Time is dragging this week. Maybe because regularly scheduled programming isn't running, OR maybe because I'm ready to hug my nieces. Whatever the reason may be, I'm glad it's Friday. That's not to say it's been a bad week, quite the contrary, it's been a great week. I've had the chance to spend time with people I really enjoy (although I haven't seen Amy lately :)) and who now have more free time.
There continues to be this build-up of excitement about Christmas, but I'm still not quite there. I think when I walk through the door at the house in Chicago, I'll feel excited. Maybe even when I get on the plane in Philly. I love hearing about people's traditions and the things they're doing in the next few days as they prepare for Christmas morning. It's kind of hard to build traditions with Piper, the puppy, but I think I'll get there.
This extra time has been very purposeful, I believe. Even during normal things like walking my dog, that urgently desperate thing that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago persists. On Tuesday we went out around our normal walking time, but the clouds had just rolled in and it started to rain. I'm not so bothered by walking in the rain (and Piper is insane no matter what the conditions) so we continued on our way. People drove by looking at me like I was crazy for being out in the rain, but it was such a peaceful time with the Lord that I didn't care. After about 10 minutes, the rain ceased and the sky cleared a bit. The sun's rays peaked through the clouds in such a way that it was easy to let the things of this earth fade away and turn my eyes upon Jesus. I'm so thankful and blessed by little love gifts like a stunning sky. What a beautiful Creator we have!
My time has also been filled with thoughts of gratitude. I have never been a part congregation that is so generous and thoughtful. The Christmas stocking hanging on my office doorknob continues to be filled with wonderful gifts... including things like an Applebee's giftcard which in turn allowed me bless someone with a dinner. Cookies, pop, African ornaments, candy, candles, a scarf, notes with encouraging scripture and prayers, hot chocolate, cards, etc. have all been sweet blessings recently. And to top it off, I've been taken out to lunch for my birthday, given many cards, and someone brought me a gift today. I've held off opening it for close to 2 hours now... I don't know how much longer I can resist. :)
I'm overwhelmed by the love that I've been shown and I can't even express how thankful I am to be a part of such a community. But it's not just been the tangible things that I've enjoyed. It's coming into work, hearing about a situation, and being able to stop everything to simply pray with a dear sister. It's being encouraged by hearing people's hearts for serving God. It's seeing people's growth as they walk closer with the Lord. It's sharing in each other's burdens, not because we have to, but because we love the Lord and consider it an honor. It's tangible love.
The following is a little preview of our upcoming missions weekend in January:
Jesus is not normal.
There, I said it. In fact,
I would go as far as saying that He’s the farthest from normal that a person
can be. The life that Jesus lived,
the death He died, and the grave that He conquered, as recorded in scripture is
nothing short of extraordinary. There
is no one like our God according to Jeremiah 10:6 which says, “No one is like
you, O LORD; you are great, and your name is mighty in power,” and I for one am
thankful for that!
So if Jesus is so abnormal, why on earth are we always
striving to be so normal? I can tell you one thing, most missionaries are NOT
normal by most people’s standards.
I should know. I am one. (And I think you already know that I’m
not so normal. J) So what sets someone apart as a
missionary?
They are radical
followers of the Word who walk daily with Christ.
They are those who
have heard these words, “”Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no
one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or
fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as
much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and
fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But
many who are first will be last, and the last first,”” (Mark 10:29-31, NIV) and who have gone.
They are imperfect,
but willing to be used by a perfect God.
They have heard these
words, “While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his motherand
brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone
told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to
you.”
He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my
brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother
and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is
my brother and sister and mother,”” (Matthew 12:46-50, NIV) and have extended their families and the
family of God.
And they have heard
these words, “Therefore go and make disciples of all
nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of
the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey
everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the
very end of the age,” (Matthew 28:19-20, NIV) and they have trusted Him.
They are movers,
doers… urgently desperate for God… motivated by eternity with the King of Kings…
striving to be like Christ, sharing His truth… raising up disciples.
Being a missionary doesn’t always mean moving to a foreign
country, but it does mean being abnormal by following Christ closely. It means being willing to be used by
God, to be a part of His story.
Being a missionary is not a suggestion, nor is it a calling. It is a command of Jesus for all
believers as recorded in Matthew 28.
When you said “yes” to Jesus, you accepted the great responsibility of
ministering through missions, near and far. Where is your mission field? Are you willing to be abnormal… like Jesus??
Yesterday was the Christmas cantata at church. For the past couple of months, each week after choir practice we had cantata practice. Quite a few people who don't normally sing with the choir come out just to sing for the cantata. There were close to 30 of us in the end. Cantata practice made my Thursdays way too long and many times I considered quitting, but after yesterday, I'm so glad I didn't. I absolutely love singing with a choir. Through private voice lessons in high school and college, I have a classically trained voice. However, since I've only been singing on praise teams for the past 10 years, I had forgotten what it was like to sing with my section and actually sight read through a song. So fun!
Saturday I spent 3 hours in the morning with the group, running through the music for the performance yesterday. I was tired and definitely not excited about being at the church on a Saturday morning. But we ran through it and I went about my day.
Yesterday afternoon when I walked into the church for the performance there was a palpable excitement surging through the air. Everyone looked beautiful, energetic, and exited to sing for the King. We quickly warmed up and ran through a couple of numbers before meeting in a Sunday school room to pray. We talked about a few little logistics and then I was asked to pray. After I prayed for us, we headed to take our spots and prepare to head up to the stage area.
It was very encouraging to see how many people had shown up... many people from the congregation, the community, and people's families. A couple of announcements were made and then we made our way up to the stage. Once we started singing, I was overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was so beautiful. Voices blended well as we sang the pre-recorded music with very simply harmonies, but more than that, it felt like every heart was turned toward Christ. I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but I couldn't stop praising the Lord. One of the songs took you from the birth of Christ through His death and resurrection. As it spoke of the absolute victory we have in Jesus, the congregation faded before me and I could only see God being glorified and lifted high. One of my prayers before we entered the sanctuary was that it would be God who was seen and not any of us. In that moment, I knew that that prayer was answered.
When it all ended after the final reprise, the choir stepped down and and hugged their family members and friends that had shown up. Even though I was surrounded by people that I've come to love dearly, it hit me hard that I didn't have someone in the audience who would be rushing up to see me. Again, not that I was looking for recognition, but simply to have my family there would have been amazing. It very much reminded me of my last 2 years of high school... my parents had moved to Arizona and I begged to stay behind to finish high school with my friends. They agreed, but it was after events like last night when I really missed them. All my friend's families would come rushing towards them and I was hanging up my choir robe, getting ready to leave. I'm thankful for my friend's families and their love for me through that time, but last night it felt exactly the same.
When we headed down to dinner in the fellowship hall, I was encouraged as someone dear to me came and ate with me. We had a blast hanging out with the youth too, of course. There's never a dull moment when those kids are around.
As I still try to figure out how to do life away from my family and friends and on my own, there will continue to be days of adjustments. There will be days when I feel like an outsider, imposing. There will be days when I just want to be back in Chicago (especially during seasons like Christmas). But what will always reign over all of that is the simple fact that God has told me that this is where I'm to be right now and I trust Him. He's asked me to be still and trust Him. He's asked me to let this be home.
Every year for my entire life (aside from 2008 while I was in Uganda), I've spent Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family. It's always a good time, a loud time, but a good one. We eats tons of (Italian) food, open presents, play a game, watch the kids run around like crazy people, have a visit from Santa, etc.. It's so much fun. I'm quite sad I'm going to miss it this year, having to be here for the Christmas Eve service.
I was chatting with my senior pastor today about what the Christmas Eve service will look like since neither of us have done Christmas Eve at this church. In fact, I haven't been to a Christmas Eve service in years. Two years ago I had a hard time even getting out of bed, let alone thinking about going to church. I was getting ready to head back to Africa for a year and I had just lost my best friend. My heart was beyond crushed by the loss. I was far from feeling like a whole person. Completely torn apart and unable to express just how I was feeling. On top of trying to prepare myself for another year in Uganda. It was NOT a good Christmas.
Then last year I was jet-lagged, struggling with reverse culture shock, and my car wasn't up to par, having sat for a year while I was away, so I didn't make it to church then either. To be honest, I don't remember last Christmas at all... although my heart was healed from the previous year, my mind was 9,000 miles away. Jet-lag does crazy stuff to your memory too. I'm pretty sure my family hosted Christmas Eve, but I just can't picture it. Weird how that works.
I'm really excited for our Christmas Eve service here this year... and not just because it's been too many years since I've been to one. It's a service of such beauty and hope. What an honor to celebrate the birth of the King of Kings. What an amazing reminder of the greatness of God... becoming flesh, being lowly, taking on human form. Not only that, though. He came to redeem us all. Let me say that again. God became flesh to take away the sins of the world. Let that sink in for a minute. This is the God I serve. How could I want to do anything, but be with Him? Amazing love, how can it be?!
There's a longing in my soul... I'm simply in awe of His greatness tonight. I'm thankful, humbled, and I'm desperate for Him. I'm also really looking forward to the music at the Christmas Eve service. We'll be singing some beautiful hymns and carols, the choir is singing a couple of songs, and I'm doing special music with my friend, Allan. As you all know... solos are not my thing and even though this is a duet, I'm still singing alone at times, but Allan just brings a level of comfort. I don't get so nervous singing with him. He found a really fun mash-up of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and We Three Kings. It's such an up-beat,and energetic. I'm just excited to celebrate with the Body of Christ!
I fly home early on Christmas day. It's an amazing blessing to be able to go home and be with family and friends. I won't have a car, so I'll be limited on who I'll get to see, but being back in Chicago is going to be refreshing. To be honest, there's so much stuff going on in my family that I'm a bit nervous to be with them, but I'm trusting the Lord in all of those situations. Seeing my youth kids is going to be amazing and I'll also be seeing life-long friends and college friends too. It's still somehow weird that that's not "home" anymore, but I like that Jersey is feeling more and more normal for me.
I'm resting in the fact that God is sovereign, trustworthy, and so, so good.
This past week I spent quite a bit of time shopping and preparing for our youth group Ugly Sweater Christmas party. Being a woman, you'd think I'd really enjoy that kind of thing, but hosting parties is not my forte. I always end up anxious about having enough food, enough activities, and also about people actually showing up. I did my best to advertise, invite, and make it sound super fun, but you just never know. And really, I like to spend my time at parties socializing, not running around.
My day Tuesday was spent decorating the youth room, with the help of a friend... and was broken up by a lovely lunch date with Amy Edwards (look, Amy I used your name this time!! You're famous!) and her handsome 11ish-month-old companion, Mason. We went to a local diner with so-so food and not so good atmosphere, but the company balanced out the circumstances.
By the time Saturday came, I was really ready for the party to come and go. It was my last big thing before Christmas for the year. All the food was bought and/or ordered, room was decorated, ugly sweater ready to go, white elephant gifts were wrapped, all that was left was the execution of it all. I went to bed pretty early, knowing that Sunday would be nuts. I got plenty of sleep and awoke feeling very refreshed. Worship was refreshing too, which was nice. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was very easy to be focused on Jesus. Distractions seemed to vanish as I sang and it was just me and the Lord. The sermon was really good too... a different view of Joseph and a call to all fathers to step up whether biological or not. Sunday school was a nice break. We didn't move forward in Revelation, instead talked about something topical. It's always such a good time with that group though. Those guys always have me laughing.
Even though it was terrible, I watched the Bears game and played with my puppy and relaxed for a bit in the afternoon. Then I came over to the church and started getting last minute stuff set up. People started showing up and the party got underway. The only major hitch was that Olive Garden forgot to send the big salads that I ordered. One of the parents had gone to pick the food up for me and didn't know just how much of everything I had ordered. Oops! I called the OG, asked for a manager, and let them have it. Ok, so I wasn't super mean, but I was very annoyed. Graciously my senior pastor and his wife volunteered to go back and get the salads and extra breadsticks. I got a $40 gift card out of it, so if you want a date to Olive Garden, I'm your girl! ;) The party was a blast. We had plenty of food, the hot chocolate bar was a success, the white elephant exchange was so fun, and there were plenty of super ugly sweaters. The kids had so much fun and I think the adults did too. The adults were all very helpful which allowed me to spend my time with the kids. What a blessing.
When I got up yesterday I was a little bummed that it was all over. It's like how the day after Christmas (and sometimes even the afternoon/evening on Christmas day) is such a downer. So much build up and then it's over. After I fed the dog and let her out, we were playing on the floor when I noticed a big green bubble on her lower tummy. Further inspection revealed a tick. I'm sure you're all aware of my ridiculous, yet very real fear of bugs by now, so you must know that I couldn't handle it on my own. I made a vet appointment for today because she had already eaten (and is a projectile car passenger). I then decided that I just couldn't live with a bug near me all day. I texted a friend and got him to come to remove it, but by the time he came after work, the tick was gone. So I'm hoping it came off outside, but if not than it's somewhere in my house waiting to eat my face off. Gross.
Onto the whole point of this post...
This morning I woke up at 5:30 to go help a friend put his kids on the bus so he could get to work. From the moment I woke up, I felt God beckoning me into Himself, drawing me towards Him. He is a jealous God who wants all of me. So I showered, got ready, and went to my friend's place. When I got there, something was missing. I had spent my drive over focused on finding a fun song to sing on the radio instead of responding to God by taking those 10 short minutes to be with Him. I went in, chatted for a few before he left for work, helped the kids finish getting ready, and put them on the bus... all the while, feeling distracted and unsettled.
I got home, took care of the dog, talked to a friend on the phone, and then came to work. On my 30 second walk to the church, I heard God telling me to be quiet, just to be still. So I greeted our amazing secretary and then grabbed my Bible and headed upstairs to my Sunday school room. No one is ever in that part of the church during the day. I knew I would be uninterrupted. I had just started reading bits and pieces of Hebrews, so I decided to start over and ended up reading the first 6 chapters. Hebrews is one of those books that I'm prone to skip over because I feel like there are other places I'd rather be. Man, was I floored by how clearly God spoke to me through Hebrews today? The life, death, and sovereignty of Jesus were screaming at me as I read. Chapter 4 really captured my heart today. I've spent a lot of my life "on the go," so to speak. This isn't to say that I don't rest and take my Sabbath, but it struck me, just how much I do indeed busy myself. I don't like to be still. I don't like to feel bored and restless. As I read Hebrews, I heard God telling me to just be still. To just let Him be I AM.
"For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from Him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done.
That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." Hebrews 4:12-16 (NLT)
I then spent time in prayer for a while before actually quieting myself. Sitting in silence, being still in the presence of the King. No pressure, no distractions... just me and Jesus. It was so restful that (even though I can never nap when I want to) I fell sleep for about 20 minutes. When I woke up, I felt completely settled and refreshed.
I want to be still. The song I posted below is by Selah. I love it. Enjoy.
My mind is swimming tonight. The last 24 hours alone have been jam packed, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had a very refreshing Saturday night... spent with a good friend playing some music, watching some movies, laughing, and chatting. It's the best way to spend an evening in my opinion, and I'm thankful to have someone fun to share my time with these days.
Getting home at midnight-thirty isn't that unreasonable, but then winding down and trying to fall asleep meant actually sleeping around 2am. I then woke up at 4 thinking I had slept through my alarm (although sleeping through a rooster alarm is nearly impossible). At about 4:30 I was finally able to fall back asleep until 6 when my alarm actually went off. I rolled out of bed knowing that caffeine was going to be my friend all day long.
I try to get to the church before anyone else on Sunday mornings to have some very still, quiet time time in the sanctuary with the Lord. I look forward to it each week even if it means waking up earlier than normal. I noticed the car of one of the young adults in the parking lot as I crossed to the church and knew my time wouldn't be alone, but also praying for an opportunity to continue strengthening that relationship. It was an encouraging time and I'm thankful for it.
Things with the praise team went smoothly, the sermon was insightful, and sharing communion with the Body of Christ is always refreshing. By the time I got to Sunday school I was ready for a nap. We're studying Revelation which doesn't exactly allow for the mind to rest, but as we talked through the seals (and laughter ensued, thank you Allan and Tony) a sense of urgency sprang up in my heart.
As I grow deeper in my own faith and encourage others to do the same, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of Christ's return. On one hand I would love nothing more than for His return to be soon, just to be with Him. On the other hand, I'm terrified at the thought of His return before my family, my friends, and the world has heard and believed the Truth. I feel so restless when I think of the number of souls that are lost right now. The world is in a state of emergency, the message of the Gospel is urgent! There's no time to waste. There's also no excuse for not sharing. If you know the Truth, please share it. There's a desperation in my soul for Jesus. Are you absolutely desperate for Him? How can others be desperate for something they know nothing about. Why are we content to live as though everything is all good just because we know who Jesus is? Why aren't we shouting with all we've got?
My prayer tonight is for a sense of urgency to wash over you... if you know Christ and even if you don't know Christ.
After Sunday school I was stuck on this feeling of urgency and found myself quite distracted during the second service, but it went well anyway. Right after church I held a quick informational meeting about the summer youth mission trip, which was very poorly attended. I'm feeling a little discouraged by the numbers, but I'm often reminded of Jesus' relationship with His disciples and the quality of those relationships. It's not about an overwhelming number of students, but about effectively discipling the ones who are showing up.
I then met up with a couple of the kids and went out for Chinese with them. We then went and bought gingerbread house kits and candy for youth group. By the time I finally walked through my door it was 3pm. I played with the puppy for about 45 minutes before feeding her, walking her, and putting her back in her cage so I could be back at the church by 4:30. Youth group was a blast... it was so fun to watch the kids try to build their gingerbread houses. The ones who actually followed the instructions were successful and made beautiful houses; the ones who didn't follow instructions watched their houses fall apart. The lesson centered on Matthew 7 and the house built upon the rock... an impromptu lesson that was someone else's thoughts, but great, nonetheless.
At about 8:30 I walked through my doorway, exhausted, but grateful and urgently desperate for God.
"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."
