Sharing my Heart

The missions committee approached me back in December about sharing during Missions weekend.  Of course I enthusiastically agreed, always willing to talk about Africa.  (I hadn't thought about having to sum up two years of life into 20 minutes.)

The days leading into this past Sunday were a bit disconcerting.  Mostly because each of the four times that I practiced my sermon I ran over the allotted time by about 10 minutes, and even then I felt like I was leaving out too many details.  I talked to my senior pastor and he said he would do all he could to shorten other areas of the service to be sure I wouldn't end up running too far over.  Saturday night was the International Missions Dinner.  The speaker ended up getting the times confused and was running late, so I was asked to give an impromptu talk.  I didn't want to give any details that I'd be sharing the next day, so I simply told the story of the Lake Victoria miracle.  After that I came home and spent time in prayer about where to shift my focus.  I knew I needed to cut some time off, but I didn't know what to leave out.  I really wanted to just share what the Lord wanted the people to hear.

By Sunday morning God had prompted me to really focus on the second year.  So I got ready for church, running over the changes in my head.  Dressed in my African garb, I headed over early and spent some time in prayer.  The praise team arrived and we started to run through our songs.  The team had graciously allowed me to choose some songs that are close to my heart and it was an amazing blessing and comfort to sing through and practice those that morning.  (They are an amazing support system and I'm so grateful for them.)  We prayed and then the service started.  Everything moved along in just the same way that it always does, the only difference was the strange looks I was getting because of my attire (not that I minded at all!).  :)

Right before I preached we sang a hymn that I had specifically chosen to focus me in well.  And then I was off.  I tried not to watch the clock, but made sure to glance at it every once in a while so I could be sure to share a message and not just some stories.  I was encouraged by the faces of the congregation, especially those who were there for both services.  The first service was a tiny bit more jumbled, but over all I felt like it went very well.  My message in the last 5 minutes or so was focused on what makes a missionary a missionary and I hope it challenged people to view themselves as such.

Sharing about the work of the Lord is a privilege.  My story isn't interesting or amazing because of anything that I did.  It's all because the Lord allowed me to be a part of His story and work to further His kingdom.  What an honor!

After the service I was bombarded with the questions "do you miss it?" and "are you going back?".  Two very reasonable questions, but I can't even begin to describe how much I miss it and why.  My cookie-cutter answers were "yes" and "our church is taking a mission trip there next year".  I hadn't had a lot of time to sit and think much about Africa last week, even though it was the topic of my sermon.  I was more focused on getting stuff together and on stories.  But after preaching and sharing about the lives of my loved ones there, I could hardly think of anything else the rest of the day.  I've been completely ruined (in the best way) by that place and those people.  As in, my life can never, ever go back to the way it once was.  I'm forever changed.  And of course I miss it.  When something alters you so deeply and permanently, of course you miss it.  (here's a link to a generic list of reasons why people miss Africa.)

So often I get frustrated with life in the States.  I miss little things like being on the back of a boda (motorcycle) daily.  I miss the warmth of the sun and the breathtaking beauty of the land.  I miss the deep smiles.  I miss the absolute need and desire for God that the people have.  There are things I don't miss too, like corruption and certain cultural things.  I had many days when I was frustrated by something and thought, "this wouldn't have happened in America."  "Normal" life was a challenge sometimes, but all of those rough days are by far outweighed by the good days.  I could go on and on for hours about what I miss and don't miss, but that won't change where I'm at today.

For this time in my life, God has placed me here.  He has told me to be settled and put down some roots.  Does that take away the ache that my heart sometimes feels when I'm missing Africa?  No.  But I am comforted still by His promises to me.  I know that He is trustworthy.  I'm happy to be right where I am, serving the Lord and doing life with His people.  And whether I get to go back or not, it's always going to be a part of my identity and who I am.  That won't ever go away.

This video doesn't contain my pictures, but it's a song that I absolutely love.  Africa by Paul Coleman Trio.

On My Knees

Little moments this week are what have been sustaining me.  To be honest, this week has been a mess.  Poopy, if you want to get technical.  Knowing that I need to write a sermon and prepare for a new class on top of other normal stuff this week brought a certain level of stress and anxiety.  Mainly because I'm somehow a perfectionist and also because of some of the people I'm preaching in front of... PhDs and Masters of Divinities.  It's quite intimidating, being just a Bachelor's.  :)

Anyways, I started on Sunday with a fever and a major headache, but no other symptoms.  After youth group Sunday night I stayed up as late as I could before allowing myself to crash.  I made it until 9:30.  Monday morning came quickly even though I slept restlessly all night.  Normally it's my day off, but knowing my schedule for the rest of the week, I didn't have time to slack. I still had a fever, so I stayed home and worked, preparing my lesson for my new Wednesday night class.  Against my better judgment, I ventured over the church for young adult Bible study.  I hate to miss it because it's really one of my favorite parts of the week.  I had resolved to leave after getting them started.  The topic and discussion were so good that time slipped away and I ended up staying for the whole thing.  So much for that resolve.  I was starting to feel a bit better on Tuesday, not so feverish and my headache had at least subsided enough to where I no longer felt my heartbeat in my head.  

As I jumped into normal Tuesday work, I was bombarded by other stuff... emails, background checks, visits from people, phone calls, etc..  None of that is stuff I mind at all.  I'll always make time for people.  It was just a little different than what I expected, so I didn't get everything done that I had wanted to get done.  I was feeling prepared for my class, which was the most important part of that day.  Wednesday started with a normal meeting that turned abnormal as we were joined by a church member with a tough situation and a heavy heart.  We sat and listened, counseled a bit, and prayed.  That impromptu meeting ended with just a little bit of time before heading out to lunch for another meeting.  This is a meeting I've been waiting on for weeks.  I was nervous and excited at the ministry possibilities.  Overall, it went well.  I did a lot of listening and learning, but I was able to put my two cents in too.  It just didn't quite go the way I had expected it too, so even though it was ok, I still left there with a heavy heart.  I got back to the church after running a couple of errands for work with just a tiny bit of time to spare before meeting with and teaching my guitar student.

At this point a number of things seemed to happen at once.  Emails started flying, phones started ringing, my heart grew heavier as it waited, and I was still expected to teach a lesson to a dear youth kid as though I was fine.  I don't think it's important to go into any detail, but by the time the lesson was over, I couldn't wait to get home.  Physically, my chest felt like it was being crushed by a 300lb plate weight.  I crumbled under it's pressure and fell on my face before the Lord.  It was all I could do.

All week things seemed strange.  My temper was short and I was definitely quick to get angry.  Everything seemed to bother me and I was being sensitive in ways that I'm not normally sensitive.  As I sat in my crumpled heap, I grabbed my Bible and opened to John 15.  Most of you know that that first passage is very special to me because it's a promise that God directly gave me one night right before He turned my life upside down and drew me to Africa.  It's a place where I feel at home.  I read over the words that I've read tons of times and did my best to rest in the promise that resides there.  My mind was still trying to argue and be fretful, but my heart was ready to rest.  I prayed and I worshipped and I just sat before my King. 

This song came on my iTunes and it was perfect just then.

 In my prayer time I recognized that I was being beaten heavily by the enemy.  He had creeped his way in and was trying to make himself at home by creating complete and utter chaos in my life.  He tried to make things out of nothing... and I let my mind run wild with worry.  He tried to cause anxiety where none was necessary.  He was working overtime because this week I need to prepare to preach and of course he doesn't want the truth to be told.  The good news is that he doesn't win.  He'll never win.  God asked me to relinquish control, to surrender, and to allow Him to work through me... and man, did that sound good.  

Bruised and battered, I made my way back over to the church to fellowship and teach my class.  Upon arrival, I went to chat about my week with my senior pastor.  He graciously listened, comforted, and prayed with me.  I pulled myself together and went downstairs.  My class went better than I expected it to and I'm grateful for that.  I high-tailed it out of there right at 8 because I had to get up at 5:30am today to sub.  I don't normally sub on any day but Friday, but I noticed a high number of jobs had been popping up so I had accepted the job before I realized just how insanely packed my week was going to be.  

So before bed I prayed for the job to canceled so I could work at the church today.  I didn't get to bed until about midnight, so when my alarm went off I was still nice and drowsy.  I got ready quickly and even had time to eat something before leaving (that has never happened before).  When I got to the school I couldn't find my name on the sub list.  The woman asked who I was in for and when I gave her the name a look of pity spread across her face.  The job had been canceled and no one called me to let me know.  Keeping my attitude in check (after all, I had prayed for this:)), I asked if there were any other needs that day and when I found that there weren't, I thanked her and headed home.  When I got home, I shot off an email to our amazing secretary and to the senior pastor explaining what happened and letting them know I was going to go back to bed for a while before coming in.  I attempted to sleep (although a puppy, who shall remain nameless, kept kicking me.  I've never let her in bed with me before, but since it was a nap I didn't want to cage her... never again will she lay in bed with me.) and I may have drifted off for about 30 minutes, but I laid in bed until 9:45.  I didn't get to work much later than I normally do and I was able to be quite productive.  I still don't have an exact focus for my sermon, but I'll nail that down tomorrow.

It seems like it's been a really rough week for a lot of people, both near and far.  I really think that the enemy is feeling threatened and so he's trying like crazy to create hardships for those who are working to further the Kingdom of God.  Spiritual warfare is very really and I think it's silly to ignore it.  Even tonight at worship team practice I felt like he was trying to pull my heart away from the task at hand.  Thankfully it didn't work, but I don't think I'm the only who felt it.  Tonight I'm asking you to join me in praying against the attacks of the evil one.  Pray for those in my life who are having a hard time... financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally... you name it, it needs to be covered with prayer.  Pray against depression and heavy weights keeping people down.  Pray for Christ to continue to be center.  Join me on my knees tonight.  I'm so comforted by the fact that Christ has already overcome.  Thank you Jesus.

Here's Bill Gaither and his homecoming friends doing the hymn Victory in Jesus.

Funeral Truth

For a while now I've struggled with the numbers (or lack there of) at youth group.  When I was growing up, you couldn't keep me away from youth group.  It wasn't just a time of fun with friends; it was a time of growth, development, and discipleship.  Of course we had our fair share of drama.  What high school kids don't?  But for the most part we were there because we wanted to hear about Jesus.  Our youth pastor never wavered.  It seemed like she always had her eyes on the prize... Jesus.  I never went into youth group thinking, "tonight's just going to be a blow-off night."  We had a large group of kids, but it didn't matter how many showed up, Becky still told us truth.  She makes it her life's business to share the gospel.

So lately as I've been thinking about how I want my youth program to look, I've been thinking about the fact that these kids just need Jesus.  Even if only one kids shows up (which happened last week, our first week back), that kid still needs to hear the truth.  They still need a youth pastor who is engaged and willing to teach, mentor, disciple.  I would love to have dozens of kids, but for now, my responsibility is just as huge as if I had that many.  I've been praying specifically for the opportunity to grow my relationships with the kids and as that happens, for them to hear the truth.  In my lessons, I use illustrations and stories from my own life, hopefully speaking to their hearts about living for Christ.

Last night we had a new junior high girl.  She was very excited about coming and I was thrilled about that.  Her mom had told me at church that she'd be dropping her off and I'm so glad she did.  This little girl was very open and willing to share, and she even came on a tough night... we were talking about what our faith journeys have looked like when linearly plotted on paper.  I loved hearing her story.  It was so simple, yet very honest, and clearly meaningful to her.  Then, at senior high youth group we did the same thing, but first started out talking about trust and grace.  We played a trust game and discussed God's trustworthiness.  Next, we drew out our faith journeys.  I knew that the high schoolers would have a little more thinking to do when it came down to this activity.  And despite a few silly distractions, they did a really good job.  Each of them shared their journeys and I know it was not easy for a few of them.  It was even emotional for some.  I'm so thankful that the Lord provided such an opportunity to hear their stories and get a feel for where they're at.  I left there feeling really challenged by the task ahead, but very encouraged by their willingness to participate and learn.  I believe God is drawing these kids into Himself and I can't wait to see the ways that they're changed because of it.  I love my job.

Well, I mostly love my job.  If there was one thing I could do without, it'd be funerals.  (nice segue, right??)  I've attended a lot of funerals in my lifetime already.  All of my grandparents are gone, a great grandmother, great aunts and uncles, friends of the family, parents of old my old youth leader, friend's grandparents, parents of my youth kids, one of my youth kids, a grand-baby of a co-worker, etc..  Many of those losses were very personal and very difficult.  I clearly remember being a wreck at all of my grandparents funerals over the years.  The funeral for the baby was one of the worst experiences of my life and I didn't even really know the kid.  Being a non-cryer now, funerals tend to make me a bit uncomfortable.  

Today we had a funeral at the church for the uncle/great uncle of one of my favorite families here.  My senior pastor is out of town for the first half of this week which meant that I was expected to go over and make sure everything ran smoothly and that they had everything that they needed.  (sidebar: I probably would have attended even if it weren't my job, just to be supportive.)  I ran the powerpoint, so I sat up in the balcony, a place that I've never sat during a service.  It's an interesting viewpoint, being able to see everyone.  

The man who's life we were celebrating today was a man who loved the Lord.  There's no question in anyone's mind Who's he's hanging out with now.  In all of the different funerals I've sat through, today's was the most hopeful.  It was an amazing reminder of the hope of life in Christ.  There was one person there who I've been specifically praying for their salvation.  This is a person that I really struggle with, but God keeps reminding me that they are in need of a Savior, just like me.  So throughout the service, I took the opportunity to pray for this person.  The pastors who shared, shared Christ in such a way that all could understand their need for a savior.  They pointed everything back to Christ.  It was amazing and beautiful.  I was praying that, even though people are mourning, that they were able to hear the clear salvation message being preached.  I don't know if hearts were changed today, but the truth couldn't have been clearer. 

I'm not sure why I've never heard the gospel preached so clearly at a funeral before.  Perhaps it's because I've always been so uncomfortable or in deep mourning.  Either way, I'm so thankful for the cross today.  I'm thankful for the spreading of the Gospel and I'm praying for the souls of those who've heard the Truth.

"Jesus answered, I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well."  John 14:6-7

Amen.

Stacy

FL visit

 About 18 years ago I met Stacy (Maiuzzo) Benner.  We were in 6th grade and she came to join my lunch table with one of our mutual friends, Carley.  Michelle, Carley, and I were already best friends, but Carley really wanted us to get to know Stacy too.  My first impression of her wasn't good.  She made it quite clear that she didn't approve of our topics of conversation or our choice of words.  I don't recall what we talked about, but I do remember that our language use would make sailors blush a little bit.  As hard as it may be to believe, I had a very dirty mouth in middle school.  Stacy didn't hold back her feelings about our words either.  She kept telling us that we were "potty mouths" and we didn't like it.  So Michelle and I wrote her a note, kicking her off of our lunch table.

For the next year or so Michelle and I didn't have much to do with Stacy, but Carley still hung out with her.  Stacy was raised in a what we thought of as a very strict Christian home.  We would see Stacy at sleepovers with other friends and we were mostly cordial, but it wasn't until 8th grade that we all started getting along a little better.  I think we did our best to corrupt her while she did her best to introduce us to Jesus.  Quite an interesting start to a life long friendship, but at least we have a fun story.

Freshman year of high school is when I came to know Jesus.  Stacy and her family were an integral part in that, something I will always be grateful for.  Despite my attempts at ignoring the truth, the Lord spoke clearly through Stacy, her parents, her youth pastor, and Carley's church (my home church).  Carley, Michelle, and I came to know the Lord within about a year of each other and then the 4 of us attended Carley's church's youth group together with dozens of our other school friends.  We quickly became absolutely inseparable.  We did everything together.  Classes, choir, worship team, youth group, Bible study, church.  It was rare to see one of us without one of the others.  We of course had our ups and downs, and times when we would be closer with a certain one, but for the most part our group of 4 was solid.  We walked with each other through family drama, moving, BOYS, deaths, depression, jobs, and whatever else high school students go through.  When my family moved to Arizona, my friends and my church became my family.

As we went our separate ways in college, we stayed in contact through email and calling cards.  (yeah, before cell phones and facebook.)  We visited one another as much as we could.  Of course people have a tendency to fall a little out of touch, but it never felt like there was a disconnect.  Stacy soon switched schools, leaving Illinois and starting at a small school in Ohio.  I was going to school in Indiana and we were only about 4 hours apart.  For her 21st b-day, I got in touch with her boyfriend (now husband) about surprising her for a weekend visit.  It was a good weekend, getting to see my best friend again, but I remember it being very hard to leave.  I knew that Stacy was going to marry Jeff and even though I didn't know him well, I think he knew he had my approval.  (Although at the rehearsal dinner for their wedding I may or may not have threatened to stab him if anything went wrong.  Gosh, I'm such a lovely person, aren't I?)

Stacy and Jeff got married a couple years later in Pennsylvania and then moved to Florida, where Stacy's parents had moved after we graduated high school.  They've lived down there for about 8/9 years now and amazingly, Stacy and I are closer than ever.  She is my best friend.  A kindred spirit.  She has seen me at my best and she's seen my at my absolute worst.  We've walked through times of incredible joy and we've stumbled and crawled through times of deep sorrow.  We have walked with each other through our faith journeys and held each other accountable.  We've hurt each other deeply, but by the grace of God, we've been able to forgive.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,"Two are better than one,because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

I'm so amazed at how God has truly ordained our friendship. She has always challenged me to grow deeper in my faith.  And when she's struggled, it's been in times when I've been walking closely with God, so I get to hold her up.  How awesome is He?  Visiting with Stacy is like being with family.  I never feel uncomfortable or like I can't be myself.  It's been an honor to grow up with her, to be a part of her family, and to call her sister.  Her husband Jeff is fantastic and we get along really well.  He's basically the male version of me, so of course he's awesome.  ;)  Their two kids Owen and Abby are adorable and I love them to death!

Time and space can't seem to separate us.  Not 9,000 miles while I lived in Africa, not living in different states for the past 11 years.

There are so many stories I could tell and so much more detail that I could go into, but tonight is just about being thankful for my best friend and her 30 years of life.  Stacy, you are amazing and I love you so much.  Happy birthday!!

ps. Michelle is still my bff as well... for the past 20 years and counting!  And Carley too!  Praise the Lord for amazing friendships, grounded in Him.

Carley's wedding

Michelle's wedding week

Who even knows what these are from and why?!

Just a day in the life...

To my surprise, I got a phone call yesterday reminding me that Piper had an appointment at the vet today.  Good thing they called because I had not checked my calendar and would have been annoyed when my reminder went off this morning.  Taking my dog to the vet requires certain preparations.  I have to make sure to give her some motion sickness meds about an hour prior to departure, I have to remember not to feed her breakfast, and I have to vomit-shield my car.  Not doing all of those things ends in disaster seeing as though I can't handle vomit at all.

Well for some reason I didn't set an alarm.  I'm not a good sleeper so I figured I'd be up in plenty of time to make sure all was ready for the vet visit.  I was in bed by 11:30pm last night so when 7:45am rolled around, I was wide awake.  Forgetting that I had to start making preparations, I laid in bed listening to music and checking email.  At around 8:10 I realized my mistake.  I rushed down the stairs to feed the drugs to my dog.  I knew that was cutting it close, but I figured they would still be effective. I then took a quick shower, put a seat cover, towels and plastic bags in my car, and picked up Piper and forced her in the car, and then we headed off.  

No more than 4 minutes into the trip, my poor little girl started to look super sick so I turned her head forward and not a second too soon.  She threw up.  Thankfully all she had had was water, peanut butter, and the pills.  It was easily contained by the vomit-shield I had created.  So we kept on our way and I held her head in an effort to keep any more projectile properly aimed.  Of course the sight of vomit made me nauseous and I was thankful that I had only eaten a banana, but for the first time I just stayed calm.  I had started mentally preparing myself the day before for just such an occasion so I was somehow ready for it.

We got to the vet and they did a full comprehensive exam.  It was her 9 month check up.  She tested negative for any and everything and she is completely healthy for which I'm thankful.  (I can in no way afford a sick dog right now.)  As they were checking her in the back room I heard the vet ask her if she wanted a treat.  My first response was a little moment of panic.  I knew that any food would equal more vomit.  When she came back in, I asked her if she had given her food, but she explained that that was how she got her to swallow her de-worming stuff.  Phew!  She then got a routine shot and we headed out.

On our way out we passed a clearance bin with left over holiday toys for a dollar each.  I handed her one (which she proceeded to carry all around the store) and grabbed an extra for when the first one is surely ripped to shreds.  As I was getting out my money to pay, I heard her crunching something.  When I wasn't paying attention the clerk had decided to give her some treats without asking me.  No!!  Of course he had no idea that he had just sentenced me to clean up even more vomit, so I just smiled, thanked him, and left.  Once again within mere minutes she threw up.  But once again it was contained on the vomit-shield.

Even though it wasn't difficult to clean up, by the time we walked through the door... I was crabby!  I knew that some time with the Lord was necessary in order to turn this day around.  So I spent the next hour or so reading/praying/hanging out with God.  The difference an hour makes is astounding to me.  Feeling refreshed, I hopped in the car to finally get a library card... something I had been wanting to do for a while, but kept forgetting to do.  Also, the libraries around here have terrible hours.  What kind of library is closed Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? 

As I waited for my library card I was texting a friend who was having a really rough day.  I feel like the Lord has gifted me with encouragement, compassion, and prayer.  I tend to take other's burdens and make them my own, so I while standing at the library, I immediately felt the need to stop everything I was doing and pray.  Just then the lady handed me my new library card, but instead of exploring, I went to my car and prayed.  After a little while, I continued on my journey down Kings Highway to my bank in Swedesboro... all the while talking to God.  What an honor to bring others before the throne of God!  Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

When I got home, I ate a quick lunch and then took the dog for a nice long walk.  Piper has a new special collar which makes walking her a joy instead of a hassle.  While walking I got a phone call from my best friend plus I had even more time to hang out with God.  How awesome is He?  Tonight I have Bible study with the young adults and I'm really looking forward to getting back in the swing of things with them.  

I'm thankful to serve such an amazing God who's love is absolutely beyond my comprehension.  I'm thankful that He's trustworthy.  I'm thankful that He cares even about the little stuff.  

Here's a song I'm loving these days by Desperation Band.  This is my prayer today.

Important Souls

Let me start with a quick update.  My time at home was a major blessing!  It was very covered with prayer and I'm confident that God answered our many prayers.  I had a lot of good time with my family, lots of play time with my nieces, and lots of good time with my friends and youth kids.  My birthday was one of the best I've ever had.  Turning 30 isn't so bad when you're surrounded by tons of friends and family... and also when your church family sends a special greeting.  My wonderful friend, Allan had the congregation sing happy birthday in both English and Swahili.  Here's the video from the first service of the day, thanks to someone's iPhone.

How could I NOT feel loved after that?!  What a blessing.  That whole day was just a sweet gift from Jesus.  

Being home was easy in the sense that it was familiar.  I know the roads and how people drive.  The culture is the culture I understand best.  There are tons of people I love.  It's comfortable and easy.  It's safe.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was there.  I spent one whole day traveling to spend time with my best friend from college.  I hadn't seen her face to face in over two years.  It was really easy to sit and catch up.  Making the drive out to meet her was simple because I've driven those highways hundreds of times.  Almost every encounter I had while in Chicago was like being with family.  I am just so able to let loose and be comfortable when I'm there.

I started to panic a little bit when I thought about coming home to Jersey.  I couldn't imagine that I'd have that same feeling, or even close to that level of comfort.  Even little things like not knowing exactly where to go in the airport had me a bit anxious.  In Chicago, I can navigate the airports without having to read signs... my family knows just where to pick me up.  I don't have to call and confirm, they're just there.  Now, this isn't to say that I had doubts about actually being picked up, because I didn't, but it still wasn't going to be the same comfort that comes with flying in over Lake Michigan and being able to name buildings and landmarks from thousands of feet above.  

It felt surreal to get on the plane to come back... very oposite from what is natural.  It's natural to go to Chicago, unnatural to go "home" to New Jersey.  As I relaxed in my seat and and we took off I began praying through some of those thoughts and feelings.  I took out my iPod (after the flight attendants gave their permission, of course) and spent the next hour and a half worshipping.  (Yes I was singing out loud at times, but I kept forgetting that I wasn't alone.)  Thanks to the noise of the plane, I don't think I disturbed anyone... (well, no one complained to my face).  During that sweet time of worship, God reminded me of a few things.  First of all, that this world is not my home.  That I didn't need to worry about calling either of these places home because they're not.  Second, that He hasn't promised me an easy time, but He has absolutely promised to walk with me every step of the way.  He has called me to walk in obedience to Him, just as Jesus did.  It wasn't Jesus' first choice to be nailed to a cross and we can see that in the prayer He prayed, but then we hear Him repsond in obedience when He says, "not my will, but Your's be done." (Luke 22:42)  Third, as always, I was reminded of the wonderful promise of John 15 to simply abide/remain in Him.  He asked me to trust Him... um, trust the Lord of all Creation?  Yeah, I think I can do that.

By the time the plane touched down in Philly, my worries were gone.  I looked up and saw Allan coming to get me and I was reminded that God's promises are true.  I knew I didn't have to think of this as home in every sense of the word.  I knew He was going to walk with me every step.  I know that as long as I remain in Him, I will bear much fruit, because apart from Him I can do nothing.

And this morning as I entered into His presence once more, I was reminded that all of the goodness and love that I understand because I know God, isn't just for me.  While talking with a friend this morning, I realized that there are times when I pick and choose who I'm going to minister to based on what's easy.  It's sometimes easy to forget that I don't get to decide who should hear the truth.  If I am truly a disciple of Christ and I'm fulfilling the command of the Great Commission, than every person I encounter will hear the truth.  Not just a few select youth or young adults.  Not just people I'm comfortable talking with.  EVERYONE.  How's that a for a "new years resolution"?  So today (this year), my challenge for you (but mostly for me) is to share Jesus with every single person that I encounter.  Maybe that looks like asking, "how is it with your soul?"  Or maybe it's as simple as a smile.  Just be Jesus to every person you encounter.  Yes, it will be hard, but isn't their soul as important as your's?