but this time felt so different.  I wasn't nervous in the least.  (which is huge because you all know how very self-conscious I've always been about my singing voice/musical abilities.)  Allan and I had picked a few songs and practiced a couple of times before Friday, but it wasn't that we had taken the time to practice that made me feel comfortable.  It was just easy to be up there with him... there was no judgment, it was relaxing.

Then on Saturday I met my Uganda roomie, Jean and her friend up in North Jersey and we went into NYC for the day.  They are both very familiar with the city which made my first time in NYC very fun and very chill.  We found free parking, explored Central Park, rode the subway, hung out in Little Italy, walked around a street fair, ate yummy pizza, found a geocache, saw the Empire State building, hung out in Times Square, went up to the rooftop of Jean's friend's building just in time for sunset, saw the Brooklyn Bridge, and went in Grand Central Station.

We were down there for probably 8 or nine hours and walked for about 7 of those hours.  We were exhausted at the end of the day, but it was so nice to be back in a big city and fun to see all of things I've seen in movies my whole life.  I really enjoyed how easy it is to get around, though I'm not surprised seeing as though Chicago is the same way.  I do have to say that I'm still partial to Chicago (it's much cleaner, less stinky, and a bit friendlier), but more than that, it's just more familiar to me.  I'm looking forward to exploring NYC some more in the future... practice makes perfect.  :)

It was nice to get home that night to the quiet rural area I now call home.  It's nice to fall into bed and feel at home.  Grateful.

Birthday Time!!

A quick addendum to my previous post entitled "Poop": the little pooper was indeed a squirrel.  He was caught early the next morning before I arrived at work.  He wasn't in the trap though.  He was nested up in the trash can by my desk... terrified.  He was released and I've not seen him since.

Moving on...

So at Delanco Camp (the place I was at last weekend) the kids are not allowed to have their cell phones at all.  If they bring them, they have to turn them in to the staff for the weekend.  So I was with my kids, getting them signed in and registered when a 20 year old staffer came right up to me and said, "look into my eyes..."  I was like, um, this chick is a total creeper.  So I'm looking at her and she says, "do you have your cell phone?  Be honest."  At first I was confused and wondering why she needed my phone... like, do you not have one and need to make a call, or what?  Then it dawned on me that she thought I was a camper and wanted me to give up my phone for the weekend.  I very politely, but in an obviously amused voice said, "I'm on staff."  She of course was mortified, put her face in her hands and turned around.  I couldn't help but giggle with my kids about this after she had gone.  They like to remind me just how old I am all the time.

Her mistake basically made my day.  I know I look a bit younger than I actually am, but it's been a while since someone has mistaken me for being THAT young.  The oldest I could have been even if I was a camper is 18.  I'll take it.  A few years ago I went to see a movie with a friend... I got carded, he didn't.  It was amazing!  So apparently I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.  That, or people are terrible at guessing ages.  I'll stick with the former.  :)

So it actually made me start thinking about the fact that I'm turning the big 3-0 in just a couple of months.  Those of you who've known me for any length of time know that my birthday has always been my favorite day of the year.  I love being with my friends and family to celebrate and I ALWAYS make a huge deal out of it... mostly for fun, but partially because of the timing of it.  I can't remember a specific time when I felt like my birthday was ignored because it's 5 days after Christmas and a day before New Years Eve, but it's always been less celebrated than other people's.  So I've always made sure people don't forget.  

This year I don't have a desire to make a big deal out of it.  What?!  Are you kidding me?!  Shocking, right?  This isn't because I'm turning 30, (because obviously I don't look it, so whatevs) but more because I've been humbled.  Last week I noticed that facebook was telling me that it was someone's birthday when I've always known their birthday to be in December (although they are unaware of when their actual real b-day is).  This person is an African friend of mine, so I sent a message asking for clarification.  They clarified that though that's when we had been celebrating it all these years, they had decided that they like a specific date last week and just changed their birthday to then.  I wasn't super surprised by this choice, but it's still a strange thing to think about being unsure of when you were born.

I have MANY other African friends who are in similar situations.  They're not sure of an exact date and in some cases they're not even sure of the year.  Can you imagine not knowing how old you are?  I mean, does it really matter?  What difference does a year or two or even 5 make?  This has been on my mind quite often for the past week and a half or so.  I feel very blessed and privileged to have grown up the way that I did and in this country.  It's just so interesting to actually think about the things that we (I) hold dear, that we (I) deem as important.  I've never had a birthday without cake of some sort.  I don't think I've ever had a birthday without being sung to.  What would it be like to have never celebrated a birthday before... simply because it's not important?  It's just another day to work, hopefully eat, live, love.

Some of you may be thinking, "that's no big deal, I don't really celebrate my birthday anyway."  Do you go out to dinner?  Does someone cook you something special?  Do you get a card in the mail or hundreds of fb b-day wishes?  I'm willing to bet that your birthday is celebrated somehow.  You may not be like me and make sure you take the day off of work (I've never once worked on my b-day), but I'm sure it's at least recognized, if not celebrated.

Maybe it doesn't strike you at all and you're thinking that I'm over-thinking this.  Whatever the case may be... I'm excited to turn 30 and I feel blessed to know that it'll be celebrated whether I decide to make a huge thing of it or not.  I'm thankful for the knowledge I've been given and the family I'm a part of.  I'm thankful for my African friends and family who help keep me grounded, though they are unaware that they are doing so.  I'm also thankful that those dear ones accept me and love me even if I am accustomed to silly things like birthdays being so important.  I'm feeling overwhelmingly loved and blessed tonight and I'm grateful to God.  All good things are from God, who is good.

How Awesome is He!

Pine needles and leaves drifted lazily to the ground and a light breeze picked up.  Casually I strolled  from my classroom in the woods, past the lake as the rain slowly made it's way over the once calm waters like a curtain being drawn.  In a seemingly perfect line, the drops danced across the lake, following me as I walked parallel to it.  My heart was lighter than it had been in days and quite full joy.  

I had already spent much of the day in the quietness of God's vast creation.  In between each of my four lessons, after one class left and another meandered over, I had about 20 minutes of stillness.  My senses were overtaken by the surrounding forest as I breathed in the crisp air and silenced myself before my Creator.  In those quiescent moments of pure worship I stood in awe, struggling to do anything but express my love and adoration to my God.  It was an honor to be standing there lifting up my family, friends, church, and youth (near and far) to the Maker.  How awesome is He!!

Chapel in the Pines - Delanco Camp

Since this was my first fall retreat at Delanco, I wasn't quite sure what the weekend would like.  I've been on and led enough retreats to have a general understanding, but my role as a teacher for the weekend wasn't well defined.  I found out just days before arriving how many lessons I'd be responsible for and how much time they should cover.  Being a staff member at a camp I've only visited twice, once for just an hour, wasn't easy.  It was very apparent that those in leadership are very well established, so being an outsider (someone who's not grown up attending or working at Delanco) was difficult.  There were some who made an effort to make me feel welcome, but there were too many others who didn't which was quite disappointing.  I've always been someone who just meshes easily, but when a group of leadership is so tightly bound, unfortunately it's hard to get in.  I'm guessing over time I'll get to know people better and it won't be as awkward, but we'll see.  Ah the disadvantages of being a newbie. 

More important than that though, is the time I got to spend with the few kids from my youth group that attended.  We had fun fishing, chatting, and hanging out.  One of them got a little beat up by a tree stump which resulted in an ER visit until 3am, but even that time spent with that one kid was special.  (he's fine, just a sprain, btw.)  I see that God is moving and that big things are going to happen.  

I've been struggling a bit to be patient as the numbers continue to be low for youth group.  I just have to keep reminding myself that even if one person comes to Christ and is discipled, it's all been worth it.  Pray with me for the leadership, youth, young adults...   

I've been feeling very burdened for the souls of those in my life without Christ.  The thought of someone missing out on eternity with God makes me unbelievably sad and overwhelmed with grief.  The absolute joy and freedom that comes from knowing Christ and walking with Him daily is truly indescribable.  To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have been created to be in relationship with God, to bring Him glory, and to share His goodness with the world is nothing short of amazing.  I am resting in the knowledge that I'm just a tiny speck in this giant God story, but I've been given the ability to do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  

I'll leave you with this passage of scripture that has been on my heart these days from Philippians 2:1-11:

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

  

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 
Who, being in very nature God,
 did not consider equality with God something to
 be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
 by taking the very nature of a servant,
 being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
 he humbled himself
 by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father."

Job Title

I'm going to try to get to the point quickly tonight because it's almost 1 in the morning and I'm planning on no sleep for the next few days at the Fall retreat.

For the past 3.5 months my title has been Assistant/Youth Pastor.  When I first applied for this job I assumed I wasn't even going to get called back because I knew I wasn't qualified to have that assistant pastor title.  As I prayed about jobs to pursue, this one was on the top of my list, but I still couldn't get past that whole job title thing.  Now that I have the job and I'm comfortable here it's not as intimidating.  I mean, I guess I shouldn't have been quite so reserved about it considering my last job title was missionary (what a weighted title that is!).

This whole week I've tried to really pay attention to my interactions with people.  I'm pretty good at reading people and I've found it very interesting to watch how different people treat me.  Without any doubts in my mind there are many people who treat me a certain way because "pastor" is my title.  There are people who only want to discuss spiritual matters (which is fine with me, btw).  There are people who don't give up any personal info, and others who give up a lot of personal info.  I can tell the level of comfort and openness about life outside of the walls of the church just isn't there for some, yet if my title wasn't what it is, I would be thought of as someone they could talk to about "real life."

It seems like I've always been someone that others gravitate toward for counsel.  Whether it's to spill their guts, cry their eyes out, or just have a normal chat, I always find myself listening.  It's what I love to do and I believe it's a gift from God... that people feel comfortable with me, that I tend to build relationships easily, that God helps me be bold when necessary and shuts me up at other times.  When I do decide to go back to school whether I get an MDiv or not, I'm definitely getting a masters in counseling.  No shocker there, I know.

The thing that struck me today was that this is all I'm known as here.  Youth/Assistant Pastor.  I think that's why I like talking to people from home or those who I've known for more than 3 months... to them I'm just Chris/Christina/Cwistina. I'm not anyone special because my title says I am... I'm just me.  There's no pressure.  If I slip up and swear, it's no big deal.  If I talk about a relationships with guys, it's normal.  If I admit my mistakes, my sin, it's not going to be a huge shock.  If I'm having a bad day or I'm hurting because of something, I can talk about it.  If I feel the need to scream at my dog because she's being a jerk, I don't have to mute the phone.  I'm allowed to just be me, to be imperfect.  

However, then the question in my mind was, "well who am I if I'm not being myself?"  I feel like this job title defines who I am, BUT aren't we all called to be pastors to some extent?  When I read the Great Commission, a resounding YES is the answer.  So if we are truly all called to be pastors, and I believe we are, how are we living?  In such a way that is fitting with that title?  What are the expectations of that title?  It makes me think of students in school who see their teachers at the mall or something.  What are your expectations?  Am I allowed to have a life beyond my job, if I'm still trying to be Christ within whatever I'm doing?  Do you do that in your life outside of the walls of the church building (try to be Christ in all you're doing)?

It's weird that no one really knows much about me beyond the fact that I love the Lord, I'm passionate about missions, I'm called to ministry, and I love music.  I'm very much looking forward to a time when I'm more than just a person with a title... to a time when my title doesn't matter because my friends here know me as more than the person who stands behind the pulpit on Sunday mornings or plays ridiculous games on Sunday nights.  When they actually know me, know about my life before NJ, before Africa.

I'm happy to have this title, I'm just figuring out how to adjust.  Would you join me in praying for this time of adjustment and transition?  Also, please continue praying for the ministries of EUM.  I believe that God is doing big things and that He has many other big things planned!  Pray for the surrounding communities as well.  I believe hearts and lives are changing and are going to change.  Thanks be to God.  Also, please be praying for the Fall retreat this weekend.  I'm teaching 4 sessions, but mostly I'm looking forward to spending time with my kids outside of church.  Pray for health, safety, and hearts that are prepared to hear exactly what God is saying.  Pray for myself, and the other teachers as we share... that it wouldn't be about us, only about God.  You are much appreciated!