For the past 3.5 months my title has been Assistant/Youth Pastor. When I first applied for this job I assumed I wasn't even going to get called back because I knew I wasn't qualified to have that assistant pastor title. As I prayed about jobs to pursue, this one was on the top of my list, but I still couldn't get past that whole job title thing. Now that I have the job and I'm comfortable here it's not as intimidating. I mean, I guess I shouldn't have been quite so reserved about it considering my last job title was missionary (what a weighted title that is!).
This whole week I've tried to really pay attention to my interactions with people. I'm pretty good at reading people and I've found it very interesting to watch how different people treat me. Without any doubts in my mind there are many people who treat me a certain way because "pastor" is my title. There are people who only want to discuss spiritual matters (which is fine with me, btw). There are people who don't give up any personal info, and others who give up a lot of personal info. I can tell the level of comfort and openness about life outside of the walls of the church just isn't there for some, yet if my title wasn't what it is, I would be thought of as someone they could talk to about "real life."
It seems like I've always been someone that others gravitate toward for counsel. Whether it's to spill their guts, cry their eyes out, or just have a normal chat, I always find myself listening. It's what I love to do and I believe it's a gift from God... that people feel comfortable with me, that I tend to build relationships easily, that God helps me be bold when necessary and shuts me up at other times. When I do decide to go back to school whether I get an MDiv or not, I'm definitely getting a masters in counseling. No shocker there, I know.
The thing that struck me today was that this is all I'm known as here. Youth/Assistant Pastor. I think that's why I like talking to people from home or those who I've known for more than 3 months... to them I'm just Chris/Christina/Cwistina. I'm not anyone special because my title says I am... I'm just me. There's no pressure. If I slip up and swear, it's no big deal. If I talk about a relationships with guys, it's normal. If I admit my mistakes, my sin, it's not going to be a huge shock. If I'm having a bad day or I'm hurting because of something, I can talk about it. If I feel the need to scream at my dog because she's being a jerk, I don't have to mute the phone. I'm allowed to just be me, to be imperfect.
However, then the question in my mind was, "well who am I if I'm not being myself?" I feel like this job title defines who I am, BUT aren't we all called to be pastors to some extent? When I read the Great Commission, a resounding YES is the answer. So if we are truly all called to be pastors, and I believe we are, how are we living? In such a way that is fitting with that title? What are the expectations of that title? It makes me think of students in school who see their teachers at the mall or something. What are your expectations? Am I allowed to have a life beyond my job, if I'm still trying to be Christ within whatever I'm doing? Do you do that in your life outside of the walls of the church building (try to be Christ in all you're doing)?
It's weird that no one really knows much about me beyond the fact that I love the Lord, I'm passionate about missions, I'm called to ministry, and I love music. I'm very much looking forward to a time when I'm more than just a person with a title... to a time when my title doesn't matter because my friends here know me as more than the person who stands behind the pulpit on Sunday mornings or plays ridiculous games on Sunday nights. When they actually know me, know about my life before NJ, before Africa.
I'm happy to have this title, I'm just figuring out how to adjust. Would you join me in praying for this time of adjustment and transition? Also, please continue praying for the ministries of EUM. I believe that God is doing big things and that He has many other big things planned! Pray for the surrounding communities as well. I believe hearts and lives are changing and are going to change. Thanks be to God. Also, please be praying for the Fall retreat this weekend. I'm teaching 4 sessions, but mostly I'm looking forward to spending time with my kids outside of church. Pray for health, safety, and hearts that are prepared to hear exactly what God is saying. Pray for myself, and the other teachers as we share... that it wouldn't be about us, only about God. You are much appreciated!
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