I did indeed go to the Good Friday service and yes, I even enjoyed it. Before going I prayed that God would help me with my attitude and help me to simply focus on the word He had for me that day. Only one time during the service was I disturbed/distracted by something that was said which I felt was contradictory to what I understood about that particular denomination. For a few seconds I allowed my anger to boil up, but was able to stifle it with God's help and bring myself back into the service. Over all it was a very good service and I got a lot out of it. I don't regret going and I wish more people would have come.
Moving on. My mind has been working over time since last Wednesday. I met with a woman from church for lunch. This is a woman that I've seen and hugged nearly every week since moving here, but this was the first time that we sat down to talk one on one. I so regret that last week was our first hang out. She's fantastic! I can honestly say that I've never left a meeting feeling so encouraged in my life. I'm convinced that her gift of encouragement is straight from God. We sat and simply started at the beginning... getting to know each other, a bit of our past, and even the desires of our hearts right now. She was so easy to talk and I absolutely loved hearing her story. I felt very comfortable sharing with her and she was very gracious in listening. She said some stuff that has my mind spinning (in a good way). Often times, God speaks to me through the words and wisdom of others... and He was speaking loud and clear. Since then, I've been going over and over things in my mind.
I have a very active thought life, as I'm sure most of us do. My brain doesn't shut down easily or well. I find myself multitasking constantly. I don't like to be idle and I'm not good at resting. This results in being over analytical much of the time. I allow myself to over-think situations and interactions and spend a lot of time thinking, "I shoulda said this" or "I shoulda said that" or "I shoulda shut my mouth" or "I wish things had gone this way" or "I really want this person to respond a certain way, how can I make that happen?" It's craziness up there, I tell ya.
I had been keeping myself and my mind so busy that even focusing on prayer was difficult. Because I was processing my meeting and conversation with this wonderful woman, I had very much turned inward. Yesterday during softball practice I was completely zoned out, my mind so far away that I don't even remember getting home. And then my phone died earlier than usual and instead of rushing to get the charger, I just sat there. I didn't have the energy to get it. I knew I didn't want it. A few people had even pointed out my zoned out look and attitude. I've been allowing myself to be so busy both physically and mentally that I just needed a break from everything and everyone. That's pretty abnormal for me because I love to be surrounded by people... and talking... always talking. I had reached a breaking point and I couldn't move forward until I finished processing our meeting. I'm not convinced, even still that I've fully processed our conversation... God has given me a lot to think/pray about.
Mostly right now, God is drawing me into Himself. I spent some time alone in the sanctuary tonight, playing piano and guitar and just hanging out with God. His word for me tonight is simple. "Let me be enough." Full stop. The stuff that my mind has been so busily going over is stuff that needs to be out of my control and in God's. The desires of my heart seem to be screaming loudly these days, but God knows and He is enough. Even though it's tattooed on my body, sometimes "remain in Me" gets lost in the business of my mind. I can't seem to master that whole "contentment in the waiting" thing. Patience. Ugh. I'm so thankful that God is patient with me in spite of my impatience with Him sometimes.
"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14
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