A Heavenly Sound

This past Sunday was another worship night with Studio_10 at Heritage International School.  I love worship nights and this is actually the last one before both Francis (who's in charge) and myself are no longer in the country.  He'll be heading to South Africa in early January and I come home in January.  We've been doing these worship nights together since the first one in 2008.  I love being a part of Studio_10.  Anyways on Sunday we were set to go... musicians in place, singers on our mics and people in their seats ready to worship.  Just as the first song began about 10 of my students from the Centre came in and sat down.

In no way did I ever expect them to come to a Christian worship night, but they did and God constantly reminds me that He is the One in control.  Praise be to God!!  It was amazing to watch these students reading the powerpoint and singing along to the songs they're used to hearing at Bible study each week.  I couldn't help but lift my hands up, praising God for how He's moving in their lives. 

What an amazing blessing!  And of course it was a very sweet time of worship.  The presence God was strong in that place and I'm praying that hearts were changed and softened.

Monday I went to the baby home to hang with E, unfortunately he was sleeping up until we were walking out of the place.  Luckily I peeked  my head back in the room where his crib was before leaving.  He was laying quietly, waiting to be fed and changed.  I went over, and started talking to him and his face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning.  So I snuggled him for a minute before giving him to an auntie to care for him.  

I decided today that I didn't want to go a whole week without hanging out with him, so I went back this afternoon.  He was wide awake and we got to play for an hour before I had to head off to Bible study.  He was thrilled to see me again and we spent the hour just giggling and talking.  He makes the sweetest sounds when he's "talking".  He has a bit of a cough and it could become an upper respiratory infection (according to Dr. Christina) so I'm a bit worried about him.  I'll probably go check on him Friday too, just to be sure he's not getting worse.

From the baby home I went straight to the Centre for Bible study.  This is one of the best parts of my week.  I sat down in between those same students who came to worship night and enjoyed the time of prayer, worship, and Bible storying.  It's always encouraging to see the large number of students who attend, but what's even more encouraging is that many are not of the Christian faith... as I'm sure you've gathered throughout this year.  Anyways one of the last songs we sang was How Great is Our God.  As I sat there eyes closed, focused, and singing, I heard with more confidence than I ever have, the sweet voices of my non-Christian students singing along.  It was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard.  I could just picture heaven rejoicing and hearts being changed.  I'm just in awe of Jesus.  He's heavily pursuing these amazing students and I'm praying that their response is not long off.  Join me, please.

Heaven is going to be so awesome!  If you've ever heard angels sing, you know what I'm hearing.  Choirs of millions singing in perfect harmony.  All ages and nationalities represented, singing perfect praises to the King of Kings.  Come Lord Jesus!

"E"

As I pull into the orphanage I'm greeted by sounds of loud, raucous laughter and even some tears from the infants.  The house that the orphanage is in is fairly big, but I can see that the need is growing.  It seems like every week there's a new baby.  I don't just mean 6 month old, I'm talking days old.  These tiny, precious lives are just thrown away.  I don't understand.

I walk around to the back door, take my shoes off, and head inside.  The first task is hand washing.  It's so important for the health of the babies that volunteers come in clean.  After washing my hands I head to the infant room to see if I can find my little buddy.

Meet "E"

This is "E".  He's incredibly precious!  The first time I visited Loving Hearts Babies Home was back in May.  E had just arrived to the home then and was very, very tiny and very malnourished.  That first day, I fell in love with him.  He had these big beautiful eyes that just shined so brightly.  He was only a week or 2 old at the time.  He's now about 5 months.  As you can see, he's still really small for a 5 month old, but he's doing much better health-wise.

Now every week when I go to Loving Hearts, E is the first one I greet.  I should feel guilty about ignoring the others... there are SO many of them, but I don't.  E is my special buddy.  From the moment I get him out of his crib to change him and play with him, he's smiling.  When the "aunties" who work there hand him off to me, he smiles.  He's not the easiest little guy to make smile, but for me, he smiles brightly.

I didn't realize until yesterday just how attached I had become.  I was there with a couple of other missionaries, who I usually go with.  I handed E off to Austin, one of the missionary kids so that I could scoot one of the other babies up in their bouncer.  Austin was sitting with E playing happily and I decided to pick up another sweet little girl who I've been playing with since she was a week old too.  We played for a few minutes then I was walking around the room with her... handing toys to the others who were just sitting there playing alone.  

The room was loud and bustling with movement of the toddlers, but apparently I got close enough to E that he heard my voice.  He stopped what he was doing and started to get a little fussy for Austin.  Austin said, "he was fine until he heard you!"  So I backed away so that Austin could keep playing with him, but after maybe 10 minutes he began to fuss again.  I went over and traded babies with him.  As soon as E was in my arms he was calm and even a little smiley again.  

Now with my nieces when they were little it was similar unless their parents were around... especially Kayla.  So I definitely understand that it's common for babies to learn your smell and voice, and to become attached.  But this feels different.  I only see him once a week or so.  Even the "aunties" have commented on his behavior with me.  It's amazing.  Just out of curiosity I asked about his status... if he was already in the process of being adopted or not.  I really want to see him go to a really good home.  He's so sweet and he's really affectionate.  

The woman in the office who I asked about it asked me if I was wanting to adopt him.  My immediate response was, "no, I'm single and I don't want children until I'm married."  As I walked away, got in my car and drove away I couldn't stop thinking about E.  Let me be clear in saying that there's no way I can adopt him right now.  First of all, I don't want kids right now.  Second, being single really does make a difference.  Third, E has an older sister and they're a "package deal".  However, I can't help but want to love in this sweet little life as much as possible before I go... especially because he loves me so much.  :)

Life in an orphanage is better than no life, but it's far from great.  There are just not enough people willing to love on all of the kids that are in all of the orphanages around the world.  Loving Hearts is just one place with 25 or so kids.  Think of the thousands of places around the world.  While I was there yesterday a new baby girl was brought in.  We guessed that she's around 4 months old.  She is pretty chubby which means she wasn't neglected, but one day someone decided they didn't want her anymore, dropped her at the police post and left.  HOW??  Why?  As I looked into her sweet, confused eyes I couldn't help but tear up.  How could someone just leave such a sweet girl?  How could someone just toss E away like he's nothing?  How could all of these kids sit in an orphanage starved for love for weeks, months, and years?  

I can't imagine tossing a kid away, but so many of the cases here are just that.  Irresponsible people unable to deal with the consequences of their actions.  A new generation being tossed away.  A new generation with aids.  Precious lives given up.  How many die in the street when they're left?  How many never make it to an orphanage?  Praise the Lord for places like Loving Hearts who give kids a chance.

This isn't my first experience with an orphanage, but it sure is the first time that I've built a such a relationship with a child.  

I'm going to step down off of my soapbox now... Jesus come!  Pray for babies like E to be adopted into loving, Christ-centered families.  Pray for their lives and emotions as they grow.  Pray that the Lord would touch their lives in a special way and bring comfort and joy where it's needed.  Come Lord Jesus, come!

Sleep, School, and Sun

A correction to my last post... Yes, I am aware that it was Isaac who was to be sacrificed.  I copied and pasted my info and didn't look at it closely enough.  Thankfully a friend pointed out the mistake and it's now fixed.

I'm still not sleeping well.  For the past month or so I've had more restless/sleepless nights than I think I've ever had in my life.  I've given in and taken tylenol pm a couple of times just to stay sane.  So far so good.  I think it's all catching up to me now though.  Every night I get into bed with a headache and each morning I get out of bed with a headache.  Throughout the day it's bearable, but I'm thinking if I would just sleep it would all go away.  Who knows?  My body is exhausted, but my mind continues to race.  There's so much to do here.  Lots of projects to tie up well.  Lots of people to spend lots of time with.  An important relationship to mend.  Not knowing when I'm coming back is starting to get to me.  However, grad school awaits and is important.  Especially for the long run.  If I want to come back here on a more permanent basis getting my masters is essential.

I'm hoping to take the GRE in January and finish applying to grad schools by March.  I haven't even started the process because I just don't have time right now.  The school I want to go to is going to be tough for me to get in to because of my undergrad GPA so I'm hoping that I can do well on the GRE.  I've done fairly well with standardized tests in the past, but I've been out of school for a looooong time now.

My plan at this point is to get my masters in Christian counseling, specializing in trauma and PTSD.  Not only will this enable me to be a better missionary, especially working with refugees and child soldiers, but it will also help me to be a better youth pastor.  Win-win if you ask me.  Thinking about paying for grad school is intimidating and very much discouraging, but I'm trusting that God will make a way and I'll be able to pay tuition each term somehow.  I'm excited about the prospect of finishing and being able to be here more permanently.  We'll see what God has for me though... hopefully a husband is in the near future!  Ministry here seems to flow more easily when you're married.  This will also help with the whole getting-proposed-to-all-the-time problem that I seem to have.  IDK, maybe my husband is here.  God knows.

Something else I'm excited about is seeing Lino and Angelo.  They don't know this yet and I doubt that they read my blog, but two weeks after I get home I'm going to see them!  I just booked my flight yesterday and I couldn't be more pumped!  I miss those guys so much and I'm blessed to have this opportunity to spend some time with them.

Lino!

It's going to be so fun to hang out with them on my home continent!

Anyways, the other day I was running around trying to get some stuff done while I had some free time and for the first time in a long time I boda-ed everywhere.  I've been driving places for security purposes, but I've been feeling completely trapped!  So I called my boda guy with three stops in mind.  He came about 3 minutes later and we started the journey.  It was blindingly bright and sunny, so in my tank top I was excited to get some sun on my skin.  The rainy season has been a drag and it was a nice change to be really hot.  I ran errands for about 2.5 hours and enjoyed every minute that the sun soaked into my skin.  It was lovely to finally feel free again!  It was also lovely to get my tan on.  I'm determined to soak up every ounce of sun that I can, knowing it'll be at least 5 months before I see it again.

While out, I was once again reminded of how much I love living in Uganda.  Also, of how much I love Africans.  What a huge blessing to live in this place and be able to call it home.  Even when we don't have power or hot water, I love it.  Praise the Lord for the privilege of being here and the work He's doing in my heart because of it!

Eid, New Sisters, and More!

Eid al-Adha or just Eid is a holiday celebrated to remember the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac as an act of obedience to God before God stopped him and provided a sheep to sacrifice instead.  There are two Eid celebrations each year.  The first one celebrates the end of Ramadan, the second one is about 70 days later.  I had the amazing privilege of celebrating the second Eid with an amazing family that I work with here!  This family is such a joy and I can't even express how sad I'm going to be to say goodbye to them when the time comes.

I'm seriously so honored to get to be a part of their family.  Mama has 16 kids... no multiples in there and she says she would have had 24 if they didn't have to leave their country.  "Enough for two football teams."  Wow!  What a strong, strong woman!  Here are some pictures from that day.

Love!

This makes me so happy!

My buddy!

Love her!

And her!

Mama is amazing!

Aren't they beautiful??   Wow, I just love them and I love being invited to these fun events!  I've learned so much from this fantastic family in the past year... praise the Lord!

Focus... so the day of Eid I went over to their house and was greeted by some yummy treats.  First we had coffee (which isn't my fave, but with the right amount of sugar is fine) and sweets.  I can't remember the name of one of the cookies, but it's delicious.  Then a bit later we had the main course which had of course been slaughtered that day.  The women cooked all day in order to feed everyone and it was good!!  We had goat meat... including the stomach and intestines (which is a delicacy) rice, colored potatoes, salads, and cabbage.  There was probably more, but I can't remember it all.  The only thing I really struggle with is the stomach and intestines... they're sooooo jiggly which is a texture I just can't do, although the flavor isn't terrible.  Anyway, it was yummy and the women did an amazing job.

We all ate together (the ladies and guys who weren't in the family).  After we finished, the men of the house came in and got their food.  They ate in the other room... men and women generally don't eat together.  It was just a completely blessed day.  It always amazes me how hard these women work.  The food prep took all day and many of them were working to make sure we, the guests were all taken care of.  Their hosting ability is impressive!  You'll never leave their house on an empty stomach, that's for sure!

In other news, another two women from that same hotel have given their lives to Christ!!  I had the privilege of praying with one of them today to accept Jesus.  It was beautiful.  The energy and sheer enthusiasm these women have is admirable.  3 new sisters in less than a week!  God is doing big things at that hotel.  I'm so grateful to be a part of sharing Christ with these ladies.  It's been really great to be able to sit down with them and learn about their lives and even to hear their reasons for converting.  I love hearing their stories and seeing the joy on their faces after they accept the Lord.  Incredible!

I've been going to the baby home a lot and holding some precious little orphans.  It's been a blast to go each week... on the way there we "call" or "reserve" the babies that we've bonded with.  It's just awesome.  The place I go has a high turnover rate, which is a really good thing... it means these kids are being adopted out and they all go to amazing homes.  I've met some really beautiful people who are adopting from the home.  It's really encouraging to see how well taken care of the kids are.  I know it's for the best, but I actually get sad when I hear that this kid or that baby is being adopted.  It's selfish, but I love going, knowing who I'm going to get to hold and play with.  It's also been really sweet to watch the tiny babies grow.  Some come in in terrible condition.  One of my favorites was incredibly malnourished and sickly when he can in.  He only weighed about 5 pounds.  He's now fattening up a bit and his smile is unbelievable!  Even his eyes shine!  I'm so excited that he's been chosen to be adopted, but a bit sad to see him go.  It's a privilege to hold these tiny infants and watch them grow and develop in amazing ways because they're loved and cared for.  Thank you Jesus!  I'm also really glad that others are patient enough to hang out with the toddlers... don't get me wrong, I love playing with toddlers, but when there are 20 of them climbing on you, it's not fun!!  So I opt to grab a tiny one from their crib and hold them the whole time... this prevents the jumping toddlers... most of the time.

The situation in Sudan is growing more intense.  Things are getting worse and worse.  People are dying, fleeing, struggling... and it's going unnoticed.  One of my dear Sudanese brothers has lost his father due to the situation.  It's just terrible.  Please, please continue to pray for Sudan and South Sudan.  A major storm is brewing between the two nations.  This will only add to the death count.  It's not just lives that are being lost, it's souls being lost for eternity.  Pray for those who don't know Christ (SOOO many don't) and pray for a miracle in the North's government.

A New Sister!

Sometimes hundreds and thousands of people raise their hands, pray, and accept Christ.  Sometimes it's a group of ten or twenty people.  Sometimes it's no one.  When we speak to large groups or when there's an alter call it's almost expected that at least one will go forward and accept the Lord.  However sometimes it's not like that at all.  Sometimes it's a completely different story.

I want to tell you about a girl I met this week.  We'll call her Ruth, though that's not her real name.  WGM has some people in town this week for crusades and for a pastor's conference.  These people are staying at a local hotel and like many local places, the staff live where they work.  Over the last week or so they've gotten to know some of the staff members, or at least they've been able to wave a friendly "hello" on their way too and from different events.

On Tuesday of this week, Ruth stopped one of them on their way out and asked that they be praying for her.  Without asking too many questions, he told her he would be praying for her.  I then got a phone call asking if I would go and meet with her due to cultural propriety.  It's not appropriate for a man and a woman to meet in private.  It was explained to me that Ruth was a Muslim, but she was wanting to talk and pray with a Christian.  I have spent much of my time building relationships with and ministering to some amazing people who also happen to be Muslim.  When Ruth explained her request, I was the first person he thought of to talk to her.

So Wednesday morning I hopped on a boda and made my way to the hotel.  I found Ruth quite easily, but became discouraged when she told me she didn't have time to meet with me.  She explained her schedule and we decided that I would come back at around 3 that afternoon, after my Kiswahili lesson.  The lesson ended and I headed back to the hotel, praying along the way.  

I found Ruth easily and we went down to the dinning area to chat.  We said basic greetings for a minute before I asked her what was going on... what she wanted prayer for.  She told me that she is struggling and that's she's been sick for a long time with pneumonia, but is still needing treatment and medicine.  We talked a few minutes about that before she said, "but I really just want to change my life."  That was it.  She knew what she wanted and knew why I was there.  

I asked her how she heard about Jesus and what she knew about him.  We talked for a little bit about that and then we talked for a while about becoming a Christian, what it means... especially coming from a Muslim background where she would no longer be accepted at home.  She knew that by converting her family would disown her and that things would not be easy, but she didn't care.  She was ready to accept Jesus.  

I asked her if she was ready to pray and she said she was.  So I asked her to repeat after me and we prayed the prayer!  I then prayed for her and her new life in Christ.  After we prayed we rejoiced together for some time and then I talked to her about getting involved in a church body and fellowshipping with other believers.  I told her about the Bible study I help with on Wednesday nights and that there are people of many different religious backgrounds who attend.  I told her she would fit right in!  I also told her about the church that I normally attend on Sundays.  I explained a bit about discipleship and really staying connected to the Body of Christ.  We talked about the importance of prayer and being in the Word.  She said she didn't have a Bible, so I promised I'd get her one.  I asked if she had any questions or anything that she wanted to talk about and she didn't.  So we exchanged phone numbers, hugged, and I left to get ready for Bible study.  I bought her a Bible that day and it was given to her that evening, hallelujah!

First of all, praise the Lord for Ruth's life!  Praise His name for softening another heart and revealing Himself.  It was so astonishing to me how ready she was.  I found out later that one of our pastors had been witnessing to her for some time, but for whatever reason she hadn't been ready, 100% sure, up until that point.  I'm thankful that God was willing to use me to pray with Ruth.  

Working with Muslims is amazing and I love each and everyone of them.  However I've often found myself feeling frustrated at the lack of response to the Gospel.  I hear people speak and get excited and fall more in love with Jesus, they hear it and clap because it was a nice message.  Not every single Muslim person responds that way... and everyone is different.  

There is so much hope and Wednesday with Ruth was a reminder of that and a reminder of why I'll continue to love on these men and women who need to know Jesus.  These aren't just lost souls, these are my friends whom I love dearly.  These are men and women, boys and girls who have touched my life.  These ones are just the tip of the iceberg.  I look at the faces of the people I love and pray for miracles in their lives.  Many, many Muslims come to know Jesus through visions.  I pray for visions, for softened hearts, for truth to stick.  I pray for my brothers and sisters to rally in prayer for these souls.  I pray for a revolution.  

Yet I know the risks... I've seen the results of even corresponding with Christians.  It can be dangerous for them.  Lives are threatened daily.  Imagine being a part of a culture and religion that shuns you and/or takes your life if you turn away.  Your family rejects you and even turns on you.  Your own brother chases you.  Imagine hearing the truth, wanting to convert, but fearing for your life.  It might be easy for us to say, "it's worth it."  We have everything and we worship in complete freedom, almost no fear of oppression.  When you're a 13 year old girl with no means of surviving without your family, what choices do you have?  It's very serious.  

How do I know these risks are real?  They've happened to some of the very people I know and love.

I'm rejoicing with Ruth over her new life in Christ.  I'm more thankful than I can even explain to live where I live and love who I love.  Pray for the souls that haven't yet been won!  Let's get on our knees and plead for these ones.  Amen.

Butterfly Effect

One decision can change everything.  One bad choice.  One good choice.  Some times a choice isn't bad until the outcome is very far from what you expected.

Today I'm at a loss.  Feeling more than responsible for the choices and actions of others.  My life looks different than it did just a few months ago.  One choice has changed everything.  I'm facing consequences that I never would have thought possible.  I've lost friends and family.  Things have become lonely.  All because of a choice.  I can't change the past, but the past sure is determining my immediate future.

One choice has triggered a series of events all leading up to this isolation.  Have you ever seen the movie the Butterfly Effect?  I wish I could go back and change one thing, but unlike in the movie, I can't so I'll continue to do my best to move forward.

Something I've been thinking about a lot are my words and actions and how they're perceived.  Living in a different culture, there is the constant challenge of knowing what's culturally appropriate or not.  For the most part I have an understanding of normal daily activities and expectations.  But things aren't always as they seem.  Minds understand and handle life differently.  Actions may be perceived as very different than they were meant to.

I've been struggling a bit to know how to pray through this current conundrum.  Satan uses this opportunity as a slight to my faith, but I simply say that I know and trust God.  Sometimes there's nothing harder than completely surrendering a situation, especially when you want to fix it yourself.  It's so hard to sit idly by.  BUT I do trust God.  I know that even when I'm having some issues with doubts, God is bigger.  I trust the Lord.  It's all I can do right now.

In the garden of Gethsemane as death drew nearer Jesus had the faith to say, "not my will, but Your's be done"... Imagine the trust that Jesus had in the Father as He hung upon the cross, taking the wrath meant for the rest of humanity.  Some would say that that's utter foolishness... I say let me be the biggest fool then!  Let me trust God so implicitly that even in this time of extreme hurt and confusion, I can still sing praises to my King.  Amen.

No Naked Flames

I haven't done a normal update in a little while, so here it is.

Ministry at the Centre of Hope is going well.  I still love my class and they are doing really well!  We've been learning some really tough stuff, but it seems like they're keeping up with it pretty well.  I'm so proud of them!  Relationships continue to grow and the weekly Bible study is still going strong.  People are showing up and hearing about God when they may otherwise never hear the truth.  It's my joy to be a part of such an amazing ministry.

I'm realizing that my time here is coming to a close really quickly.  Too quickly.  I've almost started to panic because there's so much I want to do and so many places I still want to go.  It seems like there should be enough time for everything, but this year has just flown by.  I can't believe November is here.  Because of field visitors and meetings, my month is pretty much all planned out.  There are lots of things happening in the next two weeks.  Some of the "big wigs" are here from headquarters, so there's lots going on.  Crusades, pastor conferences, youth conferences, the church leadership installation and all kinds of stuff.  It's really an exciting time, but it means that most of this month will fly by because of the busy schedule.  I'm looking forward to field Thanksgiving and a time to relax with my fellow missionaries.

I'm also hoping to go away the first weekend in December.  Due to a situation here, I've more or less been stuck on my compound for the past two weeks.  I've still be able to teach my class and get my work done, but I've been feeling completely trapped.  My life is some what contingent on someone else right now, so it's been quite rough.  I won't go into details, but I'm asking for much prayer for this situation.  I want to be completely clear... I'm safe, there's no physical danger to me.  However, because of the situation I feel very limited and discouraged.  My heart is heavy and I'm dealing with a lot of emotions these days.  Your prayers are important.  God is good.

I've recently gotten contact lenses because I hate wearing my glasses, but had been getting major headaches.  I've had them for a week and they're still not very comfortable.  In fact yesterday I looked ridiculous and like I was crying because they were being so annoying and irritating.  My eyes were all watery and red.  I happened to be at a market when all of this was going on.  Haha, the workers probably thought I was nuts.  I'm going to the eye doctor in the morning to find out if I'm doing something wrong.  I just have an astigmatism, so the contacts are different than normal contacts and have to be worn a very specific way.  I'm really hoping I can figure it out because I DO NOT want to wear glasses the rest of my life.

I saw some pictures from the snowstorm in the east and began to dread coming home.  From the tropics to a tundra is not going to be fun.  Speaking of pictures... I've been trying to take pictures of things that make me laugh or things that I love around here, as I'm realizing I'm not sure when I'll be back.  Here are a few from the past couple of months.

haha :)

Local food... Matoke, beans, grean beans, a little meat.  SO good!

Random Bobcat in Sunday traffic

Pumpkin Carving with the Hopson family is a tradition Jean and I started
in 2008 :)

Guilt

Is Psalm 38 David is pleading with the Lord to be near to him, despite this overwhelming guilt that he feels because of his sin.  What strikes me when I read this Psalm is the amount of times David says "I" or "my".  He is pleading with the Lord, but every statement is about him.  He can hardly focus on the goodness of God because of guilt.  He is overcome with sadness and remorse.  David wants the Lord to forgive him and spare him from the wrath due to him.  David's sins were so great and he was in such despair that he could hardly bear it.

Verse 4 says, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."

I've been thinking about the word guilt a lot lately.  What does it actually mean to be guilty?  How can you keep from feeling guilty when you know that something is your fault (partly or completely)... but there's nothing you can do to change it?  As I've been praying away feelings of guilt for something that is beyond my control, verse 4 of this Psalm keeps creeping back to me.  "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."  

MY guilt.  Something I've done.  Over and over, no matter how many people say something isn't your fault, do you find yourself arguing with that?  I do.  Constantly.  And it's becoming so heavy that I can't bear it any more.  

So what can I do when I'm overwhelmed with grief and sorrow because of guilt, whether righteous or not?  As I look at some old testament accounts of the guilty... even men like David, I'm reminded that Jesus Christ took the wrath of God when he died on the cross.  God is NOT a God of guilt.  Satan is the prince of darkness and a big fat liar.  He reminds us of things we've done or makes us believe that certain things have arisen because of us.  His goal is to bring up these feelings of guilt so that we cannot be free.  It can take away from our ministries and completely overwhelm and destroy us.

Would you please join me in praying against feelings of guilt, especially from things that are beyond my control now?  I have a feeling that I'm not the only person who deals with this to some extent, so pray for this in your own life.  Jesus did not come to condemn us, but to save us.  Heal my heart, Jesus.