Butterfly Effect

One decision can change everything.  One bad choice.  One good choice.  Some times a choice isn't bad until the outcome is very far from what you expected.

Today I'm at a loss.  Feeling more than responsible for the choices and actions of others.  My life looks different than it did just a few months ago.  One choice has changed everything.  I'm facing consequences that I never would have thought possible.  I've lost friends and family.  Things have become lonely.  All because of a choice.  I can't change the past, but the past sure is determining my immediate future.

One choice has triggered a series of events all leading up to this isolation.  Have you ever seen the movie the Butterfly Effect?  I wish I could go back and change one thing, but unlike in the movie, I can't so I'll continue to do my best to move forward.

Something I've been thinking about a lot are my words and actions and how they're perceived.  Living in a different culture, there is the constant challenge of knowing what's culturally appropriate or not.  For the most part I have an understanding of normal daily activities and expectations.  But things aren't always as they seem.  Minds understand and handle life differently.  Actions may be perceived as very different than they were meant to.

I've been struggling a bit to know how to pray through this current conundrum.  Satan uses this opportunity as a slight to my faith, but I simply say that I know and trust God.  Sometimes there's nothing harder than completely surrendering a situation, especially when you want to fix it yourself.  It's so hard to sit idly by.  BUT I do trust God.  I know that even when I'm having some issues with doubts, God is bigger.  I trust the Lord.  It's all I can do right now.

In the garden of Gethsemane as death drew nearer Jesus had the faith to say, "not my will, but Your's be done"... Imagine the trust that Jesus had in the Father as He hung upon the cross, taking the wrath meant for the rest of humanity.  Some would say that that's utter foolishness... I say let me be the biggest fool then!  Let me trust God so implicitly that even in this time of extreme hurt and confusion, I can still sing praises to my King.  Amen.