Anyways, I started on Sunday with a fever and a major headache, but no other symptoms. After youth group Sunday night I stayed up as late as I could before allowing myself to crash. I made it until 9:30. Monday morning came quickly even though I slept restlessly all night. Normally it's my day off, but knowing my schedule for the rest of the week, I didn't have time to slack. I still had a fever, so I stayed home and worked, preparing my lesson for my new Wednesday night class. Against my better judgment, I ventured over the church for young adult Bible study. I hate to miss it because it's really one of my favorite parts of the week. I had resolved to leave after getting them started. The topic and discussion were so good that time slipped away and I ended up staying for the whole thing. So much for that resolve. I was starting to feel a bit better on Tuesday, not so feverish and my headache had at least subsided enough to where I no longer felt my heartbeat in my head.
As I jumped into normal Tuesday work, I was bombarded by other stuff... emails, background checks, visits from people, phone calls, etc.. None of that is stuff I mind at all. I'll always make time for people. It was just a little different than what I expected, so I didn't get everything done that I had wanted to get done. I was feeling prepared for my class, which was the most important part of that day. Wednesday started with a normal meeting that turned abnormal as we were joined by a church member with a tough situation and a heavy heart. We sat and listened, counseled a bit, and prayed. That impromptu meeting ended with just a little bit of time before heading out to lunch for another meeting. This is a meeting I've been waiting on for weeks. I was nervous and excited at the ministry possibilities. Overall, it went well. I did a lot of listening and learning, but I was able to put my two cents in too. It just didn't quite go the way I had expected it too, so even though it was ok, I still left there with a heavy heart. I got back to the church after running a couple of errands for work with just a tiny bit of time to spare before meeting with and teaching my guitar student.
At this point a number of things seemed to happen at once. Emails started flying, phones started ringing, my heart grew heavier as it waited, and I was still expected to teach a lesson to a dear youth kid as though I was fine. I don't think it's important to go into any detail, but by the time the lesson was over, I couldn't wait to get home. Physically, my chest felt like it was being crushed by a 300lb plate weight. I crumbled under it's pressure and fell on my face before the Lord. It was all I could do.
All week things seemed strange. My temper was short and I was definitely quick to get angry. Everything seemed to bother me and I was being sensitive in ways that I'm not normally sensitive. As I sat in my crumpled heap, I grabbed my Bible and opened to John 15. Most of you know that that first passage is very special to me because it's a promise that God directly gave me one night right before He turned my life upside down and drew me to Africa. It's a place where I feel at home. I read over the words that I've read tons of times and did my best to rest in the promise that resides there. My mind was still trying to argue and be fretful, but my heart was ready to rest. I prayed and I worshipped and I just sat before my King.
This song came on my iTunes and it was perfect just then.
In my prayer time I recognized that I was being beaten heavily by the enemy. He had creeped his way in and was trying to make himself at home by creating complete and utter chaos in my life. He tried to make things out of nothing... and I let my mind run wild with worry. He tried to cause anxiety where none was necessary. He was working overtime because this week I need to prepare to preach and of course he doesn't want the truth to be told. The good news is that he doesn't win. He'll never win. God asked me to relinquish control, to surrender, and to allow Him to work through me... and man, did that sound good.
Bruised and battered, I made my way back over to the church to fellowship and teach my class. Upon arrival, I went to chat about my week with my senior pastor. He graciously listened, comforted, and prayed with me. I pulled myself together and went downstairs. My class went better than I expected it to and I'm grateful for that. I high-tailed it out of there right at 8 because I had to get up at 5:30am today to sub. I don't normally sub on any day but Friday, but I noticed a high number of jobs had been popping up so I had accepted the job before I realized just how insanely packed my week was going to be.
So before bed I prayed for the job to canceled so I could work at the church today. I didn't get to bed until about midnight, so when my alarm went off I was still nice and drowsy. I got ready quickly and even had time to eat something before leaving (that has never happened before). When I got to the school I couldn't find my name on the sub list. The woman asked who I was in for and when I gave her the name a look of pity spread across her face. The job had been canceled and no one called me to let me know. Keeping my attitude in check (after all, I had prayed for this:)), I asked if there were any other needs that day and when I found that there weren't, I thanked her and headed home. When I got home, I shot off an email to our amazing secretary and to the senior pastor explaining what happened and letting them know I was going to go back to bed for a while before coming in. I attempted to sleep (although a puppy, who shall remain nameless, kept kicking me. I've never let her in bed with me before, but since it was a nap I didn't want to cage her... never again will she lay in bed with me.) and I may have drifted off for about 30 minutes, but I laid in bed until 9:45. I didn't get to work much later than I normally do and I was able to be quite productive. I still don't have an exact focus for my sermon, but I'll nail that down tomorrow.
It seems like it's been a really rough week for a lot of people, both near and far. I really think that the enemy is feeling threatened and so he's trying like crazy to create hardships for those who are working to further the Kingdom of God. Spiritual warfare is very really and I think it's silly to ignore it. Even tonight at worship team practice I felt like he was trying to pull my heart away from the task at hand. Thankfully it didn't work, but I don't think I'm the only who felt it. Tonight I'm asking you to join me in praying against the attacks of the evil one. Pray for those in my life who are having a hard time... financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally... you name it, it needs to be covered with prayer. Pray against depression and heavy weights keeping people down. Pray for Christ to continue to be center. Join me on my knees tonight. I'm so comforted by the fact that Christ has already overcome. Thank you Jesus.
Here's Bill Gaither and his homecoming friends doing the hymn Victory in Jesus.
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