Christ in us?

The last two weeks have flown by unbelievably fast.  It seems like I've been nothing but busy since I arrived here.  It's definitely a good thing.  I feel so blessed to know the people I'm getting to know and to work in a place that working to further the Kingdom of God.  After one "normal-ish" week after camp, this past week was crazy.  My sister, mom, and nieces decided to drive out and spend a week with me.  It worked out nicely since I preached today... I couldn't have imagined 2 months ago when I accepted this position that my family would be in town the first time I preached.  Very cool.

The week with the family was good.  Very, very busy.  We went to the shore, spent a day in Philly checking out the Liberty Bell and that area, went to a bounce house place, and just hung out.  I still had the responsibility of writing my sermon so I spent an entire day doing that as well.  Kayla and Alexandria struggled to not have quite the same amenities as at home seeing as though I don't have many toys or books, but we made it work.  I loved that they got to see where I live and work so now they have a bit of an understanding of what I'm doing these days.  They loved the puppy, Piper of course.  She had a hectic week having 5 masters telling her what to do and not do all week.  She's currently passed on the couch next to me with no signs of moving any time soon!

So anyways, that's the short version of what's been going on.  Something else that has really been on my mind is a couple of conversations I've had with a couple of different people in the last few weeks.  Strangely, both of the conversations went in the same direction, but they were coming from people in two very different places in their lives.  In both cases each person had at one point been an active member of a church or youth group and has since decided to abandon that and do life their own way.  Also, in both cases the reasoning was the same: the hypocritical and judgmental attitude found in many churches throughout the States.  As I sat and listened, my heart became heavy.  I've seen it happen and it's not shocking to hear, just very disappointing. I've heard people speak on not fitting in before, but it's always heartbreaking to hear that people are turning away because of the Body.  

In both conversations I sat patiently listening, sympathizing.  People are always surprised when they can't shock me with their language or lifestyle choices.  (In turn, I shock them by having tattoos and being honest about struggling with sin.)  I feel as though I'm always being tested to see if I'm one of those people judging them for how they live.  I do my best to get across that I don't care about any of that, but that I only care about them walking with the Lord.

After I talked with one of those people for about an hour on the subject of faith, I could tell that I was being judged myself.  I was being watched and every word I said was being scrutinized.  This person grew up in the church, basically lived the same way that I did through high school and into college, but instead of walking with the Lord now, they have chosen to almost completely ignore Him.  It's a tricky thing to try and witness without pushing someone further away.  I prayed as I sat listening to all of the ways that this person feels slighted by the church.  I asked God to give me wisdom in how to respond.  I believe the Spirit was moving and this person asked me for advice and recommendations on how to try to attend church again without feeling judged.  I was very able to speak a bit of truth into their life by talking through human nature, the Church, and Jesus.  The biggest thing was just being honest about how I understand things, what I know about the character of God, and how I conduct myself.  I did my best not to be boastful, just honest.

I don't know if either of these people are going to actually attempt to rejoin the church and I don't even know if they'll attempt to talk to me again for fear of being held accountable, but I do know that as the Body of Christ we need to be working to change this stigma.  I'd like to challenge those who claim Christ to help change it.  How can we go, teach, and baptize if we are ignoring those who are crying out.  How can we fulfill this command if we are too busy with our own programming to reach into the pews and comfort the hurting, invite the lost, welcome those who are crying out for Christ?  How can we encourage change?  Do our lives speak loudly enough that others can actually see Christ in us and desire that for themselves?  Do we have to scream loudly to spread the gospel or are we showing His great love, mercy, and compassion?

I want to see the church be the Bride of Christ, not a place that turns people away because they are living in sin.  The Jesus I know hung out with sinners.  I want to do the same.

Camp, Church, and a Puppy

Well, after hearing about Delanco camp for many years from many different people, I finally experienced a bit that it has to offer.  During Camp Meeting last week I had the chance to meet many key people, hang out with some fun teenagers, and meet a lot of the people I've heard about for so long.  What a blessing to have the opportunity to build new relationships.  It was also a good refreshing time for me personally.  Everything has been so hectic since the day I decided to move to the East coast and it was nice to have so much quiet time.  

On top of the new relationships and quiet time, I played a LOT of volleyball.  Apparently it's tradition at Delanco camp meeting to play volleyball each afternoon.  It was so nice to play again... after playing so much in Uganda it felt like being home almost.  The fact that it was about 100 degress everyday helped it feel more like my African home.  It was such a good time!

I got home from camp on Friday night around 11.  I showered and went right to bed, exhausted from the extreme heat and not sleeping so well for most of the week.  Saturday I woke up and decided that I was going to go puppy hunting.  After researching a bunch of different shelters, I headed to one about 45 minutes away.  They were a really solid place and had a new litter of puppies being fixed that day.  They told me to come back the next day to pick one and put an app in if I saw one I liked.  It was first come first serve and they opened at noon.  Church doesn't end until noon and then I had to drive to get there.  

Sunday was the first Sunday that I was really helping to lead the service as assistant pastor.  I was quite nervous, but after spending some time in prayer, felt at ease about the morning.  Both services went really well and Jesus totally helped me to be able to focus on Him and not just on the fact that I was helping to lead.  

After church I didn't even change out of my dress before hopping in the car and heading to the shelter.  When I pulled in, the lot was nearly full.  My heart dropped and I suspected that all of the puppies had already been adopted.  Upon entering, I asked about the puppies and was thrilled to hear that there were still some available.  I spent time with a couple of them, finally choosing Piper.  She is really sweet and so far she's been pretty good.  

Piper

Sleepy after a fun first day!

Anyways, aside from the excitement of having a puppy, I'm really looking forward to establishing a semi-regular routine.  I'm learning my way around pretty well and I'm feeling more comfortable in my surroundings.  Praise God!

First week

Front View 

The floor creaks.  The woodwork is old.  A couple of the chairs are uuuuu-gly.  There are bugs once in a while.  BUT:  The creaking floor is somehow a comfort.  The woodwork is 100 years old and just gorgeous.  Slipcovers for the chairs will be ordered soon.  Bug spray has been purchased and used plenty.  I love my new home!  I love having a place that's my own again.  I don't have the money to spruce it up much, but I can and will do my best to make it my own.

Living room (you can see one of the ugly chairs to the right)

The house isn't the best part though.  The best part is the relationships that are already being formed.  It's walking over to hear the youth worship team practice and being welcomed in like family, laughing and enjoying each other's company.  It's support from the senior pastor.  It's feeling so at ease with this huge change that it doesn't even phase me.

I dropped my mom off at the airport in Philly on Monday evening.  It was a very quick and easy 25 minute trip there.  My drive home was just as easy and as I sat down to eat dinner in the house by myself for the first time, I was ok.  My mom is incredible.  I don't think I'd be nearly as settled already if she hadn't spent so much time helping me.  Somehow, figuring things out when someone else is there figuring them out with you isn't so bad.  She helped me get places and buy stuff.  She emptied boxes, washed dishes, set up my kitchen, and helped me organize nearly every room in the house.  She was patient with me when I was crabby and just very selfless in every way possible.  She attended church with me on Sunday and she had dinner with the pastor, his wife, another church family, and myself.  She got to meet lots of people and I believe she was comforted, knowing she wasn't leaving me without anyone.  Thankfully no tears were shed during the goodbye, but I already missed her as I drove home.

Saying goodbye to my nieces wasn't quite as easy, but I'm pretty sure if I write about it I'll start crying.  Let's just say that lots of tears were shed.  We had a good last night hanging out before I left.  We popped popcorn and they got to stay up late to watch a movie with me.  We also spent a lot of time together over the weekend right before I left.  Alex and I went went to downtown Naperville to feed the ducks and have a picnic.  Then we all went to the pool (Kayla, Alex, and I) for a few hours.  We painted nails, colored pictures, and cuddled.  

I talked to both of them two nights ago.  Alexandria (5) actually talked to me for a good 5 minutes before losing interest.  She was so cute and asked lots of questions about my new house and job.  When I talked to Kayla (7) she quickly informed me that she did well after I left, only crying once the next day because she missed me.  I love them both so dearly.  I decided that I would start writing them little cards or letters once a week.  So this week I sent them both their own cards.  They're going to be pretty excited to have their very own things in the mail!

This week has been spent preparing for camp next week.  There's a big camp meeting (retreat/revival-type event) at Delanco camp, a very well known camp in New Jersey.  I was asked to be in charge of the programming for the teenagers next week.  So I've been busy getting lessons and games together, on top of trying to settle into office hours and figuring out how things work around here.  Pastor Tom, the new senior pastor has been gracious to allow me to spend this week focused on out of church stuff already.  I've met some of the youth and they all seem pretty excited.  We've started discussing making changes to the youth room and I've come up with a couple of ideas that we'll work with.  We've also talked about different plans for the summer.  I'm excited to get back from camp and get things going here!

It still hasn't quite hit me that this is my new home.  I know I've talked about this before, but I haven't been able to grasp that yet.  I've done so many "big moves", mainly to another continent that this still doesn't feel permanent.  I know that as time goes on and I become more comfortable with the area and the culture I'll sink deeper into life as a Jersey girl.  

I'm making my first trip to "the shore" (they don't call it the beach here) in about 10 days.  Wawa (a gas station/market) is place that I've already visited numerous times, as I was told would happen.  People here drink soda, but I'm pretty sure I'll always drink pop.  No road starts off heading one direction and ends heading that same direction... it's like a maze trying to get just about everywhere.  The roads were built along the same paths that have been around since the birth of America... crazy early settlers not knowing what a grid pattern is!!  New Jersey, being the Garden State has already provided me with some very yummy fruits and veggies, which is exciting.  

I'm so grateful to be here and feel so very welcomed by my new church family.  The first week I moved in I had many visitors drop by to bring muffins, flowers, and even gift cards for Wawa.  I can't remember many names yet, but by the grace of God I will by the end of the summer... just in time for more new people to start coming to church again.  

Will you join me in praying for Clarksboro and the surrounding areas?  Pray for revival and the spreading of the Kingdom.  In Jesus' name, many will be saved and come to learn what it really means to live as a disciple of Jesus.

Big Girl Tears

I've been quiet the last few weeks because I've been busy.  Really busy.  My hope is to see as many people as I can and spend as much time with my family as possible.  Sadness is threatening to make it's way in as I meet with people, but for the most part I've been good.  As I said before, this is a time for jubilee, not mourning and I'm certain in this particular calling.

I have to admit though, that the night I accepted this new job was a huge mixture of initial emotions.  I was babysitting me nieces that night.  Kayla and Alex had just had their baths and were brushing their teeth when I received the call.  Once I was off the phone I went to tuck them into bed.  Kayla had heard me on the phone and knew that I had a new job that would make me have to move.  So she started asking me questions about it.  She wanted to know if I was going to work at the church I used to work at and live just down the road.  No.  She asked me where I was going.  New Jersey.  Is that as far away as Africa?  Nope, you'll be able to come visit me there!  As I tried to help her grasp the distance between here and New Jersey, giant, adult-sized tears began streaming down her little cheeks.  She wasn't sobbing or crying like a 7 year old does.  She was crying like a big girl... silently releasing her hurt and confusion.  Naturally, at seeing the pain on her face my own big girl tears began to flow.  So we sat there; I held her and we cried for a few minutes.  Then I kissed her, told her I loved her, and said good night.  

Since then we've talked about the fact that within just a few years she'll be old enough to hop on a plane to come see me.  Even at 9 or 10 years old it's not that big of a deal for a kid to fly alone anymore.  They make it so that my sister can walk her all the way to the gate, a flight attendent will seat her, and then I can meet her at the gate on the other end.  She'd only be "alone" for about 2 hours and I'm sure she'd be fine playing her Nintendo Dsi or something.  Knowing that it's possible to see me has been a comfort to her, I think.  It has for me!  Alexandria still doesn't quite grasp what's going on.  Plus, she's used to me leaving.  I left for Uganda when she was 15 months old, got home when she was two and a half, left again when she was 3, and got home when she was 4 and a half.  I don't know that it is shocking for her when I say I'm leaving.  Somehow that makes me sad.  Aside from being in Uganda, I've seen Kayla weekly if not daily, since the day she was born.  She is old enough to remember coming to my house to play.  She remembers going to Disney and Arizona with me.  The day I leave will be emotional and packed with tears, I'm sure.  

It's quite strange to think that I'm not just leaving for a "short" time, like a year.  New Jersey will be my new home.  When people ask where I'm from I think my answer will always be Chicago, but who knows?  30 years in one place constitutes that answer, but maybe eventually the answer will change to New Jersey.  I have friends and family who have relocated and settled into completely different states.  Two of my best friends have done it successfully.  For now though it's weird to think of Jersey as home... to go from being a midwesterner to an east coast girl... to not live with or within walking distance of family.  

God being the amazing God that He is, continues to give me peace.  I'm sure He knows just how much peace it's going to take to get me to New Jersey and out of my comfort zone.  I'm ok with not being comfortable, even for long periods of time.  However, I don't believe it's going to be long before my house is a home and my church is my family.  Praise God for being my Comforter and for knowing how much peace I need.  Praise God for friends and family here who have been and continue to be so supportive.  Praise God for the maturity of my two sets of beloved youth kids who are actually excited for me.  Praise God that people's response has almost always first been, "road trip!!"  I'm resting in John 15 today, as is true most days.  

Breathe

Welp, a decision has been made.  A job offer has been accepted.  I feel like I can finally breathe.  Glory to God.

I've been home from Uganda for 5 long months now.  I've been looking for a job since the beginning of January.  My resume was sent out all over the place.  I wrote and rewrote my philosophy of youth ministry.  I sat and waited.  I was rejected by numerous different places.  I sat nervously through interviews, sweating my way through some answers in front of committees of people.  It was difficult and very discouraging.  There wasn't much peace or comfort.  Until last week.

Prior to last week, I had a good job offer from a church in Arizona.  They flew me down and I spent 3 days straight interviewing with different people and hanging out with the youth kids.  I enjoyed my time with this congregation, for the most part.  However, I never felt comfortable.  My philosophy of ministry and my theology didn't align as well as I thought it should for a successful match.  By the end of my time there, they had offered me the job with some nice benefits and a pension.  Aside from those incentives, I would have been able to live at my parent's house in Peoria, AZ for next to nothing.  I would have made and saved a lot of money, lived in a sunny place again, and been close enough to California to enjoy lots of mini vacations, but none of of that mattered to me when it came to being obedient.  There was one particular area that I felt very strongly on and we just couldn't seem to make it work.  Too many red flags and no peace from the Lord meant that I just needed to wait and see what else came.  It was extremely difficult to just sit on that secured job offer and wait until I interviewed with two other places.  So the offer was essentially "on the table" as I took more time to pray and interview at these other places.

Two and a half weeks ago I got an email from a church in New Jersey that I had sent my resume to in March.  They wanted to interview me.  I quickly replied and asked if they were wanting a face to face interview or if we could do a phone interview.  They agreed to do a phone interview and scheduled it for this past week, Tuesday.  When I scheduled it, I hadn't even gone down to Arizona yet so it seemed so far away.  Anyways, Tuesday came, sans nerves and the interview only lasted about 20 minutes.  Even though I really felt like it went well and I felt a peace about it, I didn't think I'd hear back because of the short length.  It felt very right, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.  The next day I received a phone call from the head of the staff parish relations committee asking if I would do a skype interview the next day, Thursday.  Surprised, of course I said yes.  Thursday came with some technical difficulties as they were unable to get their computer's microphone to work.  So I was placed, facing the staff parish relations committee with my phone to my ear and one of their phones on speaker phone.  It worked fine and again it was only about a 20 minute call.  I hung up feeling very excited about this church and very much like I meshed well with them.  I was so relaxed and very much able to be myself.  I hadn't felt that way with any other church or interview.  About an hour and a half later my phone rang and I was offered the position.

After many sleepless nights and worrying about different jobs, this one came just when I was at the point of settling for something that wasn't right, just to have a job.  It came out of no where and was a rapid whirlwind of peace.  It doesn't seem to make a ton of sense when I just say it like that, but God made it very clear through a few different means that this is the church where I'm supposed to work.  Praise Jesus!

I'm officially leaving Chicagoland June 12th and relocating to New Jersey.  My official job title is youth pastor/assistant pastor.  This is a huge step for me and I feel like a new chapter, as they say.  I'm so excited about being a part of this church family, ministering to the youth (and the rest of the congregation), and growing in my walk.  What I'm most excited about though... is seeing the Kingdom furthered each day by completing the work I've been called to do for the glory of God.  What an honor to be called to this role!

I've got a lot to do in the next couple of weeks.  I have lots of people I want to see and spend time with, and I have plenty of boxes to pack.  I'm so happy because this doesn't feel like a time of mourning at all, but more like a time of peaceful anticipation and joy.  I'm so grateful.  Thank you all very much for you prayer and support during the past 5 months.  Also for your continued prayer and support as I start this new adventure, grow, and face unknowns.

Forgetting the Past

I have a big decision to make regarding a job.  The decision needs to be made soon... very soon.  There are many reasons I'm struggling to decide what to do, but the main thing for me right now is settling into a comfortable American lifestyle (especially since I really would love be in Africa right now).  One of my job offers will have me living very comfortably... too comfortably if I'm not careful.  I don't want to be one of those people who spend over $100 on a night out with friends.  I don't need to spend money to have fun and be happy.  It will be an easy lifestyle to slip into though and I guess that's my biggest concern.  I don't want to live like I've got money even if I do.  I don't want to "forget" to to tithe because I "needed" to get my nails done or something.  I'm not judging, just trying to prevent myself from doing something I don't want to do or living in a way I don't feel honors God to the best of my abilities.

I've not always lived in a way that is honoring to God.  I've definitely messed up along my faith journey and will probably continue to mess up throughout my life.  I have some things in my past that keep coming to mind as I pursue holiness and they've made me realize that I'm bound by those things.  I've been studying Philippians for about a week now and all of these verses that I've read over and over throughout my walk are hitting me in very new and fresh ways.  The Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes and freeing my heart.

One particular passage that I've read and pretty much memorized is the "pressing toward the goal" passage in chapter 3.  Paul just got done briefly recounting his life and journey, reiterating that he of all people knows what he's gained in knowing Jesus.  As a result of his former life he really knows and experiences Christ and His power.  He then goes on to say this, "No, dear friends, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." Phil 3:13-14

"Forgetting the past" jumped off the page for me when I read it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Again, I've read this over and over during the last 15 and a half years (wow, I'm old!) of my life and I've always loved the victorious nature of really pursuing holiness... especially as Paul calls the Church at Philippi to do.  Paul knew he had a nasty past... he let that past fuel his desire to run as far from that as he could because he knew what life in Christ was like... so much better than anything he had known prior.  It wasn't until this past week that the Spirit really grabbed my heart and told me that I'm free from these past sins; that I need to stop focusing on what I've done wrong and start straining towards what's ahead.  To continue to focus on living in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, letting the shame of the past be gone and not letting it define who I am right now.

All of that said, there are pros and cons to the few different job options that I have right now and I just want to make sure that no matter which choice I make, I'm straining towards what's ahead, forgetting the past (and not allowing it to define who I am or what I do).  I want to make sure that I'm living in a way that pleases God and furthers the Kingdom by fulfilling the Great Commission.

Any and all prayers for further wisdom and discernment are much appreciated.  Having to make such a big decision is a good problem to have, I suppose.  Peace!

Actions on Camera

A week ago my sister scored free tickets to the Cubs vs. Cardinals game and let me tell you... the seats were awesome!  We've never sat that close in a regular season game before, let alone a regular season game against our biggest rivalry.  Cubs/Card games are usually pretty intense and the crowd is not friendly.  There are always a lot of Cards fans and they're always being obnoxious, even audacious seeing as though they're on our turf at Wrigley.  All of that to say that it was a great game and yes, the Cubs won!!

Waiting for the game to begin!

This pic shows just how close we sat  :)

Our seats, being 3 rows above the visitor's dugout, were on camera every single time there was a lefty up to bat.  We joked about being sure not to pick our noses or do anything super embarrassing because we were bound to be on tv quite a bit.  Throughout the game I was very aware that the camera was on me.  I was very aware that people would be able to see nearly all of my actions.  I'm not vain enough to believe that people were actually watching me the whole time instead of the players, only that I would be one of those people in the background, on camera the whole time.  (One of those people that I personally like to watch because they normally do embarrassing things.)

Being so aware that others could see my every move, I was careful with my actions.  I started to wonder if I'm always careful with my actions in my day to day life.  Am I living in such a way (above the clouds, see previous post) that my actions lead people towards Christ?  That's how I'm called to live, at least that's what I've observed from the life and ministry of Christ on earth and the ministry of His apostles to the early church and beyond.  Do my actions exude light and love?  When people see me am I honoring the Lord?  Do my words point to Christ?  What about the way that I drive my car or the way that I interact with cashiers?  They should.  If I'm truly living my life in a way that's pleasing to the Lord and Kingdom focused, than my actions will be a result of that.

I love this first part of Psalm 119.  (The whole psalm is good, but this sticks out to me tonight.)

Psalm 119:1-8

"Joyful are the people of integrity,
who follow the instructions of the Lord.
Joyful are those who obey his laws
and search for him with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil,
and they walk only in his paths.
You have charged us
to keep your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently 
reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed
when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn you righteous regulations,
I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees.
Please don't give up on me!"

Lord, may my actions consistently reflect your decree, your life.  Amen.


ps As we watched bits and pieces of the DVR'd version of the game, we were definitely on camera a lot.  Good thing I NEVER do anything ridiculous!  Ha!