Even with the joy of Stacy and Jeff moving here, this was a bit of a rough week for me. Partly because I spent some time in the ICU visiting a church member. (Just to clarify, it's not the visiting that is difficult, it's the circumstances.) She has been in ICU for a week now. The first day I saw her was on Wednesday. I was instructed to put on a gown before going into her room and to be sure to wash well after exiting... which didn't instill any confidence that she was improving. As I entered the room it was clear that she was miserable. Almost too weak to move, she looked up at me smirked, and then closed her eyes again. I stood with her for a while and then prayed with her. After about 25 minutes or so, I was ready to head out when a few other church members arrived. Only two people are allowed in an ICU room at a time, so I made to leave. They asked if I would pray before I left, so I stumbled through a Psalm as the women began to cry and then prayed with them. As I was praying I could feel the sadness rolling off of everyone in the room. When I finished praying I expressed my love, said goodbye, and left.
(Sidebar: I'm fairly uncomfortable around really old people because sadly, I'm always reminded of the death of my grandparents. I lost all 4 of my grandparents at a pretty young age and I've been to more funerals than I care to remember, so death isn't something I deal with very well. The other thing I'm a bit uncomfortable with is crying... not so much other people's tears, but my own. I just don't get really emotional often, so when a situation comes that will end in tears, I try to avoid it.)
The rest of that day was quite hectic for me as it was my job to coordinate dinner for about 60 people that night at church. I had sent out numerous emails and a few people responded that they would be willing to bring some food in, but I knew it wasn't going to be enough. I ran to the store and then spent the rest of the afternoon cooking and preparing for our Wednesday night programming. Come meal time, a couple of people forgot to bring/drop off the food they had said they would so I was racing around trying to figure out what to do. The Lord provided, everyone ate, and I'm grateful. I'd like to specifically thank Amy Edwards for her contribution which provided a great opportunity for me to flee from temptation... an opportunity that I failed at a couple of times. After dinner, I took the youth outside to play volleyball/"nuke-em" and to burn off some energy. There were a few unexpected complications and some of the youth had some majorly bad attitudes. At the end of the hour I was more than ready to come home.
Thursday brought more visits. The first of which was in the home of a lovely woman who is physically unable to get to church on Sunday mornings. I always enjoy our chats and feel very blessed to know her. The second visit was back to the ICU, but this time was very different. When I do scheduled home visits it's always with a friend from church. God has gifted him with the ability to bring joy no matter where or what the situation. In his 80-something years of life, he's walked very closely with the Lord and it's quite evident in all he does. When we got into the room in ICU the atmosphere had changed. The was an air of hope. Our patient looked a bit stronger and even had a big smile for us when we came in. She was still too weak to communicate well, but she was responding with much more enthusiasm than the day before. We only stayed for about 15 minutes so as not to exhaust her, but we made sure to pray again before leaving.
That evening I spent time with Stacy, Jeff, and the kids in their new home. It was really nice to get away for a few hours! Unfortunately, during that time a friend sent word of a major disappointment... something we'd been praying for earnestly for a few days that just didn't work out. My initial response was anger (as per usual) but then a deep sadness took over me. It hurts me when those around me are hurting or disappointed. I guess I take Romans 12:15 quite seriously... "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." It was one of those, "oh come ON, God, really?!" moments that I hate to admit to having. I was so frustrated, but the Lord quickly reminded me that His timing is best and that a "no" is indeed an answer to prayer, just not the answer I was looking for. So now we wait on the Lord.
When my alarm went off at 5 this morning, it took all I had to drag myself out of bed. I subbed at the high school for a foods teacher. I sat through the same cheesy VHS every single period that I had class. The kids were great and I love hanging around them, but by the 6th time through the video I was more than ready to leave... luckily the teacher I was in for didn't have a class the last period of the day, so I got to leave early. Even leaving school early didn't pull me out of this low-hanging cloud I seem to be in so tonight I spent some by myself time in worship. A friend is letting me borrow his keyboard right now so I played through a bunch of songs. Standing in my house, just me and God, I found peace in His presence tonight. It's because of Him that I can say my heart is filled with joy.
Resting in Isaiah 55 right now:
1 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without
money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
3 Give ear and come to me;
listen,
that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my
faithful love promised to David.
4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a
ruler and commander of the peoples.
5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”
6 Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so
are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so
that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It
will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
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